The Therapist

by Kelly Holm

  “In that case, count me in. Just let me know when, and I’ll be there.”

  “I was thinking next week. Is that too soon?” When she looked at him with those big hazel eyes, he became putty in her hands.

  “Next week? Naw, I’ll talk to Ringo and make sure, but I can’t foresee any problems.”

  “Great, because, like I said, I’ve already booked it.”

  Suddenly, the car in front of Leo swerved and put on the brake lights to avoid a small piece of luggage that had fallen off

  someone’s luggage rack. Leo quickly followed suit.

  Whew, that was a close one, Leo thought as he maneuvered his bike around the debris.

  Hoople was a resort town, and for the summer months, the town was busting at the seams with people; but once fall came, most of the people left to return to their lives. Krystal and Leo would usually spend June and or July in Hoople, whenever Mila would visit Aunt Millie in Los Angeles. Some years they came up with Mila for the holidays too.

  As Leo entered the town limits of Hoople, his emotions started to stir. At first, he felt happy, remembering how much fun they always had when they were here, but then he felt great sadness because he remembered he was here to say good-bye to Krystal. He wondered if this might be the last time he visits for a long time, he didn’t like being here without Krystal.

  The entire trip only took about two and a half hours, but Krystal always wanted to stop in Ventura, which was about halfway. She told him her bum got sore from riding so long. So, after the first trip, Leo always booked a room at the Drake Motel.

  As he drove down Hoople’s main drag, he decided to stop for a few groceries before heading over to the cabin. He pulled into the familiar Briggs Market and parked his bike. He grabbed a basket at the door and proceeded to fill it with milk, bread, lunch meat, eggs, and a six-pack of beer. As he was walking over to the cash register line, he heard a raspy voice that he knew instantly was his neighbor at the lake, Phyllis Rutherford.

  “Is that you, Leo?” Phyllis quickly pulled her cart around and ran over to see Leo.

  Phyllis was a plump woman, with long gray hair that she wore pulled up in a baseball cap most of the time. She was quite the talker, rather loud, and sometimes a bit obnoxious, but she had a kind heart and was always very friendly and neighborly with him

  and Krystal.

  “Hi, Phyllis, how are you?” Leo knew better than to try and avoid Phyllis, even though he would have preferred to today.

  “Wow, what a surprise! We didn’t think you guys were going to make it up this year. Dick is going to be thrilled; does he know you guys are here yet?”

  “Actually I…”

  “Well, he is going to be over the moon! In fact, he was just saying this morning, how much he wishes you and Krystal would come up for the whole summer like you used to. Is Krystal outside? Oh, I can’t wait to see her,” she said, as she moved back and forth trying to see around Leo and out the front windows.

  “Unfortunately, Krystal isn’t here with me.”

  “Oh no, what happened; you two didn’t break up or anything crazy like that, right?” Phyllis leaned in close like she was getting a big scoop or something, and didn’t want others to hear.

  “We didn’t break up, look, Phyllis, there’s no good way to say this, so I’m just going let it spill, Krystal died last week.”

  “Oh my god, you poor thing; you must be devastated. How did she die, if you don’t mind me asking? She was so young.”

  “It was a massive stroke, she died almost instantly.”

  “I am so very sorry for your loss; although it must give you some comfort knowing she didn’t suffer. Oh, you poor thing; this is devastating news. You must let me know if there is anything Dick or I can do for you.”

  “Yes, hmmm...” Leo tried his best to stay in control, but his eyes watered up anyway.

  “How is Mila taking it?”

  “Mila is taking it as well as can be expected, it happened so quickly I think it will take a little time for it to really sink in. She and Krystal were so close; they used to talk almost daily.”

  “Is Mila with you today?”

  “No, she wasn’t able to make the trip with me because she had to get back to her practice in Los Angeles. So, I came solo to scatter Krystal’s ashes, and I guess, to say good-bye to her.”

  “Mila’s practice? What does she do now?”

