by K. A. Linde
I was thankful that we’d hired Courtney so that she could deal with Cynthia through much of this. She did an excellent job at running interference.
“Great. Let’s run that part. Ash and Lila, if you please.”
I took back my fake bouquet that the girls had made at my bridal shower, looped arms with Ash, and walked down the aisle. It was surreal that, tomorrow, we’d be doing this for real. After more than twelve years, this was forever after.
“Delilah, dear,” Cynthia said, reaching for me before we even stopped.
As much as I was ready for this, I was not ready for her to be my mother-in-law. She was more like a monster-in-law. She’d never liked me, and the fact that her son was in love with me and marrying me didn’t seem to have changed her opinion. I hadn’t done anything right since we’d started the process, and I doubted I ever would in her eyes.
“There’s still some time for mass,” she insisted. “Delilah is Catholic now. We could have a full mass.”
I cringed. The last thing I wanted was a full mass at my wedding. I was technically Catholic, but that was too much of an affair for me. We’d been fighting about it for months.
“Mrs. Talmadge,” Josie said with a wide Hollywood smile.
“Yes, Josephine?”
Despite Josie’s mother’s reputation, Cynthia was smitten with Josie. She probably wished that Josie were standing in my place. Fat chance.
“Could I get your help with the florist? They were saying something about carnations for the rehearsal dinner.”
“Carnations?” she gasped. “I didn’t order carnations.”
Josie winked at me and followed Cynthia out of the church.
“Sorry about her,” Ash said with a sigh. “She’s a handful.”
That was putting it mildly. “It doesn’t matter.”
“I know she’s been a stressor.” He pressed another kiss into my hair. “I’m just ready for tomorrow.”
“Me too.”
“I know that we said no wedding gifts.”
“You didn’t!”
He grinned. “I couldn’t help myself.”
Courtney ushered everyone else out of the church and directed them to the rehearsal dinner. She smiled at us and gave us the minute alone that we both desperately needed.
Ash gestured for us to take a seat in a pew and then produced a box from the pew behind us. I hadn’t even noticed that he’d brought it in or hidden it for this moment. Sneaky.
“I can’t believe you did this.”
“Can’t you though?”
“Thank you,” I said, touching the white-and-gold wrapped box.
I tugged on the shiny gold bow, letting the ribbon fall to my feet. I tore into the wedding wrapping paper and revealed a red rectangular box underneath it. I popped the top off and sifted through the mound of white tissue paper before I found what was tucked away.
My throat caught as I touched the leather binding of what I knew was a copy of Little Women before I pulled it out.
When I did, I nearly dropped it.
It wasn’t just any copy of the book. It was the special-edition hardcover that Cole had given me. It had the same bright red leather binding. The same gold-embossed title. The gold-sprayed edges that were so soft and light that they were nearly biblical.
When I’d moved in with Ash, I hadn’t been able to get rid of my copy. It was too perfect. I couldn’t hurt books. I couldn’t completely eliminate Cole either. So, I’d hidden it. Left it in a box that I’d never open and stuffed it in the closet, where things went to die.
For a fraction of a second, I thought he’d found the copy with the inscription in Cole’s handwriting. That I’d been with Cole on the day in the note. But then I pulled the front page open, and Cole’s inscription was missing. It said the same thing all the old copies of Little Women said.
Always your Laurie.
—Ash
I released a held breath. Hoped that he hadn’t noticed my terror or just interpreted it as something else.
“It’s beautiful,” I forced out.
“I’d never seen this copy before. I was scouring local bookstores for something different for you. When I found this, I knew it was the one.”
It was the one.
“I love it.”
He kissed me and then stood to help me out of the pew. “Shall we go to our rehearsal dinner?”
I nodded and followed him out of the church. Josie and Marley were waiting for us. I widened my eyes when I saw them. They’d been my friends long enough to know an SOS when they saw one.
“Hey, Ash,” Mars said. “Mind if we steal Lila for a minute?”
“Yeah, we’ll be real quick. Girl business.” Josie waggled her eyebrows.
“Sure,” he said, kissing my cheek. “But bring her back in one piece.”
“We’ll try our best,” Josie said.
We all watched as my groom disappeared down the street. Practically a skip in his step on the way to our rehearsal dinner. Meanwhile, I was standing in front of the church, trying not to have a panic attack.
“What happened?” Josie demanded as soon as he was out of earshot.
I threw the book into her hands. “That happened.”
Marley raised her eyebrows. “Doesn’t Ash always give you copies of Little Women?”
“Yes,” I said. I shook my hands out and tried to keep my panic under control.
“Always your Laurie,” Josie read aloud. “Are you Jo or Amy? Doesn’t he propose to one sister and marry the other? Isn’t that fucked up?”
“Focus, Josie,” Marley snapped.
“Cole gave me that book. That exact book. The same binding and gold letters and gold pages. He knew I loved the book but didn’t know about my connection to it with Ash. So, Cole got me a special-edition copy.” I pointed at it. “That copy.”
