Dysfunctional Hearts

by L. S. Pullen

  Trying to put me at ease, she asks me some mundane questions, and I give her the bare minimum response. She tells me I need to relax. Easy for her to say, she’s not the one about to have an instrument inserted into her vagina.

  But then something’s on the screen. She angles it, so I can get a better view and there, amid grey clouds, is a blur. Right there is my baby.

  I haven’t been able to stop staring at the photo since I left, and I already know I’m going to be one of those people who stick it on my fridge. Maybe I’ll even invest in some of those alphabet magnets.

  I’m not long home from work when Flick unexpectedly turns up with a bottle of Moscato—my favourite. I cringe internally, feeling guilty about the immense amount of alcohol I knocked back before I knew. I am caffeine-free tea total for the foreseeable future. I am not taking any unnecessary chances.

  Flick makes her way to the kitchen as I close the door and is already pulling down two wine glasses when I join her.

  “None for me, thanks.”

  She pouts. “What, really? Not even a small glass?”

  I know the concept is foreign; I’ve used it as a crutch for the past couple of years.

  “No thanks, I'm still a little off from that stomach bug.” I bite the inside of my cheek.

  She studies me, her eyes probing. I look away, unable to keep eye contact. “Well, do you mind if I do?”

  “Of course not,” I say, grabbing a mug.

  I feel her eyes on me as I drop a herbal tea bag into it.

  “Okay, what gives? Is this the invasion of the body snatchers or have you gone and had a Freaky Friday switch with my mum?”

  I roll my eyes. “Very bloody funny. But if I had to body swap with anyone, your mum would be a good choice.”

  Nodding, she raises her glass as I lift my mug in cheers.

  It can’t have been easy for her mum when she split up with Flick’s dad, and he started a new family. But she made the best of a rough situation. Flick is evidence of that.

  She plonks herself at the kitchen table. I sit opposite, placing my steaming hot tea on a coaster. I don’t know why I bother, this table is on its last legs literally.

  “Soph, I have a confession. I didn’t just come here because I miss you. In fact, I have a proposal for you.”

  I didn’t think so. There was something in her look when she arrived out of the blue.

  “Okay, spill,” I say, feeling sceptical, waiting for her to continue.

  “I’m just going to cut to the chase. I’ve found the perfect little shop that’s up for let.”

  “Right?” I question.

  Her excitement is palpable as she tells me more. “It’s the perfect spec and would be more than adequate for you to set up your coffee shop,” she says, as though it’s the simplest of situations.

  I shake my head. “Even if I wanted to, you know I can’t afford it. Without a loan from the bank, it’s not happening.”

  “But that’s just it. You can. The rates are ridiculously low. Plus, Nate and I have some money left over from our wedding fund. We’ve talked about it, and we want to invest in you.”

  I begin to refuse, but she continues, holding up her hand for me to hear her out. “All you need to do is get all your licences, liability insurance, etcetera. It already has everything you need—the kitchen, the customer area. It even has ovens. It needs a few bits here and there, some decorating, and then it’s good to go.”

  I shake my head, no. “I can't. It's too much… I’m too much of a risk.”

  She takes my hand in hers. “Why do you have so little faith in yourself?” She squeezes my hands when I don’t answer. “Soph, come on. You’re everyone else’s biggest cheerleader. You’re the first one to support the ones you love. Why are you so dead set against letting us help support you? It’s what friends are for…it’s what family does.”

  But I have to be sensible—now more than ever.

  It’s not just about me now.

  “I wish I could, but I can’t let you do this.”

  “Well that’s too bad, I have a signed lease for the next twelve months.”

  I must be hearing her wrong. “You did what?”

  “Nothing you wouldn’t have done for me,” she says, taking a sip of her wine. How can she sound so blasé, like she hasn’t just leased me a shop?

  “I'm flabbergasted. I don’t even know what to say.”

