No Going Back (Sawyer Brooks)

by T. R. Ragan

  Her hands started to shake.

  No. Take a breath. You can do this.

  Cheerios. Cheerios. People had Cheerios for breakfast. She left the laptop and walked back to the kitchen, moving fast, knowing she was running out of time.

  She began quietly opening and closing cupboards. Above the coffee cups was a row of cereal boxes. She pulled out the Cap’n Crunch and the Froot Loops. There it was! A box of Cheerios in the back. She had to put a knee on the counter to push herself up high enough so that she could reach it. She brought the cereal to the counter, pulled open the waxy paper, and looked inside. The box was full and didn’t look as if it had been disturbed. She took off a glove and shoved her hand inside. Nothing.

  Glove back on, she opened more cupboards, found a large bowl, and poured the cereal into it. The last thing to topple out was a neatly folded piece of paper. She almost cried from happiness. She unfolded the paper, saw the login and password, then drew in a long, shuddering breath. Thank God. Everything she needed was there. She folded the piece of paper and shoved it into her back pocket.

  The clock was ticking. Get out. Get out. Her time was up.

  She left the cereal in the bowl, put the gloves back where she’d found them, grabbed the laptop and charger, and headed out. She was halfway down the stairs when she remembered the key. It was in her pocket. She looked back toward the apartment. It was too risky. Forget about returning the key, she told herself.

  It wasn’t until she was behind the wheel of her car and halfway home that she could truly breathe. When no other cars were around, she rolled down the window and tossed the key to Lena’s apartment, watching in the rearview mirror as it bounced off the pavement and onto the grassy center divide.

  At home, she locked her door, fastened the chain, drew the curtains closed, and then placed the computer and charger on her table. She pulled the folded paper from her back pocket and put it on the table too. She then went to her bedroom and stripped off her clothes. She had tried not to step into puddles of blood, but there were two smudges on the bottoms of her sneakers. She ran to the kitchen, used a dab of bleach to wipe the rubber soles clean.

  She turned on the shower, and when the water was warm, she got in and began to scrub herself clean, wishing she could scrub away everything bad in her life and in the world. Lena Harris had been raped. The men who had assaulted her hadn’t deserved to walk free, but neither had they deserved to die. She wondered if Lena would live. She hoped so. There was too much death as it was.

  Once Sawyer had towel-dried her hair, dressed in sweatpants and a T-shirt, and started a load of dirty clothes, she made a pot of strong coffee.

  The information on the piece of paper found in the cereal box made it easy for Sawyer to log in to the group. The female vigilantes had been dubbed the Black Wigs by the media, but they called themselves The Crew and they all had nicknames. She started from the beginning, which took her at least a year back in time. She skimmed through month after month of conversations as the group plotted and planned.

  It wasn’t difficult to figure out who was whom. One of the members of The Crew went by the nickname Bug and had taken off, abandoning the group after Myles Davenport’s death. Could Bug be Tracy Rutherford?

  Malice was Harper. Apparently Malice had entered the warehouse on Power Inn Road and seen that Otto Radley had broken free from his restraints and was sneaking up on Psycho. Malice had picked up a rifle near the door and shot him dead. They all agreed that Malice had saved Psycho’s life.

  There was another crew member who called herself Lily. Sawyer had no idea who Lily might be. Lily had been drugged by Brad Vicente, but it was Cleo who had worn a blonde wig and met Brad at the Blue Fox. Things had gone wrong from the start. The plan had been to get Brad to her car, give him a sedative, and take him to the warehouse. But with the help of Ian Farley, Brad had gotten the upper hand. If not for the other crew members, who knows what might have happened to Cleo.

  Sawyer got up and filled her mug. When she returned to the laptop, she noticed someone had commented.

  Psycho and Lily had both logged on. Sawyer’s heart began to race.

  LILY: Cleo, what’s going on? You’re all over the news. They’re saying you were killed by Felix Iverson.

  PSYCHO: Where are you?

