When I Was Yours

by Samantha Towle

  I could do what Max said, play her our song, but I have a much simpler, although less romantic, way of finding out which one is her apartment.

  Getting my cell, I dial the number of my divorce lawyer.

  “Adam, you must be a mind reader. I was going to call you today,” Harrison says.

  That makes me pause. “Why?”

  “I got signed divorce papers back from Evie’s lawyer with new terms and a letter from Evie personally. Do you want me to send it over to you?”

  “No. Read the letter to me now,” I say, my heart climbing into my throat.

  “Okay. One sec. Just let me grab it.”

  I hear rustling and then the tearing of paper.

  “Right, I got it. Okay, so it says, ‘Adam, I know you said you didn’t want to see me or hear from me again, and I’m not writing this letter to go against that, but with the divorce still in process and how the terms stood with the money, I couldn’t not write to you. I don’t want the money, of course. So, I’m rejecting the terms. I’m not doing that to piss you off or to hang on to you in some vain hope that you’ll find a way to forgive me because I know you won’t. And I understand why. But I also know you want me gone, so I know you’ll accept my terms. My lawyer has redrafted the papers, and I’ve signed them on the terms I originally set—abandonment on my part. I will leave our marriage as I entered it—well, in the financial sense anyway. All you have to do is sign, and then your lawyer will file them. And then I guess that’s it.

  “I just want to say I’m sorry one last time. I’m sorry I lied to you. I’m sorry I let you down. I know my apologies don’t count for anything anymore, but I just needed one more chance to say it.

  “And just…be happy, Adam. You, more than anyone, deserve happiness. I’m just sorry it couldn’t be with me. Yours always, Evie.’”

  My whole body hurts, like every single one of Evie’s words have cut into me, and I’m bleeding out from the wounds.

  “Adam, are you okay?” Harrison’s voice comes down the line.

  I take a breath, forcing words to come. “Harrison, do you have Evie’s address? All I need is her apartment number.”

  “Sure.”

  I hear some keys tapping.

  “She’s in apartment ten.”

  “Thank you.”

  “What do you want me to do with these papers?” he asks. “Should I send them to you to sign?”

  “No. The only thing I want you to do with those papers is burn them.”

  I hang my cell up, shoving it in my pocket.

  “Everything okay?” Max asks me, concern in his voice.

  I shake my head. “I just need to see Evie. Now.”

  I feel Max’s foot press down on the gas.

  Five minutes later, he’s pulling up outside of her building.

  “You want me to wait?” he asks as I’m getting out of the car.

  “No, it’s fine. You go.”

  I sprint to her building. Catching the door as someone’s leaving, I go straight in and run up the flight of stairs, heading for her apartment.

  Reaching apartment ten, I bang on the door.

  The door opens, revealing Evie’s dad. He looks the same, just a little older and a little grayer.

  “Mr. Taylor,” I say slightly out of breath, having a déjà vu moment. I remember doing this exact thing after the first time Evie met Ava.

  “It’s still Mick, Adam.” He gives me a slight smile. “I’m guessing you’re here to see Evie. She’s not home, I’m afraid.”

  “Oh.” Disappointment lines my insides. “Do you know where she is?”

  “Why do you need to see her?” His tone is fatherly, protective.

  “I just need to talk to her.”

  “Look, Adam, I know you were the injured party in this whole thing, but Evie hasn’t had it easy these last ten years. I don’t want her getting hurt any more than she already has been.”

  “We were both the injured party in this,” I tell him.

  “I’m glad you see it that way now. And while you’re here, I’m going to tell you that I am sorry for everything that happened back then.”

  His apology surprises me. “You don’t have anything to be sorry for.”

  “I didn’t stop it. I could have stopped it.”

  “No, you couldn’t have. None of us could have. Your daughter was dying. You had a chance to save her. No father in his right mind would turn that down, no matter the cost.”