  And then just like that, a wave of nausea hits me. I’m out of my seat and at the sink.

  Flick rushes to my side. “Woah, you really haven’t been well, have you?”

  I shake my head and then reach for some kitchen roll, wiping my mouth before grabbing for the antibacterial spray. Flick nudges me out of the way and sprays. The smell hits me, and I worry I might throw up again. I sit back down and drop my forehead onto my forearm on the tabletop.

  “Here.”

  I peek up and Flick hands me a glass of water.

  Panic sets in, my hand shakes when I place the glass down. I can’t do this. “Is there any way of getting out of the lease?” I ask.

  She shrugs her shoulders. “Nope, not for twelve months.”

  Here goes nothing, I take in a deep breath. “In that case, there’s something you need to know.”

  “About?”

  I concentrate on my fingernails and begin chipping away at the polish. It’s a dark blue called Melancholy Monday. “Well, you know how I’ve been sick? It turns out it wasn’t the stomach flu after all.”

  Her face visibly pales. “Please tell me you’re okay?” she says as she grabs both my sweaty hands in a vice grip.

  “Well, that depends on what your definition of okay is… But it’s been a shock.”

  “Oh my God, how sick are you?” she asks, on the verge of tears.

  “Don’t cuss God. And answer to your question, I'm not ill…apart from the sporadic bouts of morning sickness, which I might add, are not restricted to mornings.”

  I watch as her mind races to catch up with what I’ve just told her.

  “You mean—” She’s waving her hand and pointing toward my stomach.

  “I’m pregnant, yes.”

  She jumps out her seat so fast it falls back on the tile floor with an almighty bump, but she’s oblivious. “Well, shit… pregnant?” Her smile is contagious, followed by giddy giggles.

  I nod as she wraps me in her arms, not even giving me a chance to stand up.

  “Need to breathe, and you might be scaring the little peanut.” I say, half laughing, quickly followed with, “And yes, in case you were wondering, I’m keeping the baby.”

  “Of course.” She nods like it was a given, now here comes the hard part.

  “Flick, I told you in confidence. You can’t tell anybody, not even Nate.”

  “Soph, he’s my husband!”

  It’s not that I don’t trust Nate, I do. “I know. It’s just for now. I’m asking you as my best friend. Let me make sure everything is all right with the baby first,” I say, placing my hand on my stomach.

  She follows my hand and gives one firm nod.

  “I understand. And the baby daddy?”

  My heart stills for a split second, my pulse racing. I shake my head. “Not in the picture. This is all so unexpected. Damn, I’m doing this alone.”

  Guilt swarms me like maggots crawling up all over my body. I never thought it would come to this, me turning into this person I don’t recognise. But there’s too much at stake, and I need to get through this.

  “Hold up. You’re not alone. You have me. Not to mention Nate and Simon… Even Charlie—you’ve grown close. We’re your family now.”

  Her words mean more to me than she’ll ever know and of course, she’s right, a family doesn’t only mean by blood.

  “I’m terrified. All this time I thought it wasn’t a possibility and then bam.” I wave my hand over my belly.

  “Shit, Soph, you’re going to be a mum! Do you know what’s even better than that?”

  I sha
ke my head.

  “I get to be an aunty,” she squeals, clapping her hands together.

  “And you’ll be the best aunt around. But I want to keep it hush until my twelve-week scan before I tell anyone else. I’m high risk because of you know…” I shrug.

  “Don’t worry. Mum’s the word.”

  The weight of telling her has lifted, not entirely, but enough to ease some of my worries.

  “So, you see why it’s more of a risk investing in me with the shop. And now it makes it worse because you can’t break the lease.”

  She shakes her head wildly. “Oh, no, you don’t. You can do this. Don’t use this as an excuse. If anything, shouldn’t this be more of a reason to do it? For you and the baby?”

