Pretend We're Over

by Ella Miles

  “You coming?” she yells as she hits the buttons on the jacuzzi, turning it on and leaning over the tub in plain view.

  My mouth is dry. I’m at a loss for words. So I don’t answer with my words, I just head out onto the balcony.

  She climbs the two stairs leading up to the hot tub.

  “Here, let me,” I say, holding my hand out like a gentleman. I’ve been acting nice all day, even though my thoughts have been anything but gentlemanly. They have been dirty, debasing, and needy.

  She takes my hand, her eyes practically glowing with victory as she sinks beneath the bubbles. I follow after her. She scoots over; I assume to give me room to sit by her, but I sit opposite her in the tub.

  We’ve both teased each other enough. We’re both single. Technically we’re married. We should fuck. There is no reason not to.

  “You win,” I say, hoping if I let her win that we can both stop this charade pretending we don’t want to fuck each other and just do it already.

  She laughs. “I win, huh? I thought I was going to be begging you for sex?”

  “Your body is, your mouth just hasn’t gotten there yet, and I’m an impatient man.”

  “If you want to fuck me, why are you sitting way over there?”

  “I’m not going to touch you until you tell me to. I’m not asking you to beg. I’m just asking you to tell me it’s what you want.”

  She shakes her head. “Nope. Not going to do that. Just because you are ready to beg me for sex doesn’t mean I’m going to fuck you.”

  “You can’t deny that you want me. I can see your desire in your eyes.”

  She bats her eyelashes but doesn’t deny it. She doesn’t confirm she wants me either. The nibble of her teeth on her bottom lip lets me know how twisted up inside she is.

  “It doesn’t matter what I want. It matters what’s good for me. And fucking you isn’t good for me.”

  “It will be very good for you.”

  “We’re friends. We are going to be living together for months. I don’t want sex to get in the way.”

  “Sex doesn’t have to get in the way.”

  “It will, though. It always does.” She looks off in the distance, and I realize she says that because sex has gotten in the way for her in the past. That’s why she’s so hesitant to fuck me now.

  “If we don’t fuck, we are always going to wonder. We’ve fucked before, but neither of us remember. We need to fuck so we can remember. So we don’t always wonder what happened between us, we’ll know.”

  “We could remember still.”

  “Do you remember?”

  “No.”

  “I don’t think the memory is coming back, unless we fuck.”

  She chuckles. “Is sex your answer for everything?”

  “Yes.” I wiggle my ears, and my dimple drives into my cheek. She laughs at both.

  “I had a good day with you, Sebastian.”

  I sigh. It seems she’s done talking about sex.

  “You don’t fight fair,” I say, looking down at her naked body covered in bubbles.

  “Neither do you.”

  I sink lower into the bubbles, up to my chin. “I had a good day too, Millie.” A really good day. I can’t recall a day where I laughed more than I did today with Millie. No matter what happens between us, I shouldn’t ruin it. Millie would make a great friend.

  She would also make someone a good wife someday. That’s a topic I need to dig deeper on. A woman like Millie should definitely get married, not because she needs a guy, but because she’s so fucking incredible.

  “What crazy things do you have planned for us tomorrow?”

  “Who says I have a plan? I didn’t today.”

  I smile at that, before yawning.

  “It’s past someone’s bedtime,” she laughs, as I yawn two more times.

  “I told you, I’m an early bird, not a night owl.”

  She yawns too. “I think it’s time for bed.”

  I climb out of the tub, feeling her gaze on me as I dry off and then wrap the towel around my waist before waiting to see what she’s going to do. Is she going to be as brave leaving the tub as she was going in? All she has to do to get me to leave is say the words.

  But when she stands, water dripping down her naked body, it’s too much for me. I grab one of the towels and hold it up, blocking my view of her body.

  She smirks and then wraps the towel around her.

  I turn and walk inside. “You can have the bathroom first.”

  “Thanks.”

