Alibi (Brantley Walker: Off the Books Book 5)

by Nicole Edwards

  “Seems to be.”

  Truth was, Baz hadn’t gone to see Molly in a couple of weeks. He didn’t care to see her, didn’t want to spend time with her. The only reason he was doing it at all was the fact that Molly was pregnant. And according to her, the baby was his.

  In fact, she was exactly seven weeks pregnant, a fact he knew because Molly had sent him a meme noting it. Every week she sent them with hearts and flowers and Molly + Sebastian = baby as the heading.

  The only problem he had was that she wasn’t interested in proving it with hard facts. And since he felt like a shithead for even insinuating she might be lying, Baz had decided to embrace it. No, he didn’t want a life with Molly, but he had every intention of taking care of his child. He had even told Molly he would share the news with his parents after the first trimester.

  “I’m gonna start lookin’ for a place soon,” JJ said as he was pulling his truck into the parking lot of the diner.

  It was the same thing she said every couple of days, as though she thought he needed to hear it. Usually Baz would nod and offer to help if she wanted him to. This time, he decided to go with the truth.

  “I really wish you wouldn’t,” he told her, focusing on the parking lot. “I like havin’ you around.”

  And yes, he said it because he knew JJ needed to hear it.

  Plus … well, it was the truth.

  *

  Of all the things they could’ve talked about, JJ hated talking about Baz’s relationship with Molly, but she didn’t know what else there was. It was different when they were at work or out and about. When they were at the apartment, they could talk about television shows and movies they liked or hated. They could have lengthy debates over them, even.

  Sometimes JJ would get so caught up in the moment, it was as though they were still a couple, still enjoying the getting-to-know-you phase of their relationship. Only that damn phone would ring and Molly’s name would appear and JJ would be reminded all over again that they weren’t. Never would be.

  Once they were seated at a table and had ordered drinks, JJ pretended to mull over the menu while giving Baz ample time to do the same. When the waitress returned, she rattled off her choice, then listened as Baz once again ordered a double bacon cheeseburger with a side of fries. That was his go-to meal and he ordered it every time, without fail.

  “I’m gonna get you to try somethin’ else one of these days,” she promised, hoping to get his mind off the phone call he had avoided a few minutes ago.

  “Not if it has liver in the name, you’re not.”

  She smiled, took a sip of her tea. “How’s your dad doin’? I heard you talkin’ to him earlier? They make it through the storm okay?”

  “They did. Weathered it in Cancun, actually.”

  “Cancun?” JJ’s eyes widened. “Well. How about that?”

  She recalled the days of no water and wondering when the electricity would go back off after coming on for a couple of hours at a time. She’d gotten pretty good at predicting it, her electronics plugged in and ready for when it did. The worst part for her had been the spotty cell service since she’d been utilizing her phone’s hot spot to continue researching while she toughed it out.

  “They travel a lot,” Baz said. “A trip every few months. He says it keeps them young.”

  It kept them something, JJ figured.

  “And your mom? You talk to her?”

  “Every day through the storm. She’s good. Had to work from home, which damn near killed her.”

  JJ watched his eyes light up when he talked about his mother. She envied the relationship Baz had with his parents. It was a far cry from the one she had with her own. Hell, she’d texted them during the storm but hadn’t gotten a message back for a couple of days. From either. Which was saying something considering they hated one another as much as they hated her.

  His phone buzzed again, the screen lighting up with Molly’s name.

  “You should answer it,” she said, reaching for her own phone as though that might give him enough privacy to have the conversation.

  Baz sighed. “If I don’t, she’ll just keep callin’.”

  Oh, JJ was well aware of that. The woman called a few dozen times a day. And if he didn’t answer, it was usually once every twenty minutes or so. The only reason she didn’t show up was because Molly didn’t know where he lived or worked. A wise choice on Baz’s part.

  “Hello,” Baz answered, head down, eyes on the table. “Yep. I know you called.”

