The Dead-End Job Mysteries Box Set 1

by Elaine Viets

  “Except I’d have to give half that salary to Rob, Mother.”

  “Is that so bad, Helen?” her mother said. “It would still be many times more than you are making now.”

  Helen looked around the musty apartment at the Coronado with the squeaky bed and the turquoise Barcalounger. She remembered her huge St. Louis home with its tasteful furniture. Half the home and most of the contents went to Rob.

  Helen had filed for divorce after the Land Cruiser crushing. She was the injured party. But charming Rob had convinced the judge that he was a house husband who made Helen’s successful career possible because he stayed home and took care of their household. His many lovers testified that Rob provided invaluable domestic services, while Helen fumed, and her incompetent lawyer told her to shut up.

  The judge believed Rob, the man’s man. Helen was making six figures, his honor said, because of Rob’s love and support. The judge gave Rob half the house. That was bad enough, since Helen put up all the down payment. But then the judge awarded Rob half of Helen’s future income, claiming her deadbeat husband made her current career possible “at the expense of his own livelihood.”

  When the judge said those words, Helen was outraged. Before her lawyer could stop her, Helen grabbed a familiar black book with gold lettering. She put her hand on it and said, “I swear on this Bible that my husband Rob will not get another nickel of my salary.”

  Later, the book turned out not to be a Bible, but a copy of the Revised Missouri Statutes. But Helen still considered the oath binding.

  “Young woman, you will do as I order, or you will be in contempt of court,” the judge had thundered.

  “I’m already in contempt of this court,” screamed Helen. She realized she must have looked like one of those “crazy women’s libbers” the judge disliked so much. Rob sat there in his nice suit, kept his mouth shut, and got all her money.

  Now she was holding the cell phone and screaming again. “Mother, I’d rather starve than give Rob my money. That’s why I left St. Louis and took a dead-end job. Even if the court or Rob finds me, I’m barely making enough to live on, much less having money left over for that mooch.”

  Her mother wept louder. “Helen, you are cutting off your nose to spite your face. All your education and what are you making now? Seven dollars an hour?”

  “Seven seventy,” Helen corrected her.

  “Doing what?” her mother demanded.

  “Never mind what,” Helen said. She didn’t trust her mother not to blab to Rob. “It’s respectable.”

  “It’s a waste. I never thought I’d have a daughter hiding from the law.”

  Helen wasn’t sure how far the courts would go to track down a deadbeat wife. But she knew Rob would go to any length to get her money. Well, he would be disappointed. Helen came from hardworking stock. Her grandmother was a cleaning woman who supported herself with dead-end jobs her whole life. Helen could, too.

  “I don’t know how you could do this to me,” her mother wailed. “I don’t even know where you are.”

  And you won’t, thought Helen. Because Rob would charm it out of you.

  “I’m in a better place, Mom,” Helen said. “I’m happy here. I like it better than St. Louis.”

  “You hate me. You hate your home,” her mother said.

  “I love you,” Helen said. “Please try to understand.” It was time to bring out the pink cellophane and end this conversation. Helen crinkled it in her hand.

  “Sorry, the phone’s breaking up. I’d better hang up. I can’t hear you, but I love you, Mom.”

  I can’t listen to you, but I love you, Mom.

  “You’re breaking up. Bye, Mom. Happy birth—”

  Helen cut herself off in the middle of a word, to make it seem authentic.

  After the call, Helen could not stay shut up with her thoughts. She took the suitcase back to Margery’s, then went for a walk on the side streets, where people like her lived, shop assistants, waiters, and retirees.

  Darkness was coming on. Cats with torn ears crawled over fences for another night of dangerous freedom. Small things scurried and slithered through the impatiens and palmettos. Lights were going on in the brightly painted cottages, and in their glow, Helen caught glimpses of other people’s lives.

  The more she walked, the more peaceful she felt. Juliana’s and its dirty secrets seemed far way. So did her mother and her rigid morality.

  Helen’s peace was shattered by the roar of a motorcycle. She did not look up, hoping the noise would soon be gone. But then the motorcycle slowed to a rumble, and she heard a man say, “Would you like a ride?”

