Luna Caged: Behind the Wall

by Margaret McHeyzer

  “Yes, yes. Off you go.”

  I don’t wait for Elder William to say anything else. Instead, I pick up my pace and walk ahead of him back to the main house. Sister Julie is still peeling the potatoes, and Momma Kim is sitting behind her, having a drink. I notice how many more potatoes Sister Julie has to peel. I feel bad that I left her, so I walk over to her and help.

  “Nice of you to finally join us,” Momma Kim says in an icy cold voice.

  “Sorry, Momma Kim. Cain wanted me.”

  “Oh, then that’s acceptable.” She gives me a small nod, then pointedly looks at the stack of potatoes. “You better hurry up. Elder Steven wants you in the dining room tonight.”

  “Yes, Momma.”

  The potatoes are peeled in silence. Sister Julie goes on to prepare the beans. I help her, and Momma Kim still sits watching us, not offering to help. There’s a tightness in the room. It’s almost hard to breathe in here. I can feel Momma Kim’s eyes on me. But I don’t dare turn to look at her.

  I once thought Momma Kim was nicer than Momma Edith, but right now, I think she may be just as scary, if not worse than Momma Edith.

  The worst thing is, I don’t know what I’ve done to have her fury focused on me.

  Waking in darkness is normal for me. I always have so many chores to tend to, so, like the other girls, we wake before the sun has risen and start with the chores.

  The Elders eat, then the men need to eat. We all have certain jobs to do. It seems I’ve been on dining duty more than the other girls, which I don’t like. Because I find Elder Steven always being too nice to me, and not so pleasant to whoever I’m with.

  This makes the other girls not like me.

  “Luna, I need you to go and get the eggs,” Sister Helen instructs.

  “Okay,” I reply, take the basket and head out toward the chicken coop.

  As I walk out, I look around me. The wall disappears behind the trees where they say it’s diseased and if anyone goes there, they’ll die. Something about it makes me more curious. If the trees are diseased, then why do they look so healthy? Wouldn’t the disease be making its way closer to us? Wouldn’t the Elders try to protect us from it? Is that why they tell us to not go near the trees?

  I find myself passing by the chickens, and walking toward the trees. I want to see them for myself. I know beyond the wall there is death, but there’s nothing like that inside the wall.

  Reaching the edge of the trees, I look up at them. They’re giant, so big. I’ve never really noticed how big they actually are. Looking into the huge stand of trees, I notice how dark it is in there. Turning, I see the sun is rising, and it’s not so dark, but inside the trees, it’s almost like it was when I woke.

  I take a hesitant step in, not sure what I’m doing. My heart pounds inside my chest. I want to see the dying trees. I know I can’t see what’s beyond the wall, but I can see this. I want to know what diseased trees look like. I won’t touch them, just in case they are sick, but I still want to see them for myself.

  I slow my steps as I creep further into the depth of the trees. The trees grow denser. The light from the sun is getting fainter, the darkness is growing thicker. I turn back and see it’s light beyond the trees. I can see the main house in the far distance, but as I keep walking, the house becomes smaller.

  “Just look for the sick trees, then return,” I say to myself.

  I turn to look at the main house. It’s so small I can barely make it out. The trees are tall, and stand thick together. Looking up, I’m covered in a shelter of thick leaves so high up, I can’t make anything else out.

  But, I keep walking. I want to see.

  Beneath my shoes, the ground is moist and springy. I lean down and touch the land. It’s wet and so cold. “Wow,” I whisper at the amazing feel on my fingertips. This gives me courage to keep walking.

  But when I do turn back again, this time I can’t see the main house. Even though my heart has calmed, I’m still scared of what I’ll find. What if I can’t find my way home? What if I touch a tree that’s diseased, and I die out here?

  I’ve come this far, I have to keep going.

  A noise startles me. It sounds like footsteps. I freeze in fear. Is something going to hurt me? I hold my breath, hoping whatever it is, doesn’t see me and moves away. As the noise creeps closer, my heart beats wildly. The blood in my veins quickens, and my eyes widen with fear and terror.

