Hold the Forevers

by K. A. Linde

  All through the audition, when she got the leading role, even when she filmed the pilot in Atlanta, traveling back and forth from Savannah so she could still graduate since this was far from a sure thing, one big joke. Except it hadn’t been a joke, and now, we were here. The pilot was being assessed by the studio today. She’d finally have her answer if this whole thing was anything at all.

  “Honey, stop worrying about it,” my mom said as we reached the front of the line. “It’ll happen, or it won’t. Worrying won’t fix it.”

  “Thanks, Deb,” Josie said, beaming.

  “Your turn!” Steph cried.

  I darted up to the arch on North Campus. It was the symbol of the university and the first official time that I’d be allowed to walk through it. My sisters had all graduated from UGA and cheered for me as I made the first walk through. We stood around for pictures, taking one with each of them, and then foisting the camera off to a stranger to get one of all us girls.

  “Thanks!” I said, taking the camera back and scanning through the photos. “This is perfect.”

  “My baby all grown up,” my mom said.

  “I can’t believe it’s graduation,” I said.

  “You’re going to do amazing things.”

  I smiled at my mom as we all fell into step on our way to Sanford Stadium for spring graduation. I was already in my gown, holding my cap under my arm and following the stream of people.

  “So proud of you, honey,” my mom said. She kissed my cheek as we made it inside. “I’ll text you where we’re seated so that you can find us.”

  “You’ll be hard to miss.”

  She laughed. “We’re going to cheer like crazy for you!”

  I believed her. “Keep an eye on Josie.”

  “She’s in good hands.”

  Marley squeezed my shoulder. “I’m so excited for you.”

  Unlike Josie and me, Marley was heading to Harvard after graduation for her PhD. I’d always known she was a genius, but she was still just Marley to me. I’d gone to her graduation the weekend before at Duke. My nerves were shot the entire time as I anticipated running into Ash. He had also graduated that weekend, but somehow, I’d never seen him. I wasn’t sure if I was relieved or not.

  “Love you, Mars.”

  She hugged me tight, and then I left my family and walked down to the field, where thousands of seats had been set up for spring commencement. Channing and I had agreed to meet at one corner so that we could sit together. She was moving to Austin, so she’d dumped Kandice two weeks ago. If anything, I was the reason she’d decided long distance wasn’t going to work. Either way, I was going to miss her so much.

  “Let’s find some seats!” she said, clutching my hand and dragging me down the long aisle toward the front.

  UGA graduation was an enormous affair. Each college had their name called, and then as a whole everyone stood to be recognized before sitting back down. The individual college graduations were more important for a lot of the smaller majors, like mine. I’d graduated from the College of Education with my bachelors in Exercise and Sports Science yesterday afternoon, but something about being back in Sanford made it feel official.

  Channing and I found empty seats and plopped our hats on our heads.

  “So, are you ready for the big Atlanta move?” she asked.

  We’d packed up our apartment together all week. I couldn’t possibly believe that she was going to be in Austin, and I wouldn’t come home to her cooking for me every afternoon or that we wouldn’t have late-night shenanigans downtown or Thursday night movie nights after basketball games.

  “Define ready,” I said.

  “Girl, you need some more pep in your step. You’re a Falcons cheerleader! It’s kind of a requirement.”

  A shiver shot through me. Channing had convinced me to audition for Falcons cheer, but I had never in a million years thought that I’d make it. But four years on the dance team had prepared me for the opportunity, and now, I’d be on the sidelines every home game all season. I was more excited about that than my full-time job in a physical therapist’s clinic or my part-time job as an athletic trainer at a local gym.

  Neither were exactly where I wanted to be, but I’d decided to take a year off of school before jumping into physical therapy school. I wanted to make sure that it was definitely what I wanted to do before dedicating the next three years of my life to it.

