The Highest Hurdle

  May the pure white light of God’s perfect love surround you. And each step that you take, be guided down golden, protected pathways.

  God’s graces to you,

  Kathy M.

  Things I Learned from MaryFran Kolp

  By Ashlee N.

  Kids need to fall to learn how to pick themselves up.

  ◦ There was a time Danny made a comment he immediately regretted. He came to me after school to apologize. You later came to talk to me about the conversation the two of you had about it. I remember thinking that this was the way to raise a kid. He felt remorse, he wanted to talk to you about it, and he did what he could to make it right. You didn’t make excuses for him, and you guided him through so that he learned from the experience. I will never forget that.

  Parents need to be parents.

  ◦ There was a time when we were talking with another parent about whether or not her child would be going to the public middle school. She made the comment that it was about what her child wanted. You were not shy about how you felt about that. Children are not capable of making decisions regarding the rest of their lives; that’s why they have parents. I not only respected your perspective, but I loved that you were not afraid to speak up.

  Sometimes you need to be loud to be heard.

  ◦ My first-year coaching with you was the first year I was the “head” of the volleyball program. I had relied on Kim my first two years to know what to do, and then when it was on me, I was a little stuck. You showed me how to take charge.

  Try to make sense of God’s plan.

  ◦ Megan’s eighth-grade year, right after you had been diagnosed, we were at Camp Daggett. It was one of the first times I was able to talk with you. Your attitude was unreal. You told me that you felt God gave you this so someone else wouldn’t have to go through it. Any time I get frustrated or feel wronged in some way, I honestly think of you. If you can look for understanding from God, then so can I. What is He trying to teach me with the burdens he places on me? How can I use them positively? Although I’ve heard this type of advice my whole life, you are who I saw personify it.

  How do you honor your Mentor, your Hero, your First Friend, your Best Friend, your Sister…my sister MaryFran? How do you thank someone for having such an amazing impact on your life?

  MaryFran was such a huge personality that she deserved to have multiple names: MaryFrances, MaryFran, Mary, Franny, Fran, Petie, Pete, and even Daddy Long Legs from her track star days. She was a celebrity in high school and carried so much clout that her nickname Pete (short for Peterlin) transcended to the rest of our family. Dad became Mr. Pete, mom was Mrs. Pete, and I became Re-Pete. Fran, of course, had sweatshirts made, because that’s what she did, always going above and beyond. I called her Fran since I was young because I did not think she looked like a Mary, and MaryFran was a mouthful to say. Among all her names I feel honored to be the only person in the world who has the privilege of calling her my Big Sister. She was my very first friend and my best friend. She was always quick to tell me, “I loved you first,” as we were friendly competitors at everything. Strangers would often ask mom if we were twins, and mom would say, “Yes, except they are three years apart.”

  We had a Norman Rockwell childhood—at least we thought so, eating dinner every night at 5 p.m., family of four, and a dog. As we grew older we started to think, Norman’s dad probably didn’t wear Birkenstocks with black socks (before it was cool), our mom and dad never let us watch cartoons, and Mrs. Rockwell probably did not serve a Paleo Diet and eat organic food before anyone knew what it was. We thought it was normal to do push-ups and sit-ups during commercials if the television happened to be on, ride bikes barefoot all summer until the mosquitos ran us into the house, swing from a rope high up in a tree and jumping into a pond, and snowmobile all day until the police pulled us over and would tell us we can’t ride around town. Dad, we only flipped the snowmobile and crashed into each other one time; yep, just once.

  We fought very little, and when we did it was out of boredom. I recall two tenacious times: once we were putting away dishes and the next thing I recall was Fran chasing me around the front yard with a spatula and a frying pan, then she locked me out of the house, and she won that battle. Being the little sister, I had to be more creative. I was tired of losing, so out of desperation I bit my arm and blamed it on Fran. She caught “heck” for that…and later that plan backfired because when I tried it again in a few weeks. I had recently lost a tooth, and my parents noticed the missing tooth in the bite mark. Darn…it’s hard being the younger sister.

