“The guy would have backed down, and Brock wouldn’t have been attacked.”
“Uh, maybe in some weird alternate universe where dragons are passive as fuck. Think about it, Gavin. You didn’t lose your head. You showed your son the best way to stand up for himself. You demonstrated when it’s time to just get the fuck out of there. You didn’t use violence like that dragon. You even had the presence of mind to warn the homestead about the dragon threat. What do you think that does for Brock?”
I shrugged, not quite ready to shift my perspective and end my self-pity party, even though everything she was saying was logical and true.
“You showed him how to take care of other people in a responsible, thoughtful way. Just like an alpha does,” Nic said as she pointed to me. “That’s what alphas do, right? They take care of others?”
“I wouldn’t know, I didn’t have a—”
“Oh shut up, my darling brother!” Nic laughed and slapped my arm. “We didn’t have an alpha dad, I know.”
“It’s never bothered you as much as it’s bothered me,” I said quietly, shifting my gaze and staring at Kyle’s display case again.
“No shit. Do you know why that is? Why I wasn’t so fucked up about losing our alpha dad?”
“Because you’re younger,” I said.
Nicole waited for me to look at her, then said softly, “Because I had you.”
I swallowed down a wave of emotion but didn’t stop looking at her.
“Because I had you, Gavin. My big alpha brother who always took care of me and Dad, and literally everyone you’ve ever come in contact with. You keep saying you don’t know how to be a good alpha example for Brock, but that’s just not true. You are the example he needs. Exactly as you are. Gray hairs and all.”
I let out a short laugh that turned into a sob as my sister ran her fingers over the patch of gray hair by my temples. I quickly wiped away the tears that pricked the corners of my eyes.
“Alphas take care of people, right?” she asked as she took my hand. My wolf whimpered, urging me to listen.
“Right,” I agreed, squeezing her hand.
“And who are you taking care of now?”
I swallowed. She was the queen of emotional manipulation…and healing.
“Brock. And Kyle. By giving them space,” I said stubbornly.
Nicole scoffed, and then gripped my hand so hard it hurt. “You need them as much as they need you, which is an infinite amount. Get them back here.”
“How exactly do you think I’m going to do that? Just demand it?”
“Oh god, Gavin. I don’t know.” She let go of my hand. “Did you fight for him to stay, when he threatened to leave?”
“No,” I admitted as regret settled deep in my guts.
“Well. How about you be a fucking alpha and fight for him?”
I laughed again and ran a hand through my hair.
“You know how to do that right? How to be an alpha?” she asked, punching my arm with each syllable.
“You know I do,” I growled, and Nicole let out a pleased laughed.
“That’s more like it. Now get up, we’re going for a run,” she said as she jumped up.
I groaned and leaned my head back on the couch. “Nic, I just don’t feel like—”
“I said get up, we’re going for a run,” she repeated as she kicked my shin.
“Ouch! Fuck! Stop it!”
“What’re you going to do about it?” She kicked me harder until I grabbed at her foot. She jumped backward out of my grip and stuck her tongue out at me.
“I’m going to beat you to the top of the mountain, is what I’m going to do.” I threw the blanket off my lap then stood.
“In your dreams, you pity party loser!” Nic sprinted to the door, threw it open, and then shifted in the yard. I was right on her tail, leaping over the coffee table before bounding down the steps and shifting as soon as my feet hit the grass. It felt incredible to sink my paws into the warm dirt as the smell of spring flowers flooded my senses.
My wolf took over, and it shook off all of the last few days misery as it bounded through the forest after my bratty little sister. I lost her when she jumped over the creek and took a sharp turn through dense brush we didn’t usually cover, but I caught her sweet bergamot scent and followed it until I found her clambering over a boulder. I nipped at her heels and we both fell over the other side of the boulder, sliding before our paws got a grip on the loose earth and we ascended up the final section of the mountainside.
My muscles stretched and relaxed with every push of my legs, and every contraction of my lungs felt like I was letting out old, musty emotions while bringing in new, fresh energy.
