All the Right Mistakes

by Laura Jamison

  “What are you drinking? Do you want a cocktail, or do you prefer champagne or wine?”

  “Yes,” replied Elizabeth, and they both smiled. “This might be my last chance to get really hammered.”

  “It will happen for you this time. I know it will work,” whispered Carmen as she squeezed Elizabeth’s hand as they headed toward the bar. “This is going to be our year.”

  “I hope so. But let’s not jinx it. Is Sara here yet?”

  “Yes, Sara and Scott got here about ten minutes ago. Sara kind of looks like shit, but I think we are going to have to lie to her about that. I think that trip to India was really hard on her, and she might be a donkey on the edge.”

  “Did you hear about the arm?” asked Elizabeth.

  “Yes, when she arrived, she told me a little bit about what happened. That must have been awful for her. I can’t imagine not being there for something like that. I mean, that’s why women need to be home or at least close to home. No offense.”

  “Hey, none taken. But William might be offended, you know,” she teased.

  “I have been so jealous of her four kids for so many years. It’s funny, now that I’m doing my own thing, I’m not anymore. I still say she should have stopped at three. But that is not coming from a place of spite, it’s coming from a place of common sense. Maybe Scott will get a new job soon so Sara can figure something else out. It can’t possibly work for her to be running off to India every few months.”

  “Probably not,” Elizabeth agreed. “You know, some days I might as well be in India for all the time I’m spending at the office. Don’t get me wrong, I’m totally good with William being the at-home person. But George doesn’t even call for me at night, did you know that? He calls for William. Sometimes I want to be the one he wants, Carmen.”

  “Don’t be silly. You will be. When he grows up, you will be able to relate to him in a totally different way. He’ll want to ask for your advice about work and jobs and the world. Just give it time.”

  “Thanks for saying that. But I’m not sure I buy it. That’s what I’m afraid of. Time. Time going by. There has to be more for me.”

  As Elizabeth started to feel really sorry for herself yet again, Sara came up beside them. “Hey, ladies! I’m exhausted, but I’m here! I really shouldn’t be spending the night since I’ve already been gone so long from the kids, but how many opportunities do we get to do this? Besides, I owe you guys an apology. I’m sorry that I wasn’t more sympathetic about the Heather business. She was really awful to you guys. And she did abandon Martha at the worst possible time. I get it, I really do.”

  Elizabeth replied with a smile, “It’s in the past. Let’s please move on. I hope Martha will want to move on too. How was India by the way? Tell us everything.”

  As Sara began to recount her travel experience, Elizabeth’s mind turned to Heather’s book. She still couldn’t shake the feeling that Heather was at least partially right about “E’s” choices. Elizabeth was always letting time run away from her. She might never have that second baby. And she could live with that, whatever happened with the IVF. But she couldn’t live with missing most of George’s childhood. She needed to take control and start living the life she wanted—today.

  CARMEN

  Carmen was confident that all three of them had each consumed at least a bottle of wine apiece.

  All the other guests were gone, including Avery, who had gone to a friend’s house for the rest of the weekend. Carmen was pretty sure they were going out clubbing tonight, but she didn’t want to think about it. She had just handed Avery the keys, reminded her that she was still underage, and asked her to be safe. The house belonged to Carmen and her friends for the night.

  The girls had changed into their pajamas, robes, and slippers the minute the last guest left and had reassembled in the den for what they expected to be the best part of the party.

  “All I’m saying is that I need to make a change,” Elizabeth was saying to Carmen and Sara.

  “Okay, but William has no desire to work, right?” asked Sara. “You can’t just up and quit without a new job lined up. What about in-house?”

  “I’m not sure that’s any better. I mean, look at what’s happened to you.”

  “Point taken,” replied Sara wryly.

  “The truth is I like the actual work I do. I like being a partner. Technically, I’m an owner in the business. I even like a lot of the other lawyers there. I just really feel angry about what went down with Kenny.”

  “Why don’t you start your own firm?” asked Carmen.

  “Oh, sure,” Elizabeth responded, laughing. “I’ll just hang out my shingle and see what happens. I’m sure they will beat a path to my door.”

  “I’m not kidding,” said Carmen. “I’ve read about a lot of successful small firms going it alone. And I know you are technically an owner, but being a partner in a law firm these days is like being a stockholder in Disney. You technically get a vote, but you don’t have any real control whatsoever.”

  “That’s true, and it would be great to be a true owner,” said Elizabeth. “But I have no start-up capital. And even if I did, I don’t have the kind of knowledge or experience to run a business.”

  “But I do,” Carmen pointed out, a serious tone in her voice. “I have both, actually. Mark left me a wealthy woman, as my attorney likes to say. Who better to invest in than you?” she asked, grabbing Elizabeth’s hand. “You’re the hardest working lady I know, and you will do everything in your power to make your firm fly.”

  “I do have some ideas,” said Elizabeth tentatively. “For one, I would love to stop billing in six-minute increments. I’m so fucking sick of it.”

  “That’s a no-brainer,” said Sara. “Companies hate paying bills that way too. We try to get everything done by project flat fee or some other alternate billing arrangement.”

