Nerea laughed at that even as she digested Jamie’s reasonable criticisms. The boy shot her a conspiratorial grin which gave her hope for this conversation resolving with them all more happy than not.
“No,” Callum said. “To talk.”
Jamie looked nervous. “But is this a ‘we need to talk’ talk?”
“Well, don’t we?”
Nerea made a noise of disgust. Men were awful. These men in particular, right at this moment. No wonder they were both so tense. They both thought they were about to get dumped. Not that it wasn’t tempting.
“What?” Callum asked her, hands out and voice sharp.
Nerea sighed. She was going to have to explain this slowly. “You have the longest relationship with me. And the longest relationship with Jamie. And you’re giving him a hard time and putting us in the position of me or him doing all the work.”
“Ohhh.” Callum had the good grace to look abashed.
“I am rapidly feeling even more incompetent than I am,” Jamie said. “I know you two have your very real, solid relationship. And I know I’m ridiculously young and get into everything way too fast. Meanwhile, Callum, I know you probably have a habit of shagging your costars — ”
“That’s the most generous ‘probably’ anyone’s ever given me.”
“I’m not expecting to be special or an exception or anything like that. But I need you to tell me how much I get so I can figure out if I can stand to lose it.”
Callum shot Nerea a look that was half frantic, half helpless. Nerea resisted the urge to roll her eyes. She and Callum had talked about all of this already. They had a plan. But, somehow, as always, it was up to her to be the adult in the room.
“Do you understand we’re talking about three relationships here and not one?” Nerea asked Jamie gently.
Jamie blinked. So that was a no. Which wasn’t surprising, but still needed to be addressed.
“You and Callum. You and me. And the three of us. Leaving Callum and I out of this, since I think he and I know where we stand with each other. Plus, we’ve been married longer than you’ve been alive.”
Jamie blinked some more. Apparently he’d been avoiding that math.
“I should have thought of that,” he said. “I’ve never done this before.”
“We know. Which of those do you want to talk about first?” Nerea was a little annoyed she was still doing the work. But Callum was fidgeting with the strap of his watch and looking terrified. Foolish, silly man. Nerea adored him far too much for her or anyone else’s good.
Jamie stared at Nerea with a look of mild panic.
“There’s no wrong answer,” she said.
“Me and Callum, I guess.”
“That’s fine. Do you want me to go or stay and listen?”
Callum shrugged. Adorable, occasionally useless man. She hoped he would rise to tonight’s occasion before she ran out of fondly exasperated adjectives.
“Stay?” Jamie asked, half reaching for her. Then he pulled his hand back. “I mean, I assume we’re both going to talk this out with you afterward anyway. Might as well save you the pain of hearing us both retell it.”
“Efficient.” Nerea smiled. Thank goodness one of them was. “Good.”
Jamie shifted in his recliner so he could face Callum fully. “Am I a fool for wanting to date you?”
“Probably.” Callum scrubbed a hand over his face. “I don’t know how Nerea puts up with me.” He shot her a self-deprecating look, but Nerea jerked her head toward Jamie. They needed to speak to each other, not her.
“That’s not what I meant,” Jamie said.
“No.” Callum shook his head. “You’re not a fool for that.”
“So what’s the end game?” Jamie insisted.
“We’ve been doing this for three months. Why do you need to know the end game?”
“This started as a film fling,” Jamie said keenly. “Does it end now that our movie is over?”
“It hasn’t yet.”
“Not that I have any plans right now, but what if I start seeing someone else?” Jamie asked.
“We have a conversation about it,” Callum said. “You make selections from the choices available to you.”
Nerea smiled, but didn’t say anything. She didn’t need to. Her men were finally starting to get to the crux of the issue. They might have even stopped assuming the worst.
“What do you see in me?” Jamie asked reasonably. Not that youth wasn’t appealing, but Nerea knew it was easy to take advantage of with only the most casual of interest.