  She grabs her clothes; I assume to go to the bathroom to change. Instead, she drops her towel and then pulls an oversized T-shirt over her body.

  “You’re sleeping like that?” I gape.

  “Do you have a problem with that?”

  I moan. My cock is throbbing. My body is aching for her. She’s not even wearing any underwear.

  “Nope. I uh…” I run my hand through my wet hair. “I think I’ll sleep on the couch after all.”

  “The bed is plenty big enough.”

  “Um…fuck.”

  She laughs at my words. “I’ll put on panties if it will help.”

  I don’t think it will help. I don’t think anything will help.

  There is a buzzing coming from her bag that draws her attention—giving me time to compose myself. She may not need to go to the bathroom, but I need to go jack off if I’m going to have any hope of falling asleep.

  I grab my toiletry bag and head toward the bathroom. Once I’m done in the bathroom, I exit and glance over at Millie sitting on the bed. The phone is pressed to her ear, she must be listening to a voicemail, but her face is as white as a ghost.

  “Everything okay, Millie?” I ask.

  She stops breathing, her body growing paler.

  Fuck. Whatever is in that voicemail isn’t good. Did something happen to Oaklee? To some of her other friends? Is it her parents? A sibling? Is someone in the hospital? Did someone die?

  A million scenarios go through my head. I’m actually really good in a crisis. I know all the steps you should take. I know how to stop someone from having a panic attack. I know the stages of grief. I know how to help her get through a five-hour flight back home while dealing with the news that someone died, if that’s what I have to do.

  I just don’t want to. I don’t want our time here to end. It barely got started. Once we return home, our lives will change. The flirting will end. The possibilities will close. We will go through the motions of pretending for a few months, and then this will end, it will all be over. I’m not ready to go back to my old life.

  I kneel down in front of her, putting my counselor hat on, hoping that in a few minutes, I can take it back off again and go back to being the asshole who’s trying to get in her pants. I’m still just wearing a towel around my waist. Kneeling practically naked in front of her should draw a smart comment from her.

  Instead, she acts like I’m not here.

  She’s in shock. I’ve seen it before.

  Slowly, I reach up and place my hand around the phone pressed to her ear. She doesn’t flinch. She still doesn’t acknowledge I’m here.

  Carefully, I take the phone from her hand. When I do, her gaze finally meets mine.

  “It’s okay. Whatever happened, it will be okay. I just need you to focus on your breathing. In and out…”

  Her breathing is shallow. She’s not focused on her breathing. Her head is still wherever the phone call took her.

  I stare at the phone a second. It’s unlocked. I could listen to the voicemail myself and understand what I’m dealing with, but even though technically I’m her husband, I won’t breach her confidentiality like that.

  “Millie, breathe with me.” I take her hand and press it to my bare chest.

  I stifle down my own moan at the touch of her hand on my skin. My cock is throbbing beneath my towel as I kneel between her spread, bare legs.

  “In,” I take a deep breath, and Millie does the same.

>   “Out.” She exhales with me.

  “Good, one more time.” We breathe together in and out in long, slow breaths. Our eyes lock, and slowly, I see the light return to her eyes. She’s coming back to me. When she realizes that she’s touching me and I’m between her naked legs, she jumps back.

  “It’s okay, nothing is going to happen.”

  She nods.

  “Do you want to tell me what happened?” I don’t know if I want to know, or I want to pretend that everything is okay more. I just want more time without the baggage that is our lives. I want more pretend, even if I’m curious about her life.

  She shakes her head.

  I nod.

  “You don’t have to tell me anything, but do we need to head back home early?”

  She shakes her head, emphatically. “No, I don’t want to go anywhere.”

  Her words are music to me. Her voice is soft and sweet, and it’s practically begging me to be the one to lose—the one to beg for more, for sex, for her.

  God, do I want to. I want her more than I’ve ever wanted anything.

  But I won’t have her when she’s so vulnerable. When we fuck again, it will be because we both want it, not because she’s scared and wants to use me to forget whatever was on the other end of that voicemail.

