Jamie’s face said he had no idea where this was going. “Yeah?”
“I’ve been wanting to throw up for days and now I actually am,” Nerea said. Saying it out loud didn’t make it seem any more real. This was too unlikely, too absurd. “No one else in the house is sick. So I am going to draw you a map and you are going to drive to the one pharmacy open today in the next town over and buy me a pregnancy test. And you are not going to get into a car crash along the way despite the fact I just said that. Also, we like our cars so please don’t damage them.”
Jamie blinked. Rapidly. “Okay.”
“Okay?” Nerea asked. She hadn’t known what Jamie’s response would be, but she had hoped for something she could interpret.
“Yeah. Okay.” Jamie blinked again. He was as white as a sheet. “Can I ask questions when I get back?”
“You can ask questions now,” Nerea said after a glance at Callum. They’d been so lucky to find each other and become so serious together about their relationships. But this was not the kind of luck any of them had been hoping for.
“No. I’m good,” Jamie said. His breathing was too quick. “I’m going to — yeah. Map?” He said, standing up again. He swayed a little. Then, “Does this mean I can take your convertible?”
“No.” Nerea said firmly. “You can take Callum’s car.”
“Are you okay to drive?” Callum asked.
“I was carrying the wine, not drinking it,” Jamie blurted.
“You’re reacting like a person in shock,” Nerea said.
“Medical shock,” Callum clarified.
Nerea could see why clarification was necessary. Metaphorical shock was a given.
“I’m trying not to have a reaction about something hypothetical,” Jamie said. He sat down again and took a deep breath. “But I do need a map. I hope you can draw well.”
“Jamie,” Nerea said, “I’m a painter.”
Chapter 31 - Jamie gets lost
Jamie appreciated the offer of Callum’s car, even if it wasn’t as fun as Nerea’s, but when he reached the garage it was blocked in behind a half dozen other vehicles. He decided that getting air would be better for thinking through everything at hand, so instead he dragged out Callum’s bicycle.
Finding the village wasn’t hard. He’d been there before, and Nerea’s map was clear. Focusing on the directions gave him something to do other than panic. Because if his parents were angry with him now, the part where he was going to have to explain that his girlfriend was pregnant — possibly with his baby, possibly with her husband’s baby — was only going to lead to something worse.
As Jamie walked into the pharmacy the few staff working turned to look at him as he made his way to the counter. Which was probably about the lack of business on the holiday and his being an unfamiliar face, but he couldn’t help feeling that they all knew exactly why he was here. Embarrassing was an understatement.
He’d made Nerea write out the Spanish he would need, but he couldn’t make out her handwriting. He ultimately sighed and passed the note over to the girl behind the counter. She looked wildly amused but didn’t ask him any questions as she rang up the transaction.
“¡Feliz navidad!” she said, waving merrily, as he collected the bag and his change. The same people who had stared at him as he walked in, watched him walk out as he awkwardly tried to shove the bag with the test into his jacket pocket.
Heading back to the house would be easy. He’d gotten this far; surely he could retrace his route. But when he went to retrieve Nerea’s map from his pocket, it wasn’t there. Nerea had written the Spanish he’d need on the other side of it, and he’d accidentally left it with the girl at the counter. Jamie didn’t think he had the nerve to go back for it. No matter. He could find his way.
Or so he thought. Although Jamie was fine for the first few turns, the green barn that was supposed to be one of his landmarks never materialized. Jamie turned around and attempted to retrace his route, looking for the missing turn.
Twenty minutes later he had to admit that he was totally, utterly, lost. He fished his mobile out of his pocket and prayed that there would be a signal strong enough to consult the mapping feature. No luck. But there was — barely — enough to make a call. The ring back tone was weak and staticky. Jamie bounced anxiously on the balls of his feet hoping one of them would pick up.
“Jamie?” Callum sounded worried.
“Hi. I got the pregnancy test but now I’m lost. Help?” Jamie said in a rush, afraid that at any moment the call would drop.