  One of Fran’s greatest traits was her ability to share and include others. She taught me to share and I was happy to share my Big Sister. She was also the Big Sis to my best high school friends (Michele Bird, Katie McCrary, Julie Nadeau, Paige O’Leary, and Shannon Oliver); none of them had big sisters and Fran was happy to oblige, offering advice on sports, being a captain on a team, applying makeup, high school, college, and boys. She taught us how to compete, earn college scholarships, be gracious young lady leaders, and how to have a little fun and not get caught. What happens at siblings’ weekend at GVSU stays at GVSU.

  I know I was Fran’s best friend as we’ve always known we can count on each other for anything—any…thing. Our family is so small that we had to depend on each other. I also know that someone amazing as Fran would have multiple best friends. Her heart was so huge; she has room for all of them. Many of you here were her favorite for different things. I’m sure she had her favorite coffee mate, problem solver, decorating pal, travel companion, shopping partner, fund-raiser friend, beach-bum playmate, exercise buddy, high school friend, college pal, St. Francis best friend, and many more, and each of you knows who you are. Fran wore her heart on her sleeve and you always knew where you stood with her and how she felt about you. Only Fran could get away with telling you “how it was,” whether you liked it or not, and you would thank her for setting you straight.

  Fran had an exquisite way of making every moment count! She would turn the ordinary into extraordinary, like stopping by the park for the kids to play and grabbing ice cream on the way to the grocery store, or packing gourmet cheese, wine, and a fruit plate for a random sunset. If there was a birthday, anniversary, wedding/baby shower, graduation, or any momentous event, Fran would throw you a party and make you feel like royalty. She celebrated life and love at every opportunity! Our dad said it best: “Fran was only on this Earth for fifty years, but she LIVED 150 years!”

  Fran loved to travel; she was always up for an adventure. Me: “Hey, Fran, want to go white-water rafting in W. Virginia?” Fran: “Yep.” Me: “Hey, Fran, want to go island hoping in Greece?” Fran: “Sure!” Me: “Hey, Fran, want to go on a girl’s trip to Vegas for Halloween?” Fran: “I’m in!” She wore her chicken costume on that trip and almost got kicked out of the casino. That girl was the best!

  We traveled to Europe multiple times, a dozen trips to Florida as children, Las Vegas, Arizona, New York, California, and everything in between. In 1996, we were traveling in Greece with Fran’s sister-in-law Nancy Finley and our dear friend Stefanie George, and it was my birthday. Fran hunted down a group of fraternity guys going to a college party and they were dressed as traditional grandmas dressed in house coats. Fran had them serenade me with birthday songs and dances. Fran always celebrated others, and if she really loves you she would embarrass you, too!

  Fran succeeded at the highest level with everything she touched—college hurdle records that still stand, earning her doctorate, fund-raising record amounts for causes like St. Francis Xavier Catholic Church. Fran never claimed perfection but was on a continuous quest for improvement. However, her greatest work was raising a gorgeous family. She gave them her all. So many of those who knew her are better people for witnessing MaryFran love on Andy, Danny, and Megan. Fran and Andy were the epitome of unconditional love. What a beautiful gift to provide Danny and Megan. What an incredible family! Fran was masterful with “Living in
the Moment.” We all continue to learn from her. MaryFran’s courage, bravery, and faith are something imprinted on many of our hearts and live on in all of us. Thank you, Dr. MaryFran Peterlin Kolp.

  Love always and forever past heaven,

  —Natalie R.

  I moved to Petoskey in 2005, and for the first time since being a mom, I could be a “stay-at-home mom!” My youngest son needed a preschool, and St. Francis Xavier School came highly recommended. Once enrolled the rest was history!