As we mounted the crest and reached the rocky plateau at the top, I felt so alive… And then angry when Nic kicked her back leg and shot dust into my eyes, buying herself just enough time to bolt forward and make it to the top before me. I let out a bark, blinked the dust from my eyes and dashed right after her. I gave her a nip on the haunch, but she just looked at me like the smuggest wolf I’d ever seen.
We panted to cool down as we looked out over the scene before us. The town of Timberwood Cove stretched out below, surrounded on three sides by dense, verdant forest, and the ocean to the west.
Nicole shifted into her human form and carefully sat on the edge of the overhang. I followed her lead, and we both laughed out loud when we realized I was in my pity party outfit—underwear and nothing else. But the sun was warm on my skin, and we swung our legs like we’d been doing ever since we were kids when we’d first discovered that rocky outcrop.
She sighed as we took it all in. “What a place to live, huh?”
“We’re so lucky, aren’t we?”
“We have a lot to be thankful for.” She moved closer and rested her head on my shoulder.
“You’re right,” I agreed.
“Oh, what’s that?” she asked slyly. “I’m right? Did I hear you correctly? Did you just say ‘Nicole is right?’”
I growled and wrapped an arm around her shoulder while she chuckled. We sat together in silence and watched as the shadows of the forest moved with the sun’s track across the sky, and as waves broke across the big blue ocean. I thought I could see whales breaching, but from that high up they just looked like white splotches against a deep blue background.
When Nicole pulled away from my embrace, I realized just how relaxed I’d become. We stood and stretched out our limbs.
“Pity party over?” she asked as she patted my chest.
“Yeah, I’m back.” I took her hand and held it over the top of my heart. “Thank you. You got me back to myself.”
I saw tears welling in her eyes and I gave her a warm grin. She inhaled sharply, then pulled away and wiped her eyes.
“Want a real challenge? Want to walk down on two legs?” she asked with a grin.
“In my underwear?”
“What are you, a chicken?”
I pushed past her and hurried down the trail in my bare feet and my tighty-whities, hearing the beautiful sound of Nicole’s laugh echoing behind me the whole way back to the homestead. We parted ways at the Lodge after a long hug.
I got home feeling more like myself, and decided to stretch my alpha muscles a little more. I headed straight for my games room, kicked back with my dirty feet up on a big ottoman and turned on RuneMaze. I raced through the hardest levels to get myself psyched, and then logged onto the live version. I spent the next few hours helping out kids who were stuck in puzzles, and then took a break to order a pizza from Tony’s.
I was halfway through a slice of pepperoni and pineapple when I felt a familiar tugging in my chest. My wolf was alert, and it was guiding me to a certain part of the game. I put down the pizza and followed my intuition until I found Brock. I don’t know how my wolf knew, but I guess it had something to do with our bond.
“Hey, Brocky” I said excitedly into my headset as I sat up.
“Gavin? Hey! I was hoping to find you.�
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“Want to run through some levels?” I asked.
“Hm… Nah, let’s just mess around with this level and talk. If that’s okay?”
“It sure is.” My heart was racing and my wolf pranced, so excited to hear our son. “Hey, you’ll never guess what I’m having for dinner,” I said with a grin.
“What is it?”
“The best kind of pizza.”
“Pepperoni and pineapple!” he exclaimed excitedly, making me laugh.
“Yep, the one and only.”
“The best.”
“Isn’t it? Man, it’s so good.”
“Ugh, I’m jealous! I wish I could come over for pizza…”
My heart ached at the thought, but I stayed silent.
“Hey, how’d you find me?” he asked.
“My wolf showed me where you’d be,” I told him as we dashed through the maze and solved puzzles together. “How’s your wolf feeling lately?”
“Hm… Kind of sad.”
“Yeah?”
“I miss you, Dad,” he said quietly. I took a sharp inhale and closed my eyes as my heart felt fit to bursting. It was the first time I’d heard him call me “Dad”, though Kyle had told me Brock had referenced me as such. I prayed it wouldn’t be the last.
