The Highest Hurdle

  Doing treatments…

  I took her downstate for treatments on one trip down,

  I told her I need to stop and get me something to eat. I had Arby’s and fed Fran her food Cheryl made for her each week. When I had finished my Arby’s, I said, “Gosh, you must be hungry.” She said, “Yeah, and you didn’t offer me one French fry!”

  I said, “Fran, I’m sorry. I didn’t think you would cheat on the food plan.”

  She then replied, “I will cheat for a curly fry.”

  Oh we laughed. Love to hear the Kolp’s laugh!

  I remember when Princess Diana passed away, thinking to myself how sad but how lucky those boys were to have a mom like that, and what incredible boys she made and had left an imprint on their souls. Gone too soon! Like Diana, MaryFran left us too soon, but what amazing humans she created. Her spirit, kindness, and love are forever burned into my soul and everyone she touched.

  I love you my dear friend

  —Julianne K

  My Fridays with Fran have been anything but boring. Every emotion—from laughter, tears, embarrassment, and anger—have come and gone during our time together, with unconditional love and respect the only constants.

  Every week, I look forward to be a part of Fran’s day and feel blessed beyond measure I’ve had this opportunity to learn about myself, my faith, and the true meaning of life. Fran has taught me invaluable lessons I will continue to carry with me always. She has modeled unwavering faith and a strong devotion to her family that have touched my heart. She is strong, determined, and wise. I am profoundly grateful for all her words of wisdom to me, particularly to me as a mom. There is no one in the world, or in my life, like MaryFran Kolp. Because of MaryFran, my faith now assures me God will continue to wrap His loving arms around Fran, her husband Andy, and their two beautiful children, Megan and Danny.

  I met MaryFran through my dear friend and her sister-in-law, Terri Reynolds, about thirteen years ago. I learned quickly that Fran and I had two things in common—our birthdays (a day apart) and our husbands’ extra-large shoe sizes. Fran’s children, Danny and Megan, attended St. Francis Xavier, and it didn’t take her long to recruit me to the PTO board. Somehow, my name ended up on the ballot even before my children attended the school. I blame Franny.

  MaryFran has always a tendency to do whatever it takes to get families involved. I knew from the start that if I didn’t want to participate in a project at St. Francis, I needed to avoid Fran at all costs. She has always looked at the spirit of service as a privilege and an honor, and it has always been her mission to cultivate this responsibility.

  My Fridays with Fran started about a year after she was diagnosed with ALS. Our “Frantabulous Friends” all have different gifts and responsibilities, but keeping her clean, fresh, and smelling pretty was a promise I made to Fran right from the start. We both grew up with sisters, so showering together was never uncomfortable. What was a bit strange was when people stopped by to visit and “catch up” while we were in the shower together. It felt like a Seinfeld episode. Fran handled it with grace, and it gave us something to laugh about.

  Poor Fran had to endure my weekly mishaps, such as dropping the shower head on top of her head, cutting strings that shouldn’t have been cut, making her nose bleed by going too deep with the Kleenex, getting shampoo in her eyes, trying to use a razor blade to cut her cuticles, accidentally hitting her face with a hair dryer, and using a Q-tip wet with saliva to clean her nose. These are just a few of my mistakes. Fran just smiled and laughed at me. God certainly blessed her with patience.

  The weekly showers were a regular for about two years, until recently. Weekly showers progressed to biweekly bed baths, prayer, and massage. I watched her decline physically, but by no means mentally. Every week her body became more fragile, but her faith has become stronger. I could tell what kind of day she was having by looking in her eyes. Watching someone you love suffer and lose more control every week is beyond difficult. I pray before I arrive at her home, and I pray when I leave. I ask God to use me as His hands and feet and heart to give me strength. It works.