  “We should try to sleep. We have a big day ahead of us tomorrow.”

  She smiles at that.

  I stand up to give her space, but she grabs my hand, seeming to know that if I leave, I’ll come to my senses and sleep on the couch.

  “Stay,” she says.

  Fuck, I curse under my breath.

  Stay.

  I can’t deny her what she wants, not when she’s this emotional. But Jesus, this is going to test me.

  I nod.

  Then I watch as she scoots up in the bed and starts pulling the covers back. I’m still just wearing a towel; I should at least find my boxers to put on, but then she’s patting the spot in the bed next to her.

  Fuck it.

  We are both adults. It doesn’t matter what we are wearing. We are just going to sleep.

  I remove my towel, climb into the bed, and pull the covers up over us, doing my best to tuck her in. She seems unsettled next to me. I turn off the lamp, and then we are lying in darkness.

  She sits up suddenly. “Can I?”

  I know what’s she asking even though she doesn’t say the word. I can feel her fear. And right now, I’m the only person in her world who can take away the fear.

  No matter what happens tonight—I will not fuck her tonight. I will not fuck Millie. I repeat my mantra over and over in my head.

  Then I pull her to my chest. Her head rests perfectly on my shoulder, her body fitting like a glove to mine. She takes a deep breath, relaxing into me. Minutes later, she’s snoring.

  I smile. I knew she was a snorer. I won’t be able to sleep. I’ve slept for years alone in my bed, but I could listen to the soft sounds she makes all night. It will be worth the lack of sleep.

  I kiss her forehead, breathing in the salty ocean water and sand still stuck to her hair. Something stirs deep inside me, a feeling I’ve never felt before. A feeling I didn’t know I could feel.

  Want.

  I want her. Not just to fuck her. I want more with her. I want to feel everything with her, even if our time together is limited. I want to protect her.

  What are you doing to me, Millie?

  And then I close my eyes, and the strangest thing happens. I fall into a deep, content sleep.

  16

  Millie

  I’m warm, too warm, but also so damn comfortable that I don’t want to move. Maybe if I just kick the covers off, I can sleep some more without being so hot.

  I kick, knocking the comforter and sheet to the floor. Not what I intended, but I feel so much better. The sun is warming my skin through the large window. Quickly, I realize that the main source of heat isn’t the sun or the covers, it’s the very hot, naked man that I’m practically groping.

  “Oh my god!” I squeal when I realize he’s naked—completely naked. My thigh is draped over his waist, and his cock is straining against my leg. My hand is gripping his pec, and his hand is gripping my ass.

  Sebastian stirs awake from my outburst. I might have been a little too dramatic.

  “You’re naked,” I exclaim in horror. Right now, my memory of last night is a little foggy. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever slept harder or better, except maybe the night that got us in this mess in the first place.

  He chuckles. “You’re observant.”

  I pull my body back, ripping myself from him even though what I really want to do is snuggle deeper into his shoulder, grip his cock, and then climb on top of him and fuck him awake.

  Instead, I do the right thing, which is to act like he’s a hot stovetop I can’t touch.

  “Did we? We didn’t fuck again, did we?” I ask in horror. If I fucked this man again, and have no memory of it, I’m going to kill my brain for having such shitty memory. It’s not fair that my body gets to experience such pleasure, and I can’t relive the moments over and over again. I remember every embarrassing comment I’ve made, but I don’t remember Sebastian King fucking me.

  He stretches his arms over his head, and his cock rests back against his hard stomach. “No, we didn’t have sex.”

  I let out a long breath.

  “But we can change that.” He winks at me.

  The memories start coming back. The voicemail that ruined our perfect day. Sebastian being kind and holding me while I fell asleep. He kept my demons away last night. He was so sweet. He was the kind of guy women could fall for.

  Thank god he’s back to his playful, joking, sex-focused self this morning.

  “Are you ready to beg?”

