“What else am I going to do? Stay home and play video games all day?” He shook his head.
“Um… Yeah? That isn’t appealing to you?”
“I’d rather see my friends,” he said as he grabbed an apple off the kitchen bench and stuffed it into his backpack.
Kennedy caught my eye and raised her eyebrows.
“I don’t know who this kid is,” I whispered to her and she giggled.
“Well, I like him,” she said.
“Me too. Alright, Brocky. I’ll drive you to school.”
“Um, okay? But you’re in your pajamas?” He pointed to me, and I looked down at the pajamas Gavin had gotten me for Christmas, the ones with the wolves printed on them.
“Give me ten minutes.” I laughed and hurried to get dressed.
On the way to school I noticed Brock was particularly quiet. I gave him a side-eye. “Sure you feel ready to go back to school already?”
“I’m sure,” he said shortly.
“Then what’s up?”
“Nothing.” He sighed and looked out the window.
I was getting the silent treatment from two alphas in my life. Great. Luckily, this one had less patience… When he started to rub his fingers and bite his bottom lip as we crossed Pack Lane, I knew he was going to burst at any moment.
“It’s just…When can we go home? To the pack?”
“I don’t know,” I said honestly.
He let out a heavy sigh and slumped into his seat as we pulled into the line of cars dropping off kids at the school. “Why can’t we just go back to the homestead tonight?”
“We need to stay safe. It isn’t safe there right now with the dragons.”
“Then why is Gavin still there? Is he safe?”
“He is. Listen, Brock. Gavin and I need some time apart,” I said, leveling with him.
He sighed again, and we moved up closer to the gates.
“Can you just…”
“Trust me, Brocky. I’m doing the best I can, and so is Gavin.”
Another sigh as we rolled up to the drop-off zone, but this time he didn’t have anything more to say until he opened the door and was halfway out of the car.
“Dad,” he said as he turned back to look at me. “Can you please think about how we could go home soon?”
“Sure, Brocky. I will,” I promised as I gave him a reassuring smile.
I pulled away and immediately headed for the best place to work out my feelings—Pampered Paws Doggie Daycare. As I parked I spotted Jason, the florist from our claiming ceremony standing on the street with his hands on his hips, staring at Trevor’s shop. He was frowning.
I got out of my car and was about to ask what he was doing when he turned on his heel and stomped up the street toward Petal Pushers without noticing me.
“Your neighbor has been checking you out,” I told Trevor as I pushed open the door to his shop. The moment I stepped inside, a blast of smells hit me—dogs, dogs, dogs.
“Who? What? What are you saying?” Trevor came over and gave me a big, warm hug, leaning over my bump.
“Jason, he was standing outside and staring at your shop.”
Trevor pulled away and held me at arm’s length. “Something’s wrong.”
“With the florist?”
“Yes, obviously there’s something wrong with that infuriating idiot, but there’s also something wrong with this,” he said as he traced a finger in the air over my entire being.
“Hm, well…”
He placed his hands on his hips. “What is going on?”
“Do you want the short version or the long version?”
“I want every detail in technicolor. Come here and get comfortable,” he said, walking behind the counter and thumping one of the bright pink stools there. “I’ll put on some Taylor and you can tell me all about it.”
He put on “Trevor’s Tay” mix and I told him the basics of what had happened on Wednesday.
“Have you heard from him since you walked away?” he asked.
“No.” I looked down at my bump and placed a hand there. “I might never hear from him again.”
“Oh please.” Trevor rolled his eyes. “Those pregnancy hormones are making you dramatic, girl.”
“I told him to give us space. He’s an alpha, he might not know that means just a bit of space…”
“And if he took you back right now? Would you go?”
“No,” I said honestly. “I need to keep Brock and the baby safe. It’s not safe up there right now, and obviously I can’t trust Gavin to keep us out of harm’s way.”
“Hm…” Trevor gazed over my shoulder, and from years of experience I knew he wasn’t looking at anything in particular.
