A Time to Heal

by Diana Lesire Brandmeyer

  “You look...like a bowl of frothy icing. Why not go more classic, because that's who you are now? No one picks their fantasy wedding dress from their childhood, do they? If they did, we'd all look like an animated princess from all those movies we watched as a kid.” Deni handed Alison a different dress. “Try this one.”

  Lori ached inside. Her teenage wedding dress hadn’t been anything like her preteen dream. She kept the smile on her face. “She's right. Put it on.” She turned away so no one would notice her brushing the tears from her eyes.

  “Are you okay?” Deni touched her on the arm. “I know this is hard for you.”

  And she did, because she knew her whole story. The fire, the stupid mistake of a wedding that her father annulled, and that her mother could never come to her wedding. If she ever married. “Yeah. I'll be fine by the time she gets out here.”

  “It's okay if you aren't, you know. Alison would understand if you told her. All of our friends would.”

  “You haven't told Joel, have you?” Adrenalin scratched though her spine. She couldn’t bear it if everyone knew. She couldn’t risk the judgement.

  “No, I promised not to tell anyone, and I haven't. But you have put me in an awkward place with my husband. We both said no more secrets before we agreed to marry.”

  “I know. I am sorry about that. I think there’s a part of me that wants to know Trey better. No one knows that either.”

  “You do? That's great! He seems like a good guy.”

  “Shh. He's technically a parent. He hasn't asked me on a real date or anything close to romantic. But there’s this connection, or I think there is. Maybe it's wishful dreaming on my part and nothing more. I need to find out if it's against the school policy without tipping anyone off. They don’t have the staff policy online which means we have to look it up in the office. It's a dilemma. Right now, we are meeting to discuss Brent's school behavior. And really, I may be the only one that thinks there is a possibility of a relationship.”

  “What do you think of this one?” Alison hovered in front of the mirrors.

  “It's beautiful.” Lori got the words out before emotions clogged her throat. What was she thinking? Once Trey learned of her past, any spark he might have for her would be snuffed.

  Trey unwrapped his straw and stuck it in his chocolate shake. Lori sat across the small table from him. “How was the dress shopping?”

  Lori half smiled. “Okay. You know lots of oohing and ah-ing, over and over. Pretty sure when you get measured for your tux it will be a lot simpler. It's a bit exhausting. Do you know how much some of those dresses weigh? Especially if they are heavily beaded, and lots of the ones that caught Alison's interest were full of sparkling crystals. I'm pretty sure my arm muscles are going to protest tomorrow morning.”

  “I haven't been given any instructions yet. That's a good thing. I need to go out of town next week for a photo shoot. The owner wants individual shots with the dog, and the dog is too young to travel to my studio.”

  “Out of town? Where are you leaving Brent? Not alone I hope.” She put her french fry down and leaned forward, eyes wide.

  “Give me a little credit. I'll be back around seven. I should have said I’d be gone for the day. It’s become a matter of necessity to say a week because then I have the time I need to put the photos through my editing process. Pretty sure Brent will be fine by himself for three hours after school.” He wished his sister would come back early. He and Brent were often at odds. Shoot, he was at odds with himself. He wanted to say yes to almost all of Brent's requests, even participate in some of them, but he couldn't. Lori had made that clear at their last meeting. Now Brent was sullen and spent most of his time in his room. “In fact, if I don't tell him I'm gone, he'll come home, grab a snack and hide in his room to avoid me.”

  “I know you aren't serious, but nice try at attempting to make me lecture you. Brent is doing much better at school, so I know you're doing the things we discussed.”

  Discussed. That's a word a teacher would use, and he was tiring of this kind of relationship. He was going to have to decide if he was ready for a long-lasting relationship with Lori or not. It was time to stop dating for the fun of it.

  His parents were right. Having Brent around, difficult as it was at times, had him reconsidering taking a step toward marriage. Maybe God hadn’t put the right person in his path until now.