“Shit,” Josie muttered.
“Did Ash know?”
“No. I … I hid it when we moved in together. It’s in a box. But … fuck.” I walked away from them and paced back. “Is this a sign? It’s the day before my wedding, and the universe is pointing at Cole.”
“The universe isn’t doing anything,” Marley said calmly. “It’s a coincidence.”
“A big fucking coincidence.”
“Do you still love Cole?” Josie asked.
Marley shot her an angry look.
I closed my eyes and clenched my fists. “Don’t ask me that.”
“This is just nerves,” Marley insisted. “Tell her, Josie. Weren’t you nervous before your weddings?”
Josie arched an eyebrow. “I’m not nervous before anything.”
Marley huffed. “It’s cold feet,” Marley said. “It’s normal.”
“Unless it isn’t,” Josie said softly.
“Jesus, could you be helpful? She’s having a panic attack.”
“I am being helpful. I’m being realistic. You’ve loved both of these boys for years. It’s not unusual that you might be having second thoughts right before the wedding. Especially with this,” she said, holding up the book, “in your face. That doesn’t mean you should act on them. It just means you should think about them. You can think about them with us. We won’t judge you.”
“I do still love Cole,” I said softly, the words tumbling out. “I haven’t seen him since I got engaged. I didn’t want him to freak out.”
“He would have,” Marley said.
“I know.”
“And now, you’re marrying his mortal enemy tomorrow. How does that make you feel?”
I shrugged. “Ash isn’t my enemy. I love him too. I want to marry him.”
“Then that’s your answer,” Josie said, handing me back the book.
Was it that simple?
“I agree,” Marley said. “It’s been a rough path, but you’re here. You’re freaking yourself out because you still have feelings for Cole, and there’s no closure. You don’t need that closure to move on.”
I nodded, hoping they were right. But I
could already feel my stomach subsiding, my panic disappearing. I felt more like me again. I’d had a meltdown for no reason. It wasn’t like Cole was going to show up tomorrow or anything. He didn’t even know about the wedding.
“Okay. Let’s go to the dinner.”
“I do have to tell you,” Josie said as the three of us linked arms, “your future mother-in-law is a total bitch.”
We all laughed. At least we could agree on that.
41
Wedding Day
June 15, 2019
Every girl dreamed about her perfect wedding.
But I hadn’t dreamed of white dresses or bouquets or I dos. And when it came right down to it, I’d never imagined my future husband. What he’d look like or what he’d wear or how he’d smile when he saw me that first time.
Because for so long, there hadn’t been just one face in my life … but two.
Two faces. Two outfits. Two smiles.
Two men.
Cole and Ash.
Ash and Cole.
It felt surreal that today of all days, I was going to marry one and not the other. But it was here, and there was no looking back. I’d made my decision. In the end, we’d all made this decision. With our actions and our broken promises. We’d walked right up to today and let it happen.
I wasn’t the typical blushing bride. There would always be a part of me wondering if I’d done the right thing, chosen the right guy. If all the hell that we’d gone through together to get here had been worth it.
But I didn’t have cold feet. I was ready for this.
Except now, my bridesmaids were missing.
I stuck my head out of the bridal suite. My three sisters sat at a table in varying shades of red. Two in floor-length gowns and one in a red suit jacket. They were all matrons of honor for this affair, but they wouldn’t be standing at the altar with me. They’d be seated in the first row.
“Have you seen Josie and Marley?” I asked my sisters about my two best friends.
We’d known each other nearly our entire lives. Been through thick and thin. It wasn’t like them to disappear on my big day.
“They said they had an errand,” Eve said as she poured champagne into flutes.
Elle nodded. “They’ll be right back.”
Steph jumped from her spot and made me twirl in a circle. “You look gorgeous. I wasn’t sure on the bust, but that dress is stunning.”
I beamed at my sisters.
We’d all gone dress shopping multiple times. I’d thought I’d be one of those lucky ones who picked out the very first dress I tried on. But it hadn’t been the case; it might as well have been the last dress I tried on. The thousandth dress I tried on. The dress was a full tulle skirt with a lacy balconette top and thin spaghetti straps.
Josie had told me it was likely bad luck that I was that indecisive. Marley had rolled her eyes and insisted it meant nothing. Two sides of the same coin, those two.
I drank champagne with my sisters and stared down at the massive ring on my finger as I waited for my best friends to return.
“Don’t drink too much,” Eve warned. “You’ll want to remember tonight.”
Elle burst into laughter, and Steph joined her.
“Oh, I’ll remember tonight,” I assured them.
I couldn’t imagine forgetting my wedding night even if I had one too many glasses of champagne. I checked my phone again. Seriously, where the hell were they?
“Maybe we should go look for them.”
“You can’t,” Elle said. “You don’t want Ash to see you before it’s time.”
Tradition.
It was pretty ridiculous, considering how long we’d been sleeping together. But it was ceremonial, and we’d agreed. It would make tonight even more special.