“What do you mean you’re lost?”
“I mean I took your bike, lost the map, my smartphone isn’t being smart, and I’m pretty sure I’d have to ride through a garden and over the top of some warehouse to even have half a hope of getting back,” he concluded desperately. “Come fetch me?”
“It’s a good thing we like you,” Callum said.
JAMIE DIDN’T FEEL LESS embarrassed when Nerea screeched up twenty minutes later in her convertible, the top up in the December chill. She yanked her door open and marched around to where he was standing on this random bit of Spanish countryside with Callum’s bike. He braced for her to start scolding him, but all she did was rip the bag from the pharmacy out of his pocket and shove her car keys at him.
“You’re driving,” she said and then marched off behind a bush.
Jamie was just about to open the boot of the car to see if he could get the bike in when he realized what the plan was.
“Oh my God, no, we cannot do this here.”
“We can’t do it in my house,” she said and kept going.
To be honest, Jamie didn’t see why not. But now was not the time to ask.
Jamie opened the boot, got the bike in with a bit of wiggling and prayer, and then slid into the driver’s seat. He folded his hands on the steering wheel and pressed his head against them. He was possibly hyperventilating. And he was definitely, absolutely, going to panic. However, as he forced his breathing to even out, Jamie was conscious of a different set of emotions.
In his prior relationships, he’d always been careful to use protection for the sake of everyone’s health but also to avoid a moment just like this. He’d always imagined that if he ever did end up waiting for a woman’s pregnancy test to show a result — and he wasn’t married to her — he’d feel nothing but dread and regret. But despite the adrenaline pumping through his system, Jamie felt no such thing. Terrified? Yes. Overwhelmed? Definitely. Nervous? More so than ever before. But for all that uncertainty, he also felt excited. There might be a baby. The prospect was wonderful.
“Don’t say anything,” Nerea hissed when she got back to the car, slamming the door after her.
Jamie turned his head to her but kept it pillowed on his arms. He cracked an eye open. “Well?”
“Well, we have to wait three minutes. And you’re not allowed to react.”
Outside a car whizzed by. “Earlier you wanted me to react.”
“Earlier I was worried you were going to pass out. But everyone has to have their own feelings about this without feeling pressured by anyone else.”
Jamie rather thought she sounded like the book she and Callum still teased him about. “What are we going to do, write notes to each other?”
“Yes,” Nerea said softly, staring at the little plastic stick in her hand.
“Seriously? You two are crazy. I mean, obviously, because this is happening, but — ”
Nerea passed him the stick.
He stared at it. “Oh. You mean yes.”
“Don’t react,” she said sharply and burst into tears.
Jamie cursed under his breath and started the car.
BY THE TIME THEY GOT back to the house with Nerea giving directions for the long way around, her eyes were dry, her makeup was repaired, and Jamie had pocketed the positive pregnancy test. Callum gave him a wary look when Nerea cheerfully greeted everyone and darted upstairs. Jamie intercepted him before he could follow.
�
�How is she?” Callum demanded.
“Take a guess,” Jamie said. “Oh, and you’re not allowed to react.” Apparently that was all it took for Callum to get a clue and drop into a chair in the kitchen.
“Really?” he asked, looking so pleased Jamie felt dizzy.
“Seriously. She said you’re not allowed to react. We have to write it down or something.”
“Okay,” Callum levered himself out of the chair. “Can you please make nice with everyone while I go check on my wife?”
Jamie didn’t miss the possessiveness in Callum’s word choice. He put a hand to his chest to stop him from going. There were things that he needed to say, and they needed to be said now. “We need to get on the same page with this, you and I.”
“Is that so?” Callum asked. “Which page are you on?”
“The one where my opinion doesn’t change based on whose it is.”
“Good.” Callum gave a tight smile and leaned down into Jamie’s space. “So let me be clear now. I don't care whose baby it is. But I've been with Nerea for thirty years, and the page you need to be on is that she is the top priority here. What she wants — and what she needs — is what she gets. Clear?”