  Helen looked up and saw Daniel on a black Harley.

  He wore his black leather jacket and chaps like a knight’s armor. His legs were braced to control the motorcycle, and she could see his muscles flexed through the leather. She felt weak in the knees.

  “Come on,” he said. “I won’t keep you out late on a school night.” He smiled so charmingly, she climbed aboard the big bike. He handed her a helmet, which felt heavy as a bowling ball.

  Helen settled in behind him, put her arms around his broad chest, and felt how it tapered into his narrow waist. She leaned against him and breathed in soap and sweat and leather. Every time Daniel shifted, she felt him move against her. His body was hard but warm.

  They were going too fast to talk, and Helen was glad. She knew she’d be tongue-tied. At first, she was afraid they’d be killed. Herds of SUVs drove straight at them. Angry pickups roared past. Delivery trucks cut them off. Helen tensed and closed her eyes, expecting to be ground chuck. But soon she saw that Daniel knew what he was doing. She relaxed and began to enjoy being wrapped around a man for the first time in ages. She felt young and carefree.

  Half an hour later, Daniel roared into the Coronado parking lot, Helen still clinging to him. They pulled off their helmets together. Helen stayed sitting on the bike, a little dazed. Daniel dismounted and kissed her. Hard. She dropped the helmet and kissed him back, her fingers tangled in his long dark hair, her chest pressed against his black leather jacket.

  “I have to leave now,” he said finally. “But I want to see you tomorrow night. Seven-thirty OK? We’ll go for a longer ride.”

  “Oh, yes,” Helen said, knowing he was not talking about his motorcycle.

  Chapter 25

  “I have a new system to win the lottery,” Peggy the parrot lady said.

  “Hmmmm,” Helen said absently. She was still dazed by Daniel’s kisses. Her lips were swollen and bruised. Her cheeks burned, rubbed raw by his beard, which was pleasantly rough. Like his kisses.

  Tomorrow night she would have that perfect body all to herself. If those kisses were any preview, Daniel was even better than he looked.

  Helen plopped down at the picnic table and stared into the night, wishing it would go away and become tomorrow, so she could be with Daniel.

  “Are you OK?” Peggy said, then looked closer at Helen. “No, you’re not. You look like you’ve been hit on the head with a coconut.”

  “I went for a ride on Daniel’s new Harley.”

  Peggy whistled. So did Pete the parrot.

  “He wants to take me riding tomorrow night,” Helen said.

  “Well, well,” Peggy said. “Are you going?”

  “Oh, yes,” Helen sighed. “He’s absolutely perfect. I think this is it.”

  “Oh, oh. What kind of protection do you have?”

  “Huh?” Helen said.

  “I thought so,” Peggy said. “Don’t pretend he’s swept you off your feet when you wind up in his bed tomorrow night. Do you have any condoms?”

  Helen could feel a blush creeping up her neck. “No,” she said.

  “I have a box I’ll never use. I’ll get it for you.”

  Helen was content to daydream in the dark until Peggy returned with the condoms. “Helen, I hate to sound like your mother, but do you know what you’re doing? You aren’t the type who has casual affairs. You’re a serious pers
on. This guy dates strippers. If you just want a good time, Daniel could be fun. But he’s not for the long haul. If you’re looking for any kind of commitment, he’ll probably take off. Can you live with that?”

  “Daniel may not be Mr. Right, but he’s Mr. Right Now,” Helen said. She was surprised to hear herself say that, but she meant it. “I don’t care if I only have one night with Daniel. No woman can expect perfection forever. I’ll take what I can get.”

  “Then put these in your purse.”

  “Thirty-six condoms?” Helen said.

  “Hope you use them all,” Peggy said, and winked.

  “Thanks,” Helen said. She went to her apartment as if she were sleepwalking. On the way, she passed through Phil’s perpetual cloud of burning hemp.

  Phil had his dreams. So did Peggy. Tomorrow, Helen would have hers.