“What do you want to say, Trevor? I’ve known you long enough to know what you look like when you’re trying to hold back from saying something mean.”
“What? No…”
“Spit it out. Just say it. I can take it,” I said, sure I could handle whatever he had to say.
“Maybe you could have been a little nicer during that conversation with Gavin,” he suggested in his most diplomatic tone.
I’d been wrong. I could not handle it. “I don’t think so,” I said sharply.
“Even after Brock explained to you what had really happened?” Trevor looked at me with piercing eyes. “Even after you found out Gavin had done his best to keep Brock safe, and had actually acted very intelligently to try and diffuse the situation? You still don’t think so?”
“Well I didn’t know that then, did I?” I crossed my arms over my chest.
“Mhm…”
“Sure. Okay. Fine. I might have been a little emotional. But I still don’t want to see him yet. I still need some space.” I let out a frustrated sigh and ran my hands over my face. “Is that terrible?”
“No, it’s not. It’s probably healthy, given what you’ve been through. Just don’t leave it too long, okay? You’re fated mates, and fate doesn’t mess around.”
“If you ask me, fate is conspiring against me. First with Brock and now with this baby girl. I’m destined to be a single father.”
“Oh get over yourself,” Trevor said, slapping his hand against the counter and making me jump. “The moment you’re ready, go and talk to that man of yours. Get it worked out. You’re boring me with this self-pity, it’s ugly on you.”
I burst out laughing and Trevor gave me a warm smile before leaning forward and giving me another big hug.
“I’m sorry you’re having a hard time,” he said genuinely. “And I’m sorry I have to be so honest with you.”
“It’s what I come here for.” I leaned into his embrace. “You’re my best friend.”
“And you’re mine. Now, tell me why you think Jason was standing outside my shop.”
The next six days went by with a snail’s pace. Instead of simply checking my phone each morning and night, I was now checking it every hour. Not a peep from Gavin, and I felt sick from the silence even though I’d been just as uncommunicative.
I’d lost count how many times I started to text him, but I couldn’t bring myself to send anything. I knew Gavin and I needed to work things out, but I just wasn’t ready to talk yet, and as the weekend rolled around, I started to worry I might never be ready…
“Aquarium day!” Brock shouted as he came storming into the kitchen on Sunday morning wearing a t-shirt with a neon blue whale on it.
“Aquarium day!” I shouted back. Britt shot me a look of disdain through her curtain of messy hair from where she sat at the kitchen bench, nursing a hangover.
“Want to come to the aquarium, Aunty Britt?” Brock asked as he started raiding the pantry for snacks. I grabbed an apple and started slicing it up for our snack pack.
“Not today, Brocky.” She groaned quietly and took a sip of her black coffee. “Not…today…”
“Would Kennedy want to come, do you think?” I asked.
“She’s dead to the world. You’re on your own,” she grunted at
me.
I sure was. I got Brock into the car and headed down Poplar Road toward the ocean. We hit the coastal highway and headed south with the ocean to our right, and I wound down the windows to let in the fresh, salty air. It was a warm day, and Brock was in a great mood, grabbing my outdated cassette tapes out of the glove box and DJing what we listened to. It was almost contagious—I almost felt happy.
At the aquarium we hit up the penguin enclosure first and caught the end of the feeding session. Brock squealed and clapped his hands as the smallest fairy penguins toddled up the ramp to accept fish from the feeder.
“Too cute,” I said with a laugh.
“They are so cute.”
“I meant you.” I winked at him, and he rolled his eyes and poked his tongue out at me.
We rushed to get through the biggest exhibits and were so excited to see the free roaming dolphins coming in off the ocean for their feeding, followed by whale-spotting out on the horizon where they breached and splashed their tails. We stopped for a snack break by the otter enclosure and laughed at how quickly they scurried through their burrows. By the time we made it to the dimly lit nightlife exhibition, we were dragging our feet a little.