  Fran is an incredibly wise woman and has given me invaluable parenting advice and personal advice that I carry with me every day. She is beyond appreciative. She continuously thanks me with tears running down her face, telling me how grateful she is for making her feel “normal” and “not different,” but the truth is, she’s still the same Fran. She still makes the rules. She is in charge. She is still an amazing mom. She knows what she wanted and she is a wealth of information. Guaranteed, Fran knows more about me than I do. I remind her that if roles were reversed she would be heading up this fight for me. I also feel very strongly that the gifts she has given me outweigh anything I could ever give her. She has undoubtedly helped me put my life in perspective. I have learned to enjoy unloading the dishwasher and doing my laundry because I have hands that work. I don’t sweat the small stuff anymore and my faith is a priority. It is what fuels me. God does have a plan, and it doesn’t always go the way we want, but it’s our job to put our worries in His hands.

  Fran, you have taught me to HAVE FAITH, BE STRONG, BE POSITIVE, and GIVE BACK. Because of you, I now know for sure that our life here is temporary, so we’d better do this life right. Fran, you may be changing physically, but there’s nothing about you on the inside—your beautiful strong spirit—that’s changed. I love you, MaryFran Kolp. Thank you for being you.

  Your friend always,

  Jennifer

  My name is Lisa P. I am one member of an amazing group of women that have had the opportunity to care for Fran and her family on her journey with ALS. Her journey is our journey, too. Along the way there has been great suffering and tears, questions, and even anger. However, there have also been abundant blessings, laughter, and sharing.

  Part I: Meeting the “Famous” MaryFran

  Although I lived in the area back in the 90s, I was thoroughly enjoying reacquainting myself with Petoskey as a “mom.” It was 2013 and we have been in our new home for nearly seven months. Through my fifth-grade son David, I had made many new friends during Pop Warner football, travel basketball, and now lacrosse. One such friend was Lynn Rawson. Her son and David met during basketball season. Lynn is tall and very pretty, but more than anything else, warm and friendly.

  As we got to know each other better cheering on our boys and all kinds of weather, Lynn spoke of her friend MaryFran. This woman described to me seemed to be superhuman. She worked out and went to church. She was a dynamic saleswoman, party planner, mom, volunteer, helper, and overall show runner! To top it all off, I was told she was tall, blonde, and beautiful. I imagined supermodel meets Martha Stewart. I thought she must be fearsome thing to behold!

  And on a crisp and sunny Saturday in early spring, my husband Scott and I were excited for another riveting day of lacrosse, or as I saw it, an opportunity for more socializing! Lynn was near the entrance to the field with a friendly new face. As I approached, Lynn exclaimed, “Lisa, this is MaryFran, a friend I’ve been wanting you to meet!” Shit, I was not ready for this! My mind raced. What was I wearing? Did I curl my hair? Do I have any makeup? Did I even brush my teeth? I’m sure I managed some kind of polite exchange while I scoped her out.

  She was dynamic for sure, but also very warm and genuine. Almost instantaneously, I felt at ease. We only spoke briefly, but if she and Lynn went to their seats, I felt as though something special and extraordinary had just taken place.

  Part II: Pink Pony Party of Four

  It was the fall 2013. My husband Scott and I were planning to go to Mackinac Island for the weekend to celebrate a thirtieth birthday of a friend. The day before we were to leave, I ran into MaryFran in town. As we chitchatted, it was revealed that we’d both be on the island with our spouses on the same weekend! Even though I only met her once before, neither of us hesitated to try to arrange a time to meet up and get together.

  On the island, our group enjoyed pub crawling and celebrating a
milestone birthday. At dinner, I got a text from MaryFran. The plan was to meet later in the evening at the Pink Pony bar inside the Chippewa Hotel. At around 9 p.m., we made her way over and found MaryFran and her husband Andy (also known as Frandy), sitting on a wooden booth near the back of the room. We introduced the guys. I don’t remember all that we talked about that night, but I know we had a blast! I remember laughing and Andy’s distinctive laugh and worried we’re going to get kicked out of the bar (those who know Andy get it!) Best of all, as we walked back to our hotel, Scott and I talked about how we cannot get over the feeling that we’d known Andy and Fran for 100 years.

