Can't Just Be His Friend

by Tina Martin

  I couldn’t move. I stood there in shock, absorbing what he was saying to me.

  He went on, “Baby, I love you and I want to spend my life with you.”

  I wiped my eyes so I would see Derrick clearly as he laid down his bare feelings for me.

  “Do you love me, Tiffany?”

  “Yes,” I said as I wiped my eyes again and quickly gasped for air.

  “Then here is what I want from you. I want you to look at me and answer me without a shadow of a doubt. Will you marry me, today, in front of our family and friends? Will you be my wife, Tiffany?”

  “Yes,” I told him in tears.

  Derrick was so happy with my response, he snatched me up into his arms. I could hear our family cheering and applauding and as we approached them, their cheers became louder.

  It was an intimate affair we shared with our close friends and family. They were all dressed in black and white, the same as Derrick and I. The women all wore fresh flower leis. Mom greeted me with one before Derrick and I walked down the sandy aisle.

  I was in tears as he looked at me, promising to love and protect me, saying he would be with me through sickness and health ‘til death.

  “Tiffany, I promise to be the man you want me to be for you. You stole my heart and …” Derrick’s eyes teared up as he spoke his vows to me. I thought I would fall to pieces right then and there. “And I can never repay you for bringing love into my life again.”

  “Derrick, you’ve already repaid me. I’ve never known this kind of love before. Thank you for allowing me to share your life.”

  We greeted each other with a kiss to confirm our marriage. I was officially Mrs. Tiffany Brooks. I couldn’t have been happier.

  We took the celebration back to the house. Party planners had completely transformed the front deck of our house to party central. They covered the deck with balloons and lilies. They sat up tables, all covered with white tablecloths, each having brown candles that smelled of chocolate. There were a few tables on the sand in front of his place as well, all in a circle, creating a stage in the middle for dancing. After we ate, Derrick and I shared a dance. Then everyone else joined in.

  I escaped outside on the back deck to catch my breath and to reflect on my new life. I’m married, I said to myself. I’m married.

  My moment was interrupted by a tap on my shoulder. I turned around abruptly.

  “Oh, hey, Reggie.”

  “Hey. You look beautiful.”

  “Thank you.”

  “I just wanted to say congratulations. I hope you and Derrick will be happy together.”

  “Thank you, Reggie. That really means a lot.”

  “Well, I’m gonna head on out.”

  “No…don’t leave yet. Stay a little longer...have some cake with us.”

  “Nah, Tiff. I think I should go.”

  Reggie’s somber tone made me think about the moment we spent in front of my apartment after we left Jillian’s. He said he felt love when he was with me. Maybe the wedding was too much for him to bear. Honestly, I was surprised he showed up to see me devote my life to another man.

  Then he said, “You don’t need me here no more. You got a man now.” He turned to walk away.

  “No…no…no...Reggie, wait. You don’t really think that, do you?” His silence answered my question. “Reggie, I will always need you in my life. You’re my best friend and you will always be…I’m not pushing you away. I love you too much for that. Okay?”

  “Ah’ight Tiff,” he said unconvincingly.

  “Reggie, please stay. Please?”

  “Nah. I can’t. I love you though. I’ll see you around, okay?”

  “Reggie, please?”

  He stopped just before reaching the stairs as if he was contemplating the thought of staying with me.

  “No, sweetheart. I think I should go.”

  “Well at least give me a hug first.” He walked back over to me, spread his arms wide and took me into his heart. “Are you happy for me?” I asked him.

  “Yeah. I’m happy for you.”

  He tried to let me go, but I kept on squeezing him so he wouldn’t.

  “I love you, Reggie. I’m so glad you came to share this moment with me.”

  I looked into his eyes. He looked into mine, made me feel like I made the wrong choice. Had I? Was I with the right man?

  “I’m glad I was here for you, but I gotta go now.”

  “Where are you going?”

  “I don’t know…somewhere to grieve maybe,” he said with a forced chuckle, his eyes watering.