Jamie nodded. “Clear.” He refused to look nervous in the face of Callum’s display. The masculinity drama they were having was not about jealousy, but about commitment, and Jamie could live with that.
“Excellent. Now, seriously,” Callum squeezed Jamie’s shoulder fondly, “I need to see my wife.”
Chapter 32 - Callum manages to be an adult, surprising no one so much as himself
Callum found Nerea in the bathroom brushing her hair.
“Oh good, there you are,” she said, setting her brush down and picking up a hair tie.
“Jamie told me,” Callum blurted. “And that you’d prefer we don’t react.”
“Yes.” Nerea nodded.
“What do you need from me?”
“I need to get through the rest of this day as if nothing is happening. So I need you not to say anything — or do anything — out of the ordinary. I also need you to finish packing up the centerpieces so they don’t get in anyone’s way on Christmas, and please make sure all the lights in the garden are working, I think one of the strands blew out.”
“Do you mind if I kiss you?” There was so much to be worried about, Nerea's health and that of the baby's not the least of it. But even with those concerns Callum wasn’t sure how to contain his happiness. The decision to keep the baby or not was, of course, entirely up to Nerea. But wise or not, Callum was already all in.
Nerea turned to face him with an exasperated, but fond, smile. “If you must.” She wrapped her arms around Callum’s neck eagerly, though, and kissed him for several long moments before she pushed him away with a reminder of everything they still had to do today.
Callum was a trained actor; so was Jamie. Still, in Callum’s opinion, Nerea definitely won the day’s prize for pretending nothing out of the ordinary was happening in the chaos that was overtaking the rest of the house. People were even beginning to lose interest in Jamie’s relationship with them. Which was a relief, but possibly a short-lived one. As much as anyone judged him and Nerea for having a boyfriend, that judgment was going to pale in comparison to what would happen if and when everyone found out Nerea was pregnant with a baby very possibly not her husband’s.
Callum didn’t want to worry about any of it. While Nerea holed up in the bedroom and Jamie walked around dazed and wide-eyed, Callum couldn’t help but smile as he submitted obediently to Nerea’s well-organized to-do lists. He spent the rest of the day putting up lights, hauling tables around the garden, and doing his best to avoid both Nerea’s parents and his own. Sure, it might be hard, but Callum loved kids. His career had maybe gotten in the way of him spending enough time with his daughters when they were young, but he’d relished every moment he had with them. Having a baby in the house again would be a joy.
It was after midnight by the time the three of them were finally able to go upstairs for the evening. They faced each other, comically wary, from different sides of the bedroom: Nerea by the bathroom door, Jamie hovering by the window, and Callum at the foot of the bed just wanting to go to sleep.
“Are we going to talk about this now?” Jamie asked. He looked even more nervous than when he’d asked Callum about being bisexual in public, over dinner at Callum’s club. Callum wished he could calm those nerves now as easily as he had then, with a touch of his hand and a smile. He’d known from their first meeting that Jamie was special, but then he’d just thought the boy was destined to be a star. He couldn’t have known just how marvelous Jamie really was.
Nerea started taking her hair down from its bun. “We could. We probably should,” she said in answer to Jamie’s question. “But none of us have the energy for it, and I still feel awful.”
Jamie looked beseechingly at Callum, but he wasn’t sure what, exactly, Jamie was beseeching for. Did he want them to talk about it? Did he not want to talk about it? To have exhausted sex and fall asleep in a heap?
Callum shook his head. If Jamie wanted something he was going to have to ask for it more clearly. And regardless of what he wanted, Nerea had spoken.
CALLUM WOKE THE NEXT morning to find only Nerea in bed, curled up on her side as she tapped at his tablet one-handed. Her hair was tousled and she was wearing a wrinkled T-shirt of Jamie’s. There were dark circles of sleeplessness under her eyes. Callum wondered if she’d been ill again or just too worried to rest. Either way Callum’s heart ached at how lovely she was even in exhaustion.