I was just about to send out a search party when Marley and Josie rushed back into the room, looking frazzled.
“Everything all right?”
Marley and Josie exchanged a look.
“What is it?”
“Nothing,” they said together.
Josie continued, “Don’t worry about it.”
“Is it nothing, or should I not worry about it?”
“Both,” Marley said.
I narrowed my eyes. That certainly didn’t sound like nothing.
“It’s this.” Josie came to my side and pulled out a black case. “I know that I’ve always had my differences with my mom, but she’d want you to wear these today.”
My hand went to my throat as I opened the black case to reveal the white pearls that I’d always coveted. “Josie! I can’t wear these.”
“Something borrowed,” she insisted. “You’ve always wanted them.”
“I have,” I said softly.
Josie took them out of the box and strung them around my neck. They were dainty and just brushed my collarbone. They looked perfect with the white lace of my dress and my blonde hair pulled up in an intricate updo.
“Thank you,” I told her, drawing her in for a hug.
“Okay, ladies, it’s time!” the wedding planner, Courtney, said as she strode into the room.
She was the best of the best. She handled everything for the day of. I didn’t know how I would have survived the last six months without her expertise.
Everyone moved into place. The string quartet began to play. My sisters went in first. Marley and Josie both pulled me in for a quick hug before stepping out into the chapel and proceeding down the aisle. I was last.
I touched the pearls Josie had given me for luck. Then I took a deep breath and walked into the chapel, alone.
The crowd had risen to their feet. But I only had eyes for one person in that room—my groom.
James Asheford Talmadge IV.
My stomach flipped at the sight of him in a tuxedo at the other end of the aisle. His perfectly tied bow tie at his neck. His smile was magnetic, and I couldn’t help but return it. My mother wiped her eyes as I passed her in the front row with my sisters. Her last baby, finally getting hitched.
And then I was there. I took the final two steps up to the altar, passed my bouquet to Marley, and faced my groom.
“I’ve waited for this day our entire lives,” Ash whispered.
“Me too.”
A hush fell over the church as the service began. I heard little of it. The minutes passed in a blur. All I saw was the bright blue eyes looking back at me and the smile that said I was his world.
There was a pause in the ceremony. Just a moment. Barely a breath.
And everything collapsed.
The doors at the back of the church burst open. Everyone turned to as Cole Davis stepped into the sanctuary. The wedding planner trailed him. Whatever she was saying was lost in the drone of voices.
But I knew exactly why he was here.
I’d been a fool to think that he would let me go.
“I object!” Cole yelled into the church. “Lila, you can’t marry him!”
And there I stood, on a precipice, ready to fall back onto that wheel that had always dragged us together. I couldn’t have both.
So today, I had to choose: Ash or Cole.
Silence lingered in the space after Cole’s objection.
I stood on the altar, paralyzed. There was buzzing in my ears, a sick feeling in my stomach, and suddenly, it felt as if everything were moving in slow motion.
Ash took a step forward. His mother’s hand moved to her mouth in horror. His dad came to his feet. Courtney stepped in to intercede and stop Cole somehow.
But how exactly could she have possibly stopped Cole from getting inside? He was still as big as he’d ever been. Still the tall, built football player he’d been in college. There was no way anyone could stop him if he was determined.
One look into his blue eyes showed just how determined he was.
I should have known then what to do. The choice should have been easy, but it never had been. That was how we’d gotten here to begin with. The last time I’d been confronted with this
choice, I’d decided on both and then walked away without either of them. I couldn’t do that today.
Everyone stared at me.
Waiting for me to decide.
To tell Cole to leave and finish the ceremony.
“This isn’t what you want,” Cole insisted.
“Lila,” Ash hissed.
He dragged my attention away from Cole. Away from the pleading look on his face for me not to make the mistake of a lifetime.
It was too much.
All of it too much.
Sensory overload.
In the space of a few seconds, I went from certain I was making the right choice to feeling like I couldn’t breathe. My dress was too tight. Everything was too close. I couldn’t get air in my lungs. I was panicking much worse than yesterday at the dress rehearsal.
It was then that I realized how much I’d been truly lying to myself. About everything. I’d said I was happy. I’d said that I was ready. Meanwhile, I’d been panicking at every turn that I was making the wrong decision. Freaking out for weeks on end that I’d run into Cole and have to explain myself.
Yet there was no explanation. No reason good enough for why I hadn’t told him, except fear. The same fear I felt at this very moment with him standing in front of me. Ash beside me. My world in chaos.
I would have gone through with the wedding.
Stood at Ash’s side.
Lived this life.
I could have done it.
And now, I couldn’t see beyond this minute.
With a strangled gasp, I took a step back away from them both. I couldn’t stand there with four hundred people staring at me. Three hundred and fifty more people than I’d wanted at this wedding. In a church I hadn’t wanted to have the ceremony. With a priest I hadn’t wanted. And all the compromises I’d made to satisfy the new family I was making, who had never even liked me anyway.
I wanted to say something, to apologize, but nothing came out.