They stood close to each other on the deck overlooking the river. “You know this bridge is a lot like us. It took a long time to build then a tornado knocked it down. Then they rebuilt it.”
“Evan, are you saying I’m the tornado?”
“No. As soon as those words left my mouth, I knew you would think that. It wasn’t just you that broke us apart. I’m to blame too. I let you down so many times.” He shrugged. “Guess I thought it was a good symbol that something broken, twisted, and a total loss could be rebuilt and stand the test of time.” A cold breeze brushed against her, and she moved closer to Evan. He snuggled her against his chest. “We should get back. They are calling for snow today.”
“Evan, will you come with me to tell Deni and Joel I'm keeping the baby? I don't want to tell them alone. They might try to convince me that I'm making the wrong choice. I don't like to disappoint my brother, and Deni, she's wanted a baby forever. I'm not sure I can stick to my decision under pressure.”
“I will.” He hugged her tighter to him.
“Do you promise?”
“Nothing will keep me away.” He leaned down and kissed her.
Lucy pulled the pickup in front of Joel and Deni's house. She expected to see Evan's car. He had promised to meet her there. And she was late. She called him, he didn't pick up. The voicemail came on. “Where are you? You promised to be here.” Fine, she wouldn't tell Deni and Joel today. It would have to wait. She couldn't do this alone, not with knowing how hurt Deni was going to be. Deni knocked on the truck window.
“Are you okay?”
Lucy nodded and opened the door. “I'm fine. I was texting Evan before coming inside. I’m thinking about trading in my truck and getting a car from him.” That wasn't a lie, but it grated her conscious.
They settled in the kitchen where Deni had a plate of cupcakes waiting. “I picked some up from Alison this morning. Better get yours now before the boys come home, or they will be nothing but a memory.”
“Thanks, I'm not hungry and sweets aren't making me happy these days. Not like spinach. I know that's odd.” Hershey, Deni's Labrador, curled up next to Lucy’s feet. He'd been a young dog before she'd left, now he had gray mixed into the chocolate fur on top of his head. She reached down to pet him. Maybe she'd get a dog after the baby came.
“Have you felt the baby move yet?” Deni asked. “That's the one thing I'm very envious of pregnant women being able to feel their babies before they're born.”
Without her thinking Lucy's hand cradled her baby bump. “She flutter-kicked me the other day on the beach. I was skipping a rock, and I was so surprised I almost fell.” She'd almost blurted out that Evan caught her.
“You almost fell! You have to be more careful.” Deni shouted, panic in her voice.
“It's not like I tried to fall. It just happened. I think my center of gravity is changing.” She peered out the window. Where was Evan? This was just like old times, promising to show up and not coming. The nights he'd promised to meet her at the movies, or game night with her friends. This is why she didn't want to marry him. He hadn’t changed at all. Once again, he'd disappointed her. Let her down. How was she supposed to tell her sister-in-law that the baby wasn't going to be theirs? All by herself? With no support? It was exactly what she was trying to avoid.
“Where's Joel? I thought he would be here.” If he didn't show then, she would make an excuse and leave.
“He's running a little late, but I'm glad you came before he got here. I wanted to talk to you alone without him about the baby. He's afraid I'm pressuring you, and I want to assure you that I'm not. I’m just really excited to have the chance to be the mother of an infant.”
“I know. I understand that, but Deni, the thing is—that I—I just don't—I can't do it. I wanted to tell you when Joel was here. But I can't do it. Honestly, I can't give this baby up not after feeling her move. The heartbeat—I could pretend that I was hearing my own heart. But feeling her? That moment made it real. I know we've talked about babies being babies the moment they're conceived. We've always believed that in our family, but it wasn't real to me. I mean all I ever saw were pregnant women with big stomachs. It just didn't make sense to me that there was a real live child. I knew it in my heart, but I couldn't see it. Maybe didn’t want to even. But now, now that I felt this child move, I can't let it go.”