  But was she ready? How would she react if he asked her out? She might bolt, and then he'd not see her outside of a parent-teacher conference. He'd figured out that much. “Hey, why don't you take a personal day and go with me? Professional photographer to professional photographer. I can share my secrets with you, and maybe you have some to share with me?”

  Lori's phone trilled. Grateful for the diversion she wouldn't have to answer Trey's question, at least for the moment. She needed time to think before she could answer him. “Sorry, it's Evan. Lucy took her truck to trade in today. He may need me to come get her or something.”

  “No problem.”

  She answered the phone. “What's up, Evan?”

  “I'm at your house with Lucy. She's not feeling well, and I have to leave, but I don't want to leave her alone. She fainted in my office. Do you think you could come and stay with her? She wouldn't let me call Joel or Deni.”

  “No worries. I'm on my way home now.” She ended the call.

  “Something wrong?” Trey had already stacked both the trays and readied them to return to the counter. “Can I help?”

  “Lucy is sick and needs me. I have to leave right now. I’m not sure what’s going on, but Evan didn’t think she should be alone. I'm sorry.”

  Sorry for not answering his question.

  Sorry for fearing what would happen if she said yes.

  And, even more sorry that she wanted to go with him, and not because of the photography experience.

  CHAPTER TEN

  Lori drove home a bit faster than she usually did. Something was definitely up with her roommate. Why wouldn’t she let Evan call her brother? She ran up the porch stairs and saw Lucy on the deck. She didn't look sick.

  Lori shivered as a slight breeze danced across the deck. “It's getting cooler for sure.”

  “It is the end of September. Probably have a few more warm days in October, and then it will be cold and gray for months.” Lucy sighed. “Guess that's normal for a Midwest winter.”

  “Did you travel in only warm places in the winter the past few years?” She hoped that wasn't too intrusive, but she wanted to keep the conversation moving. Evan wouldn't have asked her to come back if there wasn't a reason.

  “Most of the places were warm. I did travel though Europe with a backpack the first few years, then I decided to teach English at mission camps.” Lucy pulled her legs up into the chair and wrapped her arms around her knees.

  “I didn't realize you had teaching experience. You could try to get on at the school next year or sign up as a sub. That's how I got hired. I subbed first.” That would solve a few problems. A working Lucy might want to find her own place and then she'd have the cottage to herself. She cringed. Lucy wouldn't make more than she did, so why would she move? If anyone had a right to live in the cottage, it was Lucy, not her.

  “Maybe I could sub. But then...”

  Lori waited for what seemed like five minutes for her to continue. “Then what?”

  “I wouldn't be able to work for a while.”

  “I'm confused. Evan called me. He said you needed someone with you because you’re sick. But you look fine to me.” Could she be getting to the reason behind Lucy's return home? Why she hadn’t told anyone she was coming? A mosquito landed on her wrist. She whacked it. Too late. A welt was already forming. She scratched the spot. “Why wouldn't you let him call Joel?”

  “I told him not to. Joel's such a bossy brother. Do you know what that's like?”

  “No. Not really.” She might have if she'd have stayed with the family that was left. But this wasn't about her
, it was about Lucy.

  “I'm not sick. Not exactly. Look, I just went through most of what's going on with Evan. It didn't go well. He practically ran to his car.”

  Lori scrambled into the chair next to her. “How about giving me the highlights?”

  “That would be easier. I was raped by one or maybe three men, I think. I don't remember a lot of it. When they knocked me to the ground, I hit my head and passed out.”

  The tiny hairs on her arm stood up. “Oh, my goodness. Lucy.” Lori knew about hard things, but not about something like this. Could she find the strength to help Lucy when she wasn't able to help herself? “But now you’re back and you’re safe. It's over and you're home where people love you. They aren't going to judge you for what these terrible men did to you. Your family will be happy you are alive.”

  “But it's not over. I'm pregnant.”

