by K. A. Linde
I laughed then. It was so Cole.
In that moment, I wanted to kiss him so desperately.
But I held back.
Butterflies beat through my stomach. Everything felt warm and hazy and completely possible. I’d never thought that we’d make it back to this place. Had given up on that idea, but I wasn’t going to ignore it now that the opportunity had presented itself.
Cole and I had said that someday, if we were in the same place again, this could work. And I wanted to believe that the universe had finally made that happen.
20
Lake Lanier
August 1, 2015
Summer training camp was in full swing. The football players had reported to their camp in Northeast Georgia near Lake Lanier, three weeks earlier. My job was pretty much nonstop during the days, but Kristen and I had coordinated it so that we got our days off together. The team had put us up in a hotel near the facility, but she had insisted on renting a lake house, so we could actually enjoy ourselves.
Anyone else was welcome to crash at the place, which made it a rotating party house full of staff sunbathing in the August rays. Kristen knew everyone. Though some of the people were there for the training facility, many of them had driven up from Atlanta to partake.
I was in a tiny black bikini, my hair in a messy bun, with a beer in my hand as I pet my puppy, Sunny. She was a silky brown miniature dachshund, who I was mildly obsessed with. I was so focused on Sunny that I didn’t notice until the puppy abandoned me that Cole was on the deck in nothing but green board shorts. My heart leapt as he scooped up my pup. We’d been circling each other for two months. Both of us on the cusp of starting something over again and then backing off. We hadn’t discussed it, but we didn’t have to. I knew what he was thinking. That he didn’t want to get his heart ripped out again. That neither of us could survive that hurt again.
But damn, did I want it.
“Hello there,” he said, scratching Sunny’s head. “Yes, aren’t you so cute?”
I came to my feet. “She loves everyone.”
“But me most, right?” he asked the dog.
Sunny licked his face.
“What’s her name?”
I flushed. “Sunny.”
Cole’s eyes swept to mine. Heat seared between us. “Sunny, huh?”
I swallowed and nodded.
“Well, Sunny, you’re perfect.” He set her down on the ground, and she ran around in a circle before settling on my abandoned towel. He sank into a chair. “It’s so damn hot here.”
“You went off to San Francisco and got soft,” I teased.
He narrowed his eyes. “You don’t have to rub it in that I had perfect California weather for five years, and now, I’m back to drinking the air.”
“Poor baby.”
“Can’t beat the cost of living at least.”
“That’s for sure. You had a literal shoebox in San Francisco.”
“It got a little better, the longer I was there,” he said. “But not by much.”
“You could have a mansion here for what you paid for that shoebox too.”
“Hey, I’m glad that I’m back.”
I waited a heartbeat before responding, “Me too.”
His eyes swept up my body before landing on my eyes. The sincerity in them. The ache at him leaving for San Francisco, at us not working out, at the circling we’d been doing all this time.
“Hey, y’all!” Kristen yelled. Sunny barked at her. “We’re heading to the store to get more booze. You’ll have the house to yourselves. Be back. Bye!”
Then she was shepherding the other people who had come up early that Friday out of the house. The place would be packed with people tomorrow, but today, it was relatively empty.
“She’s not subtle, is she?” Cole asked.
“Not at all.”
Kristen had gotten it into her head that she was going to play matchmaker. When I’d given her some more of the details about what had happened with Cole, she’d made it her life mission to get us back together. This was our someday.
“I like her determination.”
“Yeah. She thinks if she gives us the house alone, we’ll fall into each other’s arms.”
“Is that so?”
I bit my lip and nodded. “She thinks that this is our break.”
“And what do you think?”
I took a deep breath. Was this a trap, or did he really want to know? I’d always thought Cole was such an open book, but lately, he’d been so guarded. I wasn’t sure if he was ready for the truth from me.
“I don’t know,” I lied.
“What do you want, Lila?”
The question caught me off guard. The earnestness in his voice that said he was ready for me to admit it.
“You,” I whispered.
“You want me?”
“I always have.”
“And the last two months?”
I huffed. “Surely, you know I’ve wanted you the last two months, but the ball was in your court.”
“And here I thought, this was your call.”
He beamed that bright Cole Davis smile and held his hand out. I tentatively stepped forward and put my hand in his. He tugged me toward him, and I climbed into his lap. He wrapped an arm around my waist.
I belonged here. That much was for certain. I fitted against him so effortlessly as if no time had passed at all. I decided to revel in that and not think about anything that had kept us from this moment.
“You know I’ve always wanted you, Lila. You’re the only person I’ve ever wanted.”
My heart constricted. “Really?”
“I know we’ve waited these two months, but I thought you wanted the time. It’s been a long time since we were here.”
“We’ve seen each other since the breakup.”
“That’s different. This isn’t like that time I saw you when you were cheering for the Falcons or … in New Orleans.” I swallowed at those words, but he continued. “You know it isn’t the same.”
“It is, but I wasn’t sure if you wanted to try again.”
