Searching for Normal

by C. J. Darlington

“I didn’t know you wanted a boyfriend,” I said.

  Izzy focused on her pizza and shrugged.

  Amelia raised her eyebrows at me.

  “Cody’s just a friend,” Izzy said.

  “Hey, it’s okay to like a guy. I guess.” I lowered my voice. “Or to think he’s cute.”

  Izzy tried to hide her smile, but I saw it creeping onto her face again.

  “Have you ever liked a guy?” Amelia asked.

  It took me a second to realize the question was for me. “What, me?”

  “No, the other Shay.”

  “Have you?” I said.

  Amelia waved her pizza crust in the air. “Nope. Not letting you off that easy.”

  I knew she was teasing me, but I was still feeling pretty raw about my whole dad dilemma and Amelia’s doggedness kind of felt like sandpaper on my skin. I knew she wasn’t trying to make me or Izzy uncomfortable, but it still felt a little invasive.

  Tessa redid her ponytail and started in on her salad again. “There is such a thing as privacy, Amelia.”

  “Not with friends,” Amelia said.

  “Especially with friends,” Tessa countered.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  I held up my hand. “I’m not trying to be secretive.” At least not on this subject.

  “Okay, then spill.”

  Tessa rolled her eyes.

  “I like guys . . . as friends,” I said.

  “That’s not what I mean.”

  “It’s strange to think of them as anything else.”

  Using her fork as a pointer, Tessa gestured toward Amelia. “There are a lot more important things in life.”

  “Says the girl with a boyfriend,” Amelia said.

  “Ms. Larkin is single,” I said. “She seems happy.”

  Amelia sighed. “But she’s old.”

  I leaned forward. “And she’s happy.”

  “Guys.” Izzy shook her head. “What is with you? Just relax.”

  Yeah, good question. I was not a fan of arguments, especially with friends, and I didn’t even know what we were arguing about.

  “Why do we say, ‘guys’ when we’re a bunch of girls?” Amelia asked.

  Izzy let out an exasperated sound and pulled out her phone. She held it up and pushed a button, training it on each of us. She loved taking videos at random times to add to her Instagram stories.

  “I think it’s time for some bonhomie,” Izzy said. “What do you say?”

  “Some what?” I knew what the word bonhomie implied but had no idea its exact meaning. This sounded like another word-of-the-day lesson that Izzy seemed to be enjoying lately.

  “Why, I’m glad you asked!” Izzy swung her phone toward me. “Bonhomie means good-natured, easy friendliness.”

  Tessa chuckled. Then we all joined in.

  It felt good to laugh, but by the time lunch ended and I was headed to my next class, the feeling of unease that followed me to school sank back down over my shoulders.

  Chapter 8

  KELSEY AND JADE ambushed me at the door as I was leaving school.

  “Where’s the fire?”

  I was not up for this. I just wanted to get home and read a book or snuggle with Stanley and Matilda and maybe pretend I could actually unknow the Mason King deal.

  “School’s out. I’m going home.” I leaned against the door’s exit bar.

  Kelsey grabbed my arm.

  I pulled away. “Hey.”

  “See? What’d I tell you?” Kelsey nodded toward Jade, who bobbed her head in response.

  Breathe in, breathe out. I tried to calm myself. They were looking for a reaction, most definitely. If I didn’t give it to them, maybe they’d leave me alone.

  “Your pic was really popular,” Jade said.

  “What pic?”

  “The one I took of you, goof.”

  In the mouths of my friends, the use of goof might’ve been endearing. On Jade’s lips, it was an insult.

  “Want to hear some of the comments?”

  “Not really.”

  Jade yanked out her phone, scrolling with her thumb. “Plain Jane moves to the big city . . . when you look more like your horse than yourself . . .”

  Kelsey laughed much louder than necessary. “Read my fave from Ross.”

  Jade continued. “If she was cuter, I’d book a room!!!”

  I almost ripped the phone out of her hands.

  “What?” Kelsey let out another laugh. “It’s funny!”