  When Sawyer typed a response, it automatically inserted Cleo’s name as the person responding.

  CLEO: I’m not Cleo.

  LILY: Who is this?

  CLEO: A friend. Your secrets are safe with me. Remove the hard drive from your computer and destroy it. Now! I will be doing the same for Cleo.

  CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE

  Sleep had abandoned Sawyer. The pot of coffee she’d consumed hadn’t helped. When she was done reading through The Crew’s messages, she had used instructions from a video she found on the internet to figure out how to remove the hard drive and destroy it with a hammer.

  But the computer was the least of her worries.

  For most of the night she lay in bed, restless, unsure of what to do next. Harper was Malice. And Malice had helped form The Crew, a group of five women who had met on the dark web over a year ago.

  Sawyer grabbed her phone from the nightstand, disheartened to see that there was still no text or return call from Harper. She needed to call Nate and find out if he’d heard from his wife.

  Where could Harper be?

  She looked at the time. It was still early. Not yet six a.m. She would wait until her niece and nephew were at school, then call Nate. She slid her legs over the mattress, got dressed, brushed her teeth. At eight o’clock she called Lexi and told her she’d be late. At nine a.m. sharp, she picked up the phone again.

  “Hi, Nate. It’s me, Sawyer. Are the kids at school?”

  “I just got back from dropping them off.”

  “Is Harper home?”

  “No.”

  “Did she call?”

  “She sent me a text last night, letting me know that she’s okay. That’s all I know.”

  Sawyer exhaled. “I’m coming over. We need to talk.”

  “I’ll be here.”

  Fifteen minutes later, Sawyer pulled up to the curb outside Harper’s house, just as she had done so many times before. So much had changed since she’d found her sisters ten years ago. They had all been through so much. But the one thing that stood out, year after year, was that Harper had always been there for her. She was her rock.

  Sawyer grabbed her backpack, got out of the car, and made her way to the house. Nate was waiting for her at the door.

  Aria lived in the detached garage apartment. She must have seen Sawyer pull up, because she joined them. Aria went on and on about the cuts and bruises on Sawyer’s body and face. She then asked where Harper was and demanded to know what was going on.

  “Let’s go inside,” Sawyer said to Nate and Aria. “We have a lot to talk about.”

  They gathered in their usual spot in the kitchen. Aria and Sawyer sat on stools at the counter and watched Nate set about making fresh coffee and gathering mugs while Sawyer told them everything, starting with her first visit with Lena Harris and how Nate had followed Harper to Power Inn Road. She told them about her drive to that same warehouse and how the place had been swarming with technicians and cut off to her and the public with crime tape. And finally, Sawyer talked about the connection between Eddie Carter, Don Fulton, and Felix Iverson. The three men had been accused of raping Lena Harris at a fraternity party. In the end, they had walked free.

  Nate and Aria were quiet as she talked. Nate slid a mug of fresh coffee to her, and Sawyer took a sip before she told them the last part, the worst part.

  “The trailer was covered in blood. Felix Iverson was dead, a hunting knife protruding from his chest. And next to him was Lena Harris, cut wide open with a machete as far as I could tell. Hanging on by a thread, Lena had already called 9-1-1. She told me that if I wanted to save Harper, I needed to go to her apartment, use the key hidden in a planter to get inside, find her
laptop, and destroy any evidence.”

  Aria gasped. “Please don’t tell me you went to the apartment and stole her computer?”

  “I didn’t steal it. She told me to take it.”

  Aria rubbed her hands over her face. “This can’t be happening.”

  “What did you find on the computer?” Nate asked.

  Sawyer met his gaze. Nate wanted to know how his wife was involved in all this. He understood why she’d had no choice but to go to Lena Harris’s apartment.

  “Harper helped form the Black Wigs,” Sawyer said. “Only they call themselves The Crew. They all have nicknames. Harper goes by Malice.”

  “No way,” Aria said. “This is crazy.”

