I’m stock still and frozen in my seat. I never pictured myself as a nomad. The way the Prez described me stings. I’ve held the brothers at an arm’s length. I’ve changed who I was over the course of my life. The man I thought I was . . . I’m not, and I need to find the man I want to be.
“What Blade is saying. What do you want in life, brother? All of it, and if you choose us, we will help you get there.”
“I gotta say, I expected to get my ass chewed for being a dumb ass. I need to think about this.” My hand runs through my hair then I drop it in my lap. “I’ll get back to you.”
“Take some time. Maybe go home and know for certain where you belong. Confront the girl and best friend. See your old friend to his last days. We’ll be here,” Blade says with finality. He’s suggesting, but even I can read between the lines, go back to where it started and find the right road back home. I think about the words, “Learn this well, the last ride is never the last ride. And the end is not the end.”
14
Angie
“What are you doing here?” I burst through the front door of the tiny apartment. Snake pulled into the driveway, my stuff loaded into the back of his truck. My hand waves as he gets out of his truck and picks me up into a big hug.
“I told you we would take care of you. One of the brothers likes your old place and is moving in. If you decide to come back, he’ll bounce out, so no worries. We got you, Ange.” He sets me back down onto my feet.
“I could kiss you right now.” My chest feels tight. It’s new and it burns, almost like heartburn. I won’t have to pay rent this month and that’s huge for me.
“I wouldn’t stop you.” Snake’s brows raise in humor. Oh, he would kiss me, the man is a lover of all women and wouldn’t ever turn down an opportunity.
“My woman won’t be kissing you anytime soon.” Cowboy stands at the doorway of his now our apartment with an annoyed pinched face.
I hit Snake with my hand on his arm. “You know what I mean. How did you know I was here?”
“I asked him to bring your stuff here. Jazzy and Spider arranged for them to move it, I just specified the location.” Cowboy tilts his head to the back. “We can unload it in the master.” He takes a few steps toward us.
Snake snickers and whispers as he turns, “Well, this just got interesting, Ange.” I would hit him again if Cowboy didn’t look like he was ready to kill Snake for me. Nothing has ever happened between Snake and me, or any of the brothers at the MC. Snake is Jazzy’s cousin and Vegas’s brother. Sure, he and I flirted, but there was never any real attraction there. Snake has that Latino bad boy vibe. Don’t get me wrong—he’s hot as hell. But a girl just knows when she’s met her match, and Cowboy has that sweet kinda heat. The kind that consumes you from head to toe. The kind I couldn’t ignore. I didn’t have an interest to hook up with any of the brothers. Cowboy was an exception. He drew me in like two lonely hearts recognizing the other.
By the way he struts over to me now, powerful determination fills the void between us. I wasn’t sure what he wanted, but that look says we want the same thing—dirty, naked, and satisfying. The hard part is, I can’t play around. This whole scenario has changed things. We both are in a place where we need to be careful. As he reaches me, he pulls me to him with one hand. His fingers dig into the back of my neck and I have no choice but to go to him. “We need to set some ground rules, and after they leave, we will be figuring us out first.”
As quickly as he is there, he’s gone. My chest heaves and my blood pressure has skyrocketed. My hand touches my throat and I swallow back the words that press my mind. I want to drag him into the house and demand to know what exactly this means.
Snake sneaks up behind me. “Sounds like Angie has a boyfriend finally.” He takes off with a handful of my stuff into Cowboy’s apartment. I follow behind and start sorting through my stuff. A girl needs her clothes and after the few weeks I went without them, I appreciate them all the more now.
It doesn’t take long for my stuff to be unloaded and Snake to leave. I dance around the apartment looking for something to do. Nerves skate over my mind and my actions. When I was sure what we were was fake and not going anywhere, I knew it was temporary, but this is completely different.