  Helen was not sure how she made it through work the next day. She brought the wrong sizes for her customers. She counted out the wrong change. She forgot to buzz in Brittney and left her standing outside the green door tapping her foot impatiently. Tara finally noticed Brittney and admitted her. When Brittney asked about the progress of Christina’s police investigation, Helen simply smiled and stared into space, which shocked Brittney. No wonder she left in a huff.

  After that disaster, Helen tried drinking black coffee until her nerves screeched like a badly tuned violin. The caffeine did not make her more alert. She picked at her lunch. She said, “What?” when Tara asked her questions. But mostly Helen stared into nothing, like a woman in a trance. She’d been put into that trance by Daniel’s kiss. Only another kiss would break the spell.

  Yesterday, she’d been dying to examine the other CD tower. But that was before Daniel. Now she didn’t care about Juliana’s ugly secrets. All Helen could think about was Daniel, the man with the dashing black leather, the magnificent muscles, the beautiful manners.

  Tonight, she had a date with the perfect man. Daniel could ask out any woman in South Florida, but he wanted to spend the evening—and the night—with Helen.

  What should she wear on their first date? She mentally went through her closet, discarding one outfit after another as too old, too dowdy, too dull. Helen would have broken into her precious stash and bought something spectacular at Juliana’s except she could not wear any of the store’s midget sizes.

  Helen finally decided on her black pantsuit, which always made her look slim. She had some flimsy French underwear, which she hadn’t worn since before her divorce. She wished she had time for a facial, a makeover, a complete exercise program.

  That afternoon, Helen jammed the cash register, and it took Tara half an hour to fix it. Then she knocked over Tara’s soda and ruined a Chanel scarf.

  “You are useless today,” Tara said. “It’s five-thirty. Why don’t you go home?”

  “What if something happens while you’re here alone? Paulie will never forgive me.”

  “Paulie will never know. You’re doing more damage than an army of looters,” Tara said, and pushed Helen toward the door.

  Helen went. Maybe Tara wanted another chance to search the store. Helen didn’t care. She doubted Tara would stumble on the photos in the CD towers.

  Helen ran all the way home. All she could think about was getting ready for her date with Daniel. She took a long steamy shower, washed her hair, painted her nails, creamed her skin, and put on the black French bra that gave her the incredible cleavage. She carefully applied her makeup. But her hands shook so badly, she smeared her dark eyeliner. Helen tried to wipe it off with a Q-tip, and wound up with black raccoon circles around her eyes.

  Helen took off all her makeup and reapplied it.

  The last things Helen put on were the diamond earrings Rob gave her on their wedding night. They were the only good jewelry she kept from her old life. Her engagement ring had been sold, along with her Rolex watch and the diamond pendant Rob bought her for their tenth anniversary. She threw her gold wedding band in the Mississippi when she left St. Louis.

  When she finished, Helen twirled in front of the mirror and decided she didn’t look half bad. It was seven-twenty-five. Helen went outside. Peggy and Pete the parrot were out by the pool with Margery. Her landlady was wearing a tie-dyed purple shorts set and magenta suede mules.

  Peggy began whistling, “Here Comes the Bride.” Margery told her to hush.

  “You look lovely, dear,” Margery said. “It’s about time that boy dated a real woman. What time are you going out?”

  “Seven-thirty,” Helen said. “Any minute now.”

  They heard cars squeal into the parking lot and then the blare of police radios. A uniformed police officer went running to the back exit of the Coronado.

  “What the heck?” Margery said, and got up.

  Another uniform ran to the foot of the staircase. Two men in plain clothes and dark windbreakers that said FDLE walked purposefully up the steps to Daniel’s second-floor apartment, hands hovering above their weapons. Helen had lived here long enough to know they were the Florida Department of Law Enforcement. One knocked on the door to 2C and said, “Open up! Police!”

  Both men stood back, as if they expected Daniel to blast through the door with a sawed-off shotgun.

  “Daniel! He’s hurt!” Helen said.

  “No,” Margery said. She held Helen’s arm tightly so she could not bolt toward Daniel’s apartment. “Stay here. Stay calm until we know what’s going on.”

  Daniel’s door opened, and the two FDLE agents went inside. Helen wasn’t sure how long they were in there, but eventually they came back out with Daniel. His hands were cuffed behind him. The agents handed him over to the two police officers. Daniel looked heartbreakingly handsome in black leather.

