The Lillim Callina Chronicles: Volumes 1-3

by J. A. Cipriano

  Bang!

  The sound exploded in my ears, deafening me. The demon pitched to the side, pulling me onto the floor with it. My head smacked against the floor hard enough to make my vision go blurry. I tried to shake the haze from my vision, but as I did so the entire world lurched into near darkness.

  I shut my eyes and sucked in a deep breath, and when I opened them I could just make out the outline of a guy clad in faded blue jeans, a thin white tank top, and a cowboy hat leveling the barrel of his shotgun at the demon.

  Crack!

  The shell slammed into the demon in a flash of scarlet. The creature who looked like Caleb shrieked, its flesh melting as the slug tore a football sized hole through its torso. The gun went empty, and the demon rose to its full height, its skin turning mottled and green. It howled, and its jaw distended as it dove forward, but the cowboy moved effortlessly to the side and smacked the thing in the back of its head with the butt of his shotgun.

  The creature stumbled forward, and the cowboy pulled out a canteen and flung the contents at the demon. It howled as its flesh bubbled, the right side of its face erupting into silver flame. The demon screeched, throwing itself through the window before dashing out into the alley.

  The cowboy did not give chase. Instead, he picked up his shotgun and reloaded it. The shotgun disappeared into a leather holster slung on his hips, and he tipped his hat toward me.

  “Good thing I was here to help,” he said in a familiar voice that conveyed no warmth. “He was no match for my click boom style.”

  “Who are you?” is what I wanted to say, but as I tried to get up and move closer so I could better see his face, I got lightheaded. The ground seemed to spin out from under me as I collapsed. As my head struck the ground for the second time in as many minutes, I saw him coming toward me through the oncoming rush of darkness.

  26

  When I opened my eyes, the cowboy was holding me in his lap, his eyes fastened on the door. Salt covered every entrance to my apartment. He had been thorough. He must have taken care of the vampires as well because I didn’t see them anymore. I suppose he had probably done other things, too, but I didn’t know what those things might be.

  His left hand was propped up against his knee with his shotgun pointed at the doorway. His other hand stroked my face with a gentleness that contrasted sharply with the cold ruthlessness he’d used on the demon.

  “It’s been a while,” he said though he never looked at me.

  My skin flushed. I struggled to come up with words as I shut my eyes and rolled off of him and onto the floor. Pain rushed through my leg, and I bit my lip to keep from screaming. My heart was pounding, thumping so hard in my chest, I was sure he could hear it. A ragged breath escaped me, and I shut my eyes tightly, trying to keep my tears from spilling out.

  “I’ve been looking for you for a long time,” he said, looking at me. His face was as impassive as it had been when he had confronted the demon.

  “Was I really that hard to find, Joshua? Are you really trying to tell me that you couldn’t find me?” I glared at him. “And why the hell are you here, anyway? Why did you contact me for help? Why now?” I threw my aching body into motion as my uninjured fist connected sharply with his jaw. He sank into the couch with the blow, and I hit him again and again as tears began to stream down my face.

  “Get the hell out of my house!” I screamed as my blows rained down on him. He didn’t block any of them. “Just go! Get away from me!”

  Joshua grabbed my fists and pulled me close. A thin wisp of smoke puffed from the corner of his mouth. Good, that meant I’d hurt him. “Everything you’ve had to endure,” he said as he pulled my head into his chest, “you didn’t have to endure alone.”

  “Yes I did!” I said though his chest muffled most of my words.

  “No, you didn’t.” He smiled and kissed my forehead. The warmth of his lips lingered on my skin even after he had pulled back, and my heart skipped a beat. Why was he being so sweet? He was making it very hard to stay mad at him. How dare he save me? The bastard.

  “I’m not her. I’m not Dirge,” I snapped, and before I knew what was going on, I’d slapped him across the mouth. I gulped once as his cheek reddened. I clasped my face in my hands and turned away from him. “I’m not her…”

  “You stopped dyeing your hair,” he said softly but what I heard was, “You look just like her.” It was what I always heard when he spoke. It was even worse when he looked at me, when he ran his hands through my lavender hair. I knew deep down, it wasn’t me he was really after. If he could, he would trade away my entire existence, my love, for one single moment with Dirge. I knew it, and I hated him for it.