  Warmth rose up my neck at his crude comment. If I showed my feelings, they’d jab me even more. I was better off walking away, as hard as that was.

  “Before you run off, I think we need to talk.” Jade stuffed her phone in the back pocket of her tight, rhinestone-studded jeans.

  I could feel tension pulling at my insides like a knot. Other students poured past us out the doors. Someone bumped into me then apologized, but I barely noticed. Kelsey pulled me over to the wall, and I wasn’t sure why, but I let her.

  “I don’t want to talk,” I said.

  “And I get that,” Kelsey said. “But this is important.”

  If she was cuter . . .

  I was not the type of girl to worry much about glamour. I’d worn makeup twice in my life, and even then, it was just a little mascara and lipstick. But girly girl or not, the comments still hurt. I didn’t want to look pretty for any guy in particular, but I wouldn’t have minded if someone thought I was.

  “So, here’s the thing,” Kelsey whispered, leaning in.

  I felt myself recoil at how close she was. I could smell her peppermint gum.

  “We’ve heard some rumors.” Kelsey glanced at Jade. One side of her mouth turned up into a smirk.

  Rumors?

  “I really need to get home,” I said.

  Kelsey crossed her arms. “Calling it home already? Wow, you’re adjusting well. Don’t think I’d adapt to such a drastic change that quickly.”

  Is this how Stanley felt when my aunt first brought him to live with her? Because I was starting to feel like a cornered dog.

  “Wanna know what they are?” Kelsey elbowed Jade. “Specifics don’t really matter, but let’s just say your school file has some interesting details.”

  My pulse pounded faster. I didn’t know how much the school knew about me, but I imagine my aunt had to give them some details. Or was it my grandparents? I wasn’t even sure who’d enrolled me here.

  “So what?” I said. And how in the world would they have gathered this supposed information? Hacked into the school’s computer? Snuck into an office and pulled my records?

  “You didn’t start with the rest of us,” Kelsey said. “In fact, you were two weeks late.”

  “Anyone with eyes could figure that out.”

  Jade got closer to me and whispered, “But we know why.”

  “You don’t know anything,” I said, hoping my statement sounded more confident than I felt.

  “Really?”

  It was all I could do not to shove my way past them.

  Kelsey laughed. “Don’t look so scared, Shay.”

  Is it possible they really did have something on me?

  “At least we know she can’t go home crying to her daddy,” Jade said, and they both laughed together.

  I could feel my fingers wanting to ball together into a fist. How did the news about my dad travel so quickly? I needed to pretend none of their words mattered to me. That I didn’t care. Maybe then they’d leave me alone. Bullies bullied people who reacted.

  “Relax. We haven’t told anyone.”

  But what if they did? I could already feel the stares in the hallway just from being the new girl, but the whispers behind my back would become unbearable. The names I’d be called. What about Amelia, Tessa, and Izzy? Would they even want to be friends with me if they knew? To them I was the quiet one. The girl who couldn’t even raise her voice in drama class. That impression would change—completely.

  Jade jovially punched me
in the arm. “Maybe there’s a way you can help us. We’ll let ya know, okay?”

  They started to walk away.

  “What are you talking about?” I asked.

  “Later,” Kelsey said with a backward wave.

  I watched them disappear out the school doors. Once outside they gave each other a high five, hooked arms, and practically skipped away, laughing.

  I waited until they were gone before I slammed into the exit bar with a lot more force than needed and began my walk home. I could feel the anger burning hot in me now, that fire I couldn’t always quench but knew I should. At least the chilly air would help clear my mind.

  But before I could cross the parking lot, Tessa came up beside me and wrapped her arm around my shoulder, steering me toward her boyfriend’s car.

  “Let me and Alex drive you home. He gave me his keys so we can wait where it’s warm.”

  “I’m fine.”

  Tessa unlocked the car with her key fob. It chirped. “Shay, stop. For once let someone do something for you. It’s freezing.”

