Dubstep Succubus

by Aaron Siverling

  The Priestess, seeing this, raised her voice as she spoke.

  “If the Gods did not limit themselves in how much they interfered, they would no longer be guardians of our world, no longer be the guiding forces we follow. They would be parents, who never let their children make their own decisions. Never let them grow and learn from their own mistakes. Or worse, they would stop serving the world and its people, stop being the balancing powers of reality. They would instead, become our masters and we, little more than tools or pets.”

  We were all silent as that sank into our tiny little mortal minds. When it did, the idea that the game gods were real gods here became absolutely terrifying.

  “Right. Okay then. I'll save that idea for when I need something to keep me up at night." I abruptly turned to Millie and gave her my most ‘I'm suspicious of you look’ before asking, "Did you steal from the victim? Loot anything from the body?”

  “What? I… no!” Mille spoke without thinking. "Of course not!”

  “Really?” I gave her my most skeptical expression. "You didn't touch the body, at all?”

  “No!”

  “What do you do for a living?”

  “I... I’m a cook. At one if the taverns.”

  “And what,” I spoke fiercely while giving her a hard look, “is today's special?”

  “I… Special… it was just stew. And bread. And cheese.”

  “Hmm,” I hmmed. "And just what, exactly, is in this stew?”

  “Captain Orkus! You can't possibly - “

  “Please, Millie. Answer the question.”

  Millie let out a huff of frustration and I pressed on. "Were there… onions in this stew? Please answer. It's very important.”

  “Well, yes,” she said cautiously, as if sensing a trap. "There was.”

  “Ah hah!” I thrust a finger at her and she flinched back. I turned around, facing the Orkus and Adel as I said triumphantly, “I don't like onions!”

  They stared at me. It was okay. I was used to it.

  “Oh, right. Context.” I spoke with ‘This is significant’ tone as I said, “I don't like the smell of onions.”

  Orkus was rubbing his temples again while Adel asked Cherish, “Is this, Sam Spade, and the others he mentioned really the greatest detectives of your world?”

  She thought about it for a second then said, "I'm more of a fan of the Sherlock reboots, but that's mostly they're usually cute.”

  I spun back to glare at the woman who was most definitely the murderer. “When did you find the body?”

  “Just… a few minutes before you came to the door?”

  Captain Orkus looked up at this and asked, “Why did you not immediately come back out and call the guards? Why wait for a ‘few minutes’?

  I looked over at him with an affronted expression. "Mr. Captain of the guard Orkus. Please. Do not interfere with my investigation.” I turned back to Millie. "Now… why did you not immediately come back out and call the guards? Why wait for a ‘few minutes’?

  She looked back and forth between the Captain and me before quickly saying, “I was shocked. And afraid.”

  “Uh huh.” I let that go and asked, “Did anybody see you when you went in?”

  “No. I went in the back." The smell fear her intensified.

  “How did you get through the back?”

  “I… she's my neighbor. She lives above her shop, as do I with my husband. Who works next door.”

  I looked at her expectantly, not saying anything.

  “He's a leather worker, you see. Sells it. I mean he works it and then sells it. With his little brat of a sister.”

  I remained silent.

  “She has a key to my home just like I have a key to her’s. For emergencies! We've known each other since we were children!”

  She was looking a little wild eyed by this point. Her rising panic caused a malicious grin to cut across my serious expression, letting a few giggles dribbled out of me.

  I raised my voice so the crowd could hear me clearly and wondered aloud. "But who could of done this to such a kind, honorable, very young and still very pretty,” Millie's face twitched and I saw a flash of anger, “and innocent woman? Ah, I see the guards are back. What's the news?”

  The guards Orkus sent out had just finished reporting back to him. "What do they say, Captain?”

  He gave me an unreadable expression and then said for all to hear, “They corroborate your story. You cannot be the murderer.”

