Secret Daddy

by Liam Kingsley

  “But you’re so cool now,” Brock said.

  “I was cool then, too. Even cool people get picked on.”

  “No they don’t. Only nerds like me get called names and get pushed around.”

  My wolf let out a deep growl. I knew it.

  “What do you do when people call you names and push you around?”

  “I just walk away,” he said in a small voice. My wolf growled again.

  “Why?”

  “You can’t win with bullies, so…”

  “But how does that make you feel?” I asked, almost gritting my teeth. My son was being bullied. I was pissed, and could only imagine how he felt.

  “Angry,” Brock said, smashing his buttons hard to get through a blockage in the maze ahead of us.

  “Yeah, I bet. It makes me angry, too.”

  Out of the corner of my eye I saw Brock glancing at me like he could barely believe what I was saying.

  “What do you do when you’re angry?” I asked.

  “I count to ten. And then I play video games. Or I go crazy and I feel like I can’t keep it inside. That’s when my wolf would become harder to control, and…”

  “And…”

  “I’d go out and run through the woods. In my wolf form.”

  He said the last like it was a bad thing, and once again my wolf growled. “Well, that’s a great way of releasing some energy, but what if you stood up to them?” I asked.

  “What do you mean?”

  “What if you stood up to the bullies? If you spoke back or pushed them around a bit? Give them a taste of their own medicine?”

  Brock was quiet, and I watched as his character on the screen got more aggressive and tactical in breaking through the puzzles.

  “You’re an alpha, right?” I asked him.

  “Yeah,” he said sounding a little unsure.

  “Alphas fight. Bullies will only remain bullies if you don’t stick up for yourself. You need to make a stand at school without showing your wolf, and then you might not feel so angry. If the bullies still keep harassing you, then your dad and I can visit the school—”

  “No! I don’t want you to do that. That’ll only make it worse.”

  I didn’t think it would, but I wasn’t going to argue with him about it right now. “Okay, well let’s see how it goes. In the meantime, whenever you feel frustrated or angry, you can take a run as your wolf, and I’ll run with you.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Of course, that’s what dad’s do.”

  Brock smiled, but then dipped his head, and I prayed I hadn’t just set him on a path to mess up his school and social life forever.

  School term ended a couple of days later without any incidents, which I took as a good sign. To celebrate, I suggested taking us all out to pick a Christmas tree on Christmas Eve. Brock dressed up in his most Christmas-y outfit, complete with Santa hat, bright green and red gumboots, and an ugly hyper-colored Christmas sweater that Britt had tried to knit him years earlier. It looked more like a squashed pudding on acid than a reindeer, but he said that was part of the charm.

  Britt and Trevor met us at the tree farm, both of them bundled up in brightly colored ponchos.

  “Why can’t we just get a tree from the woods at the back of the new house?” Brock asked as we walked through the aisles of trees.

  “All of the trees in the woods are valued by the pack,” I told him. “Each one has a story, and a spirit. Also, if we take one, it throws the whole ecosystem out of balance. It’s better to get one of these trees that have been grown for this one purpose. It’s like they’ve agreed to be Christmas trees.”

  “Hm, that’s kind of cool,” he said, and I couldn’t help but smile. It felt good to be educating my alpha son about pack lore.

  Kyle picked out a big, symmetrical pine, and Brock and I got to work cutting it down.

  “Hm, but it’s kind of saggy on the ends,” Trevor said as he pointed to the far branches.

  “And the center spike isn’t very spikey,” Britt added.

  “Oh my god, you two!” Kyle snapped. “You’re so critical. We can trim the ends and make the spike more spikey. This is the one!”

  “Oh, pregnant much?” Trevor pouted at him, and made Kyle laugh.

  “Yes,” Kyle agreed as he put his hands on his barely there belly. His gesture warmed me from the inside out, and I grinned at him before continuing to fell the tree he wanted.