  Lori sat back against the chair as if she'd been pushed by a wave and held there unable to breathe. Pregnant. Lord, what should I say?

  Lucy's grief was nothing like Lori had ever experienced or even heard of from a friend. The edge of the sun dipped below the water, the light from the day almost gone. “Lucy, you have to tell Joel and Deni. They are going to want to help you, and it's not like they aren't going to notice your changing shape, unless...” Please say you're keeping the baby. Is that why she’d returned to this state, where billboards at the state lines welcomed women who wanted abortions?

  “Unless? There is no unless. I'm having this child. He or she is blameless in all of this.”

  “As you are.”

  “I know I’m not at fault, but I don't know if I can keep the baby. Every time I see her—I've decided it's a girl—will I be reminded of how she came to be? Can I get past that?”

  “I'm not an expert on any of this. I've had a few counseling classes, but I'm not qualified to help you. I can listen. How far along are you?”

  “Two months, almost three. After it happened, I stayed long enough to heal from the beating and hoped the police would find at least one of the men, but they didn't. I'm not sure they even tried. Crimes like this happen way too often, and I knew that. I took a chance and didn't stay with friends. I was so sure I could take care of myself.”

  “There aren't many women who could fight off three men.”

  “If I hadn't been so sure of myself, positive that God would protect me, and nothing would happen while I picked up a few trinkets to bring home. My friends begged me to come back with them.”

  “I don't understand. Why was it important to shop?”

  “Because I was leaving for home in the morning. I was coming back to Silverton. But then I couldn't, not until I knew if there was a baby and when I found out there was, I still didn't know what to do. So, when I got to the States, I bought the truck. Then took my time driving back hoping some answer or a solution would come to me. At one point, I prayed I'd lose the baby before I made it to Illinois.” She wiped her eyes. “I'm a terrible person.”

  “No, you're not! You were scared and traumatized. You did the right thing. You made it here. Please let me call Joel and Deni. You'll be smothered in love. And I'll help you, too, or if you want, I can even look for another place to live so you can be here with your son or daughter. You can make my room into a nursery.”

  “No. Please don't even think about moving out right now. I don't want to be alone and there's still six more months before the baby will be here. That gives me time to think about what to do. This is such a mess.”

  “A beautiful one. God's got this.” At least she hoped so. Moms without an income was something she'd seen a lot this past year. Her heart broke every time she snapped a photo of a family without a father. Her phone buzzed in her pocket. She checked the home screen and read the text. “It's Hope House, they need me tonight.” She replied that she'd be there soon. “Lucy, I have to go, and you need to tell your family.”

  “I know. I'd go now, but I don't have a way to get there. I'd rather tell them at their house then I can leave.”

  “I'll take you. And I'll stay if you like, or I can come back for you when I'm done.”

  “No. If you can get me to Joel's, I'm sure he'll bring me home.”

  “I can do that.”

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  Lori adjusted the height of her tripod. Her favorite pose was to have the mother embrace her children as if she were keeping them safe. And she was. This mom had made the choice to flee, not just from her husband but from family as well. She would be breaking a vicious cycle, and with God's help, her sons wouldn't grow up to be abusers. It was a hard road to choose, and many times the mothers ended up returning home. She prayed this time the mom would be strong enough. The plane tickets to another state had come in from an anonymous benefactor a few hours ago. Lori had rushed over to take this photo.

  She'd been coming to Hope House, a shelter for abused women and their children since college to take family photos for the women ready to leave. Most of these women had fled with nothing but the clothes they were wearing and their children. When they were ready to leave, she wanted to give them a new family photo to replace what they'd left behind. It wasn't much, just a small photo in a plastic sleeve that would fit in any tiny space they would be calling home. Something easy to pack and move if they had to flee again because they'd been found.

  Not many of her friends knew she did this. It started as a practicum for a college class, and she continued it long after she obtained her degree.