“I never wanted to end things.”
“Me neither.”
That day on the beach when he’d ended things on the phone felt like a lifetime ago. The heartbreak was no longer fresh. The betrayal no longer so keen. We both deserved a fresh start.
“So, what do you say, Sunflower?” He pressed our foreheads together. Our lips mere inches apart. I could feel his breath hot against me. “Can we try again?”
My heart was in my throat. “I’d like that.”
His hand snaked up into my hair and pulled my mouth down to his. I’d spent hours kissing Cole. I’d memorized the feel of his lips and the brush of his tongue. The surety with which he used his mouth and hands and body. But I’d never been kissed like this before.
Not that first time in a stadium full of people with our faces on the jumbo screen. Not the last time before the breakup when I’d held on in San Francisco so long that I’d nearly missed my flight. Not even when we’d run into each other in the interim and everything had changed and nothing had.
No, this was a new first kiss.
A fresh start.
A promise.
Unlike the other times we’d tried this, this was going to take.
21
Atlanta
November, 27, 2011
“That’s a break, ladies!” the Falcons cheer captain called from the sidelines.
The Falcons were up big against the Vikings at the end of the first half, and we’d earned our break. I dropped my poms and took a good, long drink from my water bottle. Dancing for four hours straight always left me both energized and exhausted. It was a strange yet potent combination.
I retrieved my poms once more and faced the halftime performance. The players had already run back into the locker room, leaving only a few staff and photographers behind.
“Hey, you went to Georgia too, right?” one of my fellow cheerleaders, Moniq
ue, asked.
“Yeah,” I said. “Why?”
“Jasmine and I have a bet going. Help us settle it?”
“It’s not a bet,” Jasmine said with an eye roll.
Monique looked victorious. She pointed toward the sidelines. “That guy, is he Cole Davis?”
My heart stuttered as I followed her finger. “Holy shit.”
“I knew it!” Monique said. “It’s him, isn’t it?”
“It is,” I whispered.
She held her hand out to Jasmine. “Pay up.”
“I’ll be right back,” I said and then left formation.
I’d nearly crossed the line into the Falcons sidelines when Cole turned around, as if he’d been waiting for me all along. He fumbled with the DSLR camera he was holding when he caught sight of me.
“Lila?”
“Oh my God, Cole.”
I ignored everything else around me and threw myself into his arms. He picked me up as if I weighed nothing. Neither of us cared that people were watching us. What else was new?
“What are you doing here?” I demanded. “I thought you were in San Francisco.”
“49ers played on Thanksgiving Day,” he said, placing me back on my feet. He threw the strap of his camera around his neck. “I booked a flight for after the game and spent the weekend with my family. Dad got me a guest pass for the game.”
“That’s amazing. I wish I’d known. Are you back into photography?”
He ducked his chin. “Sort of. I’m not any good, but I carry the thing with me anyway.” He brushed back his hair, which had grown longer than a year ago. It curled at the edges around his Falcons hat. “I had no idea you were a cheerleader.”
“Yeah, I made the team this spring. It’s been quite an experience.”
“Are you in PT school here?”
“No, I took a year off.”
“What? Why?” His eyes were round with surprise. “That’s all you’ve ever wanted.”
I didn’t want to admit the truth. That I’d been lost after he dumped me. That our breakup had shattered me into pieces I didn’t know how to come back from. I was still stitching them back together.
But I said the half-truth instead, “I decided to take a year off school and work in a PT clinic first. Make sure it’s what I really want to do. What about you?” I quickly changed the subject. “How’s marketing going in San Francisco?”
“Boring,” he admitted. “I’ve started a side project with a friend. We’ll see if it goes anywhere. I’d rather spend all my time on that, but I have to afford San Francisco.”
“I get that. I’m living with Josie, not that I ever see her.”
Cole shook his head. “Isn’t she on that new show? What’s it called?”
“Academy,” I said. “She never thought it would go anywhere, and now, it’s one of the most-watched shows on television in its first season. Who knew she’d ever become the face of a supernatural school?”
“Probably everyone who met her knew she’d make it big. She has that thing.” He snapped his fingers. “You know what I mean?”
“Yeah. Charisma.”
“The it factor.”
“Gah,” I said, glancing back at the sidelines. My friends motioned for me to return. “Look, I’d love to chat more, but I have to get back to the team. Do you have plans after?”
“No plans.”
“Can we play catch-up then?”
He nodded.
“Okay, I’ll text you.”
He snagged my elbow and pulled me in for another hug. “I’ve missed you, Sunflower.”
I shivered at the nickname. I’d missed him so fucking much that I felt tears spring to my eyes. Just his arms wrapped around me felt right. So damn right.
“I’ve missed you too.”
He reluctantly released me, and I headed back to my fellow cheerleaders.
Monique arched an eyebrow. “Damn, girl. That is how it’s done.”
Jasmine fluffed her Afro. “Get it.”
I laughed at them both. I wondered what our interaction had looked like from the outside. For people who didn’t know our history.