“I miss you too, Brocky. Are you taking good care of your dad?”
“Yeah, I took him to the aquarium today,” Brock said proudly.
“Nice! That place is cool, huh?” I smiled as I wondered if we’d been looking at whales at the same time.
“I wish you could have been there,” Brock said quietly.
“Me too. I miss you and your dad a lot. So, so, so much.”
“Do you think we can come home soon?”
I fell silent. I wish I knew the answer. I wish I could tell him to get his things, get his dad, and come back right now. But that was a conversation to have with Kyle…
Suddenly, a puzzle in the game went wrong and a water cannon shot out from the wall, almost eviscerating Brock’s character. “Woah look out!”
We played for a few more minutes before Brock said he had to go to bed, and I realized how tired I was too. The hike up the mountain had been easy enough but coming down on two legs sure was hard on the body.
When the video from Kyle came through on my phone, I was lying in bed looking at photos of Brock and Kyle goofing around in the kitchen a few weeks earlier. I was so surprised to see Kyle’s name on my screen I thought I’d accidentally taken a screenshot and it was just a photo. I gasped when I realized it was an actual text from him.
I took a moment before I opened it. I knew it was going to be something confronting. Something emotional. I was right. The moment I saw Kyle’s big swollen belly, I felt tears pricking my eyes. And then I saw a little lump moving across his taunt skin… I heard myself sobbing before I even realized what was happening. I held a fist to my mouth to break the sobs and ended up biting down on my fingers as I replayed the video over and over.
With shaking hands and tears running down my cheeks, I typed out a text.
I miss the three of you so much. Please, please come back to me.
I hesitated, hovering my thumb over the send button. I backspaced and started again.
I’m broken. Please, Kyle. I can’t be without you and Brock and I want you to come home.
Backspace, backspace, backspace.
WOW. I should have been there… - G
That would have to do for now. I hit send, and lay back on my bed, clutching the phone to my chest as my sobs subsided. I remembered Nicole’s words like she was whispering them in my ear.
“So be a fucking alpha.”
I waited for a reply from Kyle… And I didn’t get it.
“Be a fucking alpha,” I said aloud as I unlocked my phone.
I want you to know I’m only honoring your wishes. I want to be there. I’ll talk as soon as you are ready - G
I knew that it wasn’t enough to win him back right away. I knew I’d have to do more. But it was a start.
18
Kyle
The next day, I woke up feeling horrid. It was the worst I’d ever felt. I could barely believe it, but my belly was even bigger and had really started to pop—but worst of all, it was itchy. I couldn’t stop scratching my belly and it was driving me crazy. And then, as soon as I rolled over, heartburn flared up and made me feel like I’d swallowed fire. I groaned and rolled my way out of bed, cursing at how low the futon was, and deeply missing the comfort of my bed at Gavin’s. The moment I took a step, I felt dizzy again.
“Great…”
I steadied myself, and once the dizziness cleared I showered, and then tried some soothing lotion on my belly. Hoping that would work, I dressed in clean clothes. But the itching wouldn’t stop. The heartburn was going off like crazy too, but at least I knew what caused that—my baby girl pushing my digestive organs up into my throat.
I hurried out to find it was already late morning, and there was a note from Britt on the fridge.
Hi sleepyhead! Taking Brocky to school on my way to work. We love you!!!
I scratched at my tummy, and then hissed as my nails cut the skin.
“Fuck.”
I called Britt and she answered on the first ring.
“Britt, I think something’s wrong,” I said as I rubbed my hands over my belly, trying to get some relief from the itch.
“What? What’s wrong?” she asked quickly.
“I can’t stop itching.”
“Um…where…”
“Oh my god, not down there. My belly. The skin on my belly. There’s no rash but it’s so itchy, I literally can’t stop scratching it.” I wrapped my hands in the hem of my t-shirt to stop myself from using my nails.