  Tears started to fill my eyes, and I covered my face with my hands. I didn’t want him to see me cry. Not here, not now. He placed a hand on my shoulder. The warmth of his touch was like fire on my skin. I took another step away, trying to throw off his touch.

  “You get the swizzle I sent you?” Joshua’s voice was softer now. It almost had emotion in it.

  “It was scary.” I gulped and tried to take another step away, but the feeling of his hands on my shoulders stopped me. My body was falling into a familiar routine I had never actually engaged in… but she had. The loathsome other life of Dirge had done this. In that moment, he spun me around until we were face to face. I trembled as he touched me, his breath hot on my skin.

  He trailed one hand down my cheek, and the warmth of his touch lingered on my skin. I closed my eyes for a moment. I started to relax as he brushed the hair out of my eyes.

  “You didn’t come when I sent the swizzle,” he murmured.

  “I couldn’t come,” I replied. “I tried…”

  “I needed you,” he whispered.

  I shook myself out of his grip and took a step away from him. “You didn’t need me. You never did. You were always so far away. Being with you was like trying to make myself into someone I wasn’t.”

  He moved closer, almost but not quite holding me as I spoke. I looked up at him, my cheeks wet with tears, and my heart wrenched. I don’t know quite how it happened but the next thing I knew he was kissing me. He drew me close, my body fitting against his like a piece of a puzzle. I fell into him as his fingers dug into my back, pulling me into him.

  I looked into his eyes, and just for a second, I felt like her. Then I felt dirty, as if I were stealing something. I pulled away from him, staring into his eyes as I did so. His grip on me loosened, and I stepped away. He stood there looking at me.

  “I’m not her, Joshua!” I’d said it so many times and so many times he had ignored me.

  “You aren’t supposed to be her.” He shook his head. “You’re the only one who thinks you’re supposed to be.”

  “That isn’t as true as you want it to be!”

  27

  My head snapped up, and my sleep-swollen eyes darted around the room. My hand reached for the hilt of my sword only to find myself buried in a nest of blankets and pillows. I leapt to my feet, throwing everything to the ground in a flurry. My thigh screamed in pain, still sore despite the combination of horse pills Joshua had given me.

  “I brought you some cereal.” Joshua’s voice made me very nearly leap out of my skin. There was a bowl next to my nest, and I glanced at it. Next to it was a shiny red apple. That looked much more promising.

  “It’s good, it’s chocolate. I think that’s why the milk changed colors, but it is quite safe. Don’t worry.” Joshua sat idly at my desk with his feet propped up on its surface. He was carving something unidentifiable from a piece of wood. The little knife in his right hand flicked outward in rapid succession, flinging thin curls from the branch in his hand. I never knew Joshua liked to whittle and as far as I could tell, wasn’t much good at it.

  “You left me last night,” I said solemnly, reaching out to take the bowl. Like he’d said, the milk was brown. I touched it with my finger. It did feel like cereal. “You said you wouldn’t leave, but I woke up, and you were gone.�
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  “I didn’t leave you. I just went to find blankets.” He gestured at the couch where he’d slept. “Besides, you needed your rest.”

  I nodded and sipped from the bowl, completely ignoring the spoon on the tray. It tasted worse than I expected, like off-brand Nesquik and old milk. I put the cereal back down and picked up the apple. I took a bite and chewed slowly, not wanting to think about anything but the taste. It was perfectly crisp, and for a moment, I could almost forget he was there. I wanted to forget that, in the end, I had let Joshua stay.

  This wasn’t what I’d planned. Every time I envisioned us meeting again, I saw myself throwing him out and watching him skulk away like a kicked dog. That hadn’t happened, and if I dwelt on it, I was going to start getting angry with myself. That anger would last all of three seconds before I slipped into depression. That couldn’t happen. If it did, he’d take advantage of it and pull me back in.

  The sad thing was, I’d let him. No matter how much it hurt me, I wanted—no—craved him. Because when he touched me, even though I knew it wasn’t me he really wanted, I could pretend. Sometimes pretending was easier than being without him. Sometimes pretending hurt just a little less than being alone.