  “Are you?”

  I smile. We don’t have to talk about what happened last night. I just need a few more days without thinking about the voicemail—about him. I need this. I need to be carefree and fun Millie again. I haven’t been her in years. Sebastian lets me be her. He wants me to be her.

  I pull on the hem of my shirt. Last night it seemed like a good idea to sleep in just this T-shirt. Now, in the bright daylight, I feel vulnerable. I feel naked, even though Sebastian is the one who is naked. I’m covered, but all my old insecurities come flying back.

  “Don’t,” he says.

  I narrow my eyes as I bring my knees up to my chest.

  “Don’t think you’re less than. I don’t know who made you feel that way but don’t let them win. You are incredible, Millie. My cock thinks so, and so do I.”

  I stare down at his dick—hard, long, and thick.

  “It’s just because it’s morning. That happens to all guys in the morning.”

  “No, it’s because it’s you.”

  He rolls over and grabs my hands pulling them away from my legs so he can look at me. “I’m not the man who can give you the happily ever after that you deserve, but I am the man who can remind you of how beautiful and incredible you are. If I could choose any other woman to be fake married to, I wouldn’t. You’re the only person I would want to be fake married to.”

  I shake my head.

  “And before you go thinking that was just a line I tell women to get into my bed, know that you’re truly the only woman I’ve ever been fake married to.”

  I laugh. “I’m still not fucking you.”

  “I didn’t say that so that you would fuck me. I said it because it’s true. I’ve never met a woman like you, Millie. Don’t let anyone stifle you.”

  My stomach growls. “I think it’s time for breakfast.”

  “More like lunch.”

  “What?” I frown, looking over at the clock on the nightstand. “Oh my god! It’s twelve-thirty. I haven’t slept in this long since college.”

  I look at Sebastian. “Me neither.”

  We stare at each other. Both of us know that we should leave this bed before we do something stupid. Although, maybe it isn’
t stupid? We have chemistry. We’re adults. In six months, we are going to be nothing but a bad memory. Maybe we should fuck and get each other out of our systems.

  “Can I plan today?” Sebastian says suddenly.

  “I thought I got to decide all our activities this week?”

  “Please?”

  “What do you have in mind?”

  He shakes his head. “Nope, if I’m in charge, it’s a surprise, just like when you choose the activities.”

  I sigh. “Fine, but whatever activities you have planned, we have to keep our clothes on.”

  “That wasn’t the deal when you did it.”

  I fold my arms over my chest. “That’s my condition. Take it or leave it.” I know it’s hypocritical. I had us skinny dip yesterday. But that was before we spent all night snuggling naked in each other’s arms. If we fuck, I want to make sure I have a clear head. I need to make a pros and cons list. I need to talk to Oaklee. But how do I ask Oaklee if I should fuck Sebastian without explaining everything else? Of course, she’ll say I should fuck my husband.

  “Fine, I don’t need you naked to have my way with you.” He winks and then stretches and gets out of the bed. Then I’m staring at his naked ass, hard and muscly, until he covers it with the towel that I remember he came to bed with.

  Dammit, why did I insist on wearing clothes today?

  “Are you trying to outdo me on being more adventurous?” I ask, panting behind Sebastian.

  He laughs. “When you chose the activities, we zip-lined, jet skied, and skinny-dipped all in one day. All we’re doing today is going for a hike.”

  “Yea, a hike across the entire island.” I lift my arms over my head, trying to catch my breath. I’m wearing jean shorts and a tank top. I have a Hawaii ball cap and cheap sunglasses from the hotel gift shop, but none of it is doing much to block out the heat. Even though it’s only spring, it’s hot in this jungle. Sweat trickles down the back of my neck.

  “We’ve only been hiking an hour. We have two hours left to reach the waterfall.”

  “Two hours! Are you serious?”

  I sit down on a rock, not believing that Mr. Not Adventurous really planned this long of a hike.

  He hands me a bottle of water. I take it and start chugging.