  “Reggie…”

  “I’m joking, Tiff. Anyway, congratulations to you both.” He walked away sad-faced.

  I took a deep breath and went to find my husband. He was talking to my Mom near the bar on the front deck.

  “There’s my princess.” Derrick grabbed me and kissed me, handing me a glass of champagne at the same time.

  “How you doing, Mrs. Brooks?” Mom asked me.

  “I’m floating on cloud nine right now. Derrick has me on a natural high.”

  “And that’s where I’m going to keep you,” he said, kissing my neck.

  Brenda came up to congratulate us. So did Patricia, which was unexpected. She was determined to put me and Reggie together, and since that didn’t work out, I wasn’t quite sure if she would’ve had five words to say to me. But she walked over, gave me a hug and whispered in my ear, “I’m still always going to be Mom number two.” She made me appreciate her that much more.

  Derrick’s parents along with his sister and brother congratulated me. His Mom even pulled me aside and apologized for our first encounter and went on to say how happy Derrick was with me. His happiness, in turn, made her happy. I didn’t buy her story. It somehow felt fake, like she was only apologizing because Derrick wanted her to.

  The celebration was over around two in the morning. I was exhausted, but looking forward to having Derrick all to myself. I quickly jumped out of the shower, blow-dried my hair and lathered myself down in some Cotton Blossom lotion I’d purchased from Bath & Body Works.

  He lit the candles that were above the bed, the perfect amount of light for a romantic night. And when he saw what I had on, he bit his bottom lip and started unbuttoning his shirt. I walked up to him and helped him get it off. Then I laid on the bed and waited for him to come to me.

  His smooth lips fluttered over my neck with the lightness of a butterfly’s wings.

  “You smell good,” he whispered in my ear with conviction, then studied me for a brief moment.

  Then we made love for the first time, sealing our marriage with the perfect honeymoon night.

  Chapter 30

  June 2009

  “Baby, you ready?” Derrick asked me as he brushed his hair. It was Saturday night and we were getting ready to go to Alexander’s on the Bay, a fine dining seafood restaurant on Ocean Avenue.

  I watched him groom himself, thinking about how happy we both were to have found each other. Five months into marriage, I was blissfully in love with my husband. It was now mid-June and the heat outside couldn’t compare to how hot we were for each other. We were happy and I knew the love we shared was real.

  This morning, while we were both lying in bed watching cartoons, Derrick snatched the remote away from me, tossed it on the floor then gently began kissing and sucking on my neck. My body jerked with every touch. He pulled my cami over my head and his sweet lips must have grazed every part of my body. Derrick’s love was powerful. I never knew what this kind of love felt like before him.

  He was the perfect gentleman. We spent a lot of time at my Mom’s for dinner. We took a few weekends to go cruising on his boat. He wined and dined me, took me shopping often. I had to make him stop buying me stuff. Every time I turned around, there was a gift hidden somewhere in the house where he knew I’d find it. Once, I found a picture of us that he had framed in a platinum wallet size frame for my desk at work. Then there was the time he gave me a plastic ring…looked
like he’d bought it for twenty-five cents out of a bubble gum machine. He said he had it since he was five years old and wanted me to have something from his childhood.

  The most recent gift I got was last Thursday. We’d just made love and as we held each other in bed, he told me to look in the top drawer of my nightstand. It was an Audemar Piguet watch to match his.

  “Tiffany, you ready baby?” Derrick asked me again as I sat on the bed, watching him adjust his black tie, walking towards me. “Or, do you want to celebrate our five-month anniversary right here?” he said, leaning over to kiss me.

  “Mmm,” I mumbled. “We could…stay…here,” I said through kisses, “but we’re already dressed, so let’s go.”

  We hopped in his truck and cruised to the restaurant. Derrick was struck with a cough that wouldn’t quit on the way over. Said he thought he was coming down with something.

  “Wow. This place looks nice.”

  “And they…have good…food here too,” Derrick said through coughs.

