“And while I’m telling you how awful I am, my friends think I taught photography classes for the cruise line. I didn’t. Instead of teaching, I was the girl in the uniform of the day taking photos of the passengers boarding the ship and at every port stop during the cruise. I couldn’t tell them once they jumped to the conclusion that I was doing a job I’d dreamed about. I was too embarrassed to tell them what I really did.
She waited for Trey to drop her hand and walk off, filled with disgust. How was she going to get through this wedding? They'd been paired together to do the dreaded wedding party dance and a few other things. And now that he knew everything, would he tell everyone else? But he was still sitting next to her, holding her hand, maybe he was too shocked to leave? Or too much a gentleman? That' was more like it.
“Lori, look at me.”
She raised her head and steeled her back. Here it comes, the speech on how she should have lived her life differently. She hadn't expected him to go there.
“Being a cruise photographer is not a big deal. Your other story—it’s a horrible one. But I'm not running away from you. Losing your mom that way—I can't imagine. But you also lost the rest of your family. Have you been home since you left? Talked to your dad?”
“No. There is no home. Dad rebuilt the house with the same exact plans. It looks like it did the night before the fire, but for me, my home went up in flames. We send cards and gifts. Except once, he came to graduation, but I couldn't face the hurt I knew would be in his eyes. I left right away and went back to the dorm and loaded my stuff into the car.”
“Then you don't really know how he feels? What if he is afraid to face you?”
“Me? Why would that be?”
“Maybe he knows he didn't handle this situation the right way. Maybe he thought sending you away would be the best thing for you, a comfort even with your aunt looking like your mom. I don't know, but it might be something you need to ask him.” He leaned over and kissed the top of her head. “As for me, I do think you are the right woman or will be. You have to go see your dad and work through this.”
She wanted to shrink up into a ball on the bench and cry until she couldn't find another tear. She wanted to be the one Trey picked, but he was asking her to do something hard. And she couldn't do it.
“Pray about it? For me? For us to have a chance?” He tugged her into a hug.
She nodded yes against his chest unable to speak the word.
A flash of light broke through the dark sky; thunder rolled across the lake.
He pulled her up to her feet. “We need to get back before we get hit by lightning.”
Rain pelted them.
“Guess the cold front is here. Now your face will be wet for a reason and no one will know you've been crying.”
“Right.” She'd stop at the bathroom first thing and wipe the mascara streaks off her face and then collect Lucy using the weather for an excuse to leave. Deni would see right through her “got caught in the rain” excuse, and she couldn't handle that on top of realizing the man she loved hadn't run away. But he'd given her an impossible task to achieve before they could move forward. He hadn't said that, but the way he’d said, “will be” told her all she needed to know.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
They were doing this. Lucy wiped a tear from her eye as they drove past the front of the courthouse. She and Evan had finished their last premarital conference with the pastor. Last week her therapist told her if she felt ready to get married, then she was ready. She also said to expect problems on the honeymoon because while her mind didn't remember the rape, her body did.
“Are you sure, Evan? That this is what you want? A broken woman and a child?”
“I wouldn't be here if I didn't. I love you and the baby. I never expected to have another chance with you. I'm going to be with you every step of the way. It's what I want, and I've prayed about it a lot. I asked God to make it clear if this was the right decision, and from that point, I've not had any doubts. And Lucy, that was a few days after you told me about this little one.” He pulled the car into a space not far from the courthouse. It wouldn't be a long walk, but it was cold. “I should have dropped you off at the front.”
“Ha, I should have done that for you. This baby makes me hot all the time. Maybe you'd like to wear my scarf?” She smiled at him. “You know we need to come up with a name.”
“Together?”
She furrowed her brow, she'd been practicing her stern look for when the baby was older. “Evan, did you think you wouldn't get to help with naming our baby?”