“Angie,” Colt starts, “I need a friend right now.” My heart falls a bit. Was I too worked up thinking that he wanted more, and I wasn’t sure what I wanted either? He corners me to the wall by the closet. “There is no one I trust other than my parents and my brother. I need you to be my friend. I also feel this possessive need to keep you to myself and fuck you. My head isn’t clear, I need time, and you need time. I know this, but I want to feel your skin against mine. I want to keep you for myself.” His hand winds up my arm, my skin heats up, and I want him too. “How about while we figure out what we’re doing, we work together? You stay with me, and when we have that itch, we take care of each other?” His finger traces along my collar and dips down to my cleavage.
My head falls back against the wall when his fingers tilt my chin up. Those gorgeous hazel eyes track mine and I see the same lust and hypnotic need in his. My hands graze along his Wrangler jeans and across his abs. “Are you asking for us to room together and be friends with benefits?”
“Yes,” he rasps while kissing my neck.
“I’m having a baby, Colt. I’m not staying long.” My body trembles. “But my body wants you now.”
“I have the same problem.” His mouth covers mine while his hand tries to undo my pants. Getting past the top button proves to be difficult and I chuckle into our kiss. I help him by pushing him back to sit back on the bed. With patience, I pull my shirt over my head and roll my hips until my shorts hit the floor. Like a tiger, I crawl over his body. As he lies back, I pull his pants down his legs and unbutton his shirt.
My nails drag down his chiseled chest as a hiss escapes from between his teeth. Colt wants to get up and take over, but this time he’s all mine. Lying over his body, I whisper, “Let me take care of us this time.” My teeth scrape across his earlobe.
“If I wasn’t practically helpless—” My hand grips his cock, halting his words.
“Shh . . . Colt, just feel,” I demand and release his hard cock to remove my bra and panties. Straddling his lap, I use his dick to massage my clit over the slick tip. “I want to take your dick raw, that okay with you?” I don’t doubt he’s careful, I know he is.
“Fuck, yes, Angie, take my cock inside your hot, wet pussy.”
“Good,” I hiss, running his shaft along my folds. Leaning forward, I drag my hard nipples across his chest. His hand caresses my thigh, then up my side. My nipple finds his mouth and his groan is a current connected directly to my pussy. Colt licks and sucks each one while I stroke his cock, coating us in my need.
He grinds more and harder, needing the friction to get us both off. I roll my hips and he slides slowly into my heat. My breath stutters while he holds his. Rising up, I roll my hips again while sliding down his shaft. Sucking my fingers into my mouth, I coat them before I roll them over my clit. My head falls back, and I use his body. Selfishly, I find what I need, comfort and pleasure.
His hand stays possessively at my hip and he gives me his cock and encouragement with the grinding he adds to mine. My pussy constricts before an orgasm rolls through me. The breath is stolen from me and the high of endorphins races through me. His grip tightens and his cock hardens impossibly more before he shoots his cum deep inside of me.
We pace ourselves to ride out the waves of ecstasy to the end. Opening my eyes, I find him staring at me. “You’ll stay here for now with me?” he questions quietly.
“Yes,” I whisper back. I don’t know how long, but for now, I want Colt more than any man I have ever had. He’s just not committed to the baby. Our time together just started the countdown to the end of the few stolen moments of magic.
15
Cowboy
I’m a liar. I’ve spent the week wrapped up in Angie’s arms
. I soaked in her magic touch to tamper down the burning truth that resides in my chest. As much as I want to get lost and stay lost, I’m hurting myself by not pressing forward. I need to say goodbye to the man who was a part of my life as family. I don’t know what’s in store with Bull and his old lady, but it’s time I manned up and wrapped up the past. It seems that my dad, Blade, and Axl are right. The past won’t be ignored any longer. There’s no more lying to myself. I have to take control of my life. I haven’t been right in a long time.
In the kitchen, I find Angie swaying her hips from side to side. Her phone plays music while she scrambles eggs for breakfast. “Big day ahead?” I grumble from behind her.