  “Which means!” I said to the crowd. "That we have no suspects and this crime may forever go unsolved. Since Callie may never be avenged, she deserves our heartfelt sympathy. I've never met her but every person I've met has said she was the most wonderful, most loved, most sweetly innocent - “

  “She wasn't innocent!” Millie’s face was now red with anger.

  “Well she was certainly more innocent than you. Prettier too. At least that's what all the men say.”

  “Shut up! She was - “

  "Oh, don't be so jealous." I smirked at her. "Just because she was more honest - “

  “She wasn't honest! She stole my…” She trailed off.

  “Stole what, Millie?” Orkus said.

  I jumped when I found him suddenly standing beside me. I'd taken my eyes off him for only a second but he moved scarily fast.

  I couldn't wait to be that fast.

  Millie started breathing too quickly, her eyes darting around her.

  “The stab wounds smell like onions,” I said in a carrying voice. "From the murder weapon, which was apparently used as a kitchen knife.”

  She flinched when I said the words and then glared at me. I laughed and said, “You really shouldn't of tried to pin it on me.”

  “You… “ Hate suffused the word and I put my hands up.

  “Hey, I'm not the one who killed my neighbor because she was making sweet, sweet love to my husband.”

  "IT! WASN'T! LOVE!”

  She screeched the words like a jilted banshee on her wedding day. "It's not love! He can't love her! She's a prostitute! (she didn't say prostitute) She's at promiscuous person! (she did not say promiscuous person) A female dog! (you get the picture).”

  While she ranted, spitting vile words and screaming about how Callie got what she deserved I leaned over to Captain Orkus and asked, “Think you got enough for a confession? If not, I smell blood coming from her bag so the murder weapon is probably in there if you need it.”

  “No,” he replied over the still ranting woman. "I don't think that will be necessary.”

  “Cool beans. Well, now that I've solved a murder, I want to go out for icecream. Wait, do you have icecream here? Because if not, I'm gonna scream. For icecream.”

  “I have no idea what your talking about.” He sighed and gestured for the guards to take the woman into custody.

  She continued to scream threats and obcentities as they cuffed her and hauled her away.

  I shook my head. “Jealousy is a sickness. Love, the most natural of conditions. The immature mind mistakes one for the other and assumes that the greater the love, the greater the jealousy. In truth, they are almost incompatible; one emotion leaves hardly any room for the other.”

  Orkus looked at me appraisingly and said, “You are wiser than you first appear.”

  “Yep. I’m so wise. I got wisdom oozing out of every orifice.”

  He grimaced. “I stand corrected.”

  I chuckled and admitted, “It was a quote from a book. A quote that I’m pretty sure I misquoted.”

  “Ruin.” Cherish's worry put me instantly on my guard. "I just spoke with Adel and asked if she had seen Five yet. She hasn't.”

  I saw Cherish and Adel standing a little out of the way and walked over to them. The Priestess look apologetic and Cherish looked as worried as she felt.

  “Everything will be okay, Two.” I walked over and gave her a quick hug. “I will make it okay, no matter what I need to sacrifice or whose face I need to stomp.”

  S
he didn't say anything, just nodded and I turned to face the Priestess. “During the meeting, when you have everyone's attention, can you ask if anyone has seen her? Please?”

  Adel’s expression softened. "Of course. I would have done so, even if you hadn't done what you did for Callie.”

  Orkus grunted and said, “He didn't have much choice considering she'd accused him of the act.”

  She frowned at the Half-orc. "Still, he could have just proven he wasn't the culprit and left it at that.

  He snorted. "It was a crime of passion. It was obvious. Gods woman! She opened the door and pointed at the first stranger she saw! A criminal mastermind she is not.”

  The Priestess gave him a hard look. "And would you have gotten proof or a confession in time?”

  He set his jaw and said. "In all likelihood, yes.”

  She continued looking at him and after several seconds the Half-orc looked away.

  “Probably. A good chance. A high probability." Then he paused and admitted, "Though, cracking a suspect in time to resurrect a victim is never a sure thing.”