  She’s staring at me with resolute determination. It’s the same as when she sat next to me on the school bus when no one else would. Kids can be fickle, and I wasn’t popular. I didn’t roll my skirt up like the others or hang with the big groups. She wasn’t fazed, even though I was the one who was in the Girl Guides and went to Sunday school.

  Our friendship was forged on that bus when other kids would rather stand in the aisle than sit next to me. She didn’t waver in her pursuit to befriend me—ignoring the whispers, the sniggers and the stares. She eased herself into my life, and her friendship has never wavered, not once.

  “Stop with the emotional blackmail already. And would you stop looking at me like that?”

  “Like what? Come on. I’ll help you. And I’d never push you to do something if I thought it would hurt you or the baby.”

  She has a good point; I owe it to myself to give my baby the best head start by following my dreams.

  “I know, and I’m pregnant, not made of glass.”

  She smiles wide. She’s got me, and she knows it. “So, is that a yes?”

  I groan and nod. “Yes.”

  She lets out a squeal of giddy excitement, but this time I can’t help but join in.

  How is this even my life right now?

  Chapter 24

  Sophie

  Slowly, I spin in a circle and take in my surroundings. It's all so surreal.

  “Flick, it’s like this place was plucked out of my imagination. It’s more than I would ever have dared to have hoped for. Thank you.”

  The first thing I did was had a contract drawn up, so I could repay what it cost. But Nate and Flick only agreed if the repayment date was to begin two years from now. She has it on good authority—that’s when a business is likely to start making a profit.

  How is this even a reality right now? Me, my own boss? I can’t even. Stuff like this doesn’t happen to people like me.

  “Thank you, bunny. I can’t even put into words how much you guys believing and taking a chance on me like this means to me.”

  She waves me off but not before I see the unshed tears when she pulls me in for another suffocating hug. “This is almost as exciting as you having a baby,” she whispers, as she lets me go, even though it’s just the two of us in here.

  “Almost,” I say, and my hand instinctively goes to my stomach. It’s not like I even have a bump. I’ve been reading a book, and it may happen any time around twelve weeks onwards.

  “So, when do you think you’d like to open?”

  “Well, because I’m temping, I don’t have to give much notice, which helps. I’ll need some added muscle to help with the heavy stuff. I reckon maybe…a month.”

  I think she’s as raring to go as I am. The buzzing from my bag distracts me; I dig around and can’t help but smile when I see Charlie’s name flash up.

  “Hello?”

  “Hey, how are you?” he asks.

  “I'm excellent. You’ll never guess where I am!” I can’t hold back my excited giggle.

  “I have no idea. Give me a clue?”

  “I'm standing in what will soon be my very own coffee shop.”

  “Shut the front door. Nothing like a little power of persuasion from the Davenports.”

  “You knew?”

  “Yes, now tell me more…”

  I get all animated as I describe the layout, and I’m so caught up in talking about it, I hardly notice Flick leaning against the wall, watching me, her head tilted. My face heats, making me slightly self-conscious as I turn my back to her to end the call with him.

  “What?” I ask her when I turn back to face her.

  “Oh, nothing,” she says but her smile says otherwise.

  We sit down and get busy writing out lists and putting an action plan together. I don’t know how long we’ve been at it when a knock sounds from the front door. I glance up and standing there is Charlie with a huge arse grin on his face. My stomach goes all fluttery. I rush to my feet and unlock the door, inviting him in.

  He’s holding a massive bouquet and a bottle of champagne. I don’t hold back or give him time to react when I give him a hug around his neck and a kiss to the cheek and then step back.

  “Congratulations,” he says, his cheeks a warm, rose colour.

  “Thank you,” I say on a breathy sigh. I’m overwhelmed as I take the flowers, my chest swells. And then with no warning, my emotions rise from nowhere, tears descend, and I’m standing in front of him crying.

  Charlie pulls me into him, half crushing the flowers as he does.

  “Sorry, it's just, I can't quite believe this is happening,” I say, the sound muffled by my not so pleasant snotty nose.

