Elder William walks toward the part of the wall that’s missing. “I’ll stop at the store on the way back. What do you want?”
“Bourbon,” Elder Steven replies quickly. “Lots and lots of bourbon. And pick up some Viagra. I’m gonna need it. I think she’s going to be a wild one in the sack.” I have no idea what he means.
“Chocolate. I need chocolate,” Momma Edith says.
“Got it. Alcohol and chocolate. Anything else?” Both Elder Steven and Momma Edith shake their heads. “I’m going back out in a couple of days, so I can get anything else we want then.”
“I’m getting married again, you better not miss it,” Elder Steven says to Elder William.
“Miss my opportunity to watch you screwing her. Not a chance in hell.”
Momma Edith laughs, as does Elder Steven, when he adds, “You’re a pervert.”
“Don’t you know it.” Then Elder William leaves through the hole in the wall, and slowly the missing section slides back into place.
Elder Steven and Momma Edith both walk away, not looking over their shoulder at the sliding wall.
I lay back and look up to the moon again. I’m so confused. This is what I’ve learned. They use words I don’t understand. But I know Elder William will be leaving through the hole in the wall again, before I’m due to wed Elder Steven. This may be my only opportunity to get out of here.
And I’m going to leave, the same way Elder William does.
Through the hole in the wall.
I just need to figure out, how it works.
“Luna, you seem quiet,” Elder Steven says as I pour his drink in the dining room. The other Elders laugh. I offer him a weak smile, and nod my head. “What’s happening in that cute head of yours?”
“I don’t have anything to say,” I reply as I walk around to all the Elders, and offer them a drink. Some wave me away, some grunt as they eat, indicating they want a drink.
I have many questions. But I can’t ask the Elders, or anyone else. I can’t risk them knowing I heard what they were talking about.
“Steven, you’ll be taking a new bride soon,” Elder Tom says. Again, there’s more laughter. Why they are laughing, I don’t know. It’s almost like they’re all sharing a personal joke. Something they don’t want me to know. Something they insist on taunting me with.
“I will. And she’s a great girl too.” Elder Steven turns to look at me. “Prime for the picking. In her most fruitful state.” I want to vomit on him. But I bite on the inside of my cheek, to make sure I don’t.
“Make sure she’s with child,” another Elder says. I’m too repulsed to see who spoke. And, I don’t care.
“She’ll be a baby breeding machine. I think I can have her birth a few quite quickly.”
I hate how they’re talking about me like I’m not here. It makes me want to say something, but I have to be careful. Very careful.
“Are you ready for your vows, Luna?” Elder Joshua asks.
The fact I know what the vows entails, makes my stomach churn. “Of course,” I reply, then go stand in my spot. I look to Ava who’s helping in the dining room, and she smiles eagerly at me. If only she knew what I do.
“The full moon is fast approaching.”
Ugh, why do they have to keep talking about this? Maybe, because there’s more to it than just the vows. I’m quickly learning, when they’re so forceful about something, like curfew, something else is happening.
It’s like they are trying to divert our attention away from something else.
Maybe they’re trying the same thing now. Talk about the vows and wedding, to try and make me not see something else. Is that what they’re doing?
This makes me extra attentive to everything.
Elder William isn’t here yet, maybe he’s still asleep. Or maybe, there’s more to him not being here.
“Am I too late for food?” he asks as he enters the dining room, as if he knew I was thinking about him. “Luna, food.” He snaps his fingers and doesn’t even look at me.
I feel my eye twitch.
He makes my blood heat with anger.
I hurry to take food over to him, all while watching to see how he reacts. He talks to the other Elders, and ignores me. I place his food on his plate, then step back, waiting for further instructions. Well, that’s how it looks to him, what I’m doing is watching everything. Watching all the Elders, and memorizing what they’re saying. The conversation is loud and chaotic, so I stand between Elder William and Elder Steven and try to focus in on them. I figure, they’re the Elders I keep seeing together, maybe, they’re the ones who hold all the power.