  “You all right baby?”

  “Yeah. I just need some water.”

  We followed the hostess to our seats. Derrick coughed so much, he attracted attention from the other guests.

  “Well, well, well…look who it is.” That was what the waitress said as she approached our table. She must have been talking to Derrick because I’d never seen her a day in my life. She was a light-skinned woman, her hair was long, brown, and curly. She looked like she was half black and Caucasian. She was about five and a half feet tall.

  “Oh…hi there,” Derrick told her.

  “Long time no see,” she replied and bit her bottom lip like she was trying to be cute. I sat there for a few minutes and watched the two of them talk to each other like I wasn’t even sitting there. I still had no clue who this broad was who seemed to know my husband so well. “And who is this lovely lady?” she asked Derrick as she looked at me.

  “This is my wife, Tiffany.”

  “Oh…hi Tiffany. Nice to meet you. I’m Veronica.”

  I fake-smiled her but the only thing that mattered to me was how this heffa knew my husband, and when she finally left our table to fetch some water, I made it my business to find out.

  “Who is she?” I asked Derrick.

  “Just an old acquaintance,” he said flippantly.

  Don’t get me wrong. I was not a jealous woman. But if some woman came up smiling at my man, I wanna know what the deal is.

  “What exactly does that mean?”

  Derrick began coughing again, his face approaching a light shade of red. “We…used to…date…back in the day.”

  “Oh, so you’ve been intimate with her?”

  “Tiffany...” He couldn’t get any more words out due to the profuse coughing.

  “Well, did you?” I asked again, but Derrick’s coughing was so violent he couldn’t respond immediately. “I guess that’s why she was so happy to see you, huh?”

  “Tiffany, don’t do this, ah’ight. She means nothing to me.”

  “Oh really? I couldn’t tell by that smile on your face.”

  Veronica bounced back over to our table with two glasses of water.

  “Boy we sure had fun back then, huh?” she asked Derrick like she missed him and could use some more fun in her life.

  Derrick sipped on the water right away and told her, “Veronica, give us a minute.”

  “Oh. Okay. No problem.”

  She stepped away and Derrick turned his attention to me. He said, “There is no need for you to be like this.”

  “Whatever.” I grabbed my purse. “You play catch up with your girlfriend. I’ll take a taxi home.”

  The night was ruined and I was not about to sit there and watch Veronica drool over my husband. I was outside calling information for a taxi cab company when Derrick approached me. He snatched the phone out of my hand.

  “Give me the phone back, Derrick.”

  “No! If you’re going back home, you’re coming with me! You ain’t calling no taxi!”

  “Fine!” I yelled, and didn’t say a word more after that. Neither did he. All he did was cough.

  At home, we took the argument up again as soon as we stepped in the kitchen.

  “So what is this?” Derrick said, standing near the back door. “You jealous of the girl?”

  “I’m not jealous…not at all,” I said, when I was jealous.

  “Veronica was a part of my past, Tiffany.” I watched Derrick’s neck muscles bulge in frustration.

  “I told you I didn’t care about that.”

  “Then why are you acting like this?”

  “Because I’m just now realizing that you are not exclusively mine. Other women have been with you.”

  “What?” Derrick said, furrowing his brows. “You knew I wasn’t a virgin when you married me if that’s what you mean,” he said, concealing coughs with his fists.

  “Yes, I know. I just convinced myself that I was the only woman for you.”

  “You are the only woman for me! There is no one else, Tiffany,” he yelled, his arms flailing about in the air. “Forget this. I’m not going to do this with you!” he said, stepping outside on the deck.

  I was near tears when he left me standing there in the kitchen. This was our first major fight since we’d been married. I went upstairs, sat on the bed and cried. I don’t even know why I was so upset to see him talking to the woman. I ruined our dinner.

  I watched Derrick step into our bedroom, unbuttoning his shirt, not saying a word to me.

  “Derrick, can I explain myself?”

  He said nothing, just stood there undressing, taking off his pants now.