  I can’t help but not move. I’m completely terrified. Is this where death is?

  Will I die here? Out among the trees where no one comes because the trees are diseased?

  The crunching of the dried leaves on the ground stops.

  I try and calm my erratic breath as I turn my head in the direction of the sound. If I’m going to die, I’m going to die looking at whatever it is about to kill me.

  Nothing appears, I’m still stuck on the spot. Waiting…

  Suddenly, from behind a tree, an animal appears, steps forward, lowers its head and grazes on the leaves that have fallen from the tall trees.

  “Oh my,” I say as I let out a deep breath. The animal is something I’ve not seen before. “You scared me,” I say softly as I approach it.

  The animal lifts its head, and stares at me as I step toward it. I know from the chickens and cows we have at home, they wander toward us, especially when we have buckets of food for them. This one doesn’t move toward me. It stops eating, eyes carefully watching me as I walk slowly toward it.

  “It’s okay, I won’t hurt you,” I say as I lift my hand so I can touch it.

  The animal backs away from me slowly. It’s a peculiar looking animal, with a small head, and small pointy ears. Its body is round, and it has splotches on its skin.

  “I won’t hurt you,” I say again in a smaller voice hoping it’ll let me pat it.

  But the animal turns and scrambles away from me.

  “I’m sorry,” I call after it. I interrupted its eating; hopefully it’ll find something else to graze on.

  My erratic heartbeat is now calm, I’m not as scared as I was. I thought something was going to hurt me, but as it turns out, it was only an animal who was looking for something to eat. Thankfully, that something wasn’t me.

  I keep walking, and the trees become thicker and bigger. I avoid touching them because of their disease. It also becomes colder and darker as I enter further into the trees.

  “Where’s the wall?” I ask myself as I turn to search for it. But I can’t see it. I know I would’ve reached it by now, but I haven’t yet. Maybe the trees have made it diseased. Maybe it’s broken away and there’s nothing left of it.

  Something inside me shifts.

  I’m happy and worried at the same time.

  If there’s no wall, that means I can go beyond. But if there’s no wall, then that means, the tortured souls beyond can also make their way in. I’m not sure which is more terrifying.

  The thought I can get out, or that death and illness can get in.

  I want to see what’s beyond the wall. I know I can get hurt, or die, but I need to see it for myself. If what they say is true and I make it back in, then I’ll be able to understand what the Elders keep telling us. I’ll never question what they say again, but I need to see it for myself.

  The trees are now thick and dense, I can barely walk through them without touching. It’s so dark, I need to let my eyes adjust to the lack of the light. I walk slowly, and carefully in the same direction, hoping to reach the other side soon.

  It doesn’t seem too long, before I come across wires. The wires reach from the ground upward, and look like they travel for a long way across and behind the trees. There’s a big sign on them, but I can’t read so I’m not sure what they say.

  I stare at the words. Sounding them out like Cain has taught me.

  “C-a-u-t-i-o-n. Caowteeeyeohn. What does Cawoteeyeohn mean?” I say aloud. There’s more words, still unsure what they say. Eeleekt-t-treek fenk-k-k-ee.” I’m trying really hard to understand wha
t it’s supposed to say, but I’m struggling. I say it again, fast, in case it makes better sense.

  “Cawoteeyeohn. Eeleekt-t-treek fenk-k-k-ee.” Frustrated with myself, I say it again. “Cawoteeyeohn. Eeleekt-t-treek fenk-k-k-ee.” Why can’t I read? Because the Elders say girls don’t need to. How frustrating.

  I have no idea what the words say. All I know is I need to get on the other side of the wires.

  Lifting my hand, I warily reach toward the wires.

  The sign is old and weathered, but I know it’s meant to be there for a reason. But, I want to see what’s on the other side.

  I need to get out.

  My fingers are so close to the wires. Slowly, I extend my hand, stretching to touch them. I close one eye and lift my shoulders, waiting for something to happen. I reach further, until my finger is nearly touching.

  If this is going to kill me, then at least I can say I tried.

  My finger touches the wire. I wait for something to happen.

