“We have options but, Lucy I'd like to marry you before this baby gets here. I want my name on that birth certificate. If that's possible.”
Lucy sniffled. “Evan, stop. I didn't bring the tissue box with me.”
“Cry all over me. I'm loving every minute of those tears. Then can we go see our baby?”
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Lucy sat next to Evan in the doctor’s waiting room. There were three other couples waiting. They were holding hands, whispering to each other, and smiling. Happy and in love. Here on purpose. She fisted her hand then forced it open.
Evan set the magazine he'd been reading on the waiting room table. He grasped her hand. She liked the comfort that brought. She wasn't alone.
“I was reading about all the stuff we need for the baby. Who knew you'd need a lock for the toilet seat? I knew about cabinet locks and baby gates, but sound machines and infrared thermometers? And cameras in the baby's room? This kid is going to have more gadgets than James Bond.”
The room spun. She took a deep breath and let it out.
“Are you alright?” He squeezed her hand.
She wanted to throw up. “I'll be back in a second.” She made a beeline for the bathroom and then splashed cold water on her face. What was wrong with her? She should be happy that Evan was here, that he'd get to see the baby on the ultrasound with her. Share that moment of joy.
That's what a normal pregnant woman would feel. But she wasn't that woman. The first ultrasound she could only see a bean, but this time, with the 3D, she might see the face of this baby.
But who's face would it be? Hers or the man that took something from her and left behind an unwanted gift? She brushed her hand against her forehead. No, not unwanted. She wanted to be a mother, but not like this. Would Evan still want to marry her if she changed her mind and gave the baby to Deni and Joel? The therapist had told her not to rule that out.
A tap on the door startled her.
“Lucy, they are calling your name.”
Evan. Good, sweet, honorable Evan who loved her. “I'm coming.” The therapist had warned her about having him come with her today. That her reaction may not be what she expected. But Lucy insisted she needed him. And she did. But he was about to be with her in an intimate way that he'd never been before. This was so wrong. They weren't married and had never slept together. They'd both insisted on waiting until marriage. Everything was backward now. A baby, then a wedding, then togetherness? She shivered. When that time came, would she be able to accept him as a husband?
Another knock came. She wiped her face with the rough paper towel. What would he say if she told him he couldn't come in with her after all?
She tossed the wet towel into the trash and opened the door. “Evan, we need to talk.”
“What do you mean let's talk? It's time for your appointment. Are you feeling okay? Are you sick?”
“Miss Anderson, why don't you come back with me. Sir, I'll come get you when we're ready.”
“But—”
“Evan, would you mind not coming in with me?”
“Are you feeling okay?” The doctor asked her. “You look a little pale.”
Lucy nodded. How was she to explain everything rolling through her heart? How she wanted to be happy to see this baby growing, maybe get a glimpse of her face, find out it was a girl. But what if it was a boy? And what if she didn't see a familiarity to her own face, but that of the man who attacked her?
The doctor touched her arm. Lucy squealed. Her heartbeat ratcheted up, and she backed away knocking into a chair. “I'm sorry. I don't know why I did that.”
“Why don't you sit down for a minute and catch your breath? I know this is a challenging moment for you.”
Lucy lowered herself into the chair. She was so thankful her therapist had sent her to this doctor. The woman was beyond kind and never used words like traumatic and frightening. She gave her extra time at her appointments, even to let her express her feelings the way she couldn't with her family. But Evan wasn’t like that. He would listen to her. Why had she made him stay in the waiting room?
The doctor handed her a cup of water. “Drink this, and then we'll get started if you're ready.”
“It's just that the reality of the moment got to me and the man waiting in the waiting room loves me and wants to marry me. I asked him to come in with me, and then I told him no.”
“Do you know why?”
“I'm ashamed. How did I let this happen? And how can I ask him to be the father? Everything is backward. We haven't even...we were waiting until we got married.”
“Are you still seeing your therapist?”
“Yes, and I took Evan with me to one of my appointments. She said intimacy was going to be a hurdle for me and he would have to be patient.”
“How did he take that?”
“Evan is the best thing that's happened to me. He's been wonderful just like I'd hoped it would be—before.”
“Then it sounds like God's brought you a good one. You know we can get you ready and all Evan will see is your tummy. We can cover the rest of you.”
“I never thought about that.” The burst of excitement about seeing this child with Evan at her side caused tears to course down her cheeks. “Could you ask him to come back, before you do the ultrasound? I do want him here.”
“Let's get you up on that table.” The doctor handed her a box of tissues. “You're going to need these.”
The relief in her face that he wouldn't insist on going in with her had shocked him. He'd wanted to be in there, start staking his claim as father. He grabbed a different magazine and flipped the pages without looking. He didn't want the other parents in the room to know he was unwanted. He wanted to throw the smiling dad on the magazine cover across the room. This was supposed to be his child, and he was willing to make this baby his. If the man who'd hurt his Lucy had been where he'd could get to him, he wasn't sure he'd be able to keep from tearing him apart. The man deserved death. But this baby, this precious child, deserved only love. He could do that. Maybe that's what Lucy wanted to discuss. Make sure he was truly ready to be this child's dad.