  Sawyer kept her gaze on Nate. “I’m sorry. It’s true. Apparently, she shot and killed Otto Radley after he escaped and was sneaking up on one of the other crew members. From everything I’ve read, Harper never meant to harm any of the men they went after.”

  Aria paled. She looked as if she might be sick.

  Nate remained composed.

  “The Crew buried him near the abandoned warehouse where they also found Eddie Carter’s body. I’m sure Detective Perez and his men have located the grave by now.”

  “Where’s Lena’s computer?” Nate asked.

  “I destroyed it.”

  “This is so fucked up,” Aria said. “If she’s part of the Black Wigs—or The Crew—or whatever, then she must have shit hidden around here somewhere.”

  Nate was already headed for the bedroom.

  Sawyer and Aria jumped up and followed him.

  Without another word spoken, all three of them began searching through the closet and dresser drawers, under the bed, and in the bathroom.

  “Got it!” Aria said from the bathroom attached to their master bedroom.

  Nate and Sawyer headed that way.

  Aria was sitting on the tile floor with an open box in her lap. Inside were a black wig and a black mask.

  The stunned silence was broken when Harper walked into the room.

  CHAPTER FORTY-SIX

  “What are you doing?” Harper asked when she found Nate and her sisters going through her things.

  Aria pushed herself to her feet and held out the wig, letting it dangle from two fingers. “I think a better question is, what is this?”

  Harper walked into the bathroom and snatched away the wig. Heat flushed through her body. She wanted to be angry with all of them, tell them to get out and mind their own business, but before the thought could take root, her shoulders slumped. They knew the truth. It was over.

  “Where have you been?” Nate asked before she could find her voice.

  Harper looked at him. His eyes were filled with sadness and disappointment and maybe dread for what was yet to come. “I spent last night at a hotel, trying to gather my wits, hoping to find the courage to tell you everything.”

  She and Nate had been together long enough for her to see the doubt in his eyes. He wasn’t sure if he could believe her.

  Aria crossed her arms. “Prove it.”

  Harper knew she didn’t have to answer to her sister, but she reached into the purse still strapped to her shoulder, pulled out her receipt, and handed it to Nate. “Call the hotel if you don’t believe me.”

  He did just that. When he hung up, he nodded and said, “She’s telling the truth.”

  When Harper finally had a chance to look at Sawyer, who was sitting on the edge of the bed, her jaw dropped. “What happened to you?”

  “I was being followed by a woman named Lena Harris. Also known as Cleo.”

  Harper’s insides flipped over. “She did that to you?”

  Sawyer nodded. “I was lucky to get out alive. She said she wanted to kill me.”

  Aria grunted. “You put all of our lives in danger. How could you?”

  Harper shook her head. Aria had never liked conflict, but she was upset and she wanted answers. “I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I swear.”

  “Cleo is dead,” Sawyer said.

  Harper had seen the news, watched as two bodies were taken from Felix Iverson’s trailer. The description the anchorman had given fit Cleo. “I thought so.”

  “Why did you return to the warehouse in the middle of the night?” Sawyer asked.

  The master bath was an extension of the bedroom, and out of the corner of her eye, Harper caught her reflection in the mirror. Her eyes were red and bloodshot, her face puffy from crying. She grabbed a tissue from the bathroom countertop and blew her nose before she answered Sawyer’s question. “After Cleo’s husband took the kids and left, she lost her mind. The Crew never planned to hurt anyone. We just wanted to teach the men who had harmed us a lesson, show each of them what it feels like to have no control. What it feels like to be trapped and powerless.” She shook her head. “Cleo was the last member of the crew to choose her targets, and she wanted to go after Eddie Carter first.” Harper swallowed. “The honest-to-God truth is that I went to the warehouse to let Eddie Carter go. But he and Cleo were already gone.”

  Poor Nate looked haunted, Harper thought, as if he’d been living too long in the shadows of the dark unknown.

