I look him straight in the eyes, and pull my shoulders back. “You will not break me,” I say through a clenched jaw to Elder Steven.
“I know, but I’ll destroy him.” He’s a monster. The monsters they say we should be afraid of. “Cain,” he says his name in a low, though strong voice. As if it’s a warning.
Turning my head to look at Cain, I smile at him, and nod. “Just do it,” I say.
Cain is fighting his own demons, he doesn’t want to do this, but he’s been backed into a difficult position. He has to. He has no choice. “I can’t,” he whispers.
“Do it. Don’t worry about me, just do it.”
“I can’t!” Cain yells at me.
“DO IT!” I scream back. The first lash is almost not painful. What hurts most is the satisfaction on Elder Steven’s face. I open my eyes and look at Cain. He’s got tears falling, and I can see the absolute pain coursing through him.
“Again.
Harder,” Elder Steven instructs.
Cain shakes his head at me, and cries some more. “I…”
“Please, just do it,” I beg. My own tears are falling, not from the pain I’m feeling, but from the hurt Cain is going through.
He hits me, harder. I let out a pained cry, and I hear Cain let out the same distressed groan. He’s hating this as much as I am. And Elder Steven looks too amused. Abigail shares the same joy as Elder Steven, but I don’t even care about her. All I care is about what this is doing to Cain.
He hits me again.
I cry out in pain.
He hits.
I cry.
He hits.
I cry.
He hits.
I can’t cry anymore.
“Enough,” Elder Steven instructs.
Cain drops the belt, and runs away. I fall to my knees, my back blazing with burning pain.
Elder Steven approaches and stands over me. He arches a brow as I look up at him. “Now you know, he’d prefer to be an Elder. He doesn’t love you. He probably doesn’t even like you.”
“I wasn’t asking him to choose,” I sob.
He smirks, squats beside me and whispers, “But I did.”
I don’t blame Cain. He was forced to do this, because he doesn’t know what I do. “I hate you,” I say with so much venom running through my voice.
“I know, and this makes it all the more fun for me.” Elder Steven stands, and summons Abigail over to me. “Take care of her. Make sure she’s looked after. And make sure, you’re nice to her.”
The more instructions Elder Steven gives Abigail, the more anger flares through her eyes. She doesn’t want to take care of me. She doesn’t want to be anywhere near me. If I’m being honest, I don’t want her anywhere near me, either. Elder Steven leaves, and everyone else follows. Going back to their chores, or whatever it is they were doing. “I don’t know why they insist on you even being here,” Abigail spits toward me. She walks ahead of me, turns and watches as I struggle to stand and straighten my back. “Hurry up. The last thing I want to do is look after you.”
“Abigail, I want you to leave. Don’t worry about me.”
She laughs and rolls her eyes. “I don’t care for you, Luna. You’re nothing but a troublemaker. I hate you. I was watching with happiness as Cain whipped you. I hoped he would aim higher, and hit you in the head. Because my life would be better if you weren’t here.”
I want to tell her everyone’s life would be better if I wasn’t here. I want to tell her, I’d rather be taking a chance on the outside than be stuck in here where the Elders become more evil with each new sunrise.
“Where’s Abigail? Isn’t she supposed to be here on kitchen duty?” Bethany asks as she looks toward the door, expecting Abigail to walk in.
I look too. Wondering where she is. She might hate me, but she never misses her chores. Especially when she’s on kitchen or dining duty.
“Abigail won’t be here,” Momma Edith barks.
I turn to look at her, concerned. “Is Abigail okay?” I ask.
Momma Edith takes a sip from her cup, places it on the small table in the kitchen and folds her arms in front of her chest. Her eyes remain steely, watching me. It’s hard for me to move easily, seeing as the wounds on my back are fresh and tender. But I have chores to do. And if I don’t do these chores, I’m afraid of what they’ll do to the other girls in order to punish me.
Momma Edith’s lips draw up in a smile. “She’s fallen suddenly ill, we had to isolate her.”