“Curfew before sunset,” Elder William says in a low voice to Elder Steven.
“I’ll call it after we eat.”
Elder William nods, and doesn’t say anything else. But he looks over his shoulder to see if either Ava or I are listening. I’m preparing to fill their glasses, so I appear busy. Ava is standing on the other side of the room, waiting to be called on. I hope Elder William doesn’t know I was listening.
Because I think this may be my last chance to get out of here alive. I don’t think I’ll be able to go through the trees to get out again. I have a feeling they’ll have fixed the hole I made under the wire. They can’t risk me trying to get out the same way. They’re too smart to not fix it. So, I’m going to walk out, the way Elder William leaves, through the hole in the wall. I’ll wait until everyone is asleep, and I’ll sneak out.
If the Elders catch me, I hope they kill me. I can’t live buried in these lies anymore.
“Luna, there’s a meeting. Come on,” Bethany says.
I wipe my hands down the front of my pinafore, and walk out behind her. I walk to the back of where the girls are. Cain sees me, and lowers his head to the ground. I need to talk to him, to make sure he knows, I don’t hate him for whipping me. He had to. He had no choice.
“As you all know, the full moon is nearly upon us,” Elder William announces.
I let out a long sigh.
“Luna will be taken as Elder Steven’s bride.”
Not if I can help it.
“To prepare for the vow ceremony, a curfew before sunset will be strictly enforced.”
I hear a collection of grumbles, coming from both the men and the girls. The Elders smile. From everything I’ve been able to gather, when there’s curfew, something big is happening. And I think, the wall will have a hole in it, so I’m going to get out.
“A few more matters to address. For everyone, the trees are out of bounds. Our dear Abigail wandered to the trees, and was struck down with the disease the trees carry. Unfortunately, the disease claimed her life.”
Some of the girls begin to cry. “Not Abigail…” Clara says as tears roll down her cheeks.
“Those trees are going to kill us all if we go near them,” I hear Bethany whisper.
If only they knew the truth. The trees aren’t what will kill us, the Elders are.
“I know you and Abigail weren’t friends, but you were still sisters. Like all of us.” Ava grabs onto my hand, and squeezes.
“Abigail was…” I stop talking, not wanting to say what I think. The fact is, Abigail, like the rest of us, had been conditioned to believe everything the Elders say. Elder Steven killed Abigail. She didn’t die because of some diseased trees. That’s what they’re telling us, because that’s what they want us to believe. “Abigail was beautiful,” I finally say, noticing how Ava is waiting for me to finish my sentence. “She was sweet, and beautiful.” And she was. But they created this riff between us, for some unknown reason. And Abigail, believed it.
Why wouldn’t she? She had no reason not to. But I do. I’ve seen a tiny fragment of the outside, and I’m prepared to sacrifice myself to see more of it. Because I don’t believe there’s death and disease beyond the wall.
Elder William keeps talking, and I turn off to what he’s saying. I don’t want to hear any more lies or deceit coming from him or any of the Elders. I’m sick o
f them.
“Are you coming?” Ava asks, snapping me out of my heavy mindset.
“Of course.” I smile.
“Luna, can we talk?” his voice calms me, and I don’t need to turn around to know it’s Cain. I don’t need to see him, to know. I just know.
“I’ll be in to help you when…” I pointedly tilt my head toward Cain.
Ava looks at me, then him, then back to me. Turning, I search for Elder Steven. If he sees us together, he’s sure to punish me, or worse, Cain. “Please?” Cain pleads. The men don’t need to plead, all they have to do is instruct, and as girls, we must obey.
I look at Cain’s face, he’s got black circles beneath his eyes, and he looks like he’s not eating. “Of course.” I look over my shoulder, making sure Ava has left. “But not here,” I whisper.