“Where’s Jamie?” All he wanted to do was stay in bed with the two lovely human beings who for some reason wanted him in their lives. Unfortunately, one of them was currently missing.
“I don’t know. He wasn’t here when I woke up.”
Callum threw back the covers. “I suppose I should go find him.” He was still worried about Jamie’s lack of communicativeness last night. Callum wanted to address and at least try to solve whatever it was Jamie needed.
Nerea shook her head. She let the tablet fall forward onto the mattress and looked at Callum.
“Give him space and time. We could all use some of that.”
“What are you doing?” Callum nodded toward the tablet.
“Googling.”
“Googling what?” he asked tightly.
“Everything.”
CALLUM FOUND JAMIE an hour later entirely by accident. Nerea had sent Callum up to her studio to grab some odds and ends necessary for decorations. There he found Jamie, sitting backward on an old wooden chair, his arms folded across the back and his chin resting on his crossed wrists.
“I was wondering where you’d got to,” Callum said mildly as he shifted things about looking for craft glue and a very particular pair of scissors he’d been sent up to find.
“I just needed some quiet,” Jamie said. His voice was dull and his eyes, Callum noted, were rather misty and red. Next to him on the floor was an open sketchpad, and on the page —
“Is that you?” Callum asked, squinting down at the sketchpad.
Jamie glanced at it. “Yeah.”
“Nerea’s work?” Callum thought about picking the thing up for a closer look, but didn’t want to intrude on whatever distance Jamie needed right now.
“Yeah,” Jamie said again. “I saw the painting she did of you. When I was here over the summer. I asked if she’d do one of me, so.” He nudged the sketchbook gently with a socked toe. “Things were simple back then, huh? Relatively speaking.”
“Only by comparison,” Callum said. “I know you don’t want to hear this, but life was only ever going to get more complicated. If it wasn’t this, it would’ve been something else.”
“Maybe.” Jamie sounded doubtful. “But I’m pretty sure this is the most complicated it could possibly get.”
Callum couldn’t disagree. He left Jamie with a squeeze to his shoulder. “Take as much time as you need.”
&nb
sp; GETTING READY FOR CHRISTMAS Eve mass that night, Callum dressed in the bathroom still warm from the steam of their showers while Nerea helped Jamie with his cuff links in the bedroom. Buttoning up his own shirt, Callum thought back on all the Christmases he’d spent here over the last three decades.
There had been holidays in London, of course. Especially when the girls were little and they’d tried to rotate Christmas between his parents and Nerea’s. But more recently this house had become the center of all things holiday and celebratory. It was hard to believe that any of it — the food, the language, the hymns — had ever been strange to him. This is what Christmas was: Huge meals with the neighbors, relatives too much underfoot; mass at church; and the sheer joy of the season.
As they had each Christmas spent here, they and all their guests walked to the church. Despite it being more than a mile away, it was festive to troop down the road with their family and friends in the crisp evening air. Nerea looped her arm through Callum’s. Jamie, with a tentative glance at both of them, took her other arm and was rewarded with a dazzling smile. Whatever else was in store for the three-possibly-four of them, Jamie could make Nerea smile like that. As far as Callum was concerned, that was worth almost anything life could throw at them.
Jamie was fine at church, cheerful as he smiled and nodded and was generally enthusiastic in conversation to make up for the fact that he could hardly understand anyone. Even the neighbors had surrendered to the spirit of the season and refrained from snide comment, at least within Callum’s earshot. But walking home afterward he trailed behind them, texting furiously into his mobile. His sister or a parent, Callum presumed and didn’t press. If Jamie wanted to tell him what was going on, he would when he was ready.
Back at the house everyone sat up eating baked goods and talking. Jamie, however, withdrew into himself. Once they all went upstairs long after midnight he dropped into the chair beneath the window and then sat rigidly on the edge of it, responding to all inquiries in monosyllables.
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