I drop the knife in my hand, and turn to look at Momma Edith completely shocked. My back is screaming in pain, but I know exactly what those words mean. “Abigail,” I run out of the kitchen, heading straight toward Elder Steven’s room. Knowing there’s a door that leads to a secret room in his bedroom. I hit into someone, and don’t have a moment to apologize to them. I need to get to Abigail. I need to save her. She won’t survive if they do to her, what they did to me.
Although my back is protesting in acute pain, I don’t care. I need to help her.
Trying to open his door, I let out a humorless chuckle as I’m met with resistance. “What are you doing?” Elder Steven steps in front of me, causing me to jump in fright.
“Where is she? She won’t survive what you did to me.” Elder Steven looks around, and it gives me a heartbeat to look around too. Making sure no others are near to hear what I’m saying. I close my eyes, and take a few deep breaths before opening them. “Please, she won’t survive.” I plead with him.
“She’s not in there. And besides, that’s a room I use for my pleasure.” I’m stuck. What does he mean she’s not in there? Where is she? He laughs at my lack of response.
“I don’t understand,” I say as I step back from his door.
“She’s not returning,” he replies with zero emotion in his voice.
“She got out?” There’s hope in my voice. Something I want for me and I can only hope she got out too. Did she find a way? I really really want her out of here.
“Don’t be so dumb, Luna. No one gets out, ever.”
I bring my hand up to scratch an itch on my head. But my brain is attempting to process what he means. “I don’t understand,” I repeat, slower.
“She’s dead.”
My heart stutters. Words can’t come to me. What does he mean by dead? How? Why? How?…
“She died,” he responds to my unasked question. “Slowly, and painfully.”
Shaking my head, I fall to my knees. “Why… how?”
“The why is easy. She attacked you. The how is something I’d love to share with you, but I don’t think you’re ready to hear it yet.”
Looking up at him, I’m emotionally blank. “You killed her because she attacked me?”
“Yes,” he responds proudly. “And, I’d do it again.”
He’s a sick, sick man. There’s something wrong with him. Suddenly, vomit rapidly makes its way up, and I’m sick in front of him. Bursting into tears, I can’t contain my emotions anymore. “You killed her, because of me?” I sob through the words.
“Of course.” He’s emotionally detached. The way he’s casually speaking, it’s frustrating because he doesn’t care.
“Why?” I don’t want to know the answer, so I don’t know why I asked.
“Because, I can.”
Closing my eyes, I take several deep breaths. And there it is. The answer. It has nothing to do with emotions or feelings, or love. It has to do with control and power. My brain finally understands. Power. He’s hungry for it. Is that what this is about? Everything here, is it all about power?
I stop myself from crying, and pick myself up off the floor. Straightening my shoulders, I stand toe to toe with Elder Steven. My back is screaming in pain, but I don’t care. He needs to know I’m strong, much stronger than he thinks. Something flashes on his face. Something I haven’t seen from him before. But he quickly regains himself, and straightens to his full tall height. I have to tilt my head back to look up at him. But he no longer scar
es me.
“It has nothing to do with protecting us, does it?”
His brow flinches, and his jaw tightens. I know his secret. I know their secret. He doesn’t need to respond. I’m quickly working out the answer.
Shaking my head, I step away from him. “This is why girls aren’t allowed to learn to read. We pose a threat to what’s been built here.” I widen my arms, indicating my surroundings. This place I call home.
“No!” he angrily replies. Though I know, just by his response, I’m right, and I’m coming at him face to face. He doesn’t like it.
“Then why kill Abigail? Why aren’t we allowed to learn? Why must we serve you and you don’t serve us?”
He steps forward, rears his hand over his shoulder, and slaps me hard across the face. The force of it sends me to the floor. “Stop asking questions, Luna. I don’t want to hurt you.” He walks away, angry.
Another lie. He says he doesn’t want to hurt me but he does, over and over again.
Standing, I look at his door and feel my heart hurting. He killed Abigail, for no other reason than because of what she did to me. And now, I know. This saddens me more than anything else. Walking back to the kitchen, I begin to chop the vegetables all while thinking of poor Abigail.