“Okay, hang on, I think I’ve heard of this. Wait a sec, I’m going to do a search,” she said.
I heard her typing and I grit my teeth as I paced through the house, barely stopping myself from rubbing my belly against every surface I saw.
“Okay, good news, it’s totally normal,” she said.
“Um, no it’s not.”
“Yes, it definitely is. It’s a very common symptom that expecting parents get at the six-month mark. It happens because the skin is stretched and your immune system is whacked out.”
“That didn’t happen with Brock. What the hell am I going to do?”
“This site says it’s worse with stress.”
“Everything is,” I retorted.
“Do you have dizziness? Swollen ankles? Heart burn? Backache?”
“Yes, no, yes, now that you mention it, yes.”
“All common symptoms, but according to this, stress is the link. You need to take the day off.”
“Uh, I can’t just call in sick to the station.”
“Yes, you can. Just because you never have doesn’t mean you can’t.” I could practically hear her putting her hair up in that know-it-all bun.
I glanced down at my now very red stomach and groaned. “Okay, but you can call them, and do not tell them I’ve got itchy skin. I’ll never hear the last of it.”
“Great. I’ll call them now. Oh, also, this site says to put your hands in socks to stop yourself from scratching. Like cute little mittens,” she said with a girlish giggle before hanging up.
“I hate this,” I mumbled aloud, but I did as she said. I shoved my hands into a pair of socks, but they were flapping around at the ends, so I switched them for Brock’s smaller, superhero socks and wandered around the house, trying not to scratch myself. I did my best to relax, pottering around the house, listening to records from Kennedy’s collection of soul music, and even taking a bath. It slowly started to work…
I took a walk with my hands shoved in my pockets, and eventually found myself at the park. I sat on a bench, closed my eyes, and let the warm spring sunlight kiss me all over my face. I took a deep breath and loved how I could smell jasmine and cottonwood flowers on the cool breeze. Everything was so peaceful, but despite my surroundin
gs I couldn’t get rid of the tension pulling me in all directions. I needed to let go of my anger, but where did I start? With forgiving Gavin? With accepting I’d made a mistake by not putting my trust in him?
After a while I wandered home, taking the long way through the prettier streets of Timberwood Cove. As I turned the corner to Poplar Road, my wolf appeared and began whining. I walked a little faster toward the house but stopped in my tracks when I saw Gavin’s car parked out the front. My heart sped up, and for long moments I didn’t know what to do, but then I began walking again.
As I got closer, I noticed his car was empty. I looked up and saw him at the door, knocking firmly on the frame. I could only see him from behind, but his broad shoulders looked even bigger than usual in a tight white t-shirt, and his hips and thighs looked spectacular in dark denim jeans that hugged them perfectly. I took a breath to calm myself, and reminded myself how mad I was at him…
Didn’t you tell him to stay away? To give you space?
Maybe I didn’t want so much space anymore…
I shuffled up the garden path to the porch, and then stood at the bottom of the steps. I cleared my throat. My belly started itching like crazy as soon as he turned around, and I felt my wolf surging upward, making me dizzy. I just held the banister and smiled.
“Hi,” I said softly.
Gavin said nothing. He flew down the stairs until he reached the bottom. Then he softly ran his fingers down my cheek. I let him. I practically melted into his touch.
“How are you?” he asked.
“Itchy,” I replied honestly, and he frowned in confusion. “It’s a…pregnancy thing.”
Gavin sighed and put his hands on my shoulders, squeezing them gently. My stomach churned, and a flush of heartburn flared before quickly fading. I wanted him to say the right thing… I didn’t know what it was, but god, I wanted him to convince me to come home.
“Kyle,” he said, his voice rough as his eyes met mine. “I’m sorry for putting Brock in danger. I will be more careful. But I wouldn’t have done anything different that night. I tried to defuse the situation. I kept him safe. I warned the pack about the dragon shifter. I set a good example for your son, for our son. I was a good father that night. And I’m a good father now.”
Secret Daddy Page 19