  How I met MaryFran… Well, probably pretty much the same way anyone met MaryFran! “Good morning” or “Hi.” “Welcome to Saint Francis. What’s your name?” “There is a group of ladies that will be going for a walk after drop-off. You should join us.” Or “There are a few ladies meeting at the Bistro, across the street, for breakfast. Please join me…” “I’m the PTO president. You should come to some of the meetings, and maybe you could run for PTO president next year. I can tell you would make a great leader” (or something like that). I was PTO president for the next two years. Ha-ha. Then there was the annual school fund-raiser that she headed for years, and yep, I was right there with her, willing to help in any way I could.

  Fran organized a monthly “cooking club” at one of our local favorites, “Julienne Tomatoes.” The club is still going strong today. Then there is the annual holiday, “white elephant” luncheon, and monthly birthday celebrations, held at Boyne Mountain’s Solace spa… Life is good!

  I may not have known MaryFran as long as some of the other angels in her life, but we grew close, quite fast. Her spirit and faith in God drew one to her. Her wisdom, knowledge, and calm demeanor were and still are exactly what one need when venting about some lame tragedy or female meltdown. We became friends who would walk, talk, bike, and quite often split a Greek omelet or some other meal. We even began working with a personal trainer, hoping to increase our strength and keep our adult figures looking more youthful! Helping each other push a little harder through push-ups, pull-ups, or planking, ugh.

  MaryFran loved her personal business ventures. I was probably one of her favorite customers. There was Arbonne, Party Lite Candles, Discovery Toys, Madison Hand Bags, and some I’m not even aware of.

  In the middle of all her involvement with so many things outside her home, she still found time to make each and every holiday special in her home and for her family. I am in awe of all she was able to accomplish.

  Some fondest memories include our trips to Mackinac Island for “Windsome Women,” a Christian women’s retreat. We went several years in a row, each with their own wonderful stories. (What happens on the Island, stays on the Island!) One year, we dropped the children off at school and headed for the retreat. Fran was driving, and on the way, we were pulled over for speeding! Our gabbing was quite distracting, apparently! Needless to say, the officer was kind enough to let us go with a warning. I mean, two sweet, kind, loving women, headed to a Christian retreat.

  We could not be trusted…on one of our monthly trips to Gaylord, with a 30 percent off coupon to Kohl’s, again our gabbing distracted the driver, me. Yep! We were pulled over for speeding. (By the way, no ticket.) We have grown wiser since then!

  Anyway, as far as MaryFran goes, she has been the most amazing example of someone living a Christlike life! I have been encouraged by the way she has lived her life and continues to live her life, as she has suffered with such grace, strength, and determination. She has never once lost her faith in God and His will for us. We have no idea and never will have even the slightest understanding of our true potential as we live in this mortal state.

  MaryFran is one of the most precious human beings I have ever had the privilege and honor to know, get to know, love, and learn to love from. My life has been blessed and enriched with her in it. Not much has been the same since that July 3 almost four years ago. A journey that no one would wish upon another.

  My continued, love, prayers, and support go out to MaryFran and all her family.