Cain nods, and starts toward the wall. That’s one place we can talk freely, where he’s not a man, and I’m not a girl. Where we’re equal. We get to the wall, and Cain sits on the grass. He crosses his legs, and drops his head into his hands. “I’m sorry, Luna. I didn’t want to…”
“I know. You don’t have to apologize.” I sit beside him, too close. Close enough that I’m positive if the Elders see us, I’ll be whipped. And I know Elder Steven will make Cain do it. Because Elder Steven is nasty, and cruel.
“I do, I have to say I’m so sorry. I haven’t slept, I can barely eat. The guilt inside, it’s destroying me.”
“It wasn’t you; it was Elder Steven. He made you do that to me.” I reach out and grab his hand, prepared to face the consequences of touching someone other than Elder Steven. “Cain.” I squeeze his hand. He lifts his chin, and I see exactly how much this is hurting him. He looks to our linked fingers and gives me the smallest of smiles. “It’s not something you have to apologize for.”
“But I hurt you.”
“The part that hurt me most, was not the whipping, but the pain in your eyes as you were doing it. You had no choice.” I hate to think what could’ve happened to him if he hadn’t whipped me.
“I should’ve…”
“You couldn’t,” I answer the words he wants to say. “You couldn’t say no. The Elders are the ones who protect us.” I hate saying this to Cain. But I know, after I leave, they’ll hurt Cain to see if he knows where I am. And I can’t put him in danger. “They protect us from evil, Cain. They’re our family. We need to trust in them.”
Cain lets go of my hand, and pushes away from me. He stands and walks closer to the wall, putting distance between us. “What’s happened to you, Luna?”
My heart beat spikes. What does he know? “What do you mean?” I stand, and close the distance between us.
“You’ve changed. Since you were ill and they had to isolate you, you’ve changed.”
“I have?”
“How sick were you? Because since then, you’ve been really different. It’s like, something changed inside of you.”
Something did. The Elders aren’t who they say they are. They beat me. They’re cruel. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m still me. I’m still Luna.”
“No, something’s different.”
I have to change the conversation, or I might snap and tell him why I’m different and what I’m going to do at curfew. Stepping closer to him, I raise my hand and cup his face. He closes his eyes and lets out a deep sigh. I wish I could wrap my arms around his tall body to hold him. I just want to be close to him. But I know, that’s too much. Touching him is putting us at risk. “Cain, I want you to remember something.”
Taking my hand away, he opens his eyes instantly, as if he’s missing my touch. I miss his. “What?” he asks.
“No matter what happens. I love you.”
He smiles, then narrows his eyes. “What’s going to happen, Luna? Are you sick? You told me you’d rather clean Elder Steven’s bathroom then be near me. I don’t understand. Now you’re telling me you love me. What aren’t you telling me?” he asks. Stepping forward, he places his hands on my shoulders, and I want to grab him and run.
“I’m not sick.” I can feel my eyes tearing. “I just need you to know, I love you and I’ll never stop loving you.”
“Has this got to do with the vows you’re about to take part in? I can try and talk to Elder Steven, tell him you’re not ready. But you’re so close to being of age, I don’t know if I can stop it.”
“No! Please, Cain, don’t try to stop it! It has to happen. I just…” I pull away from him, and back up. “I need you to know, I wish we could be together.” I point to myself, then to him. “Just know, whatever happens, I love you. I’ve always loved you.”
Turning, I walk away, fast. I can’t bear to look at him, and not tell him what I’m about to do.
But this way is safest.
I’ll find a way to come back and get him out too. I have to.
“Luna?”
“Yes, Ava.” I turn in bed, pretending to be tired. I know curfew has begun, and I also know this is definitely my last chance to get out, before I wed Elder Steven.
“Will you tell us about it?”
“About what?”
“About your vows with Elder Steven? I think we’d all like to know what happens.” I hear a collective agreement from all the girls in the bedroom. “Once you’re wed, you won’t sleep with us again, you’ll be in the rooms with his other wives. I can’t believe, we’ll have to call you Sister Luna once you wed.”
“Please, I don’t want to be called that.”
“But we have to. It’s how things are once you become an Elder’s wife.”