Callum groaned. “I know you’re young, but I can’t do low self-esteem theater.”
Jamie rocked back at that. Nerea willed Callum to get himself together.
“I’m not always nice,” Callum said. “You need to know that.”
“And I wasn’t having low self-esteem,” Jamie shot back.
“Then what were you doing?”
“Wondering if I’m your midlife crisis, Gramps, because that’s a crap basis for a relationship.”
Nerea had to cover her smile. Maybe, just maybe, she needed to stop worrying about Jamie so much. He could give as good as he got.
Callum seemed to realize it too as he leaned his chin in his hand and stared at Jamie. “You’re amazing,” he said. “And very brave.”
“And you’re not actually scary. I’m just here wanting something. No bravery required.”
Not for the first time, Nerea found herself admiring Jamie’s courage.
“To answer your question,” Callum said, “I don’t know if you’re a midlife crisis. I haven’t had one before and can’t be sure I’m not now.”
“What about the post-filming breakup scenario?” Jamie asked.
“It’s post-filming now,” he reminded Jamie. “For you at least. I don’t think we’re having this conversation to break up. It’s logistics. We won’t, as you note, always be working on the same films. We won’t always be in the same country. As soon as either of us starts another project, this isn’t going to be easy.”
“You and Nerea do all right.”
“We do,” Callum admitted. “We also have practice.”
“Do you think we could practice, then?” Jamie asked. “Make it work, you and me, long-term?”
He was so hopeful. Nerea wondered if that would be an asset or a hindrance when things got truly hard.
“Of course it could work,” Callum said. “But we can’t foresee all the ways it might not. It’s too early, lovely as you truly are. So you should consider if you want to wait and see. I’d completely understand if you didn’t. It’s surely the smarter choice. But you and I hardly wound up in this beautiful mess by making the smartest choices.”
“Wait, wait, wait.” Jamie leaned forward in his seat, almost going up on his knees in his excitement. “You think I want out?”
Finally one of them had figured out what was going on. Nerea was triumphant.
“I had wondered,” Callum said. “After all, you’re the one discussing return on investment. You might decide to cut your losses sooner rather than later.”
“Because I’m twenty-four?”
Callum nodded. “Trust me. One day you’ll be stunned by how much you don’t know about yourself right now. It’s all right. It happens to all of us.”
Jamie shook his head with a fond exasperation.
Callum smiled softly. “Then come here,” he said and patted the sofa next to him. Nerea pulled her legs up out of the way as Jamie brushed past her. As quick as he could, Callum wrapped an arm around Jamie’s shoulders and the young man immediately snuggled into his side. Nerea was content to be forgotten for the moment. Callum and Jamie wrapped up in each other gave her a moment to breathe, count to ten, and not be smug about the absurdity of their communication difficulties.
Eventually Callum kissed the top of Jamie’s head and then turned his eyes, warm and soft in the lamplight, toward Nerea with a questioning look. He was telling her the ball was in her court now, i
f she wanted it.
“What do you two still need to talk about, and what do you need to talk about with me?” she asked softly.
“I think we’re okay? For now?” Jamie said, twisting to look up at Callum.
Callum nodded. “Should I leave while you have a conversation with my wife?”
“You use possessives a lot,” Jamie pointed out. “Did you know that?”
“Look at her,” Callum said. “Wouldn’t you?”
“Smooth and inappropriate,” Nerea said. She could say people didn’t belong to other people constantly and mean it; they didn’t belong to their partners or parents or jobs or children. But she was still a woman who lived in this world and understood that possession was, for many people, an idea that could occasionally be appealing. With those she trusted, she was even willing to indulge it. Certainly there was a pride she took in being Callum’s wife. She only struggled when other people decided it was the most important thing about her.
“You should stay,” Jamie said to Callum. “If Nerea doesn’t mind?”