“What happened to your face, Luna?” Bethany asks as she stops washing the dirty dishes.
I turn to see Momma Edith smirking at me. She knows. I don’t know how, but she does. “I fell,” I respond while staring at Momma Edith.
“Let me see if I can put anything on it,” Bethany says as she rushes around me.
“Don’t worry about it, it’s nothing I can’t handle.” I keep staring at Momma Edith. “Nothing I’m not used to.” Momma Edith’s smile begins to fade. “Nothing that won’t happen again.” She brings her brows together, concerned. “Nothing I won’t forget.”
Momma Edith stands, and leaves the kitchen.
My arms erupt in little bumps. I’m not frightened by the Elders or Momma Edith anymore. No way. Now, I’m finding my power, my own strength.
“Luna, we have to go outside. Elder William is calling us all,” Bethany says.
“Right behind you, Bethany.”
We leave the kitchen, and make it out front of the main house where everybody has gathered for the announcements Elder William has for us.
“Men, and girls.” Just those words make me roll my eyes. “We have a strict curfew tonight at sundown. Anyone caught out after curfew will be severely punished.”
My mind can’t let this go. I want to ask how we’ll be punished, but, something else is intriguing to me. Why do we have strict curfew? What do they do that they don’t want us to see? At sundown tonight, I’ll find a way to get out, and see for myself.
“There’s also another announcement. Elder Steven will take Luna as his bride in a very short time. There are only a few more days before we have a full moon.” I shudder at the thought of our wedding. “Luna is yet to come of age, but we’re making an exception. Elder Steven looks forward to introducing a new bride to his wives.”
All the girls clap. The men don’t care, and the Elders are smiling.
I know I’m going to get out of here the first moment I can. I just need to have the chance to do so.
“Luna, are you excited about your wedding to Elder Steven?” Rose whispers while we’re in bed.
“Yes.” No.
“Elder Steven is the one I hope to marry when I’m of age,” Christine says.
“I hope I’m wed to Elder Joshua,” Ava says, and giggles.
I hope the vows Elder Steven says to me are over and done with quickly. The thought of him inside me makes me want to vomit. There’s nothing appealing about him, or any of them. “You’re so lucky, Luna,” Christine whispers.
“Quiet now. It’s time to sleep,” Momma Edith says. We all quiet down, and I wait for her to close the door, so I can sneak out and go see why they want us in bed by sunset.
“Shhh,” I call. “I’m tired.” I’m not, but I need everyone to get to sleep, so I can sneak out without them seeing me. If they see me, then they may say something, if they say something, either I or they will be punished by the Elders.
I turn over in the bed I’m sharing, waiting patiently for everyone to stop talking, and fall asleep. With me not engaging them in talk about the Elders, they all begin to fall asleep. I listen as their breathing changes from rapid, to soft and even. I wait some more, making sure they’re all asleep.
Slowly, I slide out of bed. Making sure I do everything with precision so I don’t disturb them. My heart is beating so loudly, I’m bound to wake them. Luckily, they don’t stir. I lift myself onto my toes, trying to not put any pressure on the floor so they can’t hear the creaks of the wooden floors. I take gentle steps, ensuring quiet. When I reach the door, I place my ear to it, hopeful there’s none of the Elders, or the Momma’s on the other side. I listen but my hectic heartbeat makes it hard to hear anything but the thumping in my ears. Closing my eyes, I calm myself.
Hearing nothing, I place my hand on the door, and open it as carefully as I can.
I listen. Trying to make any sounds out.
“Where are you going, Luna?” Ava asks in a sleep heavy voice.
“I need to go to the bathroom.”
“Okay.” Her breathing is heavy as soon as she says the word ‘okay.’
Opening the door, I walk out, and I’m met with darkness. Guided by the moon low outside, I walk toward the back door. Looking around, I make sure I can’t be seen by the Elders or the Mommas.