“This has been a really fun day,” Brock declared.
“I’m glad you’ve had fun, Brocky,” I said, ruffling his hair as we stopped to look at a tank of seahorses. I smiled at how much I resembled the pregnant ones with my big belly.
“I wish Dad was here though,” Brock said quietly as he leaned against the barrier near the tank.
My heart softened a little at Brock’s confession and the fact he was now calling him “Dad” again. “It would be nice with him here, wouldn’t it?”
“Do you think he misses me?” he asked in a tiny voice.
“Of course he does,” I said, putting my hand on his back.
“I hope I can see him soon. I feel bad about how much we missed when I was little and I feel bad I can’t see him now.”
I swallowed down my emotions and gave his shoulder a squeeze. I just didn’t know what to say to that.
That night, Brock finished all of his dinner and asked if he could play Runemaze on live.
“Sure. Just make sure you get ready for school tomorrow, okay?”
“I will!” he shouted back, already halfway up the stairs.
A few minutes later, as I brought up a plate of dinner for Kennedy and Britt, who were still brutally hungover, I heard a familiar voice coming from Brock’s room. I stopped in my tracks. My wolf lunged forward and I barely kept myself from rushing into the room. It was Gavin’s voice.
“I miss you too, Brocky,” he said. “Are you taking good care of your dad?”
“Yeah, I took him to the aquarium today,” Brock said proudly, and I bit down on my bottom lip to stop myself from laughing.
“Nice. That place is cool, huh?”
“I wish you could have been there.”
“Me too. I miss you and your dad a lot. So, so, so much,” Gavin said.
“Do you think we can come home soon?”
Gavin went silent for a moment, and then I heard the sound of an explosion in the game. “Woah look out,” he cried.
I hurried down the hall and delivered the meal to the two sleepy, cranky women before I stumbled down the stairs and collapsed onto the couch. My heart raced, and my tummy felt tight.
I automatically put my hand on my bump, and immediately felt a kick. I yanked my t-shirt up then gasped when I saw a lump pushing up through the taut skin of my belly. It slowly moved left, and I knew it was the baby moving her foot. When she began shifting her foot again I grabbed my phone and immediately started recording.
“Hey, baby girl!” I zoomed in on our cub exploring the boundaries of her home. She pushed harder and slid her foot to the very top of my belly where she kicked me once more.
Before I could have second thoughts, I sent the video to Gavin. I let out a sigh and dropped my phone beside me. He should have been there with me to see that…
My phone buzzed. I looked at the screen and a smile broke across my face when I saw he was thinking the same thing.
WOW. I should have been there… - G
I held the phone tightly wanting to reply, but I couldn’t bring myself to type anything. The phone buzzed again.
I want you to know I’m only honoring your wishes. I want to be there. I’ll talk as soon as you’re ready - G
If only I knew when that was going to be.
That night, in bed, I wrapped my arms around a pillow, pulled it against my body, and thought about Gavin’s big, broad shoulders, his scent, his smile, his laughter. I missed him so much. I hated being away from him, and I hated being the one who had to do something about it. I felt completely lost, scared, and alone.
Hot tears soaked my pillow, and then I began sobbing… And couldn’t stop.
17
Gavin
Life without Kyle and Brock was more than just miserable, it was like living in darkness. I spent the last eleven days in an absolute fog. I’d woken up on the floor of my gym, among the debris of my boxing bag and wished I could just go back to sleep. That feeling had followed me through to now. Nightmares about dragon shifters attacking my family had plagued me every night, but they were short and fast—better than my waking days, which were slow, long, and dark.
I stopped working on the game I was designing and spent my time at home, watching television and eating. My wolf desperately wanted to run, but I ignored it until it curled up and sulked. I tried to play games, but the games room just reminded me of Brock and of training him for that competition. I tried to listen to music, and of course that just reminded me of Kyle and how much I missed his radio show, which I couldn’t bring myself to listen to. I was missing the nicest parts of my life—Kyle and Brock, but I was also missing things I’d enjoyed before I’d met them. Losing them meant losing more of myself than I thought possible. And I had nothing to fill the hole that was left.