  To be fair, Caleb hadn’t made me feel this way. Everything with him had been so simple. It had been pure and without baggage. Then again, what had Caleb, and I really had? Hell, I wasn’t quite sure how I really felt about Caleb, especially with Joshua sitting there, so close I could reach out and touch him. I wanted to touch him, to press my lips against his and get lost in his world. It made me forget my problems.

  I bit my lip and tried not to cry as my insides squirmed. I looked at my apple and resisted the urge to hurl it at Joshua. It wouldn’t do any good, anyway.

  “How did you find me?” I said as I swallowed the bite of apple. It was tough since my mouth was suddenly dry. “Or have you been following me for a while?”

  I wasn’t sure I wanted the answer to that second question. What if he’d known where I was for weeks or months? What if he’d been there, watching me while I’d mounted a pathetic search for the guy who’d left me this apartment? It was almost too embarrassing to consider.

  “I didn’t find you. You made that impossible.” Joshua didn’t look up from his carving but shrugged his shoulders. “Mattoc sent me.”

  My eyes opened wide, and I stared at him for a long moment. That seemed so unlikely as to be impossible. “How?”

  “Telepathy or something… I dunno.” He shrugged again. “You’ll have to ask him. All I know is I had a startlingly painful vision of what was happening, and I came as quick as I could.”

  I closed my eyes in irritation. Admittedly, it was partly that Mattoc had sent him here and partly because he had saved me. I wasn’t sure which of the two was worse. Mattoc had the tendency to take my feedback, ignore it, and give me something I didn’t know I wanted or needed, but this? This was pushing it.

  “So where is Mattoc?” I asked, trying to read his impassive, expressionless face and coming up empty. Remember what I’d said about guys who could lie with their eyes. Well, let me introduce you to exhibit A.

  “Isn’t he here?” Joshua looked up at me for the first time.

  I stood, leaning on the table and shook my head. “No, Warthor took him.”

  “Ah,” he said after a long pause. The way he said it made me think he either knew that already or wasn’t surprised which was almost the same thing. “Does that mean you want to go after him?”

  “What do you think, Joshua?” I asked, suddenly annoyed. “Of course I want to go after him. He’s my responsibility.” I touched the spot where he’d been bonded to me.

  “Fair enough.” He shrugged. “I’ll help you after we chase down the demon that escaped from the vampire’s Demonslayer. Deal?”

  “I can’t do that.” I sighed loudly. “I need to get Mattoc back before he ceases to exist. Besides, you can take the demon. You did it once.”

  “Not this demon. I can’t take him alone, and unless you want me to call down a contingent of Dioscuri Mattoc will have to wait.” His eyes sparkled as he spoke, and I knew in that moment he had me over a barrel. Still, I was strangely relieved to know he hadn’t told them where I lived. Not yet at least.

  “You don’t know what you’re asking of me,” I muttered. I wasn’t worried about the demon just yet. It’d take a while to recover from the beating Joshua had given it. Besides, finding the thing would be simple enough. The damn demon had left so much blood behind, making a charm to find it would be easy.

  “I do, but trust me, Lillim. We should be worried about this demon.” Joshua sighed. “It needs to die. Fast.”

  “I don’t know how to actually kill a demon. Do you?” I snapped. I was tired of being told what to do. Everything had been one thing after another, and once I’d accomplished said thing, another thing seemed to pop up so with each mission I accomplished, I got further and further from my goal. Story of my life, I know.

  “Well…” Joshua said before pausing for a long time. “Shirajirashii could do it.”

  “It’s broken, and I can’t recraft it that fast.” I sucked a breath in through my teeth. “So again, I ask you, how do we kill it?”

  Generally, when we “kill” demons, we destroy their vessel and send them back to Hell, but destroying the vessel doesn’t exactly destroy the creature itself. This demon, unfortunately, seemed to be fully in this realm now. We needed to find a way to kill it… pronto.

  “What do you mean you can’t recraft it that fast?” He peered quizzically at me. “Don’t you have a spare already made up?”