  Part III: Chicken Pot Pie and a Basketball Star

  It was June 2014, and we were still reeling from the “Big Fall,” as we called it. David had suffered a serious concussion after a twenty-five-foot fall from a rope swing. While laid up with stitches and a facial fracture, I tended to him and opened our door to many well-wishers and visitors. Having only been in Petoskey for two years, I was overwhelmed by how many people called or came by to see David.

  Somehow the word spread to MaryFran. Secured on our doorstep with a large bag from the Grand Traverse Pie Company, I was taken aback by her generosity, especially since we were still relative strangers who shared some laughs and a night out the previous fall. But there she was, offering us dinner, dessert, treats for David, and comfort. She inquired about David and asked if I needed anything. Now, normally I would politely say something like “thank you, we’re all set” to someone I considered a new acquaintance. But at that very moment, I felt that to know MaryFran is to love her, to be known by her, to be loved by her. Her offer was genuine, and so for my needs, without hesitation, I told her that I needed someone to sit with David, so I could do some grocery shopping. Although she was attending to her own errands, she promised she’d soon return with her son Danny to stay with David. For David, this was better than all the gifts and visitors combined! For it was well known to all that Danny is the Michael Jordan of Petoskey and was on his way to basketball greatness in high school. David was already a huge fan, thrilled at the idea of Danny Kolp coming to our house!

  That third day after the accident was the turning point for David’s healing from the “Big Fall,” all through the kindness extended to us by MaryFran and Danny.

  Part IV: I Have No Words

  Life was slowly returning to normal after “the Big Fall.” David had even been cleared to attend his Young Americans Camp sessions with some restrictions. The weather was warming up, the boat was in the water, and the promise of a fun summer was emerging. Then I got the call.

  Lynn’s voice sounded flat and drained on the phone as she relayed the devastating news. She spoke, and overwhelming sadness seemed to take the place of the oxygen in the room. I breathed it in and it saturated every part of me. Lynn continued to speak words my ears did not hear.

  “Are you there?” she asked.

  “I have no words,” was my reply.

  Later on, the day, my mind kept wandering back to MaryFran and her family. I thought about how devastated they must be, how scared they must feel. I thought of all the people who’ve known her for years, whose children grew alongside her own, and how they were trying to cope and share the news with their own kids. Lastly, I wondered how sad it was that I didn’t get to know her more or have a chance to be close to her. If I could’ve only comforted myself then with what I have with her now, I just might have recognized all the blessings of ALS to come a little sooner than I did.

  Part V: The Blessing of ALS

  How could ALS lead to any form of a blessing? Humanity is an earthly realm and blessings are of the Kingdom of God. I had to separate the two in order, to answer this question.

  When the news of Fran’s diagnosis first broke out, the human part of me was angry. I questioned God. Why Fran, who gives so much to others? Why Fran, who has so much faith? Why Fran? The human part of me was sad. I was sad for her friends. I was sad for her family, husband, and kids. I was just sad. This was my human reaction.

  Not long after Fran was diagnosed, I found myself on a trip downstate. Along the way, I saw three identical billboards—one in Elmira, one in Saginaw, and one in Detroit. They were Saint Faustina Sacred Heart of Jesus marked by these words, “Jesus, I trust in You.” I felt as though they have been placed there just for me. On this trip, I had done a lot of “alone time” to think and reflect on all of this. My questions didn’t all go away, but I took stock of these billboards and decided to trust Jesus. There are no answers to why Fran was stricken with ALS. No reason, but perhaps a purpose. Maybe she wasn’t stricken with ALS but given ALS to bless the rest of us. This, in turn, changed my viewpoint. You could focus on the good that must come from this. This was my spiritual reaction.

  Shortly after I returned home, a meeting of Fran’s friends was held at Lynn’s house on Walloon Lake. We all brought a dish to share and gathered to make a game plan for what lies ahead and how we can best support Fran, her family, and each other. At first there wasn’t much to be done but pray. My involvement during the first two years was not as intensive as the last two years have been; however, she and her family were always close to my heart and I thought of them daily.

  When I met MaryFran over five years ago, I could not imagine what our friendship would be like today. In my wildest dreams I could not have foreseen needing to feed, move, or wash her. Each new barrier we have crossed has been simultaneously uncomfortable, hysterical, and endearing. Not only did these situations bring us physically close, but spiritually and emotionally, as well. She is a forever friend and I am blessed to know her.