  Nothing does.

  “Oh,” I say. I look to the rough sign with faded words and tilt my head. “I thought you meant something important.” I giggle to myself.

  “Now, how do I get past you?” I ask the wires.

  I look both ways and decide to follow the wires for as long as I can before I’m back inside behind the wall. The wall is nowhere. I can’t even see it from here. I know I’m past it, so these wires must end somewhere.

  Following the wires leads me to a door. There’s another sign on the door, and I don’t know what it says. The door has a simple latch, like the bedrooms of the Elders. Elder Steven has a special latch on a door in his bedroom. It’s got a round part at the top, and I’ve seen him use a special metal pin he puts in it. He once told me it’s called a kay, or key. I can’t remember. He told me he has special things inside that room, and that room is only for him to use with his wives. I don’t know what he meant then, I still have no idea now. All I know, is he has a special latch on his door, much like the one I’m seeing here.

  “How do I open you?” I ask the latch, but don’t really expect an answer. The door is made out of the same wire as the fence, but thicker.

  “Maybe the key is here.” I look on the ground, kick some of the leaves with my feet to see if it’s fallen. “That wouldn’t be very smart, would it, Luna? If death is out there, they’re not going to leave a kay in the latch so anyone can come in.” I slap my forehead and roll my eyes at my own dumbness.

  Looking up at the wires, there’s round wires on top of them, they have spiky parts sticking out, so climbing is not going to happen. The spiky parts look like they’d hurt. “This can’t be it.” I walk further down. “I can’t reach here, and not be able to go any further.” I kick the bottom of the wire in anger.

  It lifts off the ground.

  “What?” I gasp and step back, looking at how the wire is not straight down, but dented out where I kicked it. I kick it again.

  The wire vibrates, but I make a bigger hole at the bottom.

  I look around me, to make sure no one is watching, and I kick it again, and again. “I think I can fit through.”

  Getting on the ground, I try to fit my head through, but my hair gets caught in the wire. “It needs to be bigger, Luna.” I wiggle back, and rip some hair off my head. “Ouch.” I cry as I rub the spot it’s been ripped out of.

  I get up off the ground, and walk around trying to work out how I’m going to get through.

  “Okay,” I say to myself. I bring both my hands up to my head and place them on either side of my head. Then, I move them to my shoulders, where I notice my shoulders are wider than my head. I keep them as wide as my shoulders, and run them down my body. When I get to my feet, I know the widest part is my shoulders. I need to be able to get my shoulders through the hole. If I can’t get them through, I won’t be able to get the rest of me out either.

  “You can do this, Luna.” I get on my hands and knees, and start digging the hole out to be as wide as I can. Dirt is getting beneath my nails, and something pricks my hand. “Ouch,” I say as I lift is and notice a small cut on my palm. “Keep going.” Determined to see what’s beyond the wall, I keep digging—leaving the pain of the cut on my hand behind.

  I can do this.

  I can.

  The more I dig, the larger the hole gets. Thinking it’s deep enough, I try to get through it. I make it further than before, but my shoulders are still too wide for the little hole. I back out, and dig furiously knowing I have more to go before I can fit through.

  When the hole looks bigger, I squeeze under it.

  My head crosses the wire fence, then I pause. I bring my shoulders under, and they manage to fit, only just.

  Then I use my arms to drag myself out to the other side.

  When my feet are through, I lie on the ground, smiling. I got out. I made it out, and I did it by myself. With no help.

  But the scary realization sets in quite quickly. Now what?

  Now I’m about to go out there, and see all the death and disease. Am I really ready for this?

  I take some long, deep breaths and try to convince myself not to go and discover what it’s like. But, even to myself, I know if I don’t do this, I’ll regret every moment. “You’re out here, Luna, what’s the worst thing that can happen?”

  “You can die,” I answer myself.

  “The worst thing is you won’t know what it’s actually like. Go see it for yourself,” I reply to myself.

  My brain is conflicted. I want to go, but I’m terrified of what I’ll find.

  “You can do this, Luna.” I pull my shoulders back, and head in the direction of disease and death.