Nerea shook her head. “No, not at all. Now.” She put both feet back on the floor and leaned forward, her elbows on her thighs. “I’m more efficient than Callum, so I’ll keep this short. As you said, I am going back to Spain. I’ll be there until my Tate show in November. Since Callum’s going to be gone and I’ll be left with an empty house....” She let the implication of her offer hang in the air and watched, pleased, as Jamie’s face seemed to glow with cautious joy. “So, if you want, and if your schedule allows, I would be delighted if you came and stayed with me in Spain.”
“Seriously?” Jamie twisted around to look at Callum and then at her.
“I’m not that sort of tease.” Nerea said. Jamie was going to have to learn to take her and Callum at face value, at least during serious relationship conversations.
“And it’s okay with you?” he asked Callum.
“I can hardly take you on my press tour. Plus we’ll get our own for Butterflies. You two should enjoy time together while the opportunity is available.”
“Yes,” Jamie said instantly, turning back to Nerea. “I mean, I should triple check my calendar, but — yes.”
“Good,” she said. Jamie may have been cautious and uncertain, but Nerea was still amazed at how quickly he could accept and adapt to new opportunities. How strange his life must be. Of course, her life had once been quite strange too. Like her at nineteen, Jamie at twenty-four seemed absolutely determined to make the most of it. They were fellow travelers, and her heart sang with it.
She stood and brushed her hands together, pleased with all that they had achieved in a difficult relationship meeting. “Then we have a plan,” she said. “Now shall we go to bed?”
Chapter 13 - Jamie talks to his family, but leaves out some key details
On a warm, sunny afternoon Jamie flew back to Ireland. His dad met him at arrivals. While the motion of the car and the familiar drive to the house lulled Jamie, he felt far less exhausted than when he’d come home to vote. But as he watched the familiar streets roll by, the entire past year of his life — the movie, Callum, Nerea, Callum and Nerea — felt like a dream. Jamie was going to miss them both while he was in Dublin, but they had already scheduled a date for the three of them for when he returned to London in two weeks. Soon after that he’d be in Spain.
In the meantime, Jamie had family to enjoy. Aoife would be at work for a few more hours, but his mum was home, and his sister Beth was over with Grace and Anne. Vegetables, of course, was in the thick of it, jumping all over Jamie and whining to be played with.
When Aoife got home she filled Jamie in on all the gossip of the family and neighborhood. Among their extended cousins there’d been two engagements plus a baby he hadn’t heard about; he’d been bad at returning his mother’s calls.
“How’s your boyfriend?” Jamie teased, drawing out the word as he grabbed a dish towel out of a drawer. The question always made her stammer and blush, which was why he always asked it. What were brothers for if not to torment sisters about their love lives? But this time, Aoife tossed her head defiantly and said, “Good. Our three-year anniversary is next month.”
“Wait, seriously? You’ve been together that long?”
“Yes seriously. Not like I can’t.”
“Didn’t say you couldn’t.”
“No. Not you,” she said quietly.
Jamie thought there was a story there that he’d have to prise out of her later. No one was going to stop Aoife from having anything she wanted, as far as he was concerned. “If you’ve been together that long, this is getting serious. I should probably have a talk with him about his intentions, mm?”
Aoife narrowed her eyes at him. “Are you going to scare him?”
“Maybe. A little. I should set a good precedent.”
“Just because I’m the only sister you’re older than, doesn’t mean you get to scare my boyfriends.”
Jamie grinned. “I disagree.”
“What’s your love life like?”
Aoife had turned the tables on him. Jamie hadn’t prepared for this moment and didn’t know what to say, but he was glad to be asked. “I’m seeing someone too. Although we’ve only been together a few months.” Jamie knew he sounded smug but didn’t care one bit.
“Who’s that?” his mother asked, coming into the kitchen. “You didn’t mention a girlfriend.”
“It’s — ahh — not exactly a girlfriend.” Jamie had spent a lot of time deliberately not worrying about explaining the current state of his relationships to his mother and now here he was, halfway in without a rubber.
