Can't Just Be His Friend

by Tina Martin

  “Beautiful, isn’t it?” Reggie asked, closing his arms around me, hugging me from behind while his five o’clock shadow brushed up against my face. I closed my eyes, let out a deep breath and placed my hands on top of his. This tranquility – the ocean and my best friend – was the break I needed.

  “Yeah. It is.”

  “This beach is a part of us, you know. I don’t think I could ever leave this city.”

  “Me either. I love it here.” We both stared out into the ocean as if it was our first time seeing it in all its beauty. Reggie squeezed me tighter and while I tried to pull his arms off of me, he spun me around so I was facing him – my butt shoved against the railing and his arms caging me in, blocking me from escaping.

  “Tiff, look at me for a minute,” he told me since I was shyly looking away, staring at nothing. I was being a nervous wreck, too timid to even make eye contact with him, my best friend, the boy who grew up to be this fine man standing before me now. I somehow found the nerve to look up like he wanted. “Why have you been so jumpy around me lately?” he asked. “What’s up with you?”

  “Nothing.” I tried to escape from this temporary prison, but was unsuccessful. Reggie pulled me closer instead.

  “You sure? Nothing you want to talk to me about?”

  “No, there’s nothing,” I said, barely looking at him, knowing there was indeed something. I was in love with him, but too afraid to tell him.

  “But if there was something, you would tell me, right?” Reggie pressed.

  “Yeah.”

  “Okay,” Reggie said, then turned me loose. I walked back into the room, ripped the plastic off of my new CD and popped it in the DVD player. I skipped to Lollipop right way and started singing.

  Reggie came in shortly after I did, but left the door open. He unbuttoned his white shirt and slid it off as he walked to the bed where I was sitting. I promise he did stuff like that intentionally to make me hot. I caught a few glimpses but I couldn’t let Reggie see me checking him out.

  I grabbed some shorts and a tank top out of my suitcase and went into the bathroom to get comfortable. When I came out, Reggie had the trunk on the bed, on top of a ripped-open, Food Lion paper grocery bag.

  “You wanna do the honors?” he asked me. I took the key out of my purse and unlocked our past. The first thing I saw when I opened the trunk was a picture of me and Reggie in a sandbox. We had to have been about four or five years old.

  “Wow. Now that’s taking it back…waaay back,” he said as he laid flat on his stomach, propped up on his elbows looking up at me. The muscles on his back caught my interest but I looked away.

  I sat there in Indian style taking stuff out of the trunk, and as I was deciding what to pull out next, Reggie playfully fiddled with my toes. I took out another picture of us lying on the floor with pillows and sheets at my house. I would have guessed our age to be about eleven in this snapshot. Reggie and I had slept over at each other’s houses many nights back then, which was probably the reason why he still wanted to do it now.

  “You were so adorable,” I told him. “Even back then you had them lil’ girls fighting over you.”

  “Ah, stop it.”

  “Am I lying Reggie? You know I’m telling the truth.”

  “Well, you know I ain’t never been one to brag but…” Reggie laughed.

  I hit him with one of the white pillows on the bed (which didn’t even faze him) then pulled a small teddy bear out of the box.

  “You remember that. I gave that to you when we were in the sixth grade,” Reggie said as he examined the bear.

  “Yeah. I remember.”

  “It’s crazy how far back we go, huh? Besides our parents, you’re the only one who knows everything about me.”

  “And you’re the only one who knows me.” I respected Reggie for keeping me by his side as his friend. He could’ve easily pushed me away for one of his boys, but he didn’t. “Reg, did you ever think you would end up having a girl as a best friend, because most guys—”

  Reggie cut me short. “I’ve never regretted you,” he sternly corrected me before I could even finish my statement.

  “What?”

  “I’ve never regretted having you as my best friend, Tiffany, if that’s where you were going.”

  “Okay. You don’t have to get so serious,” I laughed it off. “I didn’t mean anything by it. It was just a question.”