“Yes, I have a full day of appointments booked. My plan for discounts on social media has pulled in some new clients.” She beams and plates the food for us. My dog, Lucky, sits at her side, where she has been since the day she got back from Blade’s house. She’s fiercely protective of the baby inside her. I don’t think Angie has picked up on that though. I think back to the first night we were together, when I asked her not to leave. Deep down, I knew I would be, but at the time, I couldn’t face the fact I didn’t know if I would be coming back. Today, I’m going back to Ely.
“Good. I need to head back home. I have some business to handle and then we’ll see from there.” I leave my heart on the line. It beats rapidly, begging me not to leave her. I’m not sure when I grew attached to the woman sitting next to me. My chest squeezes. She crept up on me when I let my defenses down. Every laugh we had as friends was a lie, because she was mine. Angie changed me and the way I saw my life the very first second I talked to her. For the first time ever, I don’t want to walk away, but I have to. For me to do right by her and the baby, I need to right my past. Angie hands me my plate and stares into my eyes for a split second. She can read the hesitation but also the determination.
Angie sits on the little couch in the living room. “I get it. Colt, for what it’s worth, this last week meant a lot to me. You need to go back sometimes before you can move forward.” Leaving the food, I carry my bag and follow.
Neither one of us know what tomorrow will bring.
“I paid the rent for the next six months already.” Her hand pauses as she raises her fork to her mouth for just a moment. “I’m a call away if you need me.” This is all out of left field, but if I don’t go now, I never will, that much I do understand. “I need to know that you’ll be okay.”
She finished chewing and swallows her food. “As your friend with extremely amazing benefits, I want you to call me too if you need me.” Her mouth says one thing, but the sadness in her tone says it differently. “Lucky, let’s go, girl.”
She whines as Angie tells her goodbye and gives her hugs before she sits at my side. With my bag packed and Lucky at my side, I give Ange a nod of my hat and walk out the door. I wanted to turn around and pick her up, throw her ass in the truck, and take her along. What does it mean that I need her with me? These are the answers I need and the only way to find them is to start from the past and work my way forward.
16
Angie
I’ve been stunned to silence since Colt walked out on me. He owed me nothing, but it hurt like hell the way he walked out, telling me that he means a lot to me. We could have something real. The problem is, does he feel it? I’m not running after him. I’m chasing the real and good things. I’ve sat here and looked around the empty space. Without him coming home, it feels like just walls to me. I’m resilient, so I pack my bags and load them into Jazzy’s car.
I’m not waiting around for a man to come back to me. I said I would help him, and I did. We had no attachments to each other. I could walk and he could at any time. It’s better now than later, when the feelings kept on growing, before the fantasy grew into more lies. He needs to find the truths about himself and believe in himself before he can love anyone. Of all people, I’ve learned this lesson the hard way. The recent changes in my life made me a believer in loving yourself above all else. If there is no you, there is no us.
It stings like a motherfucker that he hasn’t even acknowledged the possibility the baby could be his. It doesn’t shock me to my core or make me feel betrayed because I was ready for this. I planned on being a single mother. It’s time I get my head out of the clouds and back on track to do what I need to do for me and the baby.
With this time to myself, I could reflect and hear what my heart wants. More than anything in this world, I want this baby. The longer I thought about the possibilities of a boy or girl, the feeling wrapped me up and warmed me to the idea the baby is a girl. I don’t really understand how these things work, but I feel happy. As if my motherly intuition has started to take over. I want her to be proud of me and I am determined to shower her with love. This is I have to leave Cowboy’s apartment. He must want us just as much for anything to work. At this point, I don’t believe he does.
I’ll swing by Jazzy’s later and give the keys to Spider. His brothers can watch his place. By the time I make it to work, the salon is running at full speed and I get lost in cut and color. I enjoy every moment of bringing smiles to people. I know that without a doubt, I was meant to find happiness in what I do. And suddenly, I’m not in a rush to prove who I am to the world, let alone my parents.
It took a little growing baby to realize my pride was filling me full of poison. By seven at night, I see my last customer through the door. Her curls bounce up and down with each step to her car.