  Once we got the tree home, Kyle and I strung up lights while Brock decorated it with his huge collection of video game-themed ornaments. I loved how the house smelled like pine, but what I loved most was the joy on Brock’s face as I put on some Christmas carols then pulled his dad into my arms and danced with him in the middle of the living room.

  I’d been happy to spend the whole evening like that, but eventually, Kyle insisted Brock went to bed otherwise “Santa” wouldn’t be coming the following morning. Brock had cheerfully agreed and rushed upstairs to his bedroom.

  “Well, that’s different,” Kyle said, shaking his head. “He’d normally protest or have some sort of hissy fit, and I’d have to coerce or beg him to go.”

  “Things are different now. He’s got me.” Kyle thumped me on the arm but grinned good-naturedly, and for the first time I truly began to believe I might have what it takes to be a good father.

  The following morning, Brock woke us up early, barging into our room with presents. I could only assume Britt or Kennedy had helped him, but as Kyle unwrapped a limited release vinyl, and I tore open the box of a new game controller, I couldn’t help feel proud that Brock had been so thoughtful in his gifts.

  “Gosh you’re a good kid,” Kyle said, pulling him into bed with us. We snuggled for all of two minutes before Brock got impatient and demanded to open his presents now.

  We all raced down to the tree to see what “Santa” had left for him, which turned out to be more video games than he could possibly play in a year, a bunch of new cool clothes, and a lot of art supplies.

  I presented Kyle with some pajamas because he complained he was cold at night even with me wrapped around him, and a gold pendant in the shape of a wolf with amber for eyes, and he surprised me with a thumb drive. At my raised brows, he laughed.

  “It’s a compilation of all the songs that remind me of you. You can listen to it when I’m not here.”

  “I listen to you every night.”

  “Yes, well, I’ve interspersed some of the songs with special messages for you. For your ears only.”

  Then he’d grinned, and the mischief I’d fallen in love with shone bright in his eyes. If it wasn’t for Brock and the promise I’d just made him to play one of the new games, I would have taken Kyle up on the unspoken promise he was making me. Instead, I’d dipped him, making him giggle before I placed a hot passionate kiss on his lips, which told him in no uncertain terms I would be taking him up on his x-rated Christmas gift that night in bed.

  Later, as Kyle was packing up the wrapping paper into a big box, he paused and spread his fingers over his stomach. I raced over to his side.

  “Kyle?”

  “It’s nothing.”

  “It’s not nothing. You keep doing that. I really want you to tell Maddie when we see her,” I declared.

  “And I want you to let it go. It’s no big deal.”

  But I did bring it up with Maddie, the pack’s obstetrician, when we had our first sonogram appointment with her the following week on New Year’s Eve. After the nurse took his vitals, Kyle lay on the bed and held my hand tightly while Maddie read over his chart.

  “How are things going?” she asked. I glanced at Kyle and noticed how relaxed he looked. Completely at peace. In contrast, my leg was bouncing and I was gripping his hand so tightly I was probably hurting him.

  “Everything is fine,” he said.

  “Kyle has been getting pains,” I blurted.

  “What kind of pains?”

  “Nothing, really,” Kyle insisted. “It seems like indigestion.�
��

  “Hm.” Maddie looked him over. “I’ll be checking for signs of any trouble, but from what the nurse has written here, it looks like everything is probably fine with the pregnancy.”

  “Should he be eating anything in particular for the baby?” I asked.

  “Anything nutritious. But really, whatever he can keep down between the morning sickness and the indigestion.” Maddie gave Kyle a warm smile. “Try eating less but more often. So five small meals a day instead of three larger ones. Drink plenty of water, stay hydrated, especially if you do throw up.”

  “Is it okay for him to have a bath? Should he only be having showers?” I asked, remembering something I’d read on a blog.

  Maddie turned her attention to me. “Whatever he feels comfortable with. There’s no right or wrong.”

  I nodded, but I didn’t feel like I’d got the answer I wanted.

