by Emma Lea
“But how can you be sure?”
“Because she is falling in love with you, you idiot. If you could get your head out of your own little pity party for just a second, you would see it too. I’ve seen the sparks between the two of you and I know it scares you. I know you don’t trust your own heart after the way Caroline stomped all over it. But let me assure you, Savannah is in love with you and she is miserable without you.”
I wanted to believe him. I wanted it to be true more than anything in the world, but I was scared. Caroline had hurt me and I had promised myself I would fall like that again. Against my own determination, I had fallen anyway. I’d had no choice. Loving Savannah came as easily as breathing. It was a foolish man who thought he could control his own heart and I had been a fool.
“It’s too late,” I said. “I walked away from her without an explanation. I left and the last words we spoke to each other were harsh. If she loved me, I doubt that she still does.”
“Are you seriously going to sit there and tell me that you are too much of a coward to find out? Are you prepared to walk away and never look back because you’re afraid of begging for forgiveness?”
“I’m not afraid—”
Chase snorted.
“Okay fine. I have some trepidation—”
“Trepidation?” Chase snorted again.
“What if she won’t take me back? What if she tells me to take a hike?”
“Then you deal with it, but it would be better than sitting here wondering what if. How will you know how she feels or what she wants until you ask? And it’s not just Savannah you left behind. There’s a little boy and a miserable horse who are wondering where the hell you are and probably worrying that it was something they did.”
“I doubt Mistborn mourns my absence,” I scoffed.
“And you’d be wrong. The horse is off his feed and won’t let anyone near him apart from Penny and Archer. He needs you, Jed.”
I huffed out a breath. Merveille had become my home in the two years I’d lived there and I missed it. I missed Savannah so much it was a physical ache. I missed Archer and Cliff and I even missed Mistborn more than I cared to admit. I didn’t want to be here, if I was honest. I’d told my father I wanted nothing more to do with the farm and it was true. I didn’t know where I was going to go or what I was going to do, I just knew that Kentucky was no longer my home.
“Are you still thinking about breeding Titania?” I asked.
Chase fought his grin. “She is already in Merveille. She arrived the day you left.”
“There’s some nice land in Merveille.”
“Good horse country,” Chase agreed.
“Ever think about the plans we made? The farm we talked about?”
“More and more lately,” he replied.
“Do you think a little place like Merveille has room for what we envisioned?”
“No doubt about it,” Chase said and lifted his glass in a toast.
I stepped into the dim stable and was surprised to see Cliff waiting for me.
“You came back,” he said, his voice and expression giving nothing away about how her felt about the matter either way.
“I didn’t have a choice,” I said. “The queen summoned me.”
“Hogwash,” Cliff said, pushing off the wall where he had been leaning. “You and I both know the queen’s summons was just an excuse. You came back for the girl.”
“Not the horse?’ I asked, a grin pulling at the corner of my mouth.
I could see Cliff fighting the same impulse to smile. “Maybe a bit for the horse, but definitely for the girl.”
“You’re right,” I said. “I came back for the girl, if she’ll have me.”
“I hope you’re prepared for a bit of grovelling. I think Lady Savannah deserves a bit of grovelling, don’t you?”
“I’d say you’re right and I don’t know how I’m going to make it up to her except to tell her the truth and hope that’s enough.”
“Good place to start, but you might want to try something sparkly too. You can’t go wrong with a bit of sparkle.”
“You may be right,” I agreed, nodding. “But I think I’ll try the words first and if that doesn’t work, I’ll definitely try for the sparkle.”
“Good enough. So you ready to work?”
“Well, now, that’s something else I need to talk to you about.”
“It’s about time,” Cliff said. “Thought I was going to have pry you loose from here with a crowbar.”
“What is the likelihood of the queen selling the Arabian to me?” I asked.
“Chances are that she summoned you back here to discuss just such a transaction.”
My eyebrows popped up in surprise. “Really? I thought for sure I’d have to haggle some.”
“Nobody can get near that horse except you. He takes up time and costs us money and he doesn’t pull his weight. No one can ride him and he refuses to pull a carriage. Not much place for him here. The queen has no desire to start a breeding program and that’s about all he’s good for.”
“That’s good news for me,” I said, dropping my duffle bag at my feet. “You don’t happen to know of a piece of land that might be suitable to set up such a breeding farm do you?”
“You might want to talk to your partner about that.”
“My partner?”
A hand came down on my shoulder and I turned to see Chase. “That would be me.”
“Partner?” I asked again.
“Come for a drive with me,” he said. “I have something to show you and a proposal to discuss.”
I looked at Cliff and he made a shooing motion with his hands. “Go. You’re no good to me at the moment anyway. Go and make your plans and then come back ready to win the girl.”
“Sounds like a plan.”
“It’s perfect,” I said, looking out over the rolling hills and dilapidated barn. Snow covered the ground but the sky was clear and everything seemed to shine in the sunlight.
