by Autumn Sand
Raul blinks in surprise and then his eyes fall on me standing over him, a wicked grin on my face.
“So, Raul, I hear you’re looking for a promotion.”
I hear a scuffle and try, for the second time in two weeks, to figure out a way to unbind myself. Kenny, still unconscious, lays at my feet on the floor, his hands tied behind his back.
“Mentirosa?”
Relief settles over me when I hear El’s yell.
“Here, in the kitchen.” I try not to cry, but this is too much for me.
He bursts into the kitchen and takes in the sight of me and his brother. “Are you all right?” His voice is calm, much calmer than I ever would be if the situation was reversed.
I nod, too weak to answer.
“Naldo…he’s Je’sus. Raul was working with him.” I let that information sink in, feeling the betrayal of yet another friend, as El grabs a knife and begins cutting the ropes that bind me and his brother. Manny strolls into the kitchen and leans over Kenny, attempting to wake him.
El looks me over and asks me repeatedly how am I doing.
“I’m fine.”
He catches the edge to my voice and barks out orders for everyone to clear the kitchen. People scatter out of the room, like scared mice.
His dark eyes pierce me, pleading for answers. “Are you sure you’re okay? Did he…”
Did he rape me? Did he touch me? I shake my head.
His eyes close with relief. “I’m sorry. This is on me.”
Finally, something we agree on. “You’re damn right this is on you. Tony, Tick, Magnum—they’re alive, aren’t they?” My words are like a dagger, filled with accusation.
“It was for your own good.” For the first time, he doesn’t look me in the eye.
“Never lies between us.” I throw his words at him like a javelin.
“You don’t understand.” He turns his back on me.
The sounds of cries come from somewhere in the penthouse. They sound suspiciously like Raul and Naldo. It echoes the emotions I’m feeling at the moment.
“Why do I always do this to myself? Fall for the wrong men. The ones that treat me like the trash that I am.” My tears fall freely down my cheeks.
“Don’t you dare say that.”
“But yet you kept this from me? You allowed me to think my friends were dead? You trusted me enough to bring me in to help you find out who did this, but you didn’t trust me with this information?” I lean against the wall in hopes it will support me if my legs give out.
“That isn’t why I didn’t tell you. It was for your own safety. The fewer people to know, the better. We needed to bring them out faster. It was supposed to be the safest option we had available to us.” He stumbles around with his words.
My fists clench at my sides. “But yet here you found me, bound to a goddamn chair. That doesn’t seem like the safest option after all, in my opinion.”
He shakes his head. “We didn’t foresee this.” He takes a seat; his face looks tired and weary. All the anxiety from the past few weeks has suddenly caught up to him.
“What am I to you?” I take a seat opposite him.
He looks up, confusion written over his face.
“I sleep next to you, but who am I to you? You felt that you couldn’t tell me something so important, so I need to know.
“I know what I am and what I do. I fuck men. I fuck a lot of men. Most of them, I can’t remember their faces, names, or whatever. I never felt worthy of love because of how I grew up. I had a mother who hated me and a stepfather who loved me in ways that no child should have to be submitted to. I’ve been broken for so long that I don’t know if I will ever be healed. But I allowed myself to hope for a little bit, when you did something no other lover did…that was give me respect. And now, to realize that you didn’t respect me enough with the truth, how am I supposed to move forward?”
He remains silent, for a beat too long. I exhale deeply and rise to leave with my dignity intact, ready to start a new beginning without him and without the men of Pulse.
“Wait.”
I stop at the kitchen entrance. I feel his presence close behind me, and my traitorous body reacts to him as lovers do. He leans his forehead against the back of my head and wraps his hands around my waist tenderly. We stay like this for a long time, as he inhales my scent while I try to not fall back into his spell.
“I’m sorry. I’m not used to sharing my thoughts, my actions, or anything with anyone. I learned long ago, to cut everyone that I loved out of my life, in hopes of keeping them safe from me and the baggage I carry. Manny was right—I put you in harm's way the moment I told you everything. But the selfish part of me enjoyed having someone that I felt understood me and didn’t question it. I was wrong.”
I sob as I listen to his diatribe. My chin touches my chest, my tears dampening my blouse.
“And to answer your question, you’re my lady, my woman.” He turns me around to face him. “To further prove to you who you are to me, let me introduce myself. I’m Raymond. Raymond Leon, and it is a pleasure to meet you.”
I lean back into my leather chair, facing the window inside my home office. I’ve been in this position for over an hour, going over the details of my plan. Everything needs to go effortlessly. A very important guest will be arriving shortly and with his arrival, hopefully closure will follow.
The time on my Breitling reads one forty-five. His arrival is expected in another fifteen minutes. Good, just enough time for me to finish up some other business. I turn the chair back to my desk to read over some papers I will be presenting to him to sign. There is no doubt in my mind he will sign, and I’ve already made the transfer of twenty million into his account.
Chicken walks in wordlessly and takes a seat in front of my desk.
“He’ll be here any minute,” he says, stretching out his long legs.
I don’t bother looking up from the papers. “Where is Tallie?”
“Still at her therapist appointment. Samuel already knows what time to bring her back.”