  “And I want to create a compensation structure that rewards teamwork and mentoring,” Elizabeth explained. “Something that will cut the Kennys and Blakes of the world off at the knees.”

  “I have a boatload of other great ideas for you,” said Sara. “My work in India showed me all kinds of ways to get work done more efficiently and cheaply. And the ideas don’t always involve outsourcing. There are a lot of things you can do here to produce a very competitive product if you’re willing to rethink real estate, technology, and process.”

  “That would be great, Sara,” replied Elizabeth sincerely. “I do think firms are struggling because they’re holding on to all the fancy trappings of being a lawyer. I actually don’t need any of that.”

  “It sounds like you know exactly what you want to do,” said Carmen with finality. “C’mon, let’s really do this.”

  Elizabeth hesitated, but then, at least in Carmen’s view, Elizabeth looked like she found some old courage.

  “Okay, I’m in. But only if you agree to be CFO, Carmen. And we’ll be sure you get a really nice return on your investment, eventually, that is.” She laughed.

  Carmen’s eyes teared up suddenly. “Oh, Elizabeth,” she said, “you can definitely have my money and my advice, but you should take some time to think about the CFO thing. If you are serious about something like this, you’ll want someone with real experience. I mean, you’re the breadwinner. You can’t just do whatever you want and put your family at risk.”

  “Actually, yes I can,” said Elizabeth. “I want the smartest woman I know who managed her daughter all the way to Dartmouth.”

  “Okay then,” Carmen agreed, feeling validated in a way that she thought might never happen. “I accept your offer. What kind of maternity leave are you going to want, though?”

  “Are you still trying, Elizabeth?” asked Sara.

  “Well, actually, I’m planning to get pregnant with Carmen’s baby,” said Elizabeth.

  “You are really drunk, aren’t you?” Sara laughed.

  “No, really,” said Elizabeth as she grabbed Carmen’s hand, “Carmen has given one of he
r eggs to William and me, and if things go the way we are planning, well, I’m going to be a mom again.”

  Sara’s jaw dropped, and she quickly clapped her hand over her mouth in shock and glee. The room went very quiet as a full five beats passed among the women. It was one of those moments when the best thing to say was nothing at all. A rare moment among their group. They all knew the procedure was no guarantee, but for a moment they could imagine a future in which their little group would knit itself back together again, albeit as a foursome, but four was better than none.

  Sara was the first one to speak. “Well, if you ladies are writing your own maternity policy, I recommend a fully funded twelve-month leave.”

  “Are you kidding?” said Elizabeth. “I want one of those nurseries next to my office like Heather has.”

  “I wonder if she makes her husband come fuck her in her office as well. You know, for the sake of efficiency,” said Sara with her most serious face on.

  The women burst into laughter and started shoving each other until they were rolling around on the floor like it was a third-grade slumber party.

  “We are having so much fun, I had almost forgotten about Heather,” said Carmen. “Did any of you fold and respond to her asinine e-mails?”

  “Not me,” said Elizabeth. “She still doesn’t even know I lost the baby.”

  “Not me three,” Sara agreed. “Elizabeth, you were always the closest to her. I can’t believe she hasn’t tried to call when she realized you weren’t going to e-mail her.”

  “I actually tried her phone, but she has it set up so you can’t even leave a message if you wanted to,” Elizabeth replied.

  “Of course she does,” deadpanned Carmen.

  “I’m just not interested in talking to her unless it’s to accept her apology,” continued Elizabeth. “But I might e-mail her back and let her know that she should really consider why we might be upset with her. I’m not sure I want to cut her off forever without even an explanation. That feels really wrong.”

  “I do!” said Carmen. “And it feels really right to me!”

  “Heather’s not a monster,” countered Sara. “She may be just really low empathy. And her advice has actually been kind of helpful for me in the last few months.”

  Carmen just rolled her eyes. “Please don’t start again, Sara. My ears might literally bleed.”

  “I’m just sad that we’ve ended up here,” said Elizabeth. “Can you really imagine our girls’ weekends without Heather? Or Martha? She may not come back to us, you know. She’s been weird and quiet since the fight.”

  “Maybe it’s time we all grow up,” said Carmen quietly. “Nothing lasts forever. Anyway, let’s talk about what we are going to name our baby.”

  And with that, all the talk of Heather was done.

  MARTHA

  Martha and Robert were on their way back from a dinner date. They had been making a conscious effort to spend more time together since the summer, and particularly time for just the two of them.

  Robert hadn’t had even one drink during dinner. He rarely drank, probably an old habit from his days as a young doctor when he might be urgently needed with no advance notice.

  Martha had stuck to just one glass because she wanted to get up early tomorrow and start taking pictures in the new house. She was delighted that they were letting her in before the closing. The family had moved out already and didn’t seem to care either way. She needed to get the contractors lined up quickly if they were going to get into the house before summer.

  She felt a pang of guilt for avoiding Carmen’s party, but everything had changed after that night out in September, and she wasn’t sure if she could go back to how things had been before.