“Boyfriend, whatever. You still didn’t mention him.”
“It’s new.” Jamie said quickly. “And kind of complicated?”
“Please don’t tell me you’re dating someone from work,” Maureen said.
“Aoife met her boyfriend at work!” Jamie protested. Patrick and Aoife worked at the same bakery.
“Yes, and she has better judgment than you, Jamie-boy. She also doesn’t work in the movies. I worry about you. You’re a good boy, but all you have to do is one foolish thing and then your face will be in every paper.”
“Mum,” Jamie rolled his eyes. “You worry too much.”
“You don’t worry enough. And you’re leaving spots on my nice glasses.”
“Can I meet your boyfriend?” Aoife asked Jamie.
“Yeah, I’m not subjecting him to this family,” Jamie grumbled. Frankly, he couldn’t imagine Callum and Nerea meeting his family. His parents would probably hit the roof. Even aside from the polyamory it would be odd. Nerea was younger than his mother; Callum was the same age, give or take a year, as his father. And that was a thing Jamie was much happier not thinking about, now or ever.
He was relieved when his mother changed the subject to ask him what his plans were for the fall.
“I’ve, er, been invited. To go to Spain.”
“What’s in Spain?”
“The person I’m dating.” Sort of. But I’m going to Spain to visit Callum Griffith-Davies’s wife while he goes on press tour was not something he could say to his mother. Possibly ever. Which was strange. Both of his sisters were married, Aoife was in a serious relationship, and here was Jamie, dating two people and unable to tell his parents about any of it. It felt dishonest, which was bad enough. Worse was not being able to share something so important to him.
WITH NO WORK TO DO except the chores his mother gave him around the house, and hardly anyone to socialize with besides his family, Jamie spent a few days luxuriating in relative idleness before becoming profoundly bored. He spent most of his time puttering around the house and thinking about Callum and Nerea. About what they were doing now that Callum was nearly done with filming, too. About what it would be like to be in Spain with just Nerea, and about how that would impact his own relationship with her — and with Callum.
He talked to them nearly every day: Sometimes a quick call on the phone while he was out wa
lking Vegetables, but more often, texts exchanged while he lazed around the house or ran errands for his mum. He wanted to ask them all of those questions and more, but he resisted. Leaning on Callum and Nerea’s experience and wisdom was all well and good; they were an excellent resource for him to learn from and always had time for any of his questions. But he was also learning on his own. Like how to let go and let events unfold as they would. Emotions weren’t, he was realizing, controllable or predictable, regardless of relationship style. Jamie wanted to figure out how to do this whole dating-a-married-couple thing for himself. At least, as much as he could.
So one night, after he’d sat up late teasing Aoife about Patrick and their anniversary plans, and then talking about his own plans for projects post-Butterflies, Jamie found himself browsing the internet looking for books. After a lot of agonizing over his choices and reading way too many reviews, he settled on one about responsible non-monogamy that seemed suitable. The blurb acknowledged there was no one true way to get it right, and Jamie appreciated that hint of flexibility. Even Callum and Nerea seemed to employ different styles in handling their relationships.
Jamie was going to have to wait to read it though. Shipping to anywhere in Ireland, even Dublin, took longer than it did in London, which was annoying. But Jamie didn’t feel like he could walk into a bookshop and ask for books about open relationships. He was glad his mum would be at work when it got delivered.
When the book finally came, he snuck the package up to his room as if he were thirteen and smuggling in dirty magazines.
“SO YOU’RE SEEING SOMEBODY,” Hugh said one evening as he and Jamie sat out on the back step together. The sun had gone down but the air was still warm. From the open door behind them came the sound of Maureen finishing up the dishes. In the garden, Vegetables ran and leapt awkwardly in a fruitless attempt to catch the insects that had come out with the twilight.
“Yeah,” Jamie said.
“Your mum’s worried she’s not getting any more than that out of you,” his dad said.
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