  Mick’s eyes sweep the floor. “Saving Casey’s life cost me Evie. It wasn’t in the same way it would have cost me Casey, but I did lose Evie that night.” His aging eyes meet with mine. “After she left you, she was never the same. I’d just gotten her back after she’d lost her mother. Then, when she left you…she never got over losing you.

  “I’ve watched her these past few weeks since you’ve come back into her life, and I saw her on Sunday after she talked to you. She’s hurting, badly. Evie has experienced more hurt and loss than a girl her age ever should have to. You have the power to hurt her unlike anyone else, Adam. So, I’m asking you, as her father, if you’re here to hurt her any more, please don’t. Just leave her be. Please.”

  His words are imploring, and they cut me.

  I knew Evie was hurting. I knew I hurt her. But hearing it come from Mick…makes it more real.

  It was hard for me to see Evie’s pain because all I could see was my own. But hearing from him how bad things have been for her, how badly my words and actions have affected her…I just need to see her and fix this.

  “I’m not here to hurt her, sir. I swear to you. I just…I need to see her.”

  I’m not going to stand here and tell him the words I need to say to Evie. That I’m beyond sorry for what I said the other day. That I forgive her for waiting so long to tell me the truth. That I don’t care about any of that anymore. All that matters is her. Having her with me. That I need her in my life. That I love her.

  The only person who is going to hear those words is Evie.

  Mick blows out a breath. “Look, I don’t know where she is. All I do know is, she’s been coming home late from work every day this week. Usually, with sand all over her shoes.”

  He gives me a look, and I instantly know where she is.

  “Thank you,” I tell him in earnest.

  Then, I’m running through the building to the exit. My cell pressed to my ear, I call Max. “Where are you?”

  “Still outside. Figured I’d wait for ten in case she kicked your ass out.”

  “You’re the best fucking friend ever. I ever tell you that?” I say as I burst out the exit, seeing his car still parked there.

  “You have but not enough. I could do with hearing it a little more often.”

  “Needy bastard.” I laugh before hanging up my cell.

  I open the car door and climb inside.

  “Where are we going?” Max asks, putting the car in drive.

  “Malibu.”

  This is corny as fuck, and I’ll probably get hassle from the neighbors for the noise, but Max was onto something with the song thing.

  From the moment we got together, Evie and I were always living on a prayer. It was the right song for us back then, and it’s the right song for us now. Only, we aren’t living on a prayer anymore. And we will make it this time.

  Okay, that was weak as shit. But it’s the best I’ve got right now.

  I can see Evie sitting up on her rock, her arms wrapped around her legs, her chin resting on her knees, as she stares out at the ocean.

  I knew she’d be here. This was our place. It’s still our place.

  I set my docking station up, sitting it on the patio railing. I skip through to our song, turn the speakers up loud, and press Play.

  The intro starts quietly, and then it’s quickly blasting out.

  I see the moment she hears the song because her whole body stiffens. Then, very slowly, she looks over her shoulder in my direction.

  I’m already moving across the
sand, toward her, my heart beating like a motherfucker.

  Her eyes are locked on me as I close the gap between us, but she doesn’t move.

  When I reach Evie, her eyes finally leave me, flickering to the beach house and then coming straight back to me. She looks unsure. And she’s been crying. I can see the red around her eyes now.

  And in this moment, I promise myself that she will never look this way again, not because of me.

  “I’m sorry,” she says softly. “I thought you came to the beach house only on weekends. I’ll go.”

  She starts to get up, but I stop her.

  “No. Stay there.” I climb up the rock until I’m sitting in front of her.

  She’s so fucking beautiful. Even sad, she’s beautiful.

  “You haven’t come up here to push me off, have you?” She gives a half-smile.

  I know she’s trying to make light of the situation, but I can hear the nerves in her voice. I know she’s scared. I am too. I’m fucking terrified.

  “No. I talked to my divorce lawyer. But that’s not why I came. I was already on my way to see you.”