  I shook off my disappointment. It wasn’t like I had to decide what to do with the rest of my life at twenty-two. I was just getting started after all. Even though all my other friends knew exactly where to turn didn’t mean that I was an outlier. Maybe they were.

  I’d always thought PT was my dream, and now, I was floundering a bit. I hoped that the next year in a physical therapy clinic would bring back the certainty that I’d had when I chose my major.

  My mom texted me to look up into the stands. Channing and I found them and waved like crazy. Then graduation started. We sat through the speeches and stood when our colleges were called. All my sisters, Josie, Marley, and my mom stood up and screamed as loud as they could when I got off of my chair. I couldn’t stop laughing at their antics. I was both moved and embarrassed. God, I loved them.

  Hats were thrown.

  Hugs were exchanged.

  Graduation was over.

  Channing and I agreed to meet downtown tonight, and then I left her to find my family. I approached them in the stands. My heart constricted. I loved each and every one of them, but God, I wished the men in my life had stayed too. Ash and Cole were gone. I wasn’t sure I’d completely accepted that until this moment. Because otherwise, they’d have done anything to be here. They’d always been like that.

  The hardest part of it all was that another graduation had gone by, and my dad still wasn’t here. I hadn’t expected him to be here, but still, I’d hoped.

  My thoughts were intercepted by Eve all but tackling me. Elle and Steph followed.

  “You did it!” Eve shrieked.

  “We’re so proud!” Elle added.

  Four sisters, all Georgia grads.

  My mom pulled me into a hug next. And then Josie shrieked loud enough that the rest of the people in the stands looked at us.

  There were tears in her eyes as she found me. “The network picked it up,” she said, her voice barely a whisper.

  “Josie!” I gasped.

  “Oh my God!” Marley said.

  “I start shooting the rest of the season next week!”

  We all jumped up and down for another brilliant reason. I’d never felt luckier to be surrounded by such an incredible group of women. I might not have any of the men in my life, but I had this. And this was good enough for right now.

  Part II

  19

  Atlanta

  May 29, 2015

  “Hey, new girl.” A woman snapped her fingers at me.

  I blinked at her, trying to remember her name. Kristen, Kirsten, Krista? I wasn’t sure, but I forced down my snarky response. I was the new girl after all. I’d done my time, completed physical therapy school, and I was only one week into my new job as an Atlanta Falcons physical therapist and athletic trainer.

  “Yes? How can I help?”

  “Ferguson wants a coffee. Here’s his order.” She passed me a piece of paper with the coffee order for the head athletic trainer.

  And when the boss said he needed something, it was better to jump than ask questions.

  So, I jumped, heading back out of the training room and into the main break room with its fancy espresso machine. Three years in physical therapy school, and I was back to making coffee runs.

  It was hard to complain when I finally had my dream job. Sure, I’d had that momentary existential crisis, where I worried this wasn’t what I wanted to do, but I’d come around quickly after graduation. I’d worked my ass to get here. Eventually, someone else in the training room would acknowledge that. I’d have to prove myself and work my way up like anyone else.

&n
bsp; The break room was relatively empty. I headed straight to the espresso machine and stared down at it. Someone had shown me how it worked a few days ago, and I eventually made it how Ferguson liked it before returning to the training room. I wordlessly handed him the coffee. He didn’t thank me. Then, I went back to my work, which was currently cleaning out a whirlpool. The grunt work wasn’t beneath me, but man, I wanted to do more.

  By the end of the day, I was beat and ready to have a good, long soak with a much-needed glass of wine.

  “Hey, new girl!” the same woman said.

  I faced her. “It’s Lila. Lila Greer.”

  “Right, Lila. Thanks. I’m shit with names.” She was beaming. “I’m Kristen Ng.”

  We shook hands. “Nice to officially meet you.”

  “Yeah, I know you’ve had a rough time since you started. Ferguson is in a real mood. Training camp is still six weeks away, but he’s pissed about everything.”

  I chuckled. “Seems to be his MO.”