He checked the time on the clock above the nurse’s station. The door next to it opened. Great, some other dad got to go in and see his baby.
“Evan, you can come back now if you'd like to see your baby.” The nurse smiled at him. “Lucy's waiting for you.”
The magazine landed on the tabletop with a soft thud. He was in the room with Lucy and wasn't quite sure how he'd gotten there so fast. “Hey there.”
“Come over on this side and you'll be able to see better.” Lucy's eyes watered.
“Okay, Mom, let's take a look.” The doctor moved the probe across Lucy's stomach.
Joy leapt in Evan's heart. He could see the baby's head, then legs, toes and “The baby's sucking her or his thumb.”
“It's amazing, Evan.” She squeezed his hand. “Look at how tiny those feet are.”
He swiped a tear from his eye. “Wow.”
“Do you two want to know the baby's sex?”
Boy did he, but he held his tongue. This was Lucy's decision.
“What do you think, Evan? Should we find out?”
“I'm not opposed to the idea at all.” He wanted to holler yes! Tell us!
“I can tell you right now, or give you a sealed envelope if you want to do a baby reveal party.”
“A what?”
Lucy squeezed his hand harder. “I don't want to do that. Let's find out now, just you and me. Let it be our thing for a little while.”
He understood. Intimacy was what this was about. And this was her way of offering it to him—to them. He leaned over and kissed her forehead. “Let's do it your way.” He snugged her hand in his. Please, God, comfort her fears and mine.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
“I can't believe this is what you have in mind for your bachelorette party, Alison.” Lori winced at the sound of bowling balls crashing against pins. The weather
was changing and with that brought headaches. She massaged the back of her neck. When her friend told them she and Chad wanted to combine the bachelor and bachelorette parties together, Lori had pictured a quiet dinner in a nice restaurant. They'd eaten, but it had been nachos, pretzels, and hot dogs. And quiet was nowhere to be found.
“I think it's a great idea to have him be a part of the night. Besides no air travel for anyone.” Last week when Alison mentioned some of her friends having destination bachelorette parties in Vegas, Lori's first reaction was how much was that going to cost? Then relief when the idea for a bowling party came next. She was all for saving money.
“Build that family bond as fast as you can.” Deni popped a fry in her mouth.
“Chad said he’s been learning from you and Joel. Got to go. My turn to throw the ball.”
“You don’t throw it you roll it.” Lori laughed.
Deni gave Lori a glare. “And speaking of bonds, I’m going to talk to Lucy. Tell her I love her, and I’m here for her. But you better not stop praying for my grief to go away.”
“Never. And it will. I’m sure of it. She wants to include you. We’re friends, but she wants a sister, and that would be you.” Lori glanced over at the other lane. Doug and Deni's boys had a lane to themselves. They were laughing about something. Brent had come along and agreed to hang out with the boys. He had a smile on his face, though he'd avoided Lori all evening.
“Headache again?” Trey whispered in her ear. His soft voice brought future intimate moments racing through her mind.
“Yes, it's supposed to storm, and that's triggering it. This unseasonably warm weather is crashing into some polar air which means chaos inside my head.”
“Since it's still warm, do you want to step outside for a minute? Take a break from the noise?”
“Won't they miss us when it's our turn to bowl?”
“I'll tell Chad, he and Alison can take our place for a bit. They won't mind.”
She nodded. She watched him walk over to Chad, trying not to dwell on the fine way his jeans fit, then he turned, and her mind focused on the way the fabric of his shirt stretched against his well-muscled chest. She sucked in a breath. Maybe a jump into the lake would shake her back to reality.
“Chad said go, and if your headache doesn't let up, I should take you home. Lucy can bring your car home.”
“Well, she could, but I rode with her tonight.” She smiled, thinking how nice it would be to ride home in his truck.
The minute they left the building, her shoulders relaxed. “Ah, this is so much better, thank you.”
“It's pretty loud in there. We aren't far from the beach. Up for a walk?”
“Always, but wait, what about Brent? Shouldn't you tell him where you're going?”
“Nope. I told him if he saw me leaving with a woman to catch a ride home with Chad.”
She gasped. “You what?” What other woman was he talking about? She tried to think of who else was at the bowling alley tonight. There were a few women, but she didn't know them. Had he meant one of them? Her stomach churned. She had no right to keep him to herself, no claim had been made, and until she told him about her past, there wouldn't be.
“Calm down there, Teach. I was talking about you. Brent found that the idea of me stepping out with a teacher repulsive, by the way.”
“He would.” She turned her head so he wouldn't see the smile on her face. He'd picked her to—what did he call it?—step out with. So old fashioned and heartwarming. “I'd like to walk the beach. It's a great night for it, and if the storm comes through, it will be the last warm one for a while.”
He took her hand in his. Warmth radiated throughout her.
Moonlight danced across the lake as they walked the sandy beach. Her headache was relenting its grip, but the sound of their footfalls took over with a chant in her mind. Tell him. Tell him. Tell him. “Trey, this was a great idea. The fresh air and quiet are working wonders.” Not to mention his presence next to her. She liked to walk the beach at night, but even on the private beach at Deni's cottage, she jumped at every splash of a fish. With him by her side, she could relax and enjoy the ambiance of the lapping water and starry but cloudy sky.