“Our baby. I love the sound of that and yes, you've said it before, but I didn't want to overstep. You're doing all the hard work.” He leaned over and lightly put his thumb under her chin and tilted it. He brushed his lips over hers.
Her pulse raced, but in a good way. She welcomed his lips.
The baby kicked hard. She gasped and grabbed Evan's hand and placed it over the spot getting the most action. “Someone feels left out.”
“Never.” He rubbed the spot. “I don't know how you get anything done. I'd be in awe of every moment and sit in a chair savoring it.”
“Here's the secret, most of the action seems to occur at night when I'm trying to sleep. The first few times it was amazing, but now it means I have to get up and go to the bathroom. I don't find it as wonderful, and I've been told it will get worse.”
“But soon it will all be worth it. Now let's go get our marriage license.”
“Are you sure Chad and Alison are okay with our plan?”
“Alison is already helping me make this special for you.”
“What—”
He held up his hand to stop her from speaking. “No, don't ask. I'm doing this for you. Our wedding is going to be understated, it won't outshine Alison and Chad's day, but it will be a wedding to remember.”
“I can't believe God brought us back together this way.” It wasn't how she would have done it, but God's ways were not hers. He could turn bad things into good things, and this time He did.
Lori glanced around her classroom. So quiet. The Christmas break for her students started before lunch. She'd stayed to tidy her classroom. Her desk held several gift bags to carry to the car. Lots of candles, which she would give away after writing a thank you note. A few more teacher mugs and her favorite gift: gift cards to her favorite cupcake shop. She didn't know that Alison had those. Now she could purchase her treats without the guilt of Alison giving them to her all the time. For the first time in a long time, she was as excited about Christmas as her students because she would be spending it with Trey and Brent. The two of them had decided not to go home to Branson. Brent had been reluctant to go home when his mom wouldn't be there, said it would be wrong without her.
She did a physical check of the windows to make sure they were locked. She didn't need her classroom messed up as a prank over the break.
“Hey, Teach.”
Startled she turned around. “Trey? What are you doing here? We weren't meeting until dinner I thought?”
“Can I talk to you? I only have a few minutes.”
“Sure. Is this about Brent?” He'd been great this semester. She was looking forward to having him in her graphic arts class in January.
“Yeah. I got a call from my mom this morning. Claire is coming home, and I'm picking her up at Scott Airfield in about forty minutes.”
“That's great. But wait, wasn't she going to be gone for a year?”
“She was, but she was in a skirmish and ended up with a head injury.”
“That's awful. Is it bad?”
“She says it's not, but they canceled her deployment and sent her back.”
“Is this the first you're hearing about this?” She folded her arms around her.
“That's my sis. Keeps things to herself.”
“Seems like you would have known sooner.”
“I imagine Claire fought coming home until she was on the tarmac. My sister is tough, so this ha
s to be worse than she’s telling the family. She's on medical leave, but she doesn't know for how long.”
“How long will you be gone?”
“Brent wants to go back to his old school. My sister said to bring him back to Mom’s because that's where she'll be staying.”
“But won't she have to leave again? If she does, will Brent be coming back here? That's a lot of upheaval in his life.”
“No, Mom said he could live with her for the rest of the school year.” He untangled her arms and pulled her close. “And since it's almost Christmas, I'll stay, or my parents will be upset. It will be the first time we're all together at Christmas in about five years. I imagine there will be a family photo demand from my mom. Hopefully not in Christmas sweaters.”
The realization that Trey was leaving at Christmas stabbed her gut. She'd be alone again or invited to be a part of Deni's family for Christmas dinner. But her Christmas morning would be spent like so many in her past. Alone.
She pushed away from him, turned and walked back to the window so Trey wouldn't see the grief on her face. “Will you call when you get to Branson? Just so I know you made it okay? There's another snowstorm on the way.”
He was by her side, his hand on her wrist. “Lori, look at me.”
She didn't want to, she wanted to punish him for leaving her. He'd said he'd be here for Christmas.