“Not yet, but it will be,” Chase said. “There’s a stream just through those trees and if you follow the overgrown track around the rise, there’s a manor house. It needs work, but it’ll be worth the money to get it fixed up.”
I took a deep breath of the cool, clear air and felt my chest expand for what seemed like the first time in months, possibly the two years since my life fell apart.
“How did you hear about this place?” I asked.
“Lord Frédéric,” he said. “He’s keen for us to set up shop and has a couple of broodmares he wants us to look at, maybe find a suitable stud for.”
I nodded slowly. Freddie’s interest in building out his stable was no secret. Cliff often complained when Freddie and his Master of Horse beat Cliff out on an auction.
“Are we really doing this?” I asked, turning to look at Chase.
“We’ve been talking about it for so long that I think it’s time for the talking to be done.”
“I need to apologise—”
Chase shook his head. “If our situations had been reversed, I would have done the same thing,” he said.
“But I didn’t even let you explain or even ask for your side of the story,” I said. “I was stubborn and pigheaded and my pride had been hurt. You were my best friend and I should have known better than to think you would betray me like that.”
“Thanks,” Chase said, turning to look back over the field. “I told myself I didn’t need to hear that, but I was wrong. I know what you walked in on looked bad and to be honest I don’t really remember all that much of it. I do know that I would never have touched her, not of my own free will.”
“Yeah. I know.”
We stood silently side by side and looked over the land that would soon become ours.
“What are you going to do about Savannah?” Chase asked.
I huffed out a breath. “Beg and plead,” I said. “Apologise for being a jerk. I’m not much good with words so I just hope I find the right ones to say.”
<
br /> “She cares about you,” Chase said. “But you hurt her, leaving the way you did without an explanation. She has been left by too many people in her life.”
“I know,” I said and my gut clenched. “How can I make her believe that I’m here to stay?”
“Bring her here,” Chase said. “Show her the future and make sure she knows you want her to be a part of it.”
Would it be enough? Savannah had her own life at the palace. Would she even want to be a part of what Chase and I hoped to build? She didn’t even like horses. But I could see us here. Savannah, Archer and even Matthieu. A family building something for the future together.
“Bring her here,” I said quietly, and Chase slapped me on the back.
“Show her your dream.”
Chapter 22
Savannah
I made some last minute adjustments to Alyssa’s gown as the other ladies in waiting primped around us. The dress was stunning. It was white, but with an icy blue sheen and a lace overlay that gave it a fairy tale look. The empire waistline camouflaged Alyssa’s growing bump and her skin glowed with a dusting of silver, although I was pretty sure the glow came from within. Alyssa was one of those women who wore pregnancy well, unlike me who’d been sick from the start and looked a little like death warmed over for the entire nine months.
“Are you sure about your escort?’ Alyssa asked for about the five hundredth time.
“Yes, I’m sure.”
“But I have someone—”
I held up my hand to stop her speaking. “No more set-ups,” I said. “I have enough going on in my life right now. I don’t need the complication of a man.”
“I just want you to be happy,” Alyssa said, taking my hands in hers and looking into my eyes like she could see into my very soul.
“I am happy,” I said.
“No, you’re not,” she said softly. “But I know you will be.”
I nodded in agreement but I couldn’t voice the words. I knew I would be fine. I had survived a broken heart before and I would survive again. Knowing that didn’t make it easier, though. I still had to walk through the pain, the only difference was that I knew I would eventually find my way out of it.
“I want to thank you,” I said when I managed to swallow the lump in my throat.
“For what?”
“For not sending me packing,” I replied. “You were in your right to. I expected it.”
“You don’t have to thank me for that,” Alyssa said. “I did it for purely selfish reasons. I didn’t want you to go. I’ve already lost too many ladies in waiting, I couldn’t afford to lose another one.” She smiled and winked at me and I returned her grin. “But truthfully, I really didn’t want you to go. I like you, Savannah, even when you’re surly and irritable. I love what you bring to my life, and I don’t just mean the clothes. Your friendship means a lot to me, to all of us. We wouldn’t be the same without you.”
I hugged her gently, careful not to crush the dress or disturb her hair and makeup. “Your friendship means a lot to me too,” I whispered.
I sniffed back the tears, fully aware of my own makeup, and pulled back. “Thank you for taking in Archer and my papa. You didn’t have to do that.”
Alyssa shrugged a shoulder. “I like your father and so does my mother. Having him around keeps her occupied. She was a little disappointed to find out he already had a date for tonight.”
I shook my head with a smile. “I can’t imagine the gossip if my father escorted your mother to the ball. It’s better that he’s my date tonight.”
“It’s not too late to change your mind,” Alyssa said. “I know someone—”
“Stop,” I said with a laugh. “Enough already. I am perfectly happy attending the ball with my father on my arm. I can see how hard he is trying to change and I want him to know that I appreciate it and that I notice his efforts.”
“He really is a wonderful companion for mother,” Alyssa said. “She needs a friend and I think it’s doing them both some good.”
“Are we ready?” Priscilla asked, coming over to give Alyssa a once over. “Dom says the men are ready and waiting.”