  “Yeah, I’ve been here three years, and he’s never exactly been warm and fuzzy.”

  She slid out of her jacket as we walked out of the overly air-conditioned building and into the Atlanta summer sun. Post–Memorial Day weekend until almost Halloween was Georgia’s blistering summer. It stretched humid and oppressive for months and months. I’d always loved it, but a part of me missed the Savannah breeze off of the Atlantic.

  “A few of us are meeting up at The Ivy later. No Ferg in sight. You interested?”

  “Definitely,” I said eagerly.

  I’d been desperate for friends. I’d lived in Atlanta for a year after graduation, but gone to PT school out of the city. Only two weeks back in Atlanta, I’d realized that my friends from my Falcons cheer days were long gone. Josie was in LA right now. Marley had defended her dissertation and would be starting as faculty at Emory this fall. But she wasn’t here yet, and I missed people.

  “Cool. We’re meeting up at eight.”

  We exchanged numbers, and I agreed to meet her there. I left work with more pep in my step than I’d had in a while.

  The Ivy Buckhead was practically an institution in Atlanta at this point. It was the place to be for young professionals. After college, I’d spent many nights in the converted mansion with my fellow cheerleaders. It felt like homecoming, returning to spend time with my colleagues.

  I’d grabbed a quick shower before blowing out my long hair, which had long outgrown the bleached highlights from college and was back to its natural ash-blonde. I’d paired a teal sundress with strappy brown sandals, and I entered The Ivy.

  I scanned the first floor, bypassing the bar to see if I could locate Kristen. I found her in a red-and-white patterned strapless jumpsuit at a booth in the back. She jumped up onto her platform heels and gestured for me to follow her.

  “Lila, you made it!” she gushed. She looked like a different person out of her training room attire. We both probably did. Her black hair was parted down the middle and stick straight to her shoulders and her lips a ruby red.

  “I made it.”

  “Let me introduce you to the guys. You probably met Matthew in the training room,” she said, gesturing to one guy. “Damien, Jared, and Casey are in other departments. We’re just missing one more. He went to the bar. But we have a pitcher if you want a cup. It’s Blue Moon.”

  “That’d be great,” I said as Matthew poured.

  I nestled into a seat next to Kristen and took a sip of the beer. The guys dived back into the conversation they had been having before I got here. I tried to keep up with what they were discussing, but it was clearly a long-running conversation.

  “Oh, there he is!” Kristen said.

  I looked at who was approaching and nearly spat out my drink. “Cole!”

  “Lila?” His eyes were wide and disbelieving.

  I jumped out of my seat, abandoning my drink, and took the few steps to meet him.

  Cole Davis was here. He was in Atlanta. In this very bar.

  And he looked … amazing. His height and bulk, which had served him so well in college athletics, had only broadened into appreciable ways in the intervening years. He was dressed to impress in a navy-blue suit and light-blue tie. His own bright blue eyes were enhanced by the color combo.

  “What are you doing here?” we asked at the same time.

  I gestured back to the table. “Kristen invited me.”

  His eyes were still glued to mine, as if he were seeing a mirage. As if I were the one who couldn’t possibly be here. When he was the one who had been living in San Francisco the last five years.

  “How do you know Kristen?”

  “We work together.”

  “You work … for the Falcons?” he asked.

  “Yeah. In the training room. I finished my physical therapy degree and got the job.”

  “Lila, that’s incredible.”

  “Thanks,” I said, beaming. “But what are you doing here? I thought you were still in San Francisco.”

  “I just moved here. I’ve been in Atlanta about a month.”

  My jaw dropped. We’d seen each other a few times in the five years since we’d broken up, but this was different.

  “And you’re working for the Falcons too?”

  “Yeah. Marketing.”

  I couldn’t believe it. My brain must have been misfiring. Cole Davis was here, in Atlanta. My throat constricted as I looked up at him. This felt too good to be true. Serendipitous. But if I’d learned anything about the two men in my life, nothing was ever left up to chance. The world managed to always bring us back together.