Sitting in the kitchen, staring blankly at the wall, I was broken out of my reverie by a knocking on the front door. I jumped up, raced to a mirror to check I looked okay, and then hurried to answer the door.
“Oh,” I said sadly when I saw who it was.
“Well, good morning to you too,” Nic said as she looked me over. “This is an interesting look to greet your sister with.”
“You like my underwear?” I asked gruffly as I stepped aside and let her in.
“I like it more than I like this,” she said as she came inside and reached up to tug on the scraggly goatee that was growing from my chin. “What the fuck have you been doing in here? Losing yourself completely?”
I grunted and closed the door behind her before I slouched my way over to the couch. I sat down on the cushions with another grunt and pulled a throw blanket over my lap.
“You want a cup of coffee?” she asked from behind me in the kitchen. I heard water running and the kettle going on the stove. I didn’t have to give her an answer. I stared into the middle distance of the living room until Nic came over and put a cup of strong, black coffee in my hands. That’s when I realized I was really looking at Kyle’s cabinet of vinyl records, cassettes and CDs. I released a deep, melancholy sigh.
“So, this is a fun pity party,” Nic commented as she sat down beside me then tugged at the blanket, pulling some onto her own lap. “I like how you’ve got the AC on so it’s freezing cold in here, like a real cave you can just die in.”
I grunted again and took a sip of the coffee. It burned my tongue, but I didn’t care.
“Has this been going on all week? Why wasn’t I invited?” She nudged me with her elbow, and I moved over to get out of her way. She let out a huffy sigh and leaned back against the couch, nursing her own coffee.
“I’m here to cheer you up,” she said after some time.
“No one asked you to.”
“Jaxon did, actually,” Nic said as she looked me over. “He noticed you haven’t been around lately, and h
e’s been worried about you.”
“But you haven’t been.” I was being snarky and I knew it was unfair, but I felt as bitter about the world as the coffee tasted on my tongue.
“I have been, of course I have. But I know how you get,” she said, waving her hand over my general state of disarray. “I know you need time alone.”
I nodded then swallowed another gulp of coffee. I started to feel a bit of a buzz, and my wolf stuck its nose out of the dark hole it had crawled into.
“But Jaxon was specifically worried because he thought you might have gone out looking for that dragon on your own. He would have come to see you himself but he thought I might be able to connect with you better. So here I am.” Nicole then slapped my thigh for emphasis.
“Now what?” I asked, turning to look at her.
“Now we have a deep and meaningful talk about your emotions,” she said with a smirk.
“Um…”
“Just kidding.” She laughed. “C’mon, when are Kyle and Brock coming back to the homestead?”
“I don’t know.” I shrugged and looked back at Kyle’s music collection. “Maybe never. It’s up to Kyle, and he hasn’t shown me any indication he wants to come back. Ever.”
“Bullshit.” My eyebrows shot up and I looked at her in shock.
“Bullshit?”
“Yeah, total bullshit,” she said, meeting my gaze directly with no fear in her eyes.
“He’s not talking to me, Nic. I fucked up. He told me to stay away,” I said gruffly.
She frowned at me. “Big fucking deal. We all fuck up. That’s what relationships are about. You fuck up, you make up. And then you fuck.”
I snorted and gave her joke a consolatory chuckle. “I don’t think I can come back from this one, Nic.”
“Uh, what exactly did you do wrong?” she asked as she turned to face me more directly.
“I put our son in harm’s way. I didn’t take care of that dragon shifter the moment he started shit.” I swallowed hard as I, once again, remembered the look of terror on Brock’s face, heard his tears, felt his disappointment…
“What do you think would have happened if you’d reacted differently?”
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