  “Okay. But let me say something first, Adam. Well, give you something. I was going to send it with the papers, but I changed my mind, decided to leave it at the beach house for you. Well, put it in the mailbox for you.” She reaches into her bag and pulls out a sheet of paper. It’s folded, frayed on the edges. “The night I left, I was working on this. I never had a chance to finish it because Ava turned up…but I’ve kept it all these years. I’ve been coming here the last few days to finish it off. I always draw better here. And I’ve finished it now, and I wanted to give it to you.”

  I take the paper from her hand and open it up.

  It’s a drawing of me, standing by a car.

  “It was from that night, the night I left. I was always sketching pictures of you. You know that. And I don’t know why…just that night, the image of you standing by that taxi stuck in my head, and I wanted to capture it. Almost like…like I knew I would never see you again.” She blows out a breath, her lip trembling. “And I just…I want you to know, that night I left, I was thinking about you. I was always thinking about you. For the last ten years, you are all I’ve thought about.”

  Tears sting my eyes and burn down the back of my throat. Swallowing, I rest the drawing safely in my lap and then look up, meeting her eyes with determination in my own.

  “I’m not signing the divorce papers that you sent to my lawyer, Evie. I’m not signing them because I still love you. I’ve loved you from the first moment I saw you sitting up here, and I’ve loved you all the time in between. Every second of every minute of every day for the last eleven years, I have loved you. And I forgive you for not telling me the truth. I understand why you didn’t. Now, I need you to forgive me, too.”

  “You’ve done nothing wrong,” she whispers.

  A tear runs down her cheek. I catch it falling, taking her face in my hand. I feel her body tremble under my touch.

  “Ten years ago I failed you. I didn’t protect you from Ava. I should have. I know how fucking sick and twisted she is. I should have seen it coming, that she wouldn’t just roll over and accept me leaving the studio after we got married. That she would go after you. In the back of my mind, I always thought that maybe she had something to do with you leaving, but I didn’t push hard enough to find out the truth. I’m sorry for that. And…” I hang my head in shame, and my hand drops from her face, feeling like I don’t deserve to touch her in this moment. “I’m so sorry that I was cruel to you the other day when you told me the truth. The things I said…the harsh, horrible things…I didn’t even mean them.”

  I feel her hand touch my hair, her fingers running through the strands. It soothes me. Mends the broken parts in me.

  Then, her hand moves down my face as I lift my eyes back to hers.

  I see her eyes shining with tears. But they don’t look like tears of sadness. I see only happiness in them.

  “I love you,” she says. “I don’t care about anything else. The past, the things we’ve said or done to hurt one another—none of it matters now because you’re here. And I love you so very much.”

  “God, I love you.” I grab her face in my hands, and I kiss her.

  Then, she’s kissing me back.

  Our song is still playing in the background, and nothing has ever felt sweeter.

  Breaking away from her lips, panting, I press my forehead to hers. “Just promise me one thing.”

  “Anything.”

  “Don’t ever fucking leave me again.”

  “Never,” she promises. “I will never leave you again.”

  Today is what would have been our eleventh wedding anniversary. I say would have been because Adam and I are divorced.

  Don’t panic. It’s not a bad thing. It’s a good thing, a really good thing.

  Getting divorced was our beginning again. And we needed a new beginning.

  We were apart for so long that we needed to go back to the start.

  Our marriage, in a lot of ways, was the end for us.

  We needed new.

  Getting divorced and finding us again were new—but Adam has told me in no uncertain terms that I will be Mrs. Gunner again one day.

  And honestly, I can’t wait for that day.

  But for now, I’m happy. We’re happy.

  In the beginning of us starting again, we just dated. We got to know each other again, and it was fun. It’s still fun.

  We deserved fun after everything we’d been through.

  But this is Adam and me, and just like twelve years ago, when we first met, we were pretty much inseparable from the get-go.