  JJ pretended to be skimming her text messages, but there was nothing new aside from some great buys on bedroom furniture at Wayfair.

  “And I told you I’d call you later.” He sighed. “I doubt it, Molly. I’ve been workin’ all day and I just want to go home and sleep.”

  JJ couldn’t make out what was being said, but she could hear Molly’s voice. Not for the first time, she wondered what the woman looked like. What type was Baz drawn to normally?

  “No, I’m out right now.” His head lifted, eyes meeting hers. “Yes. I’m with … a friend.”

  She met his stare, held it, hating herself for wondering what he was thinking. Did it make her a bad person to be grateful he didn’t seem to be infatuated with this woman? Hell, he didn’t seem to like her much at all.

  The petty side of her wanted to grab the phone from Baz’s hand and tell Molly to leave him alone. That side didn’t care that the woman was pregnant with Baz’s baby, she just wanted to banish her from Baz’s life.

  But the rational side said this was how things were going to be. The most she would ever have with Baz was friendship, and she had to be happy with that. Sometimes JJ wished she could be a bigger person, that she could consider having a relationship with a man with a child. Perhaps she could if the man already had children when they met. But Baz … no, she knew her heart would never be capable of sharing him with Molly and her baby.

  “I’ll call you later,” he said firmly, then disconnected.

  “If you need to go see her, I can call an Uber.”

  Baz’s teal-blue eyes darkened. “I’ve told you, it’s not like that with her.”

  Yes, he’d explained a couple of times that the only reason he was talking to Molly at all was for the baby.

  And yes, it did probably make her a bad person that every time she thought of Baz having a baby with another woman, her insides churned. It was a nervous anxiety, one she wasn’t fond of.

  “Any updates on the baby?” she asked, hoping to lighten his mood even though the question left a bad taste in her mouth.

  “Seven weeks along,” he said, his tone bland.

  “When does she get to find out the sex?”

  “I have no idea. She’s not very forthcomin’ with the details.”

  No, she didn’t seem to be. From what she’d heard, Molly wouldn’t provide a positive pregnancy test, and she had declined his requests to go to the doctor with her. Which honestly JJ found a bit odd considering how obsessed Molly was with Baz. You would think she’d want him to be a part of it. If for no other reason than it might bring them closer.

  Before she could ask another question, Baz spoke up. “If it’s all the same to you, I’d prefer we don’t talk about her.”

  Yeah. JJ preferred that, too.

  More than she was ever willing to admit.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Gage had just convinced Kate to take a bath when Travis came home with Maddox.

  No sooner was he in the door than Gage realized something was wrong. Or rather, something was really wrong since everything between them was wrong these days.

  “When they go to bed, we’re gonna talk,” Travis said under his breath, his tone leaving no room for argument.

  He didn’t even get a chance to reply when Travis pivoted and stormed out of the room.

  Gage sighed. Looked like just another Saturday night.

  Two hours later, after they’d sat with the kids until they’d all but fallen asleep, Gage was about to c
ome out of his skin. For weeks now, he’d been the one to instigate any and all conversation with Travis, and now that Travis had shown even a modicum of effort, he wanted to know what was on the man’s mind.

  After putting Avery to bed and checking on Kade, Gage went back downstairs. He’d expected to find Travis in the living room, where he’d left him, but he wasn’t there. He started toward the guest room where Travis had moved his things shortly after Kylie died, but he came up short when he heard his voice coming from Travis’s office.

  Gage stepped into the room to find Travis pacing the floor, his phone to his ear.

  “I understand, but when you know for sure, I expect to be your first call. Not my father, not Gage. Me. Do you understand what I’m sayin’?”

  That was all it took for Gage to realize who Travis was talking to. Rather than wait so they could have a knock-down-drag-out, Gage turned and walked right back out of the room. He went for the stairs, took them two at a time, and headed for his bedroom. He shut the door behind him, knowing Travis wouldn’t come in.