  I nodded without arguing and got in the passenger seat, setting my backpack in between my feet. I don’t know if she realized how much I needed and appreciated people pushing me to accept care. I couldn’t seem to allow it on my own, and I wasn’t even sure why.

  Tessa hopped into the driver’s seat. She started the engine and the heater.

  “Were those girls bothering you?”

  I stared at the floor. “What girls?”

  “They were kind of cornering you.”

  Has she been watching the whole time? What has she heard?

  “I can handle it,” I said.

  Tessa leaned back into her seat, holding the steering wheel with both hands. I was getting the vibe she wasn’t happy with me. I definitely enjoyed all of my friends, but Tessa seemed to understand me a little better than the others. She could go deep, too, which I loved. Disappointing her was the last thing I wanted, and it wasn’t something I could emotionally deal with right now.

  An uncomfortable moment of silence spread through the car. I wanted to fill it, but I was still shaken from my encounter with Kelsey and Jade.

  “I’m just trying to help,” Tessa said.

  I swallowed. “Thank you.”

  “Why didn’t you talk at lunch? I thought you wanted to.”

  I shrugged.

  “But there’s definitely something going on, right?”

  You could say that. But even with her genuine concern, I felt myself clam up.

  “Shay.”

  “It’s about my dad.”

  “Okay.”

  “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about him sooner.”

  “Hey, I get it. Stuff like that’s hard to talk about.”

  “Ms. Larkin caught me off guard.”

  Tessa chuckled. “She has a way of doing that.”

  I sighed, thankful to clear the air because I had more to say. “There’s something else. I knew I was adopted. I’ve always known, but . . .” Why is this so hard? Mason King is my father! Shouldn’t I be shouting it from the rooftops? He’s a celebrity in the horse world.

  “What is it?”

  “Last night my aunt told me who my bio father is.”

  Tessa’s eyes widened.

  “And it turns out he’s . . .” I twisted in my seat to face her. “Remember that horse trainer I was telling you about? The one I wished I could go see?”

  She nodded.

  “Him.”

  “You’re kidding.”

  “I’m not.”

  “Shay, that’s . . .”

  “Crazy?”

  Tessa grinned. “Wow.”

  “I have no idea how I feel about it.”

  “That’s definitely a lot to take in.”

  “Tell me something I don’t know.”

  “But it’s exciting too?”

  “I guess . . . a little.”

  “I can see why the middle of the cafeteria might not have been the best place to tell the girls.”

  I managed a smile.

  “So . . . what’s next?”

  I explained what Aunt Laura said, and Tessa listened.

  “What would you do?” I asked.

  Tessa tapped the steering wheel and adjusted the heater to blow more warm air on us. I wondered if she was thinking about her own father, who’d recently left her mom for another woman, his former girlfriend. Parents sure were complicated.

  “I think it’s different if your adoptive dad’s not here,” Tessa said. “If you found this out when he was still alive, it could be harder. Not that it’s easy now.”

  “Is it wrong that I want to meet him?”

  Tessa’s eyes softened, and she touched my arm. “Why would it be?”

  “I would be betraying Dad.”

  “No, you’re not.”

  “I’d be comparing them.” Dad was the artistic, designer type. Mason was an outdoorsy horseman. I guess I had bits of both of them in me.

  “Which would be completely normal.” Tessa pulled her dark-brown hair out from its rubber band and let it fall to her shoulders. I don’t think she realized how pretty she was. No-nonsense and athletic, swim team had muscled her frame, and she could somehow wear makeup without looking like she did.

  “Maybe your aunt will come around,” Tessa said. “Or maybe it’s for the best to just let it go.”

  “Ha!” I threw myself back into my seat. “Like that’s gonna happen.”

  “Well, then at least you know what you want.”

  Do I?

  She had a point. If I couldn’t let it go, then that meant I wanted to see him. But that also meant convincing my aunt to let me, which might be like convincing Stanley to stop chasing squirrels.