  Deni knew she came here and now Lucy. She didn't have a reason not to tell the others, but because of the secrecy needed for the residents in Hope House, it was better not to talk about it. Since Lucy lived with her, it would have been awkward to explain her sudden need to leave. And that happened sometimes like tonight. A home became available, or a relative decided to help, and the new little family would be leaving the minute she handed them their photo.

  She snapped several more shots, then one vertical. Sometimes she preferred those because it made smaller families look less like someone was missing. She scrolled through the display. “How about this one or this?” She gave the mother a choice.

  “I'm not sure. Can you choose for me?” The wide-eyed mom wasn't different from any of the others who'd left. They were learning to make choices, and that doing it didn't lead to immediate pain.

  “I like them both. What does your heart tell you? Take one more quick look and pick, or I won't have time to print it for you.”

  The mom bit her lip, then smiled. “The one where we are all smiling with our eyes.”

  “Perfect choice.” She attached the small printer to her camera and pushed print. “It will be ready in less than a minute, and I'll put it in a protective sleeve for you.”

  “It's really nice that you do this. It means a lot. I will never get the photos I took of the twins when they were small. All the holidays and party photos—"

  “You'll take new ones, and these won't come with memories of the days before and after that you want to forget.”

  The printer spit out the photo. Lori took the box of plastic sleeves out of her camera bag and pulled out one. Holding the photo by its edge, she slid it in and then handed it to the mom. “God bless you and your family.”

  The mother looked at it and then held it to her heart. Her eyes watered. “Thank you.”

  “It's time to go.” The director of Hope House, Kim, called through the open door. “Your driver is here.”

  Lori watched the little family leave. Everything they had fit in a carry-on bag. Once she too had fit her life in a small bag. Please God, let their story end better than mine.

  The streetlights cast shadows. Lori didn't like being in this neighborhood at night. Nothing had ever happened when she left Hope House, but the idea that one of the husbands might have discovered the location of their wife never left her mind. Neither did the faces of the women with their bruises turning yellow, purple, and green.

  But the ones that truly scared her were the me
n who were controlling, that sent their wives running in fear. To look at them, you would never know the pain they held onto inside. Like the mom tonight. God, please let her get away and keep her from returning. When women have been controlled, it was difficult for them to regain trust in themselves. Hope House coached them on asking God for help and teaching them ways to regain confidence.

  She set her camera bag on the seat next to her, started the car, and headed toward what she called her Hope House Healer, a restaurant with burgers and fries that made you forget for a moment where you’d just been.

  She knew Lucy was in good hands with Joel and Deni but couldn't help but think about the difficulties ahead. She rounded a bend in the road and the car sputtered and slowed. The fuel gauge dinged. She'd forgotten to fill the tank before she left. Evan's call about Lucy had sent her straight home, forgetting that she'd needed to get gas. She knew enough that she had to conserve the battery, or she'd need more than fuel.

  She turned off the headlights. The darkness swallowed the car. This couldn't have happened on a night of a full moon? Of course not. Good things didn't happen to her. She flipped on the hazard lights and grabbed her phone and then searched her wallet for the auto club card.

  Her stomach clenched. She hadn't renewed it. Instead she'd bought more photo paper.

  Who could she call? Not Lucy or Joel. She didn't want to interrupt the discussion they might be having. She tried Evan but got his voice mail. She set the phone in her lap. Maybe she could walk to a gas station, but what if someone stopped to give her a ride? Nope. She wouldn't chance that. Could she call Trey? Would he come? And if he did, would he ask her again to go with him next week? And would she be strong enough to say no?

  Trey threw away the pizza box that Brent left on the table again. He'd turned Trey's routine life upside down. Now it seemed every time he turned around, there was an empty glass and sometimes a half-full glass sitting somewhere. Yesterday, there had been a glass of what used to be milk sitting on the dryer. That one he'd had Brent clean out himself. Curdled milk called for tough love.