  She smiled brightly at him. "You see, husband? They did her a great service.”

  “Whoa, whoa, whoa. What?” I looked between the two of them.

  The Priestess raised an eyebrow but said nothing while the Half-orc glared at me and said, “You have a problem with something?”

  “Uh, ya! What do you mean resurrection? You mean people can come back from the dead?!”

  They looked at me, then at each other, then back at me and at the exact same time said, “Yes?”

  I turned to Cherish and asked, “Did you know about this?”

  “No!” Her surprise felt as acute as my own.

  “You knew that you, yourself would resurrect, did you not?” Adel asked me.

  I said I did and she asked, “Why did you think we would not?”

  I thought about that for a few seconds and then said, “Arrogance mostly.”

  That answer surprised a laugh out of her and even Orkus let out a snort of amusement.

  “So death and respawning is the same for everybody,” Cherish said brightly. “I like that. It's fair.”

  “Not exactly,” the Priestess said with a slightly sardonic smile. "When the Fallen die they return quickly. After a few hours at most and with only a small amount of essence lost.”

  “Twenty percent is not a small amount.” I protested.

  “When we die, we lose almost all of it.”

  Cherish and I looked at each other before saying simultaneously, “Huh?”

  The Priestesses smile was apologetic. "I’m sorry. I don't have time. I must prepare the temple for Callies resurrection, it always goes more smoothly that way. I will explain it all when I address everyone later.

  She sighed. "Yet another thing I have to explain."

  With that she turned around and headed back to the temple, the crowd giving her a wide berth. I watched her go, frustration rising in me.

  “I know, One.” Cherish’s own frustration mingled with mine. "But answers will have to wait.

  “What about Five?”

  “It's either wait or we just wander around looking for her.”

  “I vote for the second option.” I told her.

  She let out a long breath. "She's either here or she’s not. We'll find out during the meeting. Try to have a little patience.”

  “That won't be a problem,” I said. “I've always had very little patience.”

  “Oh, shut up. You know what I mean.”

  I smirked and turned to see Orkus watching us with a coldly calculating gaze, as if he was debating the most efficient way to make us disappear.

  I cheerfully waved back.

  Cherish linked my arm with hers and told Orkus, “Thank you, Captain Orkus. We’ll be on our way and I promise to do a better job of keeping him out of trouble.”

  “Me? All I did was try to walk into a store and I got accused of murder! How is that my fault?”

  "Because you are Ruin."

  I decided not to argue the point, as fun as that would be. I had something else on my mind. Something about Captain Orkus.

  When we were out of the Guard Captains sight I asked, "Do you think that Orkus was more interested in seeing what we would do, how we would react, rather than determining who was guilty of the murder?"

  She shrugged. "It was pretty obvious that she was the killer or knew who the killer was. I think once he saw us there, he wanted to get a feel for us."

  "Or maybe just me," I said.

  "Maybe." She didn't sound convinced. "Not everything is about you, ya know. Especially not all the bad things."

  I felt her distress as she pulled me closer. But as she did, I couldn't help but to be very aware of every millimeter of contact. Cherish picked up on it instantly.

  “Oh grow up. It doesn't count as second base if it's not your hand.”

  “You can feel my emotions.” I deepened the connection to give her a clearer understanding of what I was feeling. "Does it feel like that matters in the slightest? Remember I'm male. Biologically a teenager.”

  I could feel her resignation and slight embarrassment as she loosened her grip so we were again arm in arm.

  “Sorry, I think the Grey Hell put something in the food to keep that from... being an issue.”

  “Yeah, and now that something is gone and… nevermind.”

  She giggled as she said, “And now you have to actually put effort into being a perfect gentlemen.”

  “Hey,” I smirked, "I don’t need to work at it. I am already perfect in every conceivable way.”

  “You are not perfect.”

  “I am ninety eight percent perfect. The other four percent is all part of my charm.”

  “Hey, where are we going?” I asked aloud and then gasped in excitement. "Wait...does… icecream really exist here?”