  “She’s a clinical psychologist, helps people with addictions and such.”

  “Wow, you and Krystal must be so proud.”

  “Yes, we’re very proud of her.”

  “How are you holding up?”

  “I’m just taking it one day at a time for now.”

  “Well, like I said, if there is anything we can do, please let us know. How long are you planning on staying?”

  “It’s up in the air right now.”

  “Why don’t you come over for dinner tonight, I’m making a pot roast,” she sang hoping to entice him into joining them for dinner.

  “That’s really nice of you to offer, but I think I’d prefer to be alone tonight. No offense, your pot roast is amazing, but I really need to start getting my head straight, and figure out what to do next.”

  “I understand completely, but if you change your mind, the roast will be done around 7:00 p.m.”

  “I’ll keep that in mind,” he said, as he paid the cashier, grabbed his bag of groceries and walked out to his bike.

  When he arrived at the cabin, everything looked the same as when they were up here last year. Leo had hoped that they would come this year, but in June, Krystal got an opportunity to teach a two-week seminar on post-natal care to new teenage mothers, and it was just something she couldn’t pass up. She always had such a giving heart and wanted to help everyone.

  As Leo grabbed the groceries and urn off his bike, he

  glanced out at the lake, so still and beautiful, he couldn’t wait to go sit out on the dock. He brought his things inside, and as he was carrying in the last bag, Dick from next door walked up.

  Dick Rutherford was not a large man; he stood about five foot seven with a very slim build, almost too skinny, Leo thought. Before retiring, he worked as a stockbroker. Dick had a very successful career, but when he was in his mid-fifties, he had a heart attack from the stress and was forced to retire. Since their children were grown and away at college, he and Phyllis decided to move into the lake house permanently.

  To help lower his blood pressure, his doctor suggested he take up a hobby. Phyllis suggested that he try making a birdhouse since he enjoyed building things so much. After the first one he was hooked, and now there’s a birdhouse on every tree in the Rutherford’s yard, and a few on the garage, cabin, and even one that Dick mounted by the dock for larger birds.

  “Hey, buddy, I just wanted to extend my condolences. Phyllis told me about Krystal. I just… I just can’t believe it,” he said, as he shook his head in disbelief.

  “Thanks, man. I know what you mean, I still expect her to walk up behind me any minute.”

  “Are you sure there isn’t anything you need?”

  “I’m cool. I just need to put things back into perspective. We were together so many years; I’m just not sure what to do without Krystal.”

  “I hear ya, man, I know I bitch about Phyllis all the time, but if I lost her, I would be devastated.” He could tell Leo was getting anxious. “Alright then, I’ll leave you to your business. If you need anything, we’re right next door.”

  “Thanks, Dick, I really appreciate it. I’ll swing by tomorrow, and we can catch up.”

  “That would be great. I’d really like that, I’ll see you

  tomorrow.”

  Finally, he was alone again. He was surprised how difficult it was to tell the story of Krystal’s death, over and over. When he walked into the cabin, everywhere he looked, he saw her. There were several pictures of them being silly hung on the walls, blankets she knitted hanging over the chairs and sofa, and maybe it was just hi
s imagination playing tricks on him, but he thought, for a couple of seconds, he could even smell her perfume.

  After putting the groceries away and opening some windows to get rid of the musty smell, Leo grabbed a beer, went outside and down to the dock to read the remaining portion of Krystal’s letter.

  Having Mila changed my life most spectacularly. I’ll always be grateful for that. If something happens to me while Mila is still young, I would like you, Leo, to watch over her. You are my first and only choice in this decision. I know what I am asking of you, and I know if life should take this turn, you will be exceptional.

  There’s also the issue of the diary I kept. I needed to write things down for a while, and so I kept a journal. I hid it very well, but I would hate for Mila to accidentally find it, and learn the truth about how she came to be my daughter without someone there to explain. I keep the diary in the secret side drawer of the beautiful side table, which you built for me, that sits next to my bed. If something happens to me, please, get the diary and hold on to it. I just don’t want it to fall into the wrong hands.