Deni gasped. “You're not going to let us have the baby, are you?”
“That's what I've been trying to say—I can't do it. I want to keep the baby and raise it myself. I'm not sure how it's going to work out, where we're going to live, but I know I have a family who will want the best for me and this baby. You will help me, right, will be there for us?”
Deni stood there not saying anything.
“Say something, please.”
At that moment the door opened, and Joel walked in. Deni ran to him, embracing him, sobbing. “Your sister is keeping the baby.”
Joel hugged Deni and kissed the top of her head. He looked up at Lucy. “Are you sure, sis? It’s what you want to do?”
Lucy wanted what they had. They were there for each other no matter what. They would be great parents for her baby. Was she making the wrong decision? No. It was best to not give them more time to hope and plan. “Yes. I'm positive I'm supposed to be taking care of this baby. God gave her to me and, while I don't know what's going to happen, I feel like I'm supposed to be her mother.”
“You had an ultrasound, and you know it's a girl.” His voice pained.
Lucy knew he and Deni wanted a girl since they had the boys. Even so, they would want the baby if it were a boy. “No. I just think it is, and I'm asking the doctor not to tell me. I'm probably wrong, but for now I'm calling it her. I want to have this baby and bring her home from the hospital to live with me. But I was telling Deni that I really wanted the two of you to be involved in her life. We can't do this alone. We're going to need your help. Joel, you're my brother, and I know that you will be there for us. I'm just hoping that Deni will too. I'm hoping this doesn't destroy our relationship.”
“I don't think it will, but for now it might be best if you just leave and let us process this. We really were expecting to take the baby.” Joel stroked his wife’s back.
Deni remained plastered to Joel's chest.
“But, Joel, I never promised that she would be yours. I said I would think about it. And I did. I didn't mean to hurt you.”
“I know. I'll call you later.”
Heartbroken, Lucy made her way outside to her truck, tears streaming down her face. She was so angry at Evan right now. She wouldn't even talk to him if he called. He had abandoned her, and for what? She had no idea. When she needed to count on him, he hadn't been there. Was this how it’s going to be between the two of them? There was no way they could ever get married, not when she couldn't depend on him for something this big. When the baby came, would Evan be around? Would he answer his phone? Would she have to drive herself to the hospital? Or ask Lori to take her? Probably, because there was always something more important, or at least it seemed that way.
Lori opened the door. She couldn’t stop grinning as she ushered in Lucy’s grandmother, Sandra. “I thought you were gone until Christmas.”
“We’re came back so I could see Lucy. Then we’ll be back on the road. I hope it’s okay I showed up unannounced. I wanted to surprise Lucy.”
“Lucy doesn't know you're back? She's going to be happy—no wait—she'll probably burst into tears and be happy at the same time.”
“That's pregnancy for you. I can't wait to see her and tell her how excited I am to be a great grandmother. Even if she gives the baby to Joel and Deni, I'll still claim that title. Unless they don't want the baby because they know Lucy is the mother? It's a bit confusing right now.” Sandra held a package. “I brought her a gift. It's for the baby, or I would have brought you something too.”
“That's okay. No babies for me. I need a husband first.” Her face burned. “I mean that's
what I'd like. Lucy's situation is different.”
“Yes, it is. But God doesn't make mistakes. That's all from the evil one. But He'll turn this baby into a blessing for this family.”
Gravel crunched on the driveway. “That's her. Do you want to hide or something? It's not like a surprise party, and yet it kind of is, and you have a gift.”
Sandra laughed. “That would be fun if she wasn't pregnant. It might shock her too much, and I know she's been through a lot.”
Remembering the few details Lucy gave her about what happened, she agreed. “Then hang out here, and I'll tell her there's something special inside.” She met Lucy on the deck, surprised to find her with mascara streaks on her face. “What's wrong? You've been crying.”