  “Derrick, what I was trying to say was…um…the thought of her being with you came crashing down on me at once while we were sitting there in the restaurant. I mean, when you touch me, you know that no other man has been with me, only you. But when I touch you…”

  “Don’t you think I’m aware of that, Tiffany?” Derrick asked as he turned around. “I mean, you make me feel like I don’t deserve you.”

  “No, baby. I don’t want you to feel that way at all. All I’m saying is that it felt strange for that second…to see this woman talking to you and giggling and smiling all in your face…knowing you made love to her.”

  “She was a part of my past. I can’t change that. And I would hardly call that love. I was young, dumb, and wild back then. There was no making love. I make love to you. There’s no other woman for me, baby. Only you can make me feel like this…only you, Tiffany.”

  He loved me. Not the women from his past. Just me. I loved him the same. Derrick was my soul mate, the man I wanted to spend forever with – and even forever wasn’t long enough.

  Chapter 31

  “Ay Tiff…it’s ya boy. Call me back, girl.”

  Reggie left me that message on my voicemail at work. It was actually the first message I received for the day. So after listening to the remaining eight messages, I called him back.

  “Hey Reg…just got your message. What’s up?”

  “Let’s do lunch today – just me and you. And I don’t want to hear you say that you gotta check with Derrick first. Tell Derrick you’re mine today.”

  I smiled at him, especially at the added bit of emphasis he put on mine. It made me wonder if Reggie still wanted me to be his or if he was specifically talking about lunch. Either way, I was glad he asked, only because I knew he needed a break. He would work between sixty and eighty hours some weeks, especially when Derrick and I first had gotten married. And we’d done lunch several times over the past few months. Derrick was cool with that idea. Said he wanted Reggie to be apart of my life.

  “Reggie, you know the routine. I gotta check with my hubby first. I ain’t single no more.”

  “Ah’ight. Hurry up and call him and call me back.”

  “Okay. Bye.”

  I speed-dialed Derrick’s office.

  “V.A. Marketing. This is Cindy. How may I direct your call?”

>   I called Derrick direct, and since Cindy answered, it meant he was not in the office.

  “Hi Cindy, its Tiffany. Is Derrick not in yet?”

  Derrick should’ve been in. He left the house before I did this morning.

  “He was, but I show he has a doctor’s appointment at nine-forty-five. He’s on the way there now.”

  Derrick told me nothing about a doctor’s appointment. Maybe he was going to see about the cough he had for the past week.

  “Okay, Cindy. I’ll call him on his cell. Thanks.”

  “No problem, Mrs. Brooks. Enjoy your morning.”

  “Thank you. Bye.”

  I hung up quickly and hit Derrick on his cell.

  “Hey, baby.”

  “Hey, boo,” he answered. “What’s up?”

  “So, you’re finally going to see a doctor for that cough, huh?”

  “Ah…uh…yeah.”

  “I’m glad…maybe you need some antibiotics or something.”

  “Yeah. We’ll see.”

  “Hey…Reggie wants to take me to lunch today. Is that all right or did you want to do lunch?”

  “Nah, you can go ahead and do lunch with Reggie. That’s cool. Tell him I said hi.”

  “Okay…will do,” I said, thinking how much Derrick must trust me to freely allow me to kick-it with Reggie, knowing how Reggie felt about me.

  “All right. I’ll talk to you later,” Derrick said.

  “Okay baby, and let me know how your appointment goes.”

  I hung up with Derrick, then called Reggie back. All these phone calls actually felt like work.

  “Tell me good news,” he said like I was a business partner confirming a deal.

  “It’s a go. Where should I meet you?”

  “I could just swing by and pick you up.”

  “Okay. Come get me at about eleven-thirty. I’m starving.”

  “Ah’ight. I’ll be there.”

  “Okay…later.”

  After making a few follow-up phone calls, making journal entries and issuing some credits, I took a brief bathroom break. When I returned to my office, Brenda was there waiting for me.