“Tell me you got his number,” Monique said.
I winked at her, and both girls crowed with excitement for me. As if I’d just snagged myself a man. Instead of found a way to get back together with the one I’d always wanted.
When all the fans had left the Georgia Dome, celebrating the Falcons victory, the cheerleaders finally left too. I stepped out into the brisk November weather, pulling my jacket tight around me. And standing outside, waiting for me, was Cole Davis.
“Hey.” My stomach fluttered at the sight of him. Everything should have hurt to even see him, but instead, all I saw was possibility.
“What a game,” he said.
“Yeah. Falcons victory always makes for a good day.”
“Dad thinks so too.”
“I bet,” I said. Considering Hal Davis was the offensive line coach, I would think that he’d been pleased. “Where are you parked?”
“I drove in with my dad. Can I catch a ride with you?”
“Definitely.”
Cole fell into step with me, his elbow brushing against mine as we walked. We cleared the parking lot and came up to my little Hyundai. I tossed the keys to Cole to get the car warmed up, and then as he did that, I dropped my bags in the trunk.
“Where to?” I asked, sliding into the driver’s side.
“Wherever you want.”
“Are you hungry? I don’t have much at my place, but we could order delivery.”
“Sounds good.”
I drove us away from downtown to my empty apartment. Cole flipped through the back of his camera.
“I got some pictures of you.”
I blinked over at him. “What?”
“I took some cheerleading pictures in the second half. Since I knew where you were.”
I glanced over at his camera, and my eyes were wide. “Cole, that’s amazing.”
“It’s nothing. Just for fun. I thought you’d want some.”
“I do. And they’re so good.” I looked at the next one. “Jesus, you’re so talented.”
“Nah, just a hobby.”
“Well, people can be excellent at their hobbies, Cole.”
He laughed. “I suppose you’re right.”
“You should do more of this.”
“It’s easy to remember to breathe when I’m with you.”
I bit my lip, a flush suffusing my skin. Somehow, he’d managed to take the words right out of my mouth. That was exactly how it had always felt to be with him. Like I could finally breathe again. As if this was just meant to be.
I pulled into the parking lot of my apartment complex. Cole lugged my cheer bags into the building and pressed the button for the elevator.
“It’s been broken for months,” I said. “We called maintenance, but no one has come out to fix it.”
“Stairs it is.”
We climbed up to the fifth floor.
“Seriously,” I huffed when we made it to my door, “this is the only reason I don’t have a dog.”
“You want a dog?”
“So bad,” I told him. “A little wiener dog.”
He chuckled. “That suits you.”
“Yeah, but there’s no fucking way I’m trekking up and down four flights of stairs in the middle of the night to take them outside to do their business.”
“Fair. What would you name her?”
I pushed inside, and Cole dumped my bag on the table. “How do you know it would be a her?”
“Because I know you.”
I met his searing look. “I’m not sure. I haven’t decided.”
“Sunflower.”
“That’s my nickname.”
“You could call her Sunny.”
“Sunny?” I tilted my head as I looked up at him. He’d come closer. So close. We were only inches away. I could feel the heat off of him. “I like that.”
There w
as something between us. Something that had never disappeared. That time and distance couldn’t possibly eradicate. And I pulled on that thread, not caring if we unraveled or were knit into a new pattern.
“Lila,” he said like a prayer.
Then his hands tangled in my hair and our bodies pressed tightly together and his mouth was hot against mine. All thoughts of getting dinner evaporated. Had it ever existed? Or was it an excuse to get us alone? Because I could think of nothing else when he was here now.
“I missed you,” I gasped as I tossed his baseball cap to the floor. I ran my fingers through the longer strands, the gentle curls on the ends that called to me.
“So much,” he growled.
I jerked at his shirt, tearing it over his head and revealing the toned six-pack underneath. I dragged my nails down his chest. He made some faint sound of approval before he lifted me in the air and dropped me down onto the couch. His body ground into mine. My leggings no match for the length of him against me.
Everything slowed down and sped up at the same time. As if time didn’t have meaning here. Just the feel of him rubbing against me. The taste of his lips against mine. The sweep of his tongue in my mouth. And the desperate, unmistakable need rushing through my body.
“Cole, please.”
In the years we’d been together, he’d spent hours savoring my body. If he tried that right now, I might combust. I needed him, all of him. And I didn’t want to wait another minute.
We stripped out of our clothes, leaving them in a pile on the floor of my apartment. Then, he was there, hovering over me. No hesitancy. No questions. Just a look I knew all too well. It said I was his, and I couldn’t deny that fact one bit.
He slipped a hand under my hips, tilting me up to meet him. I groaned at the first feel of him. My eyes fluttered closed.
“Look at me, Lila.”
I bit my lip and met his cool blue gaze. Then he thrust forward, and I could feel every inch of him inside of me. I gasped at the perfect fit, the feel of finally being full again.
Fuck, I wanted this. I wanted this and more. I never wanted it to end.