  As of now, I haven’t decided if I want to tell

  Mila the truth, but she is only two, so I may change my mind as time goes on. If I am gone and you are raising Mila, it will be your decision whether or not to tell her the truth. If you decide to tell her, please give her the diary to help her understand. If you choose not to, please destroy the diary.

  Thank you for loving me all these years, I know it wasn’t always easy, but you did it with such grace and love. I’ll do my best to watch over you and Mila from up here, and of course, I’ll put in a good word for you (like you’d need it, ha-ha). Good-bye, my love, I’ll see you in the next life.

  Forever yours,

  Krystal

  Leo stopped reading, wiped away the tears that were forming in his eyes, and looked out at the lake. Wow, she would have wanted me to raise Mila. He never thought about that. Fortunately for him, Mila was an adult now.

  Leo never thought about telling Mila the truth. He figured that since Krystal hadn’t said anything to her yet that she wasn’t planning on telling her. He made a mental note to swing by the house and get the diary when he was back in town. He didn’t feel it was urgent since he watched Mila drive out of town earlier that week. She mentioned that she didn’t want to do anything with the furniture yet, so he felt confident that he could wait.

  That night after eating a pastrami sub, he picked up at Toasty’s Subs, in town, for dinner, he picked up his sketchbook and sketched out an incredible likeness of Krystal from his memory. He made sure it was absolutely perfect, then rolled it up to bring it home. After drawing for a few hours, he wanted something else to do, but there wasn’t much to choose from. He

  thought about sitting outside awhile, maybe even getting a bonfire going, but the wind was picking up, and clouds were quickly moving in. The weather seemed to be turning ugly.

  It was funny, Leo never seemed to notice the lack of activities before, probably since Krystal was always with him, and they could talk for hours and be perfectly entertained. Several books were sitting on a shelf that he thought about reading, but after looking through the titles, nothing seemed to interest him, so instead, he decided to just go to bed.

  That night there was a terrible storm. Leo tossed and turned along with the lightning and thunder outside. The wind was howling, and tree branches were cracking and falling to the ground. The rain came down hard and sounded like a locomotive on the cabin’s metal roof. Leo tried to sleep but was often awakened by the thunder.

  The next morning, he woke early but didn’t feel rested. He was a little disoriented, and for a brief moment, expected to hear Krystal busy in the kitchen whipping up her famous French toast. But he soon realized that she was gone; he was alone now, and there would be no French toast unless he made it himself.

  He laid in the lonely king-sized bed, teetering between getting up and just pulling the covers over his head and staying in bed forever. He reached around the headboard and pulled the curtain back so he could see out. If it’s cloudy and rainy, I’m not getting up… but the sun was out, and the birds were chirping; it was turning into a beautiful day.

  Come on, Leo, you can’t lay in bed all day, you have to do something productive, he told himself as he pulled himself out of the warm blankets. He quickly got dressed and went into the kitchen to find something to eat. There wasn’t much to choose from unless he wanted to cook and that wasn’t something he enjoyed. Krystal always did the cooking, and she was amazing at it. Leo decided to pop some bread into the toaster and use some of the lunch meat he bought for sandwiches; it wasn’t Krystal’s delicious French toast, but at least he won’t starve. As he was finishing his sandwich, he remembered he told Dick that he would swing by for a visit today. Usually, Leo really enjoyed talking with the Rutherford’s, but he wasn’t feeling it today. He really just wanted to be alone.

  While he tried to think of an excuse to give Dick, he brewed a pot of coffee. In his mind, he could hear Krystal telling him to go and visit, but he tried to block it out. Leo wanted to be sad today, maybe if he just felt the pain, it would go away, and he could feel normal again; but would he ever feel normal again?

  When he felt he had his emotions under control, for the time being at least, he filled his coffee mug and walked next door to Phyllis and Dick’s. They were sitting out on the dock enjoying their morning coffee when they noticed him and waved.