“Deni and Joel are never going to speak to me again. I'm going to have to raise this baby all by myself. Evan won't help me either.” Lucy hiccupped. “Everything I dreamed is now gone.”
“You know, you need to come inside and talk to someone one wiser than me.” She grabbed her friend by the hand and pulled her through the door.
Grams waited with open arms.
Lucy rushed into them. “Grams! You're here.”
“And it looks like just in time. What's got you in such a state?” She held onto her granddaughter, then released her and offered Lucy a tissue from her pocket. “Maybe I can help.”
“I told Deni and Joel I was keeping the baby, and now they're mad, and I'm going to be all alone.”
Lori slid her phone out of her pocket and put it on silent. Deni would be calling any minute. “I've got an errand to run, so I'll leave you two to talk. It's great to see you again, Sandra.” In seconds, she was behind the wheel of her car. Where was she going to go now? Her normal place to flee to during a crisis was Deni's. There was no way she wanted to be mixed up in this drama today. She drove to the end of the lane and headed for Trey's studio, no longer caring that he was a guardian to her student. She'd never bothered to look in the teacher handbook, and she wasn't going to do it now. Not when he was an anchor in a storm.
Lucy sat next to her grandmother on the couch. “I don't understand, Grams. I never told them they could have this baby. I said I would think about it, nothing else. I never promised them anything.”
Sandra patted her hand. “I'm sure everything will be fine after they've had some time to think about it. They have the boys, and they never expected to have more than that. You'll see, they will come around if they haven't already, but you have to understand they are hurting. Especially since they aren't able to have children of their own, and for a little moment in time, they had hoped they would have your baby to love. Be gentle with them. Give them space, especially Deni. She's watching you go through this pregnancy—something she'll never experience. That's tough in itself, I’m sure. Try to put yourself in her place, and maybe you can come up with some kindness as well.”
“Grams, I just don't know if I can. With what I've been through, I feel like some kindness needs to be shown to me. I feel so alone, like it'll never be good again in my life. Evan promised to meet me there today. He didn't show up, and he didn't call. This is just like before when we were dating. I thought we had a chance to reconnect. We've been seeing each other in secret. I didn't want the family to get excited and think we were going to get married before we could see if there is still a spark between us.
“Is there?”
“I think so, or there was—until today. Now I don't know. This baby is going to require so much, and I don't know if Evan can stand not to have the attention on himself all the time.”
“Do you know why he didn't come?”
Lucy looked away. She knew what Grams was going to say. “No. I don't. He hasn't called me back to explain. And what would be a good reason, Grams? What could be more important that he had to abandoned me? To leave me alone to tell my brother about this? He promised to be there for me, to support me.”
“Lucy you have to give this relationship time. You've been gone a long time, and Evan is not used to having you in his life, and now you have a baby coming as well. It's possible there are some things that were a little more important today. Something that happened at the last minute and he wasn't able to call you. Give him a chance to explain before you write off this relationship.”
“But, Grams—?”
“But Grams nothing. Lucy, you are not a child. You're about to be a mom. Take a step back and realize there are others in the world besides you, and sometimes because something doesn't go your way doesn't mean you've been abandoned. Now, Kevin should be back at any minute to pick me up in the RV. Why don't you try calling Evan again after I’m gone?”
Could Grams be right? Had she overreacted? Possibly. It wasn't the first time she done that in her life. “Okay, I'll call and find out what kind of excuse he has for standing me up.”
“Change your attitude before you call. I know pregnancy can be hard. Circumstances and hormones can sway you in a direction you wouldn't normally go. I remember when I was pregnant with the twins, I wasn't a pleasant person to be around.
“Grams—”
“It's true. I know, because my mom told me many times since. Take a step back like I said and think about what you're going to say. Ask God for guidance of your tongue. I don't think you really want to say goodbye to Evan, and I don't think you wanted to say goodbye the first time you broke up. I think you were so scared that you ran all the way to Europe and stayed to teach English because you knew Evan wouldn't be there. Then you wouldn't have to watch him fall in love with someone else after you told him to do just that. And Lucy, did he fall in love with someone else while you were gone?”