  “Yeah, a question I’ve answered how many times before, Tiff?”

  Reggie rose up off of the bed and sauntered to the bathroom. I must have struck a nerve. The one thing I didn’t like about Reggie was his quick temper. If you said or did something he didn’t like you had it coming. When he came out of the bathroom I knew I was in trouble.

  “Why do you always do that, Tiffany?” he asked me as he sat on the bed again. That’s another thing. Whenever he called me Tiffany, he was dead serious about something. He would usually only call me by my nickname, Tiff, force of habit.

  “Reggie, I wasn’t trying to imply anything. I was just making conversation.”

  “Yeah, but you know how I feel about you and our friendship. You know.”

  “I do.”

  “So why would you even ask me something like that? I’ve been defending our relationship for years. You know how many women have come and gone out of my life because of you?” Reggie placed his hands on his head and took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. That came out wrong.”

  “No. It came out right.”

  He was right. Almost every relationship Reggie attempted to have was ruined over me. Even now his current girlfriend, Shontay, was getting tired of him putting me before her, and she had every right to be. The bottom line is, Reggie and I are close – so close, even our parents were trying to talk us into getting married after high school. They said it jokingly but deep down I knew they were serious.

  “You know what, Reggie? I’m gonna go. This doesn’t feel right anymore.” Though his comment was true and I’ve known this all along, it hurt to actually hear him say it. He made it seem as if I had become a thorn in his side. I was the reason he couldn’t keep a woman. I slipped my feet into some pink flip-flops and grabbed my purse.

  Reggie jumped in front of me, barricading the door. “We’ve had this tradition of staying at the beach every year of college, and this year ain’t no exception.”

  “Reggie, move.”

  “No.”

  “Come on now. Get out of the way.”

  “Tiff, told you I didn’t mean it like that. You know what I meant. Stop being so serious.” He picked me up and dropped me midway the bed, his body looming over me like a dark rain cloud. “You ain’t leaving me girl.” Then he started tickling me. Since I was still mad at him, I tried my best to hold in the laughter, but it burst out of me. I was giggling so hard, I could hardly stop. Once he got back on my good side, Reggie fell on the bed beside me.

  “You know I didn’t mean it like that, baby. I don’t care about those girls.”

  “But I want you to care. I don’t want to be the third wheel in all of your relationships.”

  “You’re not the third wheel. You’re the second.”

  “And that’s the problem. I shouldn’t be the second. Shontay should have that position – not me.”

  “But you’re my best friend. I’ve known you longer than her.”

  “True, but sometimes I feel like I’m in your way, especially in Shontay’s way.”

  Reggie turned on his side to face me.

  “Look at me,” he said. I stared deep into his dark brown eyes. He continued, “You could never be in my way. I love you. I respect you. I value our friendship. Nothing is going to change that, ah’ight? Not even Shontay.”

  I smiled at him. Reggie didn’t want to let me go. I dared to imagine what life would be like without him as well, but I wanted him differently than he wanted me. I wanted him to fall in love with me.

  Then again, I loved Reggie so much, I wanted him to be happy. If that meant
it was with Shontay, then so be it. I just found it difficult to watch another woman date the man I was in love with and for that reason I needed to let him go. That way, he would be free to pursue a life with Shontay and live happily ever after like a well written fairytale. I would put aside my feelings, and maybe one day I would get over it, but to do that – to leave Reggie behind would hurt him, and I would rather die than see him hurt.

  I love him that much.

  Chapter 3

  It rained most of the day on Saturday. Instead of leaving the hotel, we went down to the Beach Scenes Café and had breakfast. We returned to our room and watched TV for a while, played cards, then we both took a nap right there in the center of the bed with the sliding glass door open, inviting the ocean to take a nap with us. I can’t remember the last time I felt so relaxed.

