Like a Love Song

by Gabriela Martins

  “I’m done pretending to be someone I think they’ll like better, William.”

  He smiles, his eyes focused on mine, like I’m the only thing in the world. It’s enough.

  Gathering my courage, I tell him, “You can call me Nati.”

  “Nice to meet you, Nati,” he says just above a murmur.

  My fingertips tingle. I want to touch him so bad. Hold his face, bring it close to mine, and…

  My phone beeps. I shut my eyes and curse internally. It beeps again.

  William clears his throat, puts some space between us, and says, “You should—you should probably get that.”

  I take a deep breath and go into the room, following my phone’s increasing beeping.

  It’s the group chat with the girls.

  PADMA:

  AHHHHH

  THAT WAS SO GOOD

  BRENDA:

  MY BABY KILLED IT!!!! IT WAS SO GOOD

  SO

  SO

  SO

  SO GOOD BABY

  PADMA:

  WHY ARE YOU TEXTING YOU’RE TWO FEET AWAY FROM ME LOL

  BRENDA:

  sshhhhh­hhhhh­h

  WHERE’S NATALIE AND WILLIAM

  NATALIE:

  safe and sound.

  you were AMAZING, padma. :’) <3

  “Hey. Evil mermaid?” William appears by the door. “Can I steal a pillow?”

  Putting my phone on silent mode, I toss it on my bag, hopefully buried under clothes where I will never hear it beep again. Now all my focus is on the handsome British guy in my room.

  “What do you mean?”

  William considers this. “To…sleep.”

  “I know ‘to sleep.’ I didn’t think it was because you wanted to ride a horse. But where are you taking the pillow?”

  Again, he looks clueless. “The couch…? Didn’t think you’d make me sleep in the lobby, but if that’s what your heart desires, darling.”

  I cross my arms, raising my eyebrows. “Is it because I’m an evil mermaid? You’re afraid I’ll smother you with my pillow if you sleep next to me?”

  His eyes widen slightly. “I hadn’t considered that, so thanks for one more terrifying thing to think about before bed.”

  I shake my head, making a face. “I’m serious, though. You don’t have to sleep on the couch. It’s too small for you.”

  “I can handle it.” He shrugs.

  “No, stop.” I start making a knot of my hair so it won’t get on my face while I’m sleeping. “Stop being a baby and come to bed—” I pause, shutting my eyes. “I mean.”

  He’s kind enough to ignore my wording. “You have got to stop calling me a baby. I’ll feel self-conscious of my manhood.” He gestures to his chest.

  “What’s—” I mimic his gesture.

  “My manly muscles, of course,” William says with such a straight face that I can’t help laughing.

  Dork. Dork. Dork.

  What am I doing?

  I sigh. “Do you want the left or right side?”

  Properly entering the room, he sighs. “I prefer left, thank you.”

  “No problem,” I tell him.

  What am I doing?

  The mattress shifts underneath me as he climbs into bed. I’m still sitting up and staring ahead, and he clears his throat. “I should—I should probably turn off the light, though, right? Unless you don’t want to go to sleep straightaway, which is okay—”

  “Lights off, yes,” I cut him off. Then, realizing I probably sound rude, I force a yawn. “I’m so…tired…”

  Good thing he’s the actor of the two of us.

  Murmuring something unintelligible, William gets up again to turn off the light. As he passes in front of me, I lie down, staring at the ceiling and holding my breath. I only let it go when the whole room goes dark, the moonlight illuminating his silhouette softly as he comes back to bed. Next to me.

  He’s far away enough that I only feel the shift of the mattress again, but I’m hyperaware of his presence next to me. We lie awkwardly beside each other in the dark, and maybe this was my worst idea yet. There’s no way I’m going to be able to fall asleep.

  “Um, good night, Nati,” he says.

  His voice is low and quiet, and it makes me want to turn to him. But instead I roll to my other side, away from him, my shoulders rigid. “Good night, William.”

  Then I prepare myself for a whole lot of counting sheep.

  I notice the weight around my shoulders first.

  As I wake, I move my fingers slightly and realize I have a hand over William’s stomach, which comes with the inevitable realization that my head is also on his chest.

  My heart drums as I start to take in the details, my eyes still closed. His arm around my shoulders, keeping me close. My face half buried on his chest. The warmth that comes from him and not from the kicked-away blanket.

  There’s no going back now.

  Not to sleep. And probably not to pretending we’re just friends.

  I open my eyes.

  My fingers hover over his taut stomach, so as to not wake him, but I feel like I can’t breathe until I see his face. So I raise my head from his chest enough that I can look at him.

  He seems peaceful, eyes closed and lips slightly parted, head tilted to the side. His hair is a mess. I want to run my fingers through his curls.

  I want to hold his face.

  I look away, trying to untangle from him so I can excuse myself to the bathroom, where I can have my existential crisis without waking him.

  But his hold on my shoulders tightens a bit, and he frowns, pulling me in and nuzzling my neck. A shiver runs down my spine in response.

  I’m caught mid-act, staring right at him, when he opens his eyes.

  “Oh,” he says. “Good morning?”