  Harper wished she could make her husband see that she’d never meant to hurt him. In her mind, it all had started out so innocently. She hated to see him hurting. “I love you, Nate. I love all of you. You have to understand that when I first met these women on the internet, it was so amazing to have other women who understood what I had been through. We had all been in the same dark place at some point in our lives. We shared so much pain and suffering, and at first, talking about it was enough.”

  “You could have talked to us,” Sawyer said.

  Harper shook her head. “No. I never would have done that. I spent my entire life trying to protect you two. I never would have dreamed of putting such a burden on either of you.” But she understood in that moment that, in the end, she had done exactly that.

  “If I could turn back time and do things differently, I would,” Harper said. “But I can’t.” She wiped her eyes and then straightened so that she was standing tall, even though she wanted to collapse. “I need to go to the police and tell them everything.”

  “No,” Aria said.

  Harper frowned.

  “You’ve paid your dues,” Aria stated firmly, as if there would be no further discussion about going to the police. “Your entire life has been a shit show of abuse. If you file a report, you’ll be arrested for aiding and abetting, and Sawyer could go to jail for being an accessory after the fact.”

  Aria’s hands were rolled into fists at her sides. She let out a low growl as if she couldn’t hold in her frustrations any longer. “After all we’ve been through, what sort of justice would that be? You would not have harmed Otto Radley, a man who never should have been released, if he hadn’t been going to kill your friend. You had no other choice.” She put a palm to her chest. “I know that for a fact because any one of us would have done the same thing.”

  Nate had been quiet while everyone else talked, but he cleared his throat and said to everyone in the room, “I fell in love with Harper the minute I laid eyes on her.”

  Harper’s eyes filled with fresh tears.

  “I knew she was in pain,” Nate said, “but I didn’t know why. When she told me what was happening to her and her sisters in River Rock, we started making plans to get all three of you out of that house and away from that town. Since that time, I have stayed in the background, content to let the three of you figure out where you stand with one another.” He paused for a second or two. “Your time is up. It’s my turn to speak and to let you all know that from here on out, we’re going to handle things my way.”

  Harper, Aria, and Sawyer all opened their mouths at once, but Nate shut them down. “I’m going to have my say, and then you two”—he gestured from Aria to Sawyer—“are going to leave us alone.”

  He walked over to Harper and took her hand in his. “In all these years we’ve been to
gether, I’ve never once told you what to do.”

  Harper nodded.

  “But I’m telling you now, and I expect you to listen and listen good. Let it go. Can you do that? Relax. Right now. And let it go. Stop trying to fix everything. Stop trying to change me and the kids. We’re fine just the way we are. And so are you, which is why you need to let the past go. What happened to you was tragic. Killing a man to save your friend must be eating away at you, and I’m sure you’ll never ever forget it. Nobody expects you to. But it’s over. All of it. Nothing good can come out of you trying to take control and change things, because no matter what you do, it won’t change the past. The tighter you cling to memories of your father and what he did to you, the longer you hold on to the darkness. The more you resist, the longer you’ll suffer. Let it go, Harper. Not for me or your children or every woman out there who has been wronged, but for you. Give yourself a fighting chance and let it go.”

  Aria walked over and joined the huddle. Sawyer did too.

  Harper knew that Nate was right. It was time to let it all go and start over. This was her family. Somehow, some way, she and her sisters had seen the worst of humanity. All three of them had been raised by monsters, neglected and abused, and yet they were stronger for it. She would never let any one of them down again.

  It was just past noon when Sawyer left Harper and Nate’s house. She could hear Aria’s footfalls close behind as she made her way to her car parked at the curb.

  “Do you think Harper will be able to let it go?” Aria asked.

  Sawyer opened the door to her car and said, “I think she’ll listen to Nate, but none of us will ever forget what happened in River Rock, let alone Harper’s involvement with The Crew.”

  “I do wish she could have talked to us.”

  Sawyer nodded in agreement. “Nate was right when he told her she needed to find a way to let it all go. In the end, every one of us needs to find a way to forgive ourselves for the choices we’ve made and then do our best to keep on going.”