  For lunch, we returned to the café where we both ate the same lunch – a grilled chicken wrap with fries and a Coke. After that, we splashed around in the lazy river indoor pool like two kids with no parental guidance. Reggie’s favorite thing to do was to hold me in his arms while we let the water sway us back and forth. Once we drifted to the corner of the pool, Reggie stood behind me and said to me in the sexiest voice I’ve ever heard in my life, “This feels good, doesn’t it.”

  Boy did it ever. Then he had the nerve to plant those lips on my neck. I thought I would die in a love struck electrocution brought on by my own sick fixation as I mumbled, “Mmm,” in response.

  About six in the evening, we went back to our room to change clothes for dinner. We were going to be dining at Isle of Capri, an Italian restaurant on the sixth floor of our hotel.

  “You ready to go?” Reggie asked me. He had on a black Polo shirt and some blue jeans. I wore a low cut, ruffle-edged white dress with some white thong flip-flops.

  “Yeah. I’m ready.”

  Reggie was completely oblivious to my sexy dress. He never complimented me when I wore cute outfits. He didn’t give my curves looks like other men did. I was invisible to him. The only thing Reggie saw when he looked at me was my face – the face of his little friend from next door he spent days as a youth playing catch with.

  I took my purse from the night stand and headed to the door. Reggie held the door open for me like a gentleman. “Ladies first,” he said to me and smiled at the same time. It was fascinating to think about the chemistry between us, yet neither one of us made a move towards something more.

  I could smell the likes of Isle of Capri as soon as the elevator doors opened on the sixth floor. The restaurant was about to get busy with guests coming to enjoy dinner and a night cap before taking their midnight strolls on the boardwalk. Good thing we got here early.

  The hostess smiled at us. Her fire red hair was cropped in a short razor cut style and she wore some dark red lipstick.

  “Dinner for two tonight?” she asked us as she took two menus from the top of her stash.

  “Yes, and we would like a table by the window,” Reggie advised.

  “This place gets really crowded around this time. Lucky for you, there are a few window seats left. Follow me.”

  We followed the bouncy redhead to our table.

  “Wow. This is absolutely breathtaking,” I said as we approached our dining area. The panoramic view of the ocean from the sixth floor was amazing at seven in the evening.

  “Yeah. This is tight,” Reggie expressed as he sat down, rubbing his hand across the white tablecloth while I took a look around, noticing how nice the place was decorated – the warm lights, the beautifully designed carpet, the black-framed pictures on the wall – it was a very upscale environment.

  “Enjoy your meals,” the hostess said right before she took off. Reggie and I sat there staring out the window. Personally, I loved to watch the waves of crystal blue water. The peace, the serenity – I was drawn to it.

  “Good evening, folks. Welcome to Isle of Capri. My name is Jonathan. I’ll be your waiter tonight.”

  The deep voice of our waiter interrupted my one-on-one time with nature. I focused my attention on Jonathan instead. He was tall and brown-skinned with a gorgeous symmetrical face and flawlessly trimmed mustache.

  “What can I get you to drink, Sir?” Jonathan asked Reggie.

  “I’ll have a glass of water for now.”

  Jonathan then turned to me. “And for the beautiful lady?”

  I blushed and smiled at Jonathan. What girl wouldn’t get red in the face when a man calls her beautiful? He smiled back.

  “I’ll have a Coke or a Pepsi. Either one is fine.”

  “Okay. Whatever is fine with you is fine with me,” Jonathan said as he smiled at me again. “You look absolutely stunning in that dress by the way.”

  “Aw…thank you,” I told him.

  “You’re welcome,” Jonathan replied then went on his way.

  I glanced at Reggie, noticing the deep furrow between his brows. He was obviously upset with our waiter’s compliment. I wasn’t sure if he would say anything or if he would sit there and pout.

  “How is this dude gonna flirt with you right in front of me?” he asked. “I mean, he doesn’t know the nature of our relationship. What if you were my woman?”

  “He wasn’t flirting with me, Reggie. The man is just trying to get a good tip. And even if he was flirting with me, what’s the big deal? I’m not your woman.”