  I cock an eyebrow, still not moving. “Good morning.”

  Neither of us moves.

  He’s wide-eyed. Terrified.

  I swallow my feelings, and turn to leave.

  “Wait,” he asks quietly. “Nati.”

  I turn back to him, and the warmth bubbles back up, making it harder to breathe. I bite the insides of my cheeks as he gives me that long look I can’t decode.

  We’re so close….

  “I wasn’t going to run. I was just…”

  “Going to run,” he says. “Do you want to?”

  I’m scared by how fast I shake my head no.

  Hesitantly at first, he runs his fingers over my shoulder. I shiver, and glance at his hand as it slides down my arm, leaving a trail of heat behind it.

  I meet his gaze. There’s a question in them that he seems to be struggling to form with words.

  But I know what it is.

  Can we?

  Should we?

  I’ve been asking myself the same thing.

  God. I care about him so much. I want him so bad.

  I settle back into his arms. I can hear my heart beating fast, and I wonder if he can hear it, too. It’s a time bomb, and I’m dying to see what happens when it goes off.

  His other hand goes up to my hair and touches it lightly.

  “I’m not running, either.” And a little faintly, like he may regret it later, he says, “You’re beautiful in every way. I’m done pretending I don’t see it.” I’m ready now, for whatever it is that comes next, but he’s got one last thing to say. His face a little flustered, my own body in flames. “I fancy you, Nati.”

  I lean in closer to him, and when our noses touch, he takes a deep breath. I look him in the eye, my brown into his green, and I swear the world goes quiet.

  He closes his eyes first. I close mine next.

  And I touch my lips to his.

  L
ightly at first, our lips barely moving, hesitant, until he pulls me close and I press against him, my soft curves against his hard chest.

  I deepen the kiss.

  As our tongues slide together, my body finds a mind of its own, and the only thing it’s thinking of is WilliamWilliamWilliam. I hold his face, run my fingers through his hair, kiss the curve of his mouth and the birthmark under his eye. He’s smiling when he rolls me beneath him. Now he’s on top of me, kissing my neck, trailing kisses up to my mouth.

  When our lips meet again, it feels like we were meant to be here.

  Like this.

  I can hear the world trying to burst our bubble, but I won’t let it. William pulls back, but I hum, not wanting our kiss to end. He holds me close, protectively now, as he turns to look at the entrance of the bedroom. Then he turns back to me with a cocked eyebrow.

  Oh. So the world was literally trying to disrupt us. I didn’t imagine the noise.

  “I reckon…someone’s knocking at the door?” he says.

  I groan, and hop up from the bed.

  My body feels all wrong, like my legs are made of jelly, and I can’t take a firm step. But judging by the long moment it takes him to sit up, he’s feeling it, too.

  I hurry through the suite and finally swing open the door. Brenda’s standing there in mom jeans with her fist raised to continue knocking, a wide, hypercaffeinated smile on her face.

  “Finally! You weren’t answering your phone, and…”

  She trails off, head tilting to the side, her high ponytail falling to the right as she eyes me up and down.

  “I—it was on silent mode,” I reply, my throat dry.

  I stand there like I’m petrified while Brenda wanders around me. “Why do you look weird…red in the cheeks…hmm…”

  I clear my throat, and, of course, this is the moment William chooses to leave the bedroom and come meet us. Brenda grins wolfishly. William opens and closes his mouth.

  “Good…morning?” he tries.

  “Was it a good morning? I don’t know, man. You tell me.” Brenda raises her eyebrows, grin still in place. She turns to me. “Was it good?”

  I’m going to kill Brenda.

  Shut up! I mouth to her. My cheeks are burning, and I’m going to pass out at any second now. I sneak a peek at William.

  He’s biting back a smile, like I do sometimes. He looks so beautiful, and his hair is so fluffy and I want to smile at him forever.

  When Brenda speaks again, she’s laughing.

  “Ooookay,” she says. “Let’s go have some breakfast, fake lovebirds. Padma’s already downstairs with everyone.”

  “Um, right.” William says. I read the question in his eyes: Is she going to stay here and wait for us? We know where the breakfast room is!

  I widen my eyes back. I know we know! But she’s—it’s okay she’s waiting for us! It shows she cares! See how nice? She likes you!

  William sighs in frustration, then shakes his head slightly. His eyes say: Shouldn’t we talk? In private? About what has happened?

  I make a pouting face, then shrug. I’m perfectly fine with Brenda’s company here. What should we talk about? Breakfast? I don’t see the need for any pre-breakfast conversation.

  There is a possibility he didn’t quite get that entire eye conversation like I did, but he does turn away to get dressed, and I offer Brenda an awkward smile before grabbing some clothes and disappearing into the bathroom.

  As expected, the breakfast room is incredible. Crystal chandeliers grace a massive room with large windows overlooking the beach. It’s full of life, all late teens and early twenty-somethings laughing and clinking their glasses of either orange juice or bottomless mimosas. Brenda has one arm linked through mine and one through William’s as she guides us to Padma’s table. I try not to laugh at the absurdity of it all.