I don’t want to think about what can happen. All I want to think about, is everyone going to sleep, so I can sneak out. “I’m tired. And excited,” I say, trying to muster the emotion through the tone in my voice. But, I’m dead inside. Until I can get out of here, I’ll remain dead.
“Shhh,” Bethany hushes us. “Luna needs her beauty sleep. When the sun rises, everything will be different.”
I hope so.
There’s some more talking, but all the girls quiet down fairly fast. Ava falls asleep first, her breathing evening out. Then all the girls follow, just like we always do. With the exception of me. I’m waiting until I know the darkness of the night will hide me. But the light from the moon will be enough to guide me out of here.
I’m nervous. Really nervous. I want to jump out of bed, and run to Cain, grab him by the hand and run away from here. But I can’t. I can’t get Cain away from here until I know what dangers lie beyond the wall, I can’t risk him. He means too much to me.
Carefully listening to everything, my entire body is hyperaware of noises. I need to make sure I get out without being seen.
Before I know it, all the girls in the bedroom are asleep. I play this in my head over and over again. If I’m seen, I need to run, and keep running until they can’t catch me. If I’m caught, I’ll beg them to kill me. If they don’t, I have to find a way to kill myself, because I can’t keep living here. Not now I know what they’re capable of and all the lies they keep telling us.
I slowly push the covers off my body, and wait to see if I wake Ava, or any other girl. They don’t stir.
One of the girls coughs, and I freeze. But she goes back to sleep.
I slide my leg out of bed and feel for the floor. When my toes find the cold floor, I drop to it. My heart is going crazy. Like nothing I’ve ever felt before. My skin has a fine sheen of sweat covering it, and I can’t seem to calm my rapid breathing.
Get it together, Luna.
Closing my eyes, I try and get an image of the outside. The brief encounter I had with what’s beyond the wall is giving me enough determination to focus.
Opening my eyes, I reach for my shoes, pick them up, and head straight to the door. I put my ear to it, and can hear voices. They’re muffled, but I can hear Elder Joshua, Elder Tom and I think Elder Steven. His voice is more distant and unclear.
Panic rises. I can’t go out through the door. I stay listeni
ng, but I know, if I stay like this, somebody will catch me.
I have to make my move now.
Looking around, I do the only thing I can. I tiptoe over to the window, and squeeze between Catherine’s bed and the wall. She stirs and I freeze. Catherine has never really liked me, and I know she’ll raise the dead with her screaming if she thinks I’m doing anything wrong.
But, Catherine turns in the bed to face Justine. Her breathing evens out again, and I continue trying to move toward the window as quietly as I can.
My rapid heartbeat keeps my mind focused. The knowledge of what’s beyond the wall keeps me wanting to move toward it.
Reaching the window, I slide it up, little by little. Finally, when the window is open, I look around the room, making sure the girls are all still asleep. I listen, to ensure the Elders or Mommas aren’t near.
I’m so close.
I can’t get caught now. I just… can’t.
Thankfully this window is large and low, so I slide my bottom on the edge, and look around again. I swing my leg out, straddling the window, then slide the other over and jump out.
I’m out.
This is it.
Ducking down, I keep listening for any possible movement.
The moon is nearly above, ducking in and out of the clouds, which means the light will make it easier for me to see, but it’ll also make it easier for the Elders to see me. I have to go. And I have to go now.
Remaining as low as possible, I run toward the wall, where I’ve seen the hole. I stay hidden, concealed by dark patches of the few trees and the shadows of the houses.
When I get to where I’ve seen the hole, I lay flat on the ground, hoping the earth can conceal me if they discover I’m not in bed.
“Please,” I whisper to myself. “Please, let the hole appear. Let me find my way out.”
Closing my eyes, I beg for the hole to open.
I wait in the grass on the ground, and suddenly, it begins to rain. The drops are light at first, but when a huge clap of thunder sounds, the rain falls with tremendous force.
Luna Caged: Behind the Wall Page 14