“No. No, he didn't. He said he tried, but there was no one that he loved like me.”
“There's your answer then. He is still in love with you. Now you need to see if you're in love with him, and remember what I always say, all in good time.”
“I hope you're right, Grams.” But she couldn't shake the anger. Or the fear.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Ready to knock on Trey's door Lori shoved her hand in her pocket. What was she doing? Running to Trey? She stepped away. Get back in the car and drive away. Better to work this out for herself. The door opened behind her.
“Hey what brings you here, Lori? I was headed out to pick up more photo paper. Want to go? On the way you can tell me what you needed.” He locked the door, then used his phone to unlock his truck. “I didn't hear you knock. Sorry about that. I had my headphones on.”
“I wanted to do something fun, and you were the first person I thought of who would be free. But you aren't. That's okay.” She was stuck, but now that he was standing there in front of her, she didn't mind.
“Great, where do you want to go?”
“What about your paper?”
“It can wait. What’s the plan?”
“I was hoping you might have an idea.”
“Bowling? A movie? Drive out of town, or we could take a trip to Chicago.”
“You can't leave Brent behind while we go to Chicago.”
“He can go. If we get there before the sun goes down, we can get some great photos on Lake Shore Drive.”
“Isn't that about a six-hour drive?” Her mind couldn’t keep up with all his ideas. The man was a factory the way he produced them.
“We would get back late or stay with my parents overnight.”
“But there's school tomorrow.
“You and Brent could call in sick.”
She furrowed her brow and glared at him, trying not to smile.
“You win. How about we ride horses? I've been missing my saddle time.”
Lori's eyes widened. He had more ideas in two seconds than she did in a week. “Horses? Where are we going to find those? I don't know anyone who has them here.”
“Babbler State Park in Missouri. They have stables. It’s not that far. We can take a trail ride. Won't be the same as riding my own horse where and I can ride as fast as I want. You're even dressed for
it. We’ll be gone a couple of hours, no missing school. And to make you happy I'll see if Brent wants to go.” He opened the door and hollered to Brent. “Want to head to Missouri and ride horses this afternoon with Miss Peterson and me?”
“No thanks. Not interested in riding an old stable horse.”
“Come on, have a little bonding time with us.”
“No. I have homework.”
“Guess that's that then. He doesn't want to, and I can't blame him. When you have your own horse, it isn't the same to ride a stable mount.”
“I wouldn't know.”
“Lori, why are you really here?”
“I'm avoiding a phone call from Deni. She hasn't called yet, but she will. I don't know what I'm going to say tell her.”
“You two are best friends, so whatever the problem is I'm sure you'll figure it out.”
“I'm in the middle of Deni and Lucy. I'm torn between the two of them.”
“You can't have more than one friend?”
“Ha. Lucy isn't giving Deni her baby, and I can see both sides. I don't know what to do.”
“That's a tough one.”
“I know. What am I going to say? Tell one I'm happy for her decision and the other one I'm sad? Because I'm not going to appease either of them. Both of them will want my support for different reasons.”
“I suggest you turn off your phone and we get in the car. We'll listen to some music and head out for the horses. Maybe while we're riding, you'll find a way to solve this problem. I'm not going to be much help, because I don't know either of them very well.”
“I want them both to be happy.”
He put his arm around her, sending all thoughts of her friends’ problems far away. But what did it mean? That he was comforting her or that he liked her?
Ever since the day at the courthouse when she'd broken her father's heart even more than it already was. It didn’t matter that she hadn’t done what he’d thought. Since then she'd stayed away from any possible relationship, always falling back on her past as a reason not to commit. She moved away from Trey. She needed that reminder. She didn't deserve Trey or anyone else.
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