  Xoxo,

  Lynn

  On the day I learned of Fran’s death… Dan, Carole, Andy, Danny, Megan, Natalie, Josh, Sydney, and Ethan; Fran was many things to many people: a caring daughter, a loving wife, a devoted mother, a heroic sister, a doting aunt, and a friend to us all. My name is Mike Ewing and I stand before you as the representative friend of a family in grief, in a community in mourning, before a people in shock. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to speak here today, a memory and honor that shall never fade. No human being could fail to be deeply moved by such a tribute as this. We’ve assembled from all walks of life and geography, not only in our desire to pay our respects to Mary Fran, but rather in our need to do so. She was the very essence of compassion, of duty, of style, of beauty. A true symbol of selfless humanity balanced wonderfully against a mischievous sense of humor with a laugh that bent you double. Fran’s joy for life transmitted wherever she took her smile and boundless energy. She gave us strength in time of trouble, wisdom in time of uncertainty, and sharing in time of happiness. She will be by our side always. Love, loyalty, trust, and joy are not easy feelings to put into words, but she was all of these. She loved life completely and lived it intensely. Your attendance today is a testament to the type of person Fran was and the number of people she touched. While I do not know the dignity of Fran’s birth, I do know the glory of her life. She died as she lived: unwavering, unquestioning, and uncomplaining. My estimate of Fran was made many, many years ago and has never changed. I regarded her then as I do now: as furnishing some of the most stainless examples of perseverance and determination. When I think of the dignified and dogged ways in which she managed her unsolicited health condition and fought tirelessly to rid herself of it, I am filled with a sense of admiration and humility that I cannot put into words and which will be with me always. She gave all that mortality could give and asked only in return that her loved ones and friends move forward in a positive and productive manner during her earthly absence. I for one intend to honor this request. Although I stand here to eulogize Fran, the truth is she needs no eulogy from me or any other man. She has written her own history and has written on the faces and in the hearts of Andy, Danny, Megan, and my dear friend Natalie. Through you all, Fran’s spirit will live through eternity and any attempt by me to give a verbal legacy of her life is simply not possible. Today is our chance to say thank you for the ways you brightened our lives even though God granted you but little more than half a life. We will always feel cheated that you were taken from us, and yet we must learn to be grateful that you came along at all. Only now that you are gone do we truly appreciate what we are without, and we want you to know that life without you is very, very difficult. Unhappily, I possess neither that eloquence of diction, that poetry of imagination, nor that brilliance of metaphor to tell you all that Fran taught, but here is a glance at some of those teachings: 1. She taught us to be strong enough to know when we are weak and brave enough to know when we are afraid; 2. She taught us to be proud in honest failure, but humble and gentle in success; not to substitute words for action; not to seek the path of comfort but to face the stress of difficulty and challenge; to have a heart that is clean and a goal that is high and to possess a temperamental predominance of courage over timidity along with an appetite for adventure over love of ease; 3. Her endearing character created in our hearts a deep sense of wonder, the unfailing hope of what next, and the joy and inspiration for the deep springs of life. Now that she is gone, we are left to pick up the pieces as best we can, and in keeping with her wishes move forward in a positive direction. Her death leaves us with attempting to make sense of the senseless, to rationalize the irrational. This seems nearly an impossible task, so I can only conclude with full faith in my heart, and absent any reservation, that God called Fran home because his arsenal lacked a supervising Angel. I listen with thirsty ear for sounds of her laughter and her steadfast advice; in the evening of my memory I search for visions of her standing and cheering Danny and Megan to well-d
eserved sports victories. I would like to close by thanking God for the small mercies he has shown us at this dreadful time. For calling Fran when the pain was unbearable and the life quality nil; above all we give thanks for the life of a woman I am proud to call my friend, the unique, the complex, the extraordinary and irreplaceable Mary Fran, whose beauty both internal and external will never be extinguished from our hearts. Godspeed!

  Delivered at Petoskey, June 25, 2018 (MCE)

  —Mike

  MaryFran, where do I start?

  We met while pregnant with Danny and Sawyer, while our hubbies played basketball at Central School, twenty years ago.

  My love affair for this person began right then and there. No matter who you are, MaryFran made you feel special and the only person in the room when she talked to you. You were special and what you had to say had importance. We had mommy tips and trips. We went on a few girl’s campouts and man she could make me laugh. Never an unkind word.

  We became fast friends, and golf partners. Kids played together and are still friends.

  So on that day July 3rd when Sawyer was at Bay Harbor and asked Danny, “What’s wrong man?”

  He told him and Sawyer shared it with us. Sawyer came home sad and asked, “Mom, ALS is bad, right?” Who has ALS? God, I hoped he had got it wrong, like all of us. It’s a bad dream, and so unfair.

  Now given this diagnosis to a different person, it would have the same results. Give this diagnosis to MARYFRAN KOLP, look out people she will do all possible to find out how to fight this, while making everyone around her feel special and a gift from God. This TOWN and group of women found a way in “any way” they could to help. Again, all the while MaryFran made sure we were taking care of our families and ourselves.

  Here’s a funny story…