Trey spun her around. “I know I said I'd be here, and I'd take you home with me, but this isn't the time to meet my parents.”
She knew what he meant, and it wasn't because of his sister. It was because she still hadn't tried to contact her dad. “I know.”
“I'll call you as often as I can. Finding a quiet spot at my house isn't easy.” He tilted her chin as if he were going to kiss her. “Can we do this in school? Is there some kind of rule?”
She brushed his cheek with her fingers. “Not anymore. Brent is no longer a student.”
He pulled her into a deep kiss that reached her toes. Then all too soon they were apart. “Be careful. Tell Brent I think he has a good chance at being the graphic artist he wants to be.”
“You sound like this is goodbye.”
“Isn't it?” Because it sure felt like one to her.
“For now, only. I'll be back in time for the wedding. Maybe you can use this time to see your father.”
She nodded, unable to speak from the lump in her throat. He gathered her into a hug. “Don't cry, sweetheart. I have to leave, but I'll be back soon.”
And with that, he left her standing facing the window in the empty classroom. She wouldn’t watch him leave. When it was quiet behind her, she turned. There was a package with a big bow on her desk that wasn’t there before. Trey.
She slipped off the handwritten note.
Lori, I know you’re hurting because I’m leaving. I had hoped to watch you open this in person, but I didn’t want to wait to give it to you when I get back. I’m sorry we won’t be together this Christmas. I will be back, and we’ll talk.
Trey
He had thought ahead, knowing what her reaction would be when he said he was leaving. The package was heavy in her hand. Open it now or wait? It wouldn’t make a difference. He hadn’t asked her to. She pulled off the bow and unwrapped the box. She gasped. Trey had given her the Cannon 85mm portrait lens. The one she’d been dreaming about for a long time, knowing she couldn’t afford it any time soon. Now she’d be able to get better closeups of her Hope House moms.
Her joy deflated. Was there a double meaning with this gift? A nudge to take another close look at her own family?
Trey had left with her with a decision only she could make.
Lori drove down the street where she'd learned to roller skate and ride a bike. Her mother had stood next to her over and over until Lori said she could let go. Her mother had laughed saying Lori'd been riding all by herself for the last five times.
She paused in front of the house where she and her brothers had built snow forts and threw snowballs at each other. The house appeared lifeless, no wreath hung on the door, no Christmas tree visible from the front window. That had been her and Mom’s task. Dad and the boys were never interested in decorating. Unless Dad had already taken everything down?
She'd chosen the day after Christmas to come. She didn't want to risk running into her brothers and their families, wives and children she hadn't met. One family member at a time was her plan, and that was a maybe. At first, she'd planned on coming Christmas Eve, but feared the rejection. She talked herself out of coming because Deni had invited her over, and maybe Dad wouldn't have been home. He probably went to one of her brother’s for dinner.
If this visit didn't go well with Dad, then she'd done as Trey had asked. There wouldn't be a need to talk to her brothers. The idea of never reconciling with her family dug an even deeper hole in her soul. She'd always thought she'd come home someday, but would she if Trey hadn't pushed her?
And had she left this go on too long? What if Dad wanted this as much as she did? Her aunt had said as much over the years, but Lori had refused to believe her. How could he forgive her when she couldn't forgive herself?
She drove around the block. It's too hard, God. How can I walk up to the door and ask to come home? Her hands shook against the steering wheel. There was so much at stake for her future. More than just Trey. This emptiness had haunted her for too long, kept her trapped within its abyss. Her mother would have wanted her to come. As an adult she knew that, but right now she wore the shame and regret of a seventeen-year-old who'd been sent away from home. God, you're going to have to push me up that sidewalk, because I can't do this alone.
Decision made, she parked in front of the house and climbed out of the car. She reached in and pulled out a gift bag. Would her dad accept this? Had he thought she'd forgotten him when she didn't send something from her go-to online store? Time to find out.