  Taking a deep breath, he paced the room a couple of times to calm down, then decided a shower was in order. After all, this was his routine. Every morning, he woke up, then with Travis’s help, he got the kids up and moving. If it was the weekend, he tried to come up with something to entertain them with, and during the week, he would get them ready for daycare. After what had become a daily battle regarding who didn’t want to go, he would finally get them dropped off, then he would go to the resort to put in his eight hours. Most of those were spent working with one of Travis’s brothers because he sensed Travis didn’t want to be in the same room as him.

  Which had made this past week, when they’d been stuck in the house, a complete hell. For both of them.

  And then, when the day was over, Gage would reverse course, pick up the kids, bring them home. Dinner was generally whatever he could scrounge together in a few minutes with five kids underfoot. With each passing day, as their new normal set in, they were finding a routine that worked for them. Generally Travis would come home in time to help with baths, then they would get the kids to bed before going their separate ways.

  And every night, without fail, Gage would go to Travis because he couldn’t stand to go a single day without that connection. He knew it was painful for them both, being without Kylie, but he wasn’t willing to let go of what they’d worked so hard for. Gage wasn’t ready to lose everything, although at times, he felt like he already had.

  After stripping off his clothes, Gage got in the shower. As was the case every time he took a minute to breathe, the tears would come. Fortunately, he reserved that emotional unloading for when he was alone, so as not to let the kids see the pain that still consumed him. It was hard enough to get through the minutes of the day. It would be even harder if the kids had to shoulder the weight of everyone else’s emotions.

  Once he’d let the hot water beat out some of the tension in his shoulders, Gage focused on his frustration rather than his grief, avoiding the tears as he hurried through the shower, got out. He pulled on sweatpants and a T-shirt—always clothed in case the kids needed him—then fell into bed, not bothering to pull back the covers.

  It wasn’t until he was lying there, in the dark room, when he heard movement on the other side of the bedroom door.

  He waited, expecting to see Kade or Avery peek inside as they had done a few times in recent weeks, seeking comfort.

  But no one opened the door.

  Was it…?

  “Travis?”

  The throat that cleared from the hallway was definitely that of a full-grown man.

  Gage hated that his chest inflated, hope filling him. He knew the only reason Travis would come to their room would be to hash out whatever was on his mind. And clearly he felt it was important, otherwise he would wait until morning.

  He remained silent, waiting to see what Travis would do. After several minutes passed, he sighed, disappointed. He’d hoped that Travis would’ve made the effort, would’ve—

  The doorknob turned and Travis appeared, backlit by the butter-yellow glow from the light in the hallway.

  Neither of them said a word when Travis stepped into the room, closed the door behind him.

  Neither of them said a word when Travis walked toward him only to stop, turn back around.

  Gage wasn’t sure he was breathing as he waited, watching Travis as he gripped the doorknob as though leaving the room. Several heartbeats passed and still Travis was there.

  “You should’ve told me.”

  “Told you what?” Gage asked, playing dumb.

  Travis let go of the knob, turned around. “You’ve been talkin’ to Reese.”

  “And?”

  “You’ve been up to speed on the case. Probably before I was.”

  Yes, Gage had gotten some updates. But he didn’t figure it had been relevant to what was going on. Until Brantley and Reese actually found Juliet Prince, it was all moot. Or until the FBI tracked her down, it didn’t matter. Everyone knew she was out there somewhere. He didn’t see the point in discussing it.

  “You should’ve told me,” Travis repeated, his voice harsher than before.

  “What good would it’ve done?” he countered. “How the fuck would it help? Tell me that, Travis. Tell me how knowin’ what they’re doin’ would help any of us get through another day.”

  As he expected, Travis didn’t answer.

  And yet, Gage still waited for a response.

  *

  Travis had never hyperventilated a day in his life.

  Until now.

  Until this moment when he was standing in their bedroom, the room they had shared with Kylie for seven amazing years. He couldn’t seem to get enough air in his lungs despite his efforts to do so. The walls felt like they were closing in around him, making his vision go gray at the edges.