  “Daniel!” Helen cried.

  “Awkk,” Pete the parrot said, and danced gleefully on Peggy’s shoulder. Helen remembered that he’d bitten Daniel.

  “Shut up, bird brain,” Peggy said.

  “What are you doing with that boy?” Margery demanded.

  “Sorry, ma’am, he’s under arrest,” one police officer said. “He’s being charged with theft by deception.”

  “There must be some mistake,” Helen said.

  “No, ma’am. No mistake. He’s being arrested for cheating widows and poor people.”

  “He’s innocent. Daniel, let me go with you,” Helen said.

  “No! Stay here and call my lawyer,” Daniel said. “His name is Steinway, on Oakland Park.”

  “Oh, shit,” Margery said.

  “Steinway,” Daniel repeated. “Like the piano. Tell him they’re booking me at the Broward County Jail. Don’t come down there, Helen, please.”

  “Come on,” the police officers said. Doors slammed, tires squealed, and Daniel was gone. The last thing Helen noticed was how dumpy the police officers looked next to the superbly muscled Daniel.

  Helen remembered that night in flashes. The FDLE agents had a search warrant for Daniel’s apartment. They left hours later, carrying out box after box.

  Peggy called Steinway the lawyer.

  Margery took Helen back to her own place and installed her in the purple recliner, wrapped in a blanket. Helen started shivering uncontrollably, and Margery made her hot chocolate and chicken soup. Helen took a sip of each.

  “There must be some mistake,” she kept repeating.

  “I’m sure it’s all a misunderstanding,” Peggy soothed. But Margery stayed silent, and Helen noticed.

  “Why did you say what you did when Daniel yelled out that lawyer’s name?” Helen asked her landlady.

  “Do you really want to know?” Margery asked.

  “Yes. No matter how bad it is, I want to know.”

  “Steinway represents every successful crook in town. Retain him and you might as well announce you’re guilty. Except Steinway has a remarkable record for helping the guilty go free.”

  “Oh, shit,” Helen said.

  “I could be wrong,” Margery said.

  “I feel like s
uch a fool,” Helen said. “What if Daniel really did cheat widows and poor people? That’s disgusting.” Then the tears started, and she couldn’t stop them. “God punished me for wanting to hop into bed with a man I barely knew.”

  “Rubbish,” Margery said. “Do you think God runs a dating service? She has more important things to do.”

  “You’re right,” Helen said. “I sound like my mother.”

  “God forbid,” Margery said.

  Helen laughed, then blew her nose. “I wish the cops could have arrested him tomorrow night,” she said, and all three women laughed until their sides ached as much as Helen’s heart.

  Peggy and Margery walked Helen back to her room and helped her undress. She was fine, until she stripped off her top and saw that incredible cantilevered bra. Then Helen started crying again. Margery wrapped her in a robe and rocked her like a child.

  “Maybe it’s a case of mistaken identity,” Helen said, sniffling.

  “Maybe we’ll know more when we read tomorrow’s paper,” Peggy said.

  Helen thought she’d never fall asleep, but she did, almost immediately. It was a restless, phantom-ridden sleep, haunted by old sorrows. She knew she’d been a fool, and her dreams told her so, until she didn’t want to hear it anymore. But she could not escape. She slept on. Only when Helen heard the doors of the newspaper delivery van slam shut at five-ten the next morning did she awake.

  Helen rummaged in her purse for change to buy a paper. She had to know what Daniel had done. “He cheated widows and poor people,” the police said. But how? She thought guiltily of her ride on Daniel’s brand-new Harley. Where did he get the money for that?

  When Helen opened her door, Margery was stepping outside. She was wearing her purple chenille robe and red sponge curlers.

  “Going for a paper?” she whispered.

  Helen nodded.

  “I’ll go with you,” Margery said.

  Helen bought the paper but did not open it. They walked back to Margery’s. Her landlady poured coffee for them both, then put on her reading glasses. They were ready for the worst. The story was on page 2B: “Police Arrest Man Accused of Fire Safety Scam.”