  Normally, a sonographer would do the sonogram, but because Maddie was a shifter and specifically dealt with all the shifter omegas in town, she always did these exams. She pulled over the machine and started preparing it as she patiently replied to my numerous questions. Kyle must have realized how nervous I was. He gave my hand a reassuring squeeze as Maddie lifted up his shirt. I caught a glimpse of his small baby bump and felt a little embarrassed at how turned on it made me.

  Kyle hissed as Maddie squirted lubricant on his tummy, and my wolf became on edge and protective.

  “Sorry. I always forget to warn people how cold it is.”

  “It’s okay,” Kyle said with a small laugh. “Nothing I haven’t felt before.”

  Two minutes of prodding and pushing the ultrasound wand into Kyle’s tummy, and Maddie let out a happy sigh.

  “There it is,” she said, pointing to the monitor. My wolf started pawing at my chest as soon as I saw the tiny bean-shaped blur that was wriggling around on the screen. Kyle gasped and grabbed my hand tightly. There it was… Our new cub.

  “Wow,” I whispered.

  Kyle shot me a huge smile, and my wolf frolicked, on such high alert I felt like I was going to shift at any moment.

  “Does everything look healthy?” I asked quickly.

  Maddie nodded. “Looking good. Let’s see if we can hear a heartbeat.”

  She turned a dial on the sonogram machine and pressed harder into Kyle’s belly.

  “Ouch. If you press any harder, I’m going to wet my pants.”

  Maddie chuckled. “Sorry. Wait, there it is.”

  She turned up the volume, and suddenly our little one’s heartbeat echoed through the speakers. It was fast, like the fluttering I felt when I looked at Kyle. But it also sounded weak, and fragile. My wolf whimpered.

  “Does that sound right?” I asked.

  “Yes, good pace and a strong percussion for about ten weeks. Seems like a fast growing, healthy shifter cub,” she reassured me.

  “Can we get a recording of that?” Kyle asked. I looked at him and saw his wonderful smile. It should have relaxed me, but I couldn’t shake off the worry or the guilt that I hadn’t been there when Kyle had to do this the first time. All alone.

  On the way out of Maddie’s office, Kyle wrapped an arm through mine and leaned against me. When we stepped outside, the frigid wind ripped across my face and stung my cheeks.

  “Cold?” I asked Kyle, ready to offer him my jacket.

  “At little.”

  I peeled off my jacket and wrapped it over his shoulders. “You can’t be getting cold.”

  “I’m pregnant, not sick.” Kyle laughed, the sound light. It would normally have made me smile. Instead, I frowned, not liking how incompetent I appeared. Kyle was carrying my child—had already carried one child of mine. I should know how to look after him.

  We drove home in silence, and I thought Kyle was looking out the window and happily watching the snow-covered town go by. But when we pulled into our driveway, he sighed loudly and turned to face me.

  “Why are you being so distant?” he asked.

  “I’m not—”

  Kyle’s eyes were locked onto mine, and instead of accusation, all I saw was compassion. I wanted to be the strong alpha, the man who had all the answers, but I didn’t have any. All I had were questions.

  “I’m scared,” I admitted with a great degree of difficulty.

  “Of what?” he asked quietly as he reached over and squeezed my knee.

  “Parenthood. It’s all happening so fast and I don’t know how to be a dad.”

  “You already are a dad. Brock is much calmer now we live here, all because you’re being a dad.”

  Was I? A dad didn’t abandon his son and cause him to become anxious in the first place.

  “Did you see it? The baby?” Brock asked. He and I had decided to stay in and play video games instead of going to a pack party for New Year’s Eve. I’d already dropped Kyle off at the radio station, and I thought this might be a good opportunity for more bonding time with Brock. To be the dad Kyle thought I could be.

  “Yes, we sure did. Your dad has the photos, I’ll show you when he gets home. It just looks like a little, blurry jellybean.”

  “A jellybean? It that all?”

  “It will grow.” I said as I got us through a tricky level on the game to keep my thoughts away from how sexy Kyle was looking now his baby bump was just starting to show.

  “How are you feeling about having a new baby brother or sister?” I asked after some time.