  But there was something else I felt inside me, something I couldn’t quite figure out or verbalize. It was this gnawing sensation that hid behind me and kept me from fully embracing the excitement.

  When Alex joined us a few minutes later, I was still trying to figure it out.

  Chapter 9

  I SPENT THE REST OF THE DAY helping my aunt restock shelves, and later we had pizza again and watched an episode of a superhero show Aunt Laura enjoyed. Neither of us brought up last night’s and this morning’s conversations. I didn’t because I didn’t want to hear my aunt tell me I couldn’t see my bio dad, and maybe she didn’t because she didn’t want to tell me. Probably both of us needed to digest the implications of it all. I tried to act like nothing was wrong, but when I closed myself in my bedroom at eight o’clock, I couldn’t shake my anxiety.

  I slipped out my phone and started a text to my friends in our group chat. They deserved to know, even though Tessa already did. It took me ten minutes to craft just the right words, but I decided it was the right thing to do.

  Sorry if I was weird at lunch today. I wanted to tell you guys something but didn’t know how. I just found out who my biological father is, and I’m freaking out. He’s a horse trainer named Mason King.

  In less than thirty seconds, my friends began responding.

  Amelia: Oh my gosh!!!

  Izzy: Whoa! Really?!?!?!

  I quickly sent them a link to my favorite YouTube video of Mason, the one where he had this little paint mustang in a round pen, and before the session is over, she’s following him around like a puppy. My favorites were always the ones where he worked with the wild mustangs. I wouldn’t have been surprised if he was ever invited to Road to the Horse, a wild horse–gentling competition.

  Amelia: He looks so cool!!

  I smiled at her response; glad someone saw him in a positive light.

  Tessa: How are you holding up?

  I hesitated to respond back to that one. I wanted to be honest, but it was hard to share my feelings with anyone, much less these girls I’d only known for a couple of months. But Tessa had shown she cared today, so she deserved a real answer.

  Me: Pretty nervous.

  Amelia: Nervous???

  Izzy: I totally
would be too!

  Really? That makes me feel better.

  Tessa: What are you nervous about?

  Tessa had this thing about using correct grammar and no abbreviations in her texts. I didn’t have to see her profile pic beside her words to know they were from her.

  I started to tap out a response but then deleted it. Then started again but deleted that too. Finally, I tapped out: Not sure what to do. Want to meet him. Aunt doesn’t agree.

  Amelia: I want to meet him too!

  I smiled.

  Tessa: Does your aunt have a reason?

  Me: She doesn’t like him.

  Izzy: Why not?

  Good question.

  Me: Not sure. Thinks he’s a con artist?

  Amelia: She watched the videos?

  Me: Yes.

  Tessa: Where does he live?

  Another very good question. I was pretty sure it was Texas, but I did a quick Google search and found Mason’s website. It was tasteful and had some awesome photos of horses he’d trained. On the About page I found his official headshot. He was dressed in jeans and a denim shirt, and his black cowboy hat sat low on his head. A couple days’ worth of stubble covered his chin, and he stared at the camera with a crooked grin that made me smile too. Wow. A real cowboy. I can’t believe I’m his daughter!

  I actually started to get excited when I clicked through the site and read all about how he’d been working with horses since he was a boy and saved up his money to buy his own when he was ten. His parents supported him, even when he quit school to apprentice for an old-time cowboy out West. That’s when it hit me. Parents. That meant I had another set of grandparents.

  I downloaded the photo from his site and sent it to my friends.

  Amelia sent back five hearts, a cowboy hat, and several more horse emojis.

  Izzy: He looks like a movie star! You have his eyes!

  I stared at the photo. I did?

  Tessa: I can see the resemblance too. But you’re much prettier!

  Her comment warmed me and helped to counter the comments Jade and Kelsey zinged at me earlier. I wondered if I should tell my friends about that too. Maybe later.

  Me: Makes me want to ride again so much.

  Tessa: What’s keeping you from it?

  Me: $$$. A horse. LOL

  Tessa: There’s a stable not too far from my house.