  Today I live my life very differently than I did BK (before Kolps). Through my interactions with this amazing family in their journey, I became more grateful, kind, trusting, forgiving, and more aware of the presence of God in all things. I embrace each new opportunity with a jubilant “yes!” I say no to people and to things that do not lift me up or help me become a better version of myself. I do not miss weekly mass. I pray more. I seek to understand and look for the good in the worst of circumstances. I have been blessed with new friends and appreciate longtime friends with a renewed affection. I look to serve others before myself. Most of all, through MaryFran, I have witnessed absolute grace and strength in the face of the most, dire circumstances. She is like a living example of Jesus’ suffering for our salvation. Her suffering is not in vain. It is a bridge to trust in God and accepting his blessings.

  MaryFran,

  I have written several versions of this letter, and even this one does not seem good enough. Your strength, character, and more wisdom have always been something I admired, long before ALS. When Kelly and Patrick were at St. Francis, we have such fond memories of how you were always smiling and treating them so well. Kelly said that no matter what, you always made a point of saying hi to her and looking her in the eyes. Patrick said that his SFX memory of you is you being in the lunchroom or playground and just having the warmest disposition, and everyone wanted to be around you. Kids are the best judge of character. Having an impact on children is something you can’t fake; it’s just who you are. I remember watching you coach basketball, and even if your team was losing, you were positive and had the ability to keep your players focused and motivated. Your presence at SFX was powerful, loving, and much needed. My family is blessed to have been at that school when you were a parent there.

  I will never forget the day when we all gathered together at Lynn’s cottage after we found out you were diagnosed with ALS. You came in all weak and feeble and the room got silent. You proceeded to say, “Just kidding. I’m not that bad!” Your sense of humor is fantastic, and you made us all feel so at ease. When my kids were going through sacrament prep, Sister Kathy would ask them to tell her about the times they saw God in their day. I see God through you; your faith is insurmountable. This disease doesn’t make sense to me, but I know your faith in God is strong, which makes my faith strong.

  I have not been as st
rong as a physical presence in your life and I wish I could have been, but please know that you have had my thoughts, prayers, and positive vibes for all these years. Thank you for always making me feel welcome around you and for being an inspiration of kindness, optimism, and faith.

  You and Andy have raised two amazing children and their near futures are really falling into place. We have a sarcastic saying at school: “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.” But in the Kolp family that’s a blessing. Danny and Megan are hardworking, respectful, and kind kids—and that’s because of who their parents are.

  I love you and God bless you and your family.

  Daily Catholic reflection from Matthew Kelly: What happens to you isn’t nearly as important is how you respond to it.

  Today’s reflection 6/19/18:

  “Just hold on one more moment. God is in control, even if it feels like he isn’t he is in control, and he loves you. There are better things ahead.”

  —Lisa L.

  Dear Fran,

  I put off writing this letter because I have struggled with what to say. But here goes… I’m winging it at 5:30 in the morning, pre-coffee. The first time I saw you, you were standing with a group of mothers outside of the St. Francis school office. It was the first day of second grade for Danny and William. We had moved to Michigan in July; it had been a very rough two months at that point. I remember wondering if I would ever fit in, if the kids and I would ever make friends, and if it would ever feel like home here. Little did I know that the woman standing with that group of ladies with her hair in a ponytail, wiping little tears from her face as she laughed and talked (because she had just sent her daughter off to first grade), would become a force of nature and make me feel welcome. Within days, I would be asked all about myself and all about where I was from. I would be invited to boosters (let’s face it, I went because I was desperate to get out of the house). During those first weeks, I heard your name over and over and over. “You’ve met MaryFran, right?” “MaryFran has talked to you, hasn’t she?” MaryFran is the school welcoming committee. You led the other mothers in going out of their way in helping me through, what to that point, had been the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through. You hardly knew me, but within two months my kids, all three of them, were having sleepovers at your house. You are a force of nature that to this day draws people together.