  “Good. Maybe like…excited? Scared? I don’t know what to think.”

  “You and me both. Hey, let’s call in a song.”

  “For dad?”

  “Yeah, and the new baby.”

  “Yes!” Brock raced to get my phone and dialed the number before I’d had a chance to even think of a good song to request.

  “This is Gavin—”

  “And I’m Brocky!”

  “We want to dedicate this song to our favorite radio host, the man who brings us joy every day.”

  “And to the new baby!”

  Kyle left the microphone on and we could hear him laughing with joy as our dedication played.

  “Nailed it,” Brock said as he gave me a high five.

  Psyched about it, we kept playing and chatting. We talked about Brock’s responsibilities as an older brother, and how he’d have to look out for the baby even if they turned out to be an alpha as well because he’d be the older brother. Between the conversation and the gameplay, time got away on me. Kyle was wrapping up his show, and it was time for me to go and pick him up… It was almost midnight.

  I glanced at the clock, and then at Brock. “You should have been in bed by now.”

  He shrugged. “I can go to bed now.”

  “No, I can’t leave you alone. Why didn’t I think to get a sitter?”

  “Um, it’s New Year’s Eve, no one would want to take care of a kid on New Year’s Eve. It’s okay, I can stay here by myself.”

  “Nope.” I got up and helped him up too. “You’ll just have to come grab your dad with me.”

  As I drove us into town, each mile made me more nervous. Brock’s eyes were heavy and I could tell that he was barely able to stay awake. I kicked myself over and over for forgetting about the sitter, for keeping him up late, and for driving him in now. I really had no idea what I was doing with that parenting stuff.

  He’s not your gaming buddy. He’s a kid and needs you to take care of him.

  If you can’t even think about getting a babysitter for New Year’s Eve, how bad are you going to be at taking care of a newborn? Or raising Brock to be responsible?

  A dark, plump figure waddled out from the radio station. I got nervous as they started to make their way straight toward our car—until I realized it was Kyle. He was wearing so many layers it looked like he was already nine months pregnant.

  I unlocked the door for him and he slid into the seat beside me with some difficulty.

  “It is cold.” He pulled the door shut behind him, and then twisted around to put his jac
ket in the back. “Brock!” Kyle covered his mouth when he realized the kid was sleeping.

  “Sorry. I know he shouldn’t be out this late. I forgot a sitter,” I mumbled.

  Kyle stared back at Brock and a frown twitched across his forehead before he looked at me and gave me a reassuring smile.

  “It’s fine,” he said as he rubbed my shoulder. “I’m sure he’ll just sleep in later tomorrow.”

  Those were nice words, but as we drove home in the first minutes of the new year, I couldn’t help but feel that Kyle was thinking the same thing I was—that it was becoming obvious I wasn’t going to be a very good dad after all.

  12

  Kyle

  Gavin was acting more like Brock’s best friend than his new dad. Their late-night gaming habit grated me the wrong way at first, but I had to admit something about it was working. Brock was actually excited to go back to school after the holiday break. On the first day back, I picked him up after school and found him in the schoolyard with friends. He walked over to the car with confidence. No sign of his hunched shoulders or bag pulled up high onto his back.

  And in the meantime, our newest pack member was growing at a crazy rate. As the next three months went by, my belly got huge. Like, jumbo. I was twice as big as I thought I should be. By the first week of April, I was already waddling around the house with difficulty. Partly because it was tricky to maneuver my body through tight corners, but mostly because Gavin couldn’t keep his hands off me.

  “Aren’t you supposed to be working on developing a new game?” I asked, slapping his hands away when he grabbed me in the nursery while we were putting the final touches on the furnishings.

  “Mhm, but you are so much more fun,” he growled as he nuzzled his nose into the crook of my neck and bit down gently.

  I moaned and melted into his arms, but then my phone buzzed in my pants. Gavin pulled it out of my pocket and tried to hide it behind his back, but I gave him an epically pouty face until he gave in.

  “It was Britt,” I said before calling her back.