  I’ve been walking for a while, and I’m still in the thick of the trees. They don’t seem to become any thinner. My feet are hurting, but my determination spurs me on.

  Suddenly, I come to the edge of the trees. Beyond the trees, is nothing. Just land as far as I can see.

  It’s like the trees completely disappear. The sun has left, and now the moon has come out. I must’ve been walking a while. My tummy grumbles, and it reminds me how I haven’t eaten.

  But I’m mostly thirsty.

  Standing at the edge of the trees, I try to work out which way to go. There really is nothing here. The darkness of the night doesn’t let me see clearly, but it’s also quiet. Maybe the tortured souls have all died. Maybe there’s no life beyond the wall.

  I should turn back.

  Go back to where I know I’m safe.

  Don’t stop now.

  I either keep going, or I turn back. But, I’ve come this far.

  My feet and heart know what to do. They keep moving forward, in the darkness.

  As I’m moving, I notice how the quiet is replaced by many sounds. Something between mumbling, and laughter, and even moaning. I squint to see ahead of me, a fire is burning. As I approach the fire, everything becomes clearer. There are pieces of material held up by poles everywhere.

  “Hey, watch where you’re going!” a rough male voice growls at me as I step on something.

  “I’m sorry,” I reply, but can’t see who yelled at me.

  My eyes are focused, and I’m searching for something, but I don’t know what I’m actually looking for. “You don’t look like you belong here,” the same deep voice says as he stands. He’s a man. A very tall man. Much like Elder Steven. But he’s very dirty, and when he smiles, his teeth are all rotten.

  “Are you diseased?” I ask. My voice is just above a whisper.

  “Diseased? What are you talking about, woman?” he snarls as he looks me up and down.

  “Woman? What’s a woman?” I ask.

  He tilts his head in question and steps forward. I step back, because if he’s diseased, then I don’t want to get sick too. Automatically, I raise my hand to cover my mouth and nose. I need to get back, I shouldn’t be here. Trembling with fear, I begin to run. But I running away from the wall, not toward it.

  The diseased and tortured are ge
tting thicker and thicker. I run through them, hoping I haven’t caught what they have.

  As I’m running, I hit into a wall. But it’s not a wall, it’s a man. “Hey, sugar, slow down.”

  Stepping back, I look up at him. “You’re not diseased?” I ask as I take in his healthy appearance.

  “Diseased? What are you talking about?”

  “Are you an Elder?”

  He looks me up and down, a small questioning look on his face. “An Elder?” He shakes his head in response. “Where are you from?” I point behind me. He looks over my shoulder to where I’m pointing, then asks, “How long have you been on the streets?”

  “On the what?” It’s like he’s talking words I don’t understand.

  “How old are you?” He steps forward, I step back. I look him up and down, like he did to me and notice his clothing is clean. His teeth aren’t the same color as the other man’s. His teeth are like mine. “You look lost. Just wait here, I’m going to get my supervisor.” He steps back and away from me, then brings his hand up to scratch at his chin. “Actually, I think you should come with me.” He takes a cautious look around him.

  “If you’re diseased, I’m not going anywhere with you.” I step back again, this time stepping on something.

  “Watch out!” I hear a girl yell.

  “Sorry,” I quickly reply.

  The man who’s clean watches me. “Okay, don’t come with me, but promise me you’ll stay here.” He lifts both his hands and makes a stop gesture with them. “I’ll be right back with my supervisor.”

  “What’s a supervisor?” I ask in a small voice when he leaves.

  I stand in the spot the man told me to, and look around. Everyone but the man are so dirty. It smells here too. Like the bathrooms back at the houses. They smell really bad.

  “Luna!” I hear a voice. A voice I know all too well.

  Turning slowly, I see the eyes of the Elder I know will beat me.

  “Elder Steven,” I say as I lower my head but keep my gaze on him.

  He walks angrily toward me, grabs me by my upper arm, and pulls me away from all the disease. He drags me back to where I came from. Back toward the thick trees. Back toward the darkness. Back behind the wall.