Finally setting the papers down, I look at him and nod my approval. Tallie’s been going to a therapist for the last few months to deal with the trauma of her childhood. I rise and grab my suit jacket from the back of my chair, slipping it on.
“And Kenny?”
“He is still at the restaurant and should be there until late this evening.”
“Good, our guest should be arriving now. Let’s go greet him.”
Chicken is already walking towards the door when we hear the doorbell. One of my men answers just as Chicken and I walk into the living room. Chicken straightens his tie quickly, and walk towards our guest with an outstretched hand.
“Good to see you, glad that you were able to make it.” They shake hands, exchanging pleasantries.
“Of course, of course. I’m glad to have come and happy about expanding into New York.”
“Bishop, an honor to meet you,” I say, creating a triangle with the three of us. I give Tallie’s stepfather a firm handshake.
“Finally, I get to meet the man who is donating so much money into our ministries. Thank you for this, your money will go to so much good.”
“Oh, I suspect it will go to good causes, like women and drink.” I give him a wink.
The smile that was once on Bishop McBride’s face fades, morphing into confusion, and an awkward silence engulfs us.
“I-I, uh…”
Clapping him on the back, I laugh heartily, and Chicken joins in. The good Bishop, not so much. “Just kidding. Do you think I would give twenty million dollars to a bishop who keeps company with whores and drinks?”
“Oh, uh, of course you wouldn’t.” His laugh is shaky at best, his eyes flickering with concern.
Chicken wraps an arm around his shoulder and walks him towards the living room. “Sorry, I forgot to mention that my boss has a quirky sense of humor. Hope that don’t bother you.”
Bishop McBride looks to me and then to Chicke
n, as he sits on the couch. “Of course I don’t mind. I like a good joke.”
I take a seat of command across from him in a large wingback red chair. Sitting back, I cross my legs and laugh once again. “I tell you, Bishop, I’m so glad you don’t mind my sense of humor. Because I’ll let you in on a secret.” Uncrossing my legs, I lean forward and point to him. His eyes concentrate on my finger before looking me in the eyes. “I like you, yep, I sure do. Seen your sermons on TV a few times and I always come away enlightened.”
“Well, I’m glad to hear that. I try to teach and lead by example.” He smiles as he accepts a glass Chicken offers him. He takes a sip of his drink and nods his approval to Chicken.
I rise, taking a glass from Chicken and setting it on the table. “I can tell that you do lead by example. You and I, I believe, are cut from the same cloth.”
“I feel a kindred spirit in you as well.” He smiles, probably counting my millions in his head.
“Yes, we are, in more ways than you will ever know.” I pick up my drink and walk over to him, raising the glass in a toast. He stands and does the same. “To us, and finalizing our business details together.”
“May God forever be our shining light,” he adds, and we clink glasses, sealing our fates as one.
“I figured you might want something to eat. My chef has prepared something special for us to commemorate this moment.” We walk side by side, out of the living room and towards my dining room area.
We continue past my winding staircase leading to my private area and down the hall, entering the dining room. The food is laid out, buffet-style.
He counts four table settings and looks at me. “One more for lunch?”
My arm extends for him to take a seat anywhere. “Yes, my fiancée will be joining us shortly.”
“Ahh, blessed be. You are soon to be married.” He takes a seat near the buffet setup.
I settle into a chair at the head of the table and Chicken sits down next to the Bishop. “Well, we haven’t set a date yet. Actually, she’s the reason why I had such an interest in your ministry. You can thank her for everything. Why, I tell you, if it wasn’t for her, I’d never seen myself watching a ministry and being so moved to act.” I smile ruefully and Chicken nods his head in agreement.
“I’ve never seen him like this before,” Chicken agrees. “One day, he tells me to reach out to you and begin this process. I thought he was joking.” Chicken looks in my direction before turning to face the Bishop again. “But quickly after talking to him, I realized he wasn’t joking. This man was driven by a whole new purpose in life.”
“God’s work, my children. It is all God’s work and his plan. I can’t wait to meet your lovely fiancée.”
“Please, help yourself to a glass of wine.” I watch him pour himself a glass of red, then glance at the time. Tallie should be here any minute. “Actually, you know her.”
Placing his glass down, he smiles. “Who? Your fiancée?”
“Yes.” I hear her walking through the front door. Chicken rises and excuses himself from the room. “She was once a member of your church.”
“Well, if you are to marry one of the blessed flocks from my church, you are truly a lucky man.” His smile is hearty and I can’t wait to wipe it off of his smug face.
My hands clench under the table as I imagine wrapping them around his neck, only releasing when I see Tallie’s beautiful face. She doesn’t take notice of our guest and walks to me, kissing me greedily. My hands rub her round ass and she giggles into my mouth. In a quick motion, I swoop her onto my lap and she gasps.
Pulling my lips away from hers, I lean into her ear. “We have a guest,” I whisper.
Oh?” She tries to turn her head to take a look, but I prevent her from turning. “Wh—”
“It’s him, your stepfather.” Instantly, I feel the tension in her body and stroke her back to ease it. “I’m here.”