I’ve decided that for her, my baby, I’m going to take my time. My journey with her will never be a destination, and the truth is, I don’t know that I will ever have another shot at being a mom. She, in herself, is a miracle to me. I’ve noticed the slightest change of my stomach. Now that I’ve reached my fourth month with her, it sticks out just a little. My hand runs protectively over her.
By the time I reach Jazzy’s house, I’m dragging my feet up the sidewalk. I knock but then walk in without waiting for a sound to welcome me inside. Jazzy is placing dishes into the dishwasher. The aroma from their dinner wafts over me. My stomach growls, and I call out, “Feed me!”
“I had a feeling you would be coming by. I left you a plate by the stove.”
“God, I love you, woman. Cowboy left and I don’t want to stay at his place. It felt weird.” I pick up the grilled chicken and veggies and my mouth waters.
“Hmm, well, you know, you always have a place here. You better be feeding my peanut. FYI, that place feels weird now because you miss him in it,” Jazzy warns with a hand on her hip.
“One, she eats all the damn time. You should be more worried about how much she’s been taking over my body.” I plop onto the barstool at the kitchen counter and dig in. “You know, I was worried about what to do with nursing school and a place to stay. I decided I’m going to put school on hold until she’s a little older. I don’t want to miss anything when she’s tiny. I want her to have a nice house someday, a steady home.”
“If that’s what you want, then go after it. How are you doing with him gone? What did he say about the baby?” Jazzy is not holding back, but being the good friend she is, she doesn’t come out and say ‘he left you alone and pregnant’.
“I can’t stop him from leaving, Jazz. We don’t know if it’s his kid. I’m not chasing after a man to love us. He chose what he needed. It hurts, don’t get me wrong, but I’m big enough to let him find himself out there in the world. The week we spent together was good. It showed me what life could be like. I want that permanently, but not because I strapped him to me. I want the real thing.” What I believe is I won’t have what those around me do if I push it. My whole life I’ve been alone, tried to get my parents to love me but they never did. Love comes with no conditions and it comes to you. Maybe at a different time or place, Cowboy and I would have worked. I’ll be so grateful for him making it easy for me to see what a potential future could be like. The two of us together gave me hope.
17
Cowboy
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br /> “So, you left her thinking that you may or may not be the daddy to her baby?” Angus asks with a hint of amusement in his smile. I told him on the way here I would meet him at his house. I didn’t want what I had to do be in the eyes of the past at the old clubhouse. Besides, he wasn’t getting around as well. His time is fast approaching the end. He holds a beer, cigar, and gleam in his eye of a happy dying man. Sitting here on his porch, I envy him. Angus lived his life exactly how he wanted and to this moment, he didn’t leave anything to chance. He is the king of his world.
“I didn’t know how to answer her, to be honest. Maybe I wished it was mine and speaking any truth made it real. I’m not the only man she was with and I can’t have kids. I’m not the dad.” I wish I was. Angus would know what to do. Run after life like it was his last chance at happiness.
“Does it matter? Do you want the woman who kept the child she’s growing? You’re not my son by blood, but you are in all ways that count. Ever since Bull pissed you off and chased you out of town, you’ve been running. The shit you just said doesn’t matter. You’re about to miss your shot. Unless this one isn’t yours, step aside like you did with Sadie, let another man love her.”
“Why do you think I don’t come home? So, every time I get here, we talk about that shit? You defend your son and his actions, fine, don’t pick at mine.”
“That’s where you are wrong. Of course, I chewed out both of their asses for what they did. It’s time though that you see the truth. Bull loves you as a brother. He should have told her to break it off with you, he should have told you. You all were a bunch of punk ass kids playing like grownups. Fucking around and rodeoing way too god damn much. Chasing ass and getting drunk—” Angus starts coughing. You would think he would put down his cigar, but no, he chugs his beer. “Point is, ya’ll were up to no good and you didn’t treat her like a man in love does. Leaving her at parties and god knows what else. You’re madder at Bull. Admit the truth.”
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