  “I’m just saying,” Reggie said, looking out the window again, twiddling his thumbs. “What if you were?”

  “But I’m not,” I said smiling, watching him stare through the clear glass.

  “But what if you were?” he asked me again as he stared at me intensely. “That dude doesn’t know us. As far as he knows, you could be my woman.”

  “Let it go Reggie. It’s not a big deal.”

  Reggie picked up a fork and tapped it lightly against the table. “I shoulda hit that dude.”

  “Reggie, stop being so—”

  “What?” he interrupted. “It’s like he didn’t even see me sitting here with you. That’s disrespectful.”

  “How’s that disrespectful? I can see if we were dating or something, but we’re just two friends having dinner.”

  Reggie sighed and stared out the window. By that time, we had attracted attention to ourselves. People were turning around, looking to see what was up. I smiled at them so they could go back to enjoying their food and made a mental note to keep my voice down.

  “Reggie, why do you get so angry over little stuff like that?”

  “I just didn’t like the way he was looking at you is all.”

  “Well at least he noticed me.” I slid the remark under my breath before I realized what I was saying. Actually it was one of those did-I-just-say-that-out-loud comments.

  Frowning, Reggie asked, “What’s that supposed to mean?” All of a sudden, the view was on hold. Reggie had given me his complete and undivided attention.

  “Nothing. Forget it.”

  “How you gon’ say something like that then tell me to forget it?”

  “Okay, don’t forget it. Just tell me something. How can you cop an attitude because our waiter gave me a compliment? You didn’t tell me I looked nice in this dress.”

  I wasn’t going to tell him this, but I bought that dress just for this weekend. I wanted to look nice for Reggie, hoping to impress him.

  “I notice you all the time,” Reggie said, turning on his business charm. “I think you’re beautiful in whatever outfit you wear. The difference between me and the waiter is, I see your inner beauty as well as the outer. He only knows you by what he sees on the outside. When I look at you, my eyes are not saying I wanna take you to my room and have my way with you. I can’t stand it when men look at you like that.”

  Jonathan brought over our drinks and placed the glasses on the table.

  “Ah, Jonathan,” Reggie called him as he browsed through the wine menu.

  “Yes Sir.”

  “Could you bring us a bottle of Dom Pérignon?”

 
“Sure. I’ll get that for you. Are you ready to order now or should I come back?”

  “No. We’re ready,” I spoke up. I wanted to get the order out of the way as soon as possible. I didn’t want Jonathan coming to our table no more than what was necessary. “I’ll have the Steak Pizzaiola.” I didn’t know what to expect of my choice but it sure sounded good on the menu – New York Strip topped with capers, onions, white wine and marinara sauce.

  “I’ll have the same,” Reggie said, peeping at me from the top of his menu that he had immediately in front of his face, like he was reading a newspaper.

  “Okay. I’ll put that in for you right away.” Jonathan collected the menus then walked away from us.

  “Tiff, can I ask you something?” Reggie asked, looking at me with dreamy eyes.

  “Ask away.”

  “Have you ever wondered why we never—” Reggie stopped speaking, abruptly, and sat there gazing at me.

  “Never what, Reggie?”

  “—why we never dated?”

  That’s a question I should’ve been asking him. We definitely had chemistry on all levels but that part of our relationship was left unexplored.

  “Um…uh…not really.” Who was I kidding? I wanted Reggie so bad, instead of the Steak Pizzaiola, he could be my main course tonight. “Besides, you’ve hooked up with enough women. No need to add me to your repertoire.”

  Reggie grinned. “You’re evading my question.”

  “I don’t know why we haven’t dated.” I swirled the ice around in my Pepsi with my index finger. I would’ve done anything to avoid making eye contact with him.

  “You don’t find me attractive?” he said, then flashed a smile.

  “Why would you ask me that when you already know you’re attractive? You’re beautiful.”