Again, I whisper, but I can feel my words being lost to the warring emotions in her head.
“Tallie.” I cup her chin. “Look at me. I won’t let anything happen to you. Do you believe me?”
Her eyes widen in fear and her body begins to tremble. Maybe I should’ve killed him beforehand. Maybe this is too much for her. I begin to second-guess everything, but then I remember the night I had to hold her when she relived the things he had done to her. And I know, what I’m about to make her do is the right thing.
“Tallie?” Bishop McBride finally speaks.
She bolts upright, as if she was shocked by electricity. The fear that was in her eyes is now replaced by anger. She rises and turns to face him, her back stiff and chin held high. I stand behind her, my hands on her hips.
“What are you doing here?” If her mouth were a gun, her words are the bullets taking aim at his head.
“It’s been so long.” He stands and tries to walk towards her.
“Don’t you dare,” she angrily declares. “Don’t you dare come near me.”
His face contorts as he backs his way to his seat. “What have I done to make you hate me so? I gave you a roof over your head, I gave you food, I gave you a lifestyle that you would’ve never had before, and I gave you love.”
“You stole from me.” Her voice trembles.
“Stole? What have I stolen from you?” He coughs.
“You stole my innocence, you stole my chances in life, you stole my family…and you stole my son.” Her voice trembles.
She has a son? Rage pulses through my veins and I fight my impulse to kill versus my need to help her through this.
I want to take her into my arms and tell her to leave, that I’ll take care of him myself. But I know this is what she needs—closure.
“Innocence? You were hardly innocent when I met you.” He laughs and coughs again.
“Nine,” she whispers, her eyes stare at her clasped hands.
“Nine what?” he asks, reaching for his glass of wine and taking a sip, then coughs again.
She whips her head up and stares at him with the fury of all the years she had endured his molestation. “I was nine years old the night you came to my bedroom.” Slipping from my grasp, she paces the floor, wringing her hands together. “I still remember the stench of that cologne you wore.”
She waves her hand past her nose, fanning away the scent from so many years ago. “You remember what you said to me?” She doesn’t wait for his response, not that he would’ve given one. “You told me to be a good girl for Daddy, as you pulled down my panties.”
Rage builds inside of me and I see red as I watch her recount the minutest details of her rape. I cast my eyes over at the Bishop and fight my demons to not do him in myself, right now, in front of his blasted God, and send him straight to hell.
“You told me that God wanted me to do this and that God would forgive me for all of my past sins. I asked you if God would forgive me for killing my father and baby brother. You told me in time, God would forgive me, only if I did what you wanted me to. Do you remember that?” She stops right in front of him.
He doesn’t say a word, just stares, unable to move. The drug we slipped in the wine is starting to take over. It won’t kill him but will put him in a temporary paralysis. He can look around and hear every word but that’s about it.
“You laid me back on my bed as tears streamed down my cheeks. I never prayed so hard in my life. I knew it was wrong but I wanted God to love me again. I wanted my mother to love me. I wanted be a part of a family.” She kneels in front of him, and his eyes cast down on her.
His face remains expressionless because of the paralysis.
“‘Be a good girl and open your legs for Daddy.’” She chokes back her tears, wiping at her eyes. “When you were done, you took my washcloth from my bathroom and told me to wipe the blood from between my legs as I tried not to cry out loud.” She grabs his face, pushing her nails into his cheeks and drawing blood from him. “Do you remember that?”
Her nails dig deeper into his flesh like dagger
s. Tears fall down his face at the realization of his demise soon to come. It won’t come with him being surrounded by loved ones but in the presence of strangers. Yes, strangers, because the Tallie he knew is not the woman who kneels before him now. There will be no prayers for his soul, and there will be no one mourning his passing on this day. Instead, there will be a celebration of his death and moving on.
She yanks at his flesh, clawing her way through him to the closure she needs. To an onlooker, she would look like a person who has lost her grip on reality and has plunged headfirst into insanity. But to a person who understands the depth of her pain, she is finally regaining her sanity by fully embracing the insanity of it all.
“How dare you do it to me. You called yourself a man of God. What God would allow you to do that to a child?” Her hands fall to her lap as she looks at him. “Were there other children? Have you done this to other girls?”
She rises and stares into his weeping eyes that show the guilt of all he has done and more. Tallie stumbles backward, into the buffet table. “You’ve done it to others, haven’t you?”
The realization comes off as a question, one she already knows the answer to. Her hand falls onto the table and lands on the carving knife. She turns and looks at the knife, the debate in her mind evident.
Holding the knife and pointing it in his direction, she says, “Give me a reason to not kill you right now. How many other girls did you rape? Did you and my mother have them all committed to a hospital for psychiatric care, as you did me? Did you have them declared unstable and sent away?”
His gaze falls, to the floor which catches the drops of blood from his face.
She rushes towards him with the knife but I yell out to her. “Tallie!”
I need her to understand what it would mean to take this man’s life. Though I know she needs to see him die, either by her hands or someone else’s, she still needs to understand the weight of the responsibility of claiming his life.
She stops and looks up at me standing behind her abuser, her eyes questioning why I stopped her from her vengeance.