  “Quite a storm we had last night,” Phyllis said, breaking the ice.

  “Ya, looks like I got some branches to clean up today; did you guys have much damage?”

  “Just some branches over by the garage, and I lost a few of the hanging birdhouses,” Dick said with sadness. He was very attached to each birdhouse he made.

  “So, Leo, what are your plans now?” Phyllis asked as she leaned in towards him.

  “I’m not sure. I still can’t believe Krystal’s gone. I’m just trying to survive each day.” He was tearing up again.

  Phyllis noticed that Leo was very uncomfortable and quickly changed the subject to something lighter.

  “Did Dick mention that our oldest, Sarah, is graduating this year?”

  “That’s terrific, what is she going to school for again?”

  “Computers, she creates these amazing apps that can do whatever she wants. She just finished some game, and she sold it for ten thousand dollars; can you believe it?”

  “Wow, that’s great.”

  They talked for an hour or so longer, mostly about trivial things, and then Dick had to leave for a doctor’s appointment in town. Leo took this opportunity to excuse himself. As he was walking back towards his cabin, he noticed that there was more clean-up needed then he initially thought. Shit, I’m going to be doing this all day, he thought.

  He started to pick up the fallen branches, and before he knew it, he was done; it looked much worse than it actually was. By now, it was almost lunchtime, and he was getting hungry. The idea of yet another sandwich didn’t sound all that good to Leo, so he got on his bike, rode into town, and went to Geno’s Diner, for some real food.

  When he returned to the cabin with a full belly, he knew what he had to do. He tried to put it off, but he knew it had to be done. He went inside and got the urn. He brought it outside and down to the dock; and held it on his lap while he thought about his options. Then it came to him, clear as day he heard, ‘under the big oak,’ in his mind. He could have sworn that it was Krystal’s voice, but he knew that wasn’t possible.

  “Thanks, babe, I knew you’d let me know somehow.”

  As he scattered Krystal’s ashes around the big oak tree he and Krystal planted shortly after they purchased the cabin several years ago, he said a few words...

  “I guess this is it, babe, I think you’ll be happy here. You always loved coming up here so much. I hope you know how happy you’ve made me all these years.”

  It was becoming more and more difficult for him to hold the tears
back, and eventually, he couldn’t stop them. He

  wiped his eyes with his sleeve and continued.

  “I promise to be there for Mila, should she ever need anything. You did such an amazing job raising her; she’s grown into a beautiful, kind, and smart young woman. I knew when I brought her to you all those years ago, that you were the best choice. I’m sorry I never told you the whole story, I just couldn’t. I never got to tell you how much I appreciated that you didn’t push the subject either. You were amazing, and I will miss you every day for the rest of my life. I love you, sleep peacefully, my love.”

  He poured the contents of the urn around the tree and said a short prayer. By this time, the tears were streaming down his face, and he couldn’t stop them, so he sat down by the side of the tree and sobbed. Once he felt he could no longer produce any more tears, he got up and went inside the cabin.

  He sat down at the table and tried to draw, it usually relaxed him, but not today, he was anxious and fidgety. It was frustrating, nothing seemed to please him, so he decided to ride up to the trailhead, and spend some time in the woods. He walked about four miles when he decided he had enough nature, and started heading back to his bike. That night he slept deep, and when he woke the following morning, he actually felt rested.

  After another lunchmeat sandwich for breakfast, Leo decided to head back to Rockville and get back to his life. He would have to figure out how to be without Krystal. He quickly packed up the few clothes he brought with, threw out the remaining food, closed up all the windows and blinds, got on his bike, and rode out of town.

  He was making good time, so he decided to ride straight to Rockville rather than stop for the night; the stop was more for Krystal anyway. When he got home, he was mentally exhausted and just left his bags in the entryway, and plopped down on the couch to veg out on the TV for a few hours.

  The next morning, he woke up on the couch feeling sad and empty; he knew he had to get up and do something, although,