  “We’re here!” Brenda yells, letting both of us go and melting when she sees her girlfriend. Padma spreads her arms, and Brenda promptly sits on her lap and hugs her neck. “Missed you!”

  “They’re so gushy it’s disgusting,” I murmur to William.

  His lips quirk. I clear my throat, sit down, and gesture for him to take the seat next to mine.

  We’re getting some curious looks, but the hotel is expensive enough that this is probably not those people’s first encounter with someone famous. I don’t see any phones pointed our way, at least.

  “Anyway, let’s eat.”

  William gives me one last furtive glance before he orders pretty much everything on the menu for himself. While he’s talking to the waiter, Padma, on my other side, elbows me and whispers, “Have you checked Twitter or Insta yet?”

  I give her a sheepish smile. “No, but I saw the video last night. And the pics. The whole thing.”

  Padma parts her lips, but then William turns to me. “What would you like?”

  “Um, some pineapple juice and scrambled eggs,” I tell the waiter, and he nods.

  William bumps his shoulder to mine, apparently for no specific reason.

  My face is hot.

  I like how close we’re sitting.

  While Brenda entertains William, Padma elbows me again, this time gesturing so I can see her phone screen. I glance down. It’s a thread called why trentalie is still alive. I shoot her a confused look and scroll through. The first few items are garbage, like him following me on social again, but eventually I stop at a recent post. It has two pictures of Trent meeting fans in the Faro airport.

  The caption reads: he went all the way to portugal to get his girl.

  My heart stops. I shoot a wide-eyed look at Padma.

  She locks her phone and puts it back on the table, facedown.

  “I can’t believe you’ve seen that film!” William smiles at Brenda. “Isn’t it brilliant? I love the direction they took with making Hamlet a horror story. When you think about it, isn’t it the way it’s supposed to be?”

  “A nerdy take, but I agree,” Brenda says.

  I turn to Padma, whispering, “What the hell?”

  Padma makes a face, then shakes her head. “I don’t know. He must’ve seen the pictures from the festival and hated that your relationship is getting more publicity.”

  My stomach sinks. I can’t believe this is happening.

  I shut my eyes.

  “Merda,” I curse.

  William turns to me with a question in his eyes, but he never gets to ask. His eyes shift past me, to someone else.

  And I know exactly who it is.

  If I close my eyes long enough, can I make it all disappear?

  I’m telling my empty stomach to settle down and not get any crazy ideas when he stops behind me. I can feel his looming presence, but he doesn’t give me the option of ignoring him.

  “Natalie,” Trent says. “We need to talk.”

  Now I can see the phones pointed toward us even as I try not to. The whole room is paying attention, not only the people at my table.

  I turn around to face him, but I’m still sitting. He’s taller than I remember. His hair is a little longer. “I don’t want to talk to you, Trent. I told you this before.”

  “I don’t know why you think you have the right to her time,” Brenda says. Padma murmurs her name, and Brenda scoffs. “Just saying.”

  Trent’s eyes pause on Brenda for a millisecond before they’re back on me. “Anyway, as I was saying…I think, as your boyfriend, I deserve to talk to you in private.”

  I am so outraged I can’t find the words. How can he be so deluded?!

  Brenda scoffs again, and I have the feeling Padma is getting ready to physically restrain her, but it’s not her reaction that catches my eye this time. It’s William, frowning, his voice firm as he asks, “Excuse me? As her what?”

  “I am her boyfriend,” Trent says, toweri
ng over us. “And I’ve got a bunch of Twitter threads to prove it. You’re just a placeholder.”

  It’s the first time I see William properly angry. I could swear his green eyes turn icy when he narrows them, fists balled, ready for a fight that I know he won’t start. I can’t even breathe properly—I’m too preoccupied with all the cell phones in our direction.

  “Don’t worry about keeping up a front, dude. You’re not really dating. Some random person heard you talk about how it’s fake somewhere? I don’t know. You’re someone she paid to go out with so the public would stop talking about her People’s Choice faux pas.”

  I hate the way he says faux pas, pronouncing the x and the s like a loser. I hate that he’s staring at William like he’s superior to him. I hate that he said he’s my boyfriend. I hate that he thinks he can still cash in on me. I hate him so much.

  William glances at me. “Nati?”

  I don’t know what to tell Trent, is the thing. Technically, he is right. William and I are fake-dating.

  Or maybe he was right? After this morning, it feels like the game has changed.

  “The faux pas that you caused, asshole,” Brenda snarls at him.

  Trent full-on ignores Brenda, and snorts at William instead. “It’s Natalie,” he corrects.

  William tilts his chin up. “Is it now?”

  There’s a second there where they stare at each other, and I want to scream.

  Then Trent gives up on the staring contest and turns to me. “Let’s go, babe. We have a lot of talking to do.”

  “Babe?! What—” I stop myself. “Go away, Trent.”

  William glances at me.

  “Two minutes. It’s all I’m asking. If you don’t like what I have to say, I’ll leave you and your friends alone.”

  I cover my face with my hands and sigh.

  I’m so done feeling like this is somehow my fault.

  “I have to,” I say, turning to William. “I need to get some things off my chest.”

  William parts his lips.