  Two months after we got back together, I moved into the beach house with him. If Adam had had his way, it would have been two days. I just hadn’t wanted to rush things even though I really did want to rush things. My restraint deserves an award.

  Dad and Casey moved to Malibu with me. It’s only around a thirty-minute drive into UCLA from Malibu, and Casey and Dad were ready to get back to the beach. I didn’t want to be too far away from them, so it’s worked out perfectly. I’d wanted them to move into the beach house with us, and Adam had been fine with that. But Dad had said that Adam and I needed our own space to just be together. He was right. Crazy as it sounds, even though we were married, Adam and I haven’t ever lived together properly.

  We had that one week after we got married, but I was bouncing between the beach house and our old apartment.

  Now, we’re actually living together, and it’s amazing.

  Adam left the studio. He wanted to sign it all over to his Uncle Richard, but Richard wouldn’t let him. He said Adam might not want any part of it now, but that could change in the future.

  Richard proposed a fifty-fifty split of the studio with Adam as a silent partner. Adam reluctantly accepted, but I think a part of him still likes having a reason to be in contact with his uncle.

  Richard runs the studio day to day, but he brings over things for Adam to sign when necessary, which is often. I’m glad that Adam still has a connection to someone in his family.

  Ava, on the other hand…well, she’s no longer a part of the studio, of course. Adam had it in his head to ruin her career. In the beginning, he was hell bent on revenge.

  I told him that the best form of revenge is no revenge at all.

  Ruining Ava’s career wouldn’t change the things she had done to him. It wouldn’t make him feel better.

  I told him that he needed to let Karma have at her.

  Surprisingly, he listened. And he just let go of all the anger and bitterness he felt.

  I know he’s freer for it.

  Me? Well, I’m still waiting for Karma to do her thing. She sure is taking her sweet time.

  Ava has stepped away from Hollywood. But only to New York to star in some big prime-time show. Last I heard, there was talk about an Emmy nomination for her performance.

  I guess some people really are the
kind who fall in the ocean and come up with a gold watch.

  But what Ava doesn’t have is love.

  She can star in as many films or TV shows as she wants, win as many awards as she can, but one thing Ava will always be is alone.

  Adam never will be alone. He has so people who love him—me, Max, Richard, Dad, Casey, and Grady. And that is what counts above anything else.

  Speaking of Grady, he and Adam opened a surf school together. It’s called Off The Hook Surf School.

  Adam got the qualifications needed to be able to coach surfing. I’ve never seen him happier than when he is working there with Grady.

  Grady still has the Shack, and since I’ve been drawing again, he’s started letting me sell some of my drawings there.

  I also help out with admin stuff at the Off The Hook. Dad is working there, too. He’s been doing the accounts. He actually started doing them for the Shack, too. It’s good to see him getting back to doing what he enjoys. He can’t do anything too taxing, and it takes him longer to do the accounts than the average person would, but it’s not like there’s a rush, as they’re the only the accounts he does.

  And Casey is doing well in school. She’s happy.

  Life now is as it should have been ten years ago.

  I’m not bitter about losing those ten years. Do I wish that Adam and I had had all that time together? Of course I do. But we didn’t, and it meant Casey was able to get well. It was how it had to be. Both Adam and I have accepted it because we have each other now, and that’s all that matters.

  My cell starts to vibrate on the table beside me, pulling my eyes from the view of the ocean.

  I see the name on the display, and I instantly feel sick.

  I knew this call was coming. I just didn’t expect it to be today.

  Knowing I can’t hide from this, I take a deep breath and answer, “Hello?”

  “Evie Taylor?”

  “Speaking.”

  “I’m calling with the test results.”

  Another deep breath. “Okay. Go ahead.”

  “Positive.”

  My breath rushes out of me.

  “Miss Taylor?”

  “Thank you for letting me know.” I hang my cell up, curling my fingers around it.