“Am I ready?” Alyssa asked me.
“Perfect,” I said.
We made our way to the anteroom where the men, dressed in their finery, waited for us. My father looked resplendent in his tuxedo and sash. He hadn’t had much occasion to wear the maroon ceremonial symbol of his peerage in the past and it gave me a little thrill to see him wearing it now.
“Voilà ma petite fille chérie! You are so beautiful.”
“Oh Papa,” I said, my cheeks heating. “You’ve seen me dressed up before.”
“Is it a crime to tell you how beautiful you are?”
I straightened his tie and smoothed the sash that ran from his shoulder to his hip. “No,” I said, brushing a kiss on his cheek. “And may I say how handsome you look.”
“But of course,” he said with a cheeky grin. “We make a very striking couple, yes?”
“Oui.”
Papa tucked my hand through his elbow and led me through the doors behind the others. The ballroom was festively decorated with blue, silver and white and an enormous Christmas tree, decked out in matching trim, stood in one corner. It was beautiful and I took a moment to just appreciate the view. It was my second Christmas here in Merveille and I had to admit that my life and the life of my small family had changed dramatically. I had a lot to be thankful for and I was grateful, but there was also something missing in my life; something I hadn’t even known I was missing until Jed stumbled into my life and disrupted it.
I missed him. I missed him desperately even though he’d hurt me. There was probably something wrong with me that I wanted him to come back even after the way he left. I should be glad he left. I should be glad he walked away before I fell any further in love with him, especially since he didn’t appear to feel the same way about me.
“Let’s dance,” my father said, leading me out onto the floor.
“It would be my pleasure,” I replied.
Papa led me around the dance floor and I pushed aside the wishes of my heart. It was enough that I was here and that I had an amazing place to live and work and my family were taken care of. I didn’t need anything else.
“May I cut in?”
“Chase,” I said, with a smile as he replaced my father.
“Lady Savannah,” he said with a smile of his own as we danced.
“You’re back.”
“I am.”
The normally chatty Chase was particularly reticent. It worried me.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
He searched my eyes before speaking. “How are you doing? Really?”
I huffed out a breath. It wasn’t worth hiding my feeling from him. In the short time we’d known each other, he had become a friend. He’d also had a front row seat to the bloom and then inevitable decay of my relationship with Jed…if it could even be called a relationship.
“I’m surviving,” I said. “It hurts now but I know it will get better.”
“Lady Savannah you are one tough cookie,” he said as he swirled me around.
“What is the point of falling apart when there’s no one to pick up the pieces? I learned that a long time ago.”
“But what if there were? Someone to pick up the pieces, I mean.”
“What are you saying?”
He shrugged. “It’s just a question. Wouldn’t you rather have someone in your life than have to cope with everything on your own?”
My stomach rolled over with anxiety. “Chase,” I said gently. “You know I care about you—”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” he said. “Are you trying to friend zone me?”
“I—uh—yes, I suppose I am.”
He laughed and I looked at him, puzzled.
“Why are you laughing at me?”
“I’m not laughing at you,” he said with a grin. “I’m laughing at the situation.”
“I
don’t understand.”
“Sweetheart, you’re gorgeous and you know I think you’re amazing, but I wasn’t trying to hit on you.”
“You weren’t?”
“No?”
“Well, why not?” I asked, a little miffed at his easy dismissal that there could be something between us…not that there could be, but he didn’t know that.
“Well, for one, you’re halfway in love with someone else.”
I opened my mouth to disagree but another voice cut me off.
“And he is halfway in love with you.”
My feet faltered at the familiar voice.
“I think that’s my cue,” Chase said slipping away.
Jed stepped into his place, one hand taking mine and the other slipping around my waist. We began to move before I could make any words come. I had never expected to see Jed again and I definitely hadn’t expected to see him in the ballroom of the palace tonight of all nights.
“Jed,” I finally managed to say, my voice tight and breathless.
It angered me, this reaction. I had been pining for him and I hated that, and yet I would be a fool not to acknowledge just how much I missed him and had wanted him to come back and sweep me off my feet. I’d promised myself never to make a fool of myself over a man ever again and here I was ready to fall at his feet despite him leaving me without explanation.
“Savannah,” he said, and the affection in his voice and the way his eyes softened when he looked at me squeezed my heart.
I ruthlessly shoved the feeling down and buried it under the growing irritation I felt. If I stoked it just right I might even manage to get a good mad on and burn away whatever tender feelings were left.
“No,” I said. “You don’t get to look at me like that or say my name like that.”
I could see the way his eyes sparked and how he tried to control the smile that tugged at the corner of his mouth. It worked as an effective accelerant for my anger.
“I understand you’re mad—”
“Mad? I’m not mad, Jed Fairchild. I’m—” I stopped myself. It wouldn’t do to let him see how he’d gotten under my skin. Instead of yelling at him and spitting fire like I wanted to, I took a calm breath and gave him a pitying smile. “I’m not mad,” I said calmly, “I’m indifferent.”