She rang the doorbell and waited. Maybe he wasn't here? At first, she was relieved then her heart sunk. She'd have to come back. She knocked one more time. Maybe he hadn't heard, or the bell didn't work.
Then she heard the click of a lock being turned. Her heart sped up. Tears sprung up in her eyes. He was home. The ache to see her father's face overwhelmed her.
Before she could wipe her eyes, he stood before her. “Lori, welcome home.” He stretched out his arms, and she fell into them. “I’ve waited for you to return for so long.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
Lucy tugged the bridesmaid dress over her bulging stomach. She didn't care if she looked like a blooming rose or not. She couldn't stop smiling. “Deni, can you help me with the zipper?”
“Dress a little tighter than you thought it would be?” The zipper came up. “Sorry, I didn't mean that the way it sounded, really I didn't.”
“I know. But you are right. I had no idea how large one becomes in the bust when you're pregnant, and I still have two months to go. How much bigger can I get?”
Deni chuckled. “I'm not even going to answer that, but I'm pretty sure you can expect a little bit bigger.”
“You are too kind.” They had come to a better place in their relationship. She'd asked Deni to share nursery ideas with her on Pinterest. She planned on involving her sister-in-law as much as she could. Evan agreed that it would be good for both of them. Though he did say Deni had expensive tastes and a lot of creative ideas. That was to be expected with her art skills. She'd been giving her ideas about a stained-glass window for the nursery at the cottage. So far Lucy had been able to say no to the ideas, or that she needed to think about it some more.
“I'm ready. What do you think?” Alison turned away from the full-length mirror in the church's dual duty bridal/nursery room. “I'm thinking the veil is still too much. I could leave it off.”
“No!” All three of her bridesmaids chimed in.
“You have to wear it. It makes you look like a fairy princess— magical for sure. And yeah, I know that's not what we're about as Christians, but we all gr
ew up with those story books and movies.” Lori handed Alison her bouquet. “Besides, it's almost time to walk down that aisle. That's all you need to be thinking about, being Mrs. Chad Hastings.”
Alison’s face lit with a smile. “A wife and a mother in one day. I'm so glad you are all a part of this day.”
Did she just wink at me? Lucy turned away she was ready to shout the secret she'd been keeping for weeks. The baby kicked her, and she grinned. Okay, future gymnast I can stay quiet a little longer.
A knock hit the door. “Can I talk to Lori?”
“That’s odd. Why would Joel want to talk to me?” Lori pointed at Alison and Deni. “Stay back in the corner by Lucy. Joel shouldn’t see any of us.”
“No way.” Alison followed Lori to the door. “I’ll stand behind you, but I have to know what’s happening.”
She cracked the door a tiny bit. “What do you need? You’re scaring Alison. Is Chad backing out?”
“No.”
“Thank heavens.” Alison sighed.
“It’s not Chad, it’s Trey. Have you heard from him? He should have been here and dressed by now.” His phone in his hand dinged. “Hmm, never mind. All groomsmen are accounted for. I have to get back. Tell Alison that Chad is saying the clock is moving too slow.”
Lori closed the door.
“That’s a good sign if he’s wanting time to go faster, right? I’m with him on that, I can’t wait to say, “I do.”
“Then get over here and let me fix that veil on your head. You’ve moved it sideways trying to listen to Joel.” Lucy said.
Lori couldn't wait until this wedding was over. She hadn't seen Trey until she walked up the aisle to her place in front of the altar. Why was he late? Had something happened to his sister, or had he forgotten to leave early enough?
It didn’t matter. He was here now. They’d talked every day since she'd seen her dad. But what she wanted, craved was to feel her arm tucked into his as they walked the aisle after the wedding. They'd make a fine-looking couple, him with his dark gray tux and her in a dusty rose dress. Alison let Deni pick the dress colors, and she’d chosen variations of red that worked well for each of them.
A Time to Heal Page 15