  “No.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “I checked, also no chocolate.”

  “Ugh,” I thought of a world without chocolate icecream.

  It was not a good thought.

  “We're still going clothes shopping, by the way.”

  “What?!”

  “You heard me.”

  “I am shocked and appalled. How can you think of clothes shopping at a time like this! A woman was just killed. This is no time for clothes shopping!”

  “You wanted go eat icecream!”

  “Icecream makes me feel better!”

  Then I had a sudden thought and asked how I was supposed to get new clothes if the shop owner was currently dead.

  She said we were going to the leather shop and when I pointed out that we passed it, she nodded and spoke with exaggerated patience.

  “Yes, I know. I was just putting some space between us and the Half-orc with the cop eyes that said, ‘I can get away with the murder of the man who propositioned my wife right in front of me with a crowd of witnesses’. Duh.”

  “Wait, when did I do this?”

  “Five minutes ago!”

  “All I did was kiss her hand and tell her how beautiful she was and… ohhh.”

  “Oh, Blood and Suffering, Ruin…

  “Well how was I supposed to know they were together?”

  “... are you blind?”

  “To subtlety? Yes! Yes I am! How do you not know this?”

  She sighed.

  “Nevermind, Ruin. Nevermind.” Then she pulled me around, going back towards the leather shop. "Time to get you some decent clothes.”

  “And,” she warned me, “If you - “

  “Whelp! It's clothes shopping time!” I said loudly, hoping fate would hear. "Unless something else happens! But I'm sure nothing will happen! What could possibly go wrong!”

  "Alright, that's it! Just for that you get cuddle time." She grabbed my arm, wrapped it around her waist and proceeded to do just that. Cuddling up against me as if I were nothing more than a teddy bear.

  I laughed, and maybe it was because we had deepen
ed the connection, or maybe because she so obviously just wanted to be comforted.

  Whatever reason, I suddenly felt perfectly comfortable cuddling her right back.

  Chapter Fifteen: I Need Those Leather Pants. I Will Be Bind Them To My Soul.

  When we got back to the shop, the surrounding area was empty of guards and the crowd had already dispersed.

  We went in and found a long room filled with mannequins wearing leather trousers, belts, vests, gloves, hats and helmets of various styles. There were also shelves containing boots, saddles and bags. All dyed in various colors.

  The smell of leather almost drowned out everything else but I still recognized the scent of a Native Dwarf.

  The owner of the scent emerged from a door at the back and when she saw us standing there her eyes went wide before hurrying towards us.

  She was the first female Dwarf Native I've seen. Short and stocky, yes, but she didn't have that same square, wide as they were tall, shape. She looked very similar to a female Aegis Dwarf. Without the pointed ears.

  At about four feet tall she was also the smallest Dwarf I've ever seen.

  She had green eyes, pale skin, short chin length red hair and looked to be in her teens.

  “You!” she shouted.

  “It wasn't me!” I said instinctively.

  “Are you the one who got my sister-in-law arrested for murder?”

  Realizing I had an opportunity, I said, “Why yes! Yes I am! But, oh my! Does this mean you're not going to sell to me? That's a shame…”

  “Ruin! You owe me for the pizza! Don't you dare -”

  “Refuse to sell? To you? Are you kidding? You get a discount!”

  I blinked and any eloquence I had stuttered to an, “Uhhh…”

  She smiled and stepped forward, grabbing my hand and pumping it in a happy, if slightly painful, handshake.

  “Delores! Delores Dwemming and this is my shop. Mine and my brother’s anyway.“ She dropped my aching hand and put her fists on her hips as she looked me up and down. "Hmm, I have a bit in stock that will fit you but it will be a mite loose. Unless you can afford the good stuff. We'll get to that later! Whatcha wanting?”

  “Um, boots, pants and a shirt?”

  “Any specifics?”

  “Black, excellent quality, extremely cheap.”

  Cherish pushed past me. "I'll pick out what he's wearing.”