I see some of the Elders together, talking and laughing at something. I can’t hear what they’re saying, because they’re too far away. But I’m careful for them not to see me, too. If I’m caught out of bed after curfew, I know I’ll be whipped.
Looking up at the moon, I try to follow its shadows and remain unseen.
I bend, even though my back is shouting at me in excruciating pain and I sneak across the field as fast as I can. Making sure to keep an eye on the Elders who haven’t noticed me. Maybe they’re not expecting us to be out of bed, which is why they’re not looking.
I make it to the back, and lie in the short grass, hoping not to be seen.
Looking up at the moon, I watch as it slowly rises higher in the sky. It’s quite mesmerizing. Beautiful to watch. Part of it is missing, but as Elder William has said, it’ll be full soon, which means I’ll become Elder Steven’s bride. A shudder tears through me.
Captivated by the beauty of the moon, I barely hear that peculiar rumbling sound again. Being something I think I’ve heard before, it draws my attention away from the moon. I turn over and see where the sound is coming from. Part of the wall is sliding to the side.
I’m calmer than I was when I initially saw the big hole in the wall. I absorb it, more interested in watching and learning. I’m close enough to see, but far enough to know, the Elders can’t see me.
Elder William, Elder Steven and Momma Edith walk toward the opening in the wall. I try to keep low, and behind the shrubs. I listen carefully, trying to hear what they’re talking about.
“The girl’s going to be a problem. She’s piecing it all together,” Elder Steven says.
“What have you told her?” Elder William asks.
“He’s probably told her all about this place. Fool he is,” Momma Edith chuckles.
“Watch yourself, Edith. He’s still an Elder,” Elder William snaps at her.
“I know. But…”
“You chose this with me. So, you best remember, you’re still only a girl.”
What does Elder William mean by you chose this with me? I listen more intently. “I’m sorry.” Turning to Elder Steven, she says to him, “I’m sorry. I spoke out of turn.”
Elder Steven nods to Momma Edith, accepting her apology. “She’s putting it all together, and let me tell you if she figures it all out; she has the potential to cause us to crumble. I’m not sure what to do with her.”
“We can isolat
e her again. Play the recording until they’re the only words she knows,” Momma Edith offers. I know I’m not smart, like the men, but I also know they must be talking about me.
“That won’t break her. She’s strong. I’ve never seen anyone so young have so much fight in them,” Elder Steven replies. He lifts his hand and runs it through his hair. I squint, but my eyes have adjusted, and I can see everything, even under the moonlight.
“Get her pregnant. She’ll have nothing but the baby to worry about. She’ll be too busy with the baby, she won’t have time for anything else. And then get her pregnant again,” Elder William says.
“I don’t think babies will do it. Not with her,” Elder Steven says. The moonlight lights them up enough for me to see they’re all worried. Worried about what I know.
“Kill her,” Momma Edith says. Her voice is even, as if she doesn’t care.
“We can’t. We’ve made her an example so many times, everyone will ask questions,” Elder Steven says.
“They can ask. We’ll control the situation,” Momma Edith says. “Like we always do.”
“We also have to think of the sponsors,” Elder William says.
All three nod their heads. Sponsors? What’s a sponsor and why do they have to think of them?
“Then we can’t kill her. But, if we can’t control her, then…” Elder Steven says, and Momma Edith and Elder William both nod their heads again.
“I’ve got a meeting, and I need to be there by nine. If I don’t get going now, I won’t make it. Call an early curfew tomorrow. I’ll be back around ten. Make sure they’re all in bed,” Elder William says to both Elder Steven and Momma Edith.
Nine?
Meeting?
Ten?
Sponsors?
What are all these things they’re talking about?
“Full moon in four nights. You know what that means?” Elder Steven says.
“Yep, it means you better knock that bitch up, or we’re in trouble,” Momma Edith says.
Elder Steven and Elder William laugh.
Full moon means Elder Steven and I will… yuck. I swallow back the bile in my throat. It also means I need to find a way to get out of here, very soon.
Luna Caged: Behind the Wall Page 13