“Why aren't you married, Lori? Sorry that is a personal question, but I'm curious.” Trey gave her hand a gentle squeeze.
“Why aren't you?” Yes, that would be a safer conversation. She varied her steps trying to break up the chant that seemed to have grown louder.
“That's easy. Haven't found the right person. And my family keep pushing me to find a wife.”
“That's not so bad, is it?” At least they wanted him married.
“There's more. It's my name they want to continue. They want another Trey in the family. Trey Four, that’s what they want to call him. Trey Three is bad enough. Anyway, that's a lot of pressure. Not only do I have to find the right woman to marry, but I need to get her to agree to name our first son Trey.”
“That is a terrible thing. Atrocious really. Having to name your son after you? Trey is—is a horrid name.” She tried to contain her laugh, but it came out as a snort. Which made her laugh harder. She collected herself and wiped a tear from her eye. What was wrong with her? Acting like a teenager? “That was charming.”
“It was actually. You don't think Trey is bad?”
“No, there are much worse, but right now I can't think of one. Names come and go, I have a friend who named her son Charlie, and Harrison is making a comeback as well. Trey is... timeless and romantic.” She groaned. Had she said that aloud?
He stopped and pulled her around to face him. “Romantic?”
“Not for a baby, but for a man like you. Yes.” She squeezed the words from her lungs in throaty whisper. She wanted to step away, break the eye contact, but she was cemented in place.
Trey didn't break the gaze, instead he came closer. His lips almost touched hers. She swallowed hard. Was she going to let this happen? Her breath hitched. Alarms were going off all over her body.
It took everything Trey had to back away from her lips. He wanted to kiss her, but if he did, one wouldn't be enough.
“Oh.” The soft cry almost broke him.
“Lori, I'm sorry. I'm too old to be kissing just for fun. I decided long ago that I wasn't going to start a romantic relationship with someone until I knew we were both all in it for life.” Great that sounded like a prison sentence, or that she wasn't the one when he thought she was.
“I get it. I have the same boundaries, except it's not just an ideal, it's based on my reality. And it's not a pretty story.” She pulled her hand out of his. A hand so small in his that he shouldn't have noticed, but he did. The loss was great.
“Want to tell me about it?” He wasn't big into listening about other people’s pasts because he couldn’t do anything to change facts, but this time the twinge he got when God poked him to do the right thing was more like an unrelenting pinch.
“It's a difficult thing to talk about. Only Deni and those who knew me then know about it.”
“I'd like to know. I think you might be the one woman for me, but we can't go into this with secrets.” That was something he would not do. Honesty between spouses was the example his parents had set, even when things went south, they insisted on it, saying it was the only way to heal and move on.
“I'm not sure where to start, and don't say at the beginning because that's a cheesy line.” She walked away from him and sat on a bench.
Did she want him to follow? Or move on? She was out of the direct moonlight, and all he could see was her outline. Maybe that's what she needed? Darkness to tell her tale? He strode over the sand and sat next to her. “I'm here. I'll listen. Maybe you'll feel—?”
“Better? No. I don't think I will. But I'll tell you anyway. Sometimes the past eats at me and then pulls me into a dark pit I can’t climb out of without a lot of struggle, but it’s time to tell this story.”
He took her hand in his, he wasn't letting it go until she finish
ed what she had to say.
“I caused my mom's death, but that's not the worst thing I did.”
He wanted to jump in and say that wasn't possible, but he held his tongue.
“There was a party at my friend’s house, and Mom and I fought about me going. I won. She told me to be home before curfew, but I knew I wouldn't. I was a teenager, and we fought a lot about stuff like that. I’d get grounded for a day, and then she’d be back to loving me again.”
He waited for her to go on, maybe she was waiting for him to disagree? The temperature had dropped since they came outside. Was she cold?
“So, I did what girls do. I lit my favorite candles, turned up my radio, flat ironed my hair and dressed in clothes I knew she wouldn't approve of and then left the house. When I came home, the fire department was blasting my house with hoses. My dad and brothers got out, but not my dog.
“And not my mom. Mom thought I was home and went to get me. But I wasn't there because I didn't come home. I stayed the night at my friend’s house, and I didn't call to tell my parents. The candles. I forgot to blow them out, and one of them got so hot it broke the glass holder and caught the papers on my desk on fire.”
“Lori—"
“No. Don't. Instead of changing into the daughter my mother wanted, I eloped with my boyfriend. I'd promised my dad when I was thirteen that I'd wait until marriage—you know that purity ring thing? That's what got me to the courthouse. I wanted to feel loved, accepted—anything. The thing is, my best friend ratted me out, and my dad got there before we left the courthouse. He had the wedding annulled, packed my stuff, and sent me to my aunt’s to live. Did I mention that my aunt was my mom's identical twin? Every time I looked at her face, I saw my mother. I lived there until I went to college.
“The thing is—I miss my dad and brothers.” She sniffled. “They hate me. And now you know why I'm not the woman you're looking for.
A Time to Heal Page 14