  Flick walks over, takes the flowers from me, and hands me a tissue.

  “Believe it. This is the start of something wonderful. And I’m at your disposal if you need any help. I have time off work that I’m due,” Charlie says.

  I gently smack his chest with the back of my hand. “And you want to waste it helping me?”

  He raises his eyebrow. “Obviously.”

  “I think you’re crazy, but I’m not about to look a gift horse in the mouth.”

  “I like it when you are this amenable.”

  “Oh, really?” I say, so unable to stop smiling that my face aches.

  He winks, and it’s as though the temperature in the room rises. It might only be seconds, but I can’t break the stare or the invisible hold he has over me.

  “Yes, really.”

  I don’t know why those two words spark something deep in me and my breath hitches. I lick my lips. His eyes roam over my face, and it’s like we are suddenly sharing a silent conversation or a memory. I remember what it’s like to feel his lips on mine, and then just like that, he blinks as if breaking from a daze.

  “As much as I’d love to stay here with you two lovely ladies,” he says, acknowledging Flick for the first time. “I’ve got to run. I just wanted to say how happy I am for you.” He gives me a kiss on the cheek but otherwise doesn’t touch me. He walks over to Flick and kisses her and points to the lock on the door as he leaves. I follow in silent understanding and lock it behind him.

  When I turn back, Flick is staring at me, mouth agape.

  “What?” I ask, trying to appear less affected than I feel.

  “Oh, nothing at all. It’s just you two were totally flirting.”

  I suck in my cheeks, trying to keep the grin off my face. “Hardly.”

  “Really? Because I’m pretty sure I saw steam evaporating from your pores.” She licks the tip of her finger touching my arm, making a sizzling sound as I sit back down. We both burst into a fit of laughter.

  Chapter 25

  Sophie

  I’ve been working tirelessly this month. The days have merged into one another, and I hardly know what day it is, except that tomorrow, I officially open. Today, I’m having a celebratory get-together, but for some reason, this has me more nervous than tomorrow does.

  I was surprised when Rachel came in with a CV in hand, asking if I was hiring. Not going to lie, I was a little taken back she’d even consider working for me in the coffee shop. But Rachel has experience waitressing from when she was away at Uni, and I have to give her credit where it’s due. If
she’s willing, I’m more than happy having her on board.

  Everyone’s been so generous with their time, supporting me every step of the way. I count my blessings daily.

  Charlie even used his contacts to help me with some great deals from wholesalers. The thing I struggled with the most was what to name the shop. I just never thought this would happen. It was a dream always just out of my reach. And yet here I am. I fiddle with the menu, running my finger over the name I eventually chose—Sofia’s Delicatessen. It was Charlie’s suggestion and something about the way his eyes shone with pride and his voice like warm, rich honey as he said it…well, it was a winner.

  It’s been tough keeping it a secret from everyone; no one knows what I decided on. I wanted to wait until today to do a grand reveal. What was I thinking?

  “Nervous?”

  I startle, dropping the menu. I didn’t even hear him come in. I almost let out a curse. Charlie bends down to pick it up, thankfully it fell face down, and I notice how he doesn’t even try to peek as he places it face down on the counter behind us.

  “Very. What if I mess this up in epic proportions? What if no one likes the name I chose? What if—”

  He takes hold of my shoulders. “Okay, firstly breathe. And second, you need to have a little more faith.”

  Ironically, I used to have nothing but faith, but over time it gradually began to dwindle.

  “I'm trying.” I go to step away, but my legs feel heavy, and I stumble. White spots flicker in my line of sight. I wobble. Charlie takes hold of my elbow, steadying me.

  “Woah, shit. You all right?”

  “I feel a little light-headed.”

  He grips my hips and lifts me onto the kitchen bench, taking my face in his hands as he studies me.

  “You seem a bit peaky. Have you eaten today?”