Doughn’t Let Me Go

by Hunter, Teagan

  Kyrie rushes off to get changed, and us adults move to the kitchen.

  Porter and Mel talk about a restaurant Porter misses in California, and I nod and smile where it’s appropriate.

  When Kyrie finally emerges—wearing a teatime dress—I let out a relieved sigh.

  “Would you like us to bring you anything back?”

  “She loves the strawberry milkshakes from Slice,” Kyrie says to Mel. “She and Dad go there all the time to get them.”

  Mel’s eyes bounce between me and Porter, but I keep my composure under her scrutiny.

  “They do, huh? Interesting.”

  Nothing to see here, Mel. There’s nothing going on between us…anymore.

  “I don’t need anything, but thank you for offering. That’s very kind of you.”

  “Mel? Kind? Ha!” Porter snorts. “More like lethal.”

  “These hands are lethal weapons and I will slap you, Porter. I’m not scared of you.”

  “You wouldn’t dare, sweetheart.” I don’t even have to be looking at him to know he gives her that playful grin of his I love.

  She groans at the pet name, shoving him toward the door. “Let’s go, Romeo.”

  “Romeo? Does that mean I’ve finally convinced you I’m the one? Should I propose?” He pats his pockets. “I don’t have a ring.”

  “You’re the one, all right—the one pain in my ass. Let’s move it before I kill you and your poor daughter doesn’t get to enjoy a night out on the town.”

  “Getting pizza, right, Dad?” Kyrie says again.

  “Of course we’re getting pizza. What kind of dad do you think I am?”

  “The best kind.” Kyrie throws her arms around my legs. “See ya later, Missy Fishy.”

  I hug her back. “Bye, Little Fish.”

  Mel throws us a grin. “Have a good night, Doris