  In any case, she needed to focus on her family now. She hoped it would be five of them moving in over the summer. In addition to working on the house stuff, she had been feverishly researching the fastest way to adopt that little girl from China. She had been pleased to learn that there was a real chance that they could be in a position to go get her by the end of the summer. That would be perfect. The boys would be settled and ready to go back to school. She would have the whole school day, every school day, to bond with her new daughter.

  She just needed Robert to say yes. Martha decided it was now or never.

  “Robert, I want to adopt that little girl. I’ve done all my research. I know the risks, and the costs. I know we will live with uncertainty about her health. I know all those things, but I can’t ignore my heart. My heart tells me that we are hers and she is ours.”

  Martha braced herself for a long debate. Robert wasn’t a big talker, but he managed to find his words when it was something that was important to him.

  “I already knew all that, Martha. You don’t have the poker face you think you do,” he teased. Looking more serious, he sighed and then continued, “I’ve thought a lot about it too. If you are sure that it’s what you want, then I want it too. But you will have to take the brunt of the responsibility. There’s only so much I can do and keep up at work. I know you want to do more outside the home, but I don’t know how much I can promise in terms of help.”

  “I’m not going back to medicine, Robert. I might do some volunteering at the boys’ school, but I know I’ll need all my energy to take care of her and the boys.”

  “What if you change your mind?”

  “Maybe I’ll change my mind later, but for now I want this baby.”

  “Okay,” he said. “Then I will support it—and you—totally. What should we name her?”

  “I think we should pick a name from your side of the family. But can her middle name be Adams, just like Lucy? I know she won’t look like me or anything, but, you know, she will become part of me.”

  “That sounds perfect,” said Robert with a smile. “What about Mildred for the first name? That was my grandmother’s name.”

  “Okay, we’re going to need to negotiate that one.”

  And for the first time in a very long time, they had a laugh together.

  SARA

  “I will never, ever drink champagne again,” groaned Sara into her pillow as she lay in her bed after coming home the next morning after the party.

  The kids had been delighted to see her when she got home, and she did her very best to look enthused, but she hadn’t lasted more than fifteen minutes before hitting the bed.

  Scott softened the blow by leaning down to give her a kiss. “How was the girls’ night?” he teased as he ran his hand along the hem of her shirt.

  “Well, you can clearly see that it was super fun. Because I have never felt more hungover in my life. I need an IV. And stop hitting on me. If we have sex, that might do me in permanently.”

  “Your thirteen-hour flight the day before might also have something to do with your predicament, you know,” he said, ignoring her instructions and slipping his hand under her shirt.

  “I know. I hate my new job. I don’t know what to do. I’m trapped,” she moaned into the pillow.

  “You’re not trapped. But it would help me if you did stay in a stable job for just a little longer. I have an idea, but it might be kind of stupid.”

  “Hit me. This is your big chance. I don’t have the strength to defend myself.”

  “I want to do IT consulting.” His hand circled higher and higher.

  “Meaning what exactly?” asked Sara.

  “Meaning I work for myself on a project basis.” His hand was fumbling to unhook her bra.

  “So basically, totally no safety net. No insurance. No medical. No retirement plan.”

  “I guess, if you see it that way. The way I see it, if I’m successful, you can cut back at work or downshift into a different job. I will keep doing more at home. I think it might be a win all around.”

  “Okay, but you still have to take seventy-five percent on the task tracker.” Sara felt Scott’s caresses stop immediately, and then his hand was gone. Shit, I shouldn’t have said that.

  “Sara, just so yo
u know, no one wants to fuck mean mommy.”

  “Scott! Seriously? What if the kids heard you!” Sara rolled up and sat up, fixing Scott with an irritated look.

  “Look, I’ll do seventy-five percent. For now. Until I get up and running. Then you need to cut back because I can’t do both.”

  “I used to do both.”

  “Not well, you didn’t. And you were always complaining to me that you were exhausted and fat and didn’t have any time for yourself.”

  Asshole, thought Sara.

  “I complained because I actually didn’t have time for myself. And I wasn’t fat. I was thick.”

  “Okay, Kim Kardashian. For the record, you’ve always looked great to me. I want us to find a third way. Let me give it a try. Maybe we can both work and split things more fifty-fifty.”

  “Fine, maybe, but if I have to do laundry and dishes all by myself on Sunday night again I’m going to be pissed.”

  “Noted,” said Scott. “Why don’t you take that nap? You really are unpleasant when you’re tired.”

  Consulting work, she thought as she closed her eyes. Huh. Maybe Scott can be the IT guy for Elizabeth and Carmen’s new firm. And that’s as far as she got because within seconds she was in a deep sleep.

  MARCH

  HEATHER

  From: Elizabeth Smith

  Sent: Sun. 3/27 4:15 p.m.

  To: Heather Hall

  Subject: Re: I need you

  Heather, I have to be honest, I’m surprised to hear from you. I would have thought that you have some closer friends to help you out. But I’m not going to say no to you. There’s too much history between us, and you can count on me, even if I can’t count on you.

  I’ll be on the first flight tomorrow morning. Find the resort doctor and have him prescribe you a sedative. Then go to bed. See you soon. And Heather, please don’t worry. Everything’s going to be fine. We’ll get you through this.