  “I didn’t think you’d ever come back to Georgia.”

  “It wasn’t in the plan. Remember when I told you about the marketing business I was working on?”

  “Yes.” I bit my lip. My heart panged at the thought of that night last year when I’d seen him, when he’d told me all about this.

  He glanced away briefly before proceeding, “Falcons are subcontracting the whole thing.”

  “Wow! Congratulations! Just what you always wanted.”

  “And I got it all on my own merit.”

  “I’m so proud of you.”

  And it was true. This was what Cole had always wanted—recognition in his own right.

  “Ahem,” Kristen cleared her throat behind us. “You two know each other?”

  I’d completely forgotten that we had an audience. A common occurrence when I was with Cole. He captured all of my attention and held it. He always had.

  “Yeah, we do,” Cole said as he took the last steps to the table and set down his drink.

  Meanwhile, I suddenly needed something to do with my hands.

  “Lila’s only been here a week. How did you meet?” Matthew asked.

  Cole and I exchanged a look. History lay in his eyes. Whether or not to divulge how far back we went. I knew that feeling well.

  “Lila and I went to college together,” Cole offered.

  Kristen picked up on the tension in the room. “Uh-huh. It sure looks like more than that.”

  “We dated in college,” I told her.

  “Ohhh,” Jared said.

  “That’s so cute,” Kristen said.

  “Tell us all the sordid details,” Matthew said, making room for us both to sit again.

  “Nothing to tell,” Cole said. “We dated for two years, and then I got a job in San Francisco.”

  Which was the understatement of the century. Not that I was about to dispute it.

  Kristen drummed her fingers together. I barely knew her and could already see the cogs moving as she worked out how to play matchmaker with us. I was grateful when Jared changed the subject, and we could all let the moment pass. The last thing I wanted was to discuss my past relationship with people I’d just met.

  Cole and I had a past.

  But maybe we could have a present too.

  Two hours and several drinks later, the rest of the group was drunk enough that they staggered into cabs.


  I’d stopped after one. Getting drunk around Cole was asking to fall into his bed. As appealing as that sounded, I couldn’t go there again. I wanted to be coherent around him. It seemed safer in this new territory, where we worked at the same place and had the same group of friends.

  He’d barely had anything to drink too. Nothing in the last hour.

  I headed out of The Ivy with him, searching out his white Jeep on instinct.

  “I upgraded,” he said, as if reading my mind.

  And then we were next to his shiny, new Jeep in a bright Georgia red.

  “Go Dawgs.”

  He chuckled. “Sic ’em.”

  “I’m over there,” I said, pointing out my black Hyundai. It wasn’t much, but my last car had died spectacularly a few months ago, and I’d needed something.

  Still, I didn’t go toward my car.

  “I didn’t think this would happen again,” I said

  “Me neither.” He ran a hand back through his hair. “You and me in the same place.”

  “I know.”

  “I’m surprised that you stayed when you saw that I was here,” he said, leaning back against the Jeep.

  I winced at the words. “It’s fine.”

  “Is it?”

  “Yes. This is fine.”

  “It’s okay that we go out for drinks?” He tilted his head, the expression so familiar that my chest tightened at the sight.

  God, I’d missed him so much.

  I nodded.

  “Lila,” he whispered. His eyes implored me to get what he was asking. To get past the bullshit and straight to the point.

  Oh. I knew what he was afraid of. Not if it was okay for me to go out for drinks with him, but if it was okay for me to see him. He was asking if there was someone else still in my life. If I was still with Ash. But I didn’t even want to think of him right now when I was looking up into Cole’s face.

  “Ash and I broke up.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  I arched an eyebrow. “No, you’re not.”

  He grinned then. The first perfect smile that I’d missed so completely. “No, I’m not. Good riddance.”