  “Travis.”

  He could hear Gage’s voice, even comprehended the concern in it, but he couldn’t move, couldn’t react, couldn’t anything.

  Why had he come in here? Why? What was the purpose of subjecting himself to this?

  Hard hands were turning him around, then suddenly cupping his neck, thumbs brushing along his jaw, Gage’s face filling his line of sight.

  “Trav, relax,” his husband whispered, his tone so gentle it caused another ache in his chest. “Breathe.”

  Travis shook his head. He couldn’t. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t fill his lungs. His airway was getting smaller by the second, his chest constricting.

  Those strong hands grew firmer as Gage leaned in. And then Gage’s breath fanned his lips.

  “I’m here, Trav. I’m right here. I want you to breathe. In and out. Slow. It’s all right. I swear to you.”

  “I … I can’t… Oh, fuck…” He sucked in air, the panic attack beating down on him. He felt his legs weaken. He was going to pass out.

  “Breathe.” Gage leaned in closer, pressed his lips to Travis’s. Just a gentle brushing, but it gave Travis something to focus on. The imaginary band on his chest loosened slightly.

  It was then he realized he was crying, tears streaming down his cheeks.

  “I miss her so fuckin’ much,” he forced out. “So much, Gage. I. Miss. Her.”

  Gage’s arms banded around him, jerking him close, tightening in a hold that should’ve been constricting, but it wasn’t. It was comfort. It was … home and hope and love all right there. This man … despite their issues, despite the distance they’d put between them, he was there when Travis needed him. Always there.

  “We’re gonna get through this,” Gage said, his voice so low, if he hadn’t been right at Travis’s ear, he wouldn’t have heard him. “We will. All of us. It’ll never be easy, but we’ll get through it.”

  “I love you,” Travis blurted, holding him, clutching his T-shirt in his fists, scared to let go. He just needed Gage to know that, to understand. Yes, he was fucked up. Yes, he was doing this all wrong. But that
didn’t change the fact that Gage meant everything. “I do,” he added. “I love you so goddamn much.”

  “I know.”

  They remained like that for several minutes, holding one another up, tears falling, the fear and anger they’d built up finding a small but effective outlet.

  “I hate this, Gage. I hate her not bein’ here. I don’t want to get outta bed anymore. Without her … without you…”

  “You’ve got me,” Gage snapped, pulling back and gripping Travis’s neck again. “You understand me. You’ve got me. Always. No matter what.”

  Travis’s eyes searched his face, praying he meant that, but he wasn’t sure what was real anymore. He’d never felt so much pain before. Never had anything hurt as much, cause such a brutal agony in his chest as losing Kylie. And the past several weeks … they were hell on earth as Travis navigated this new path, tried to figure out how he fit in his own life now. If he fit in it.

  “I can’t be in this room. I can’t sleep in that bed.” Travis glanced over at the spot Kylie used to occupy, and his chest constricted again, but this time there was anger boiling in the pain. “I can’t.” He looked back at Gage. “I made love to her that mornin’. Right there. Right there in that fuckin’ bed. I can’t be in here without thinkin’ about that. About her. Missin’ what we were supposed to have for an eternity. That was it. My last moment with her.”

  He saw something flash in Gage’s eyes. Pain? Misery?

  “At least you had that,” Gage whispered.

  Oh, that was far more than misery. That was agony and despair.

  “At least you have that to remember, Trav. Those precious minutes you had with her that mornin’.” A tear streaked down his face. “I didn’t even get that.”

  It wouldn’t have hurt more if Gage had punched him in the stomach.

  “I…” Travis didn’t know what to say. Words were not going to help, of that he was certain.

  “It’s not your fault, Trav. It’s not.” Gage took a deep breath, his hands relaxing as he leaned in, forehead to forehead. “I was mad at you initially. Sure. For about a minute. You got that and I didn’t. I couldn’t understand why I didn’t get that. Why I couldn’t’ve had just five more minutes with her.”