  “It isn’t like super rare magical materials are easy to come by in Southern California. I was hiding, if you hadn’t forgotten. That meant no trips to fairy, the nether, or any place where you might find me.” I turned and shook my bandaged right hand in frustration. “Besides, without Mattoc’s help, I don’t know how well I can control Apep. Apep was always the glue for the darkest part of Shirajirashii. Without Mattoc, I might be able to call back Set and Isis, but I don’t think I can bind them to the weapon.” I waved off my train of thought.

  “That’s just an excuse. You’ve used Shirajirashii for years. You’re long past needing Mattoc’s help to control Apep.” He let out a sigh. “Have you even tried?”

  “Yes and no.” My cheeks flushed. I had talked to Apep, and he’d told me to talk to Set and Isis. Joshua was right. I could probably call them to a new weapon if I’d had one handy, which I didn’t. “It doesn’t matter, anyway. I pulled something special out of hiding to get Mattoc back. It will work fine until then.”

  Joshua shook his head as if to say he thought it was a very stupid idea. “So what blade is the great Lillim Cortez Callina going to wield?”

  “Haijiku.” I let the name roll off my tongue like just saying it didn’t frighten me. It did, but I didn’t want him to know about it. I mean, come on, it was inhabited by the Emissary of Darkness. If that wasn’t foreboding, I didn’t know what was.

  Joshua’s eyes widened in shock, and he leaned against the desk behind him to steady himself. “You shouldn’t use that Haijiku.” He shook his head. “The Emissary of Tragedy is dangerous. More dangerous than you know…” He looked like he might say more, but as I waited for him to speak, the silence between us became palpable.

  I turned my back to him and looked up at the wall for a long time. “It’s the only Dioscuri weapon I have lying around, so unless you have an empty one, it will have to do.”

  “Yeah, the fact it’s pretty much the only weapon in the world Warthor is afraid of has nothing to do with you having it ‘lying’ around.” Joshua shook his head and paused so long the uncomfortable silence descended on the room again. “I know you aren’t Dirge.” His voice was soft but determined, like a butterfly flapping against the wind. “But Shirajirashii is your weapon.”

  “Even if we agreed on that, it doesn’t matter. That weapon is destroyed. It’s Haijiku or nothing!” I snapped,
fixing him with a death glare I’d used to make vampires flee. He totally flinched. Something about that was strangely pleasing.

  “Fine,” Joshua said, shaking his head at me with barely concealed fury. “If that’s how you want to play it, I won’t stop you. Lord knows you wouldn’t listen, anyway.”

  “Thanks,” I said, hoping he was going to let it drop.

  He nodded, and as he did, my glare softened a touch.

  “Okay, let’s go find us a demon. Maybe we’ll be able to exorcise him,” I said hopefully.

  “Why not? I’m sure it’ll be easy to send that demon back to Hell. It’s not like Wyrm had to work hard to get out.” Joshua’s voice was etched with anger as though he had taken everything in and still disapproved.

  I sputtered and nearly tripped. My lungs tightened as I whirled around. “You can’t be serious.”

  Joshua smiled in a way that made my skin crawl. He was excited at the prospect of fighting the demon. “Of course I am.”

  I shook my head and sat down abruptly. Wyrm was the first dragon. He had been slain by Dar Silver-tongue so long ago, the story had descended into myth.

  Was that why Logan had needed the baby’s blood to make the Demonslayer? It sort of made sense. If the baby was Dar reborn, using his blood could theoretically help them bind Wyrm to the blade.

  The thought chilled me. They had tried to harness power from the first dragon. A creature so evil and destructive, he’d nearly wiped all life from the planet. And they’d been stupid enough to bring him back. I took a deep breath and tried to stop my hands from shaking. It worked, barely.

  “Okay,” I said, hoping my voice sounded tougher to Joshua than it did to me. My heart was pounding. My palms were sweating. Hell, the damned demon just escaped and was strong enough to take out Bob. If Wyrm was able to regain his full power, we were screwed.

  “Without Shirajirashii to trap Wyrm, exorcism is the only way to stop him. He is already dead after all. You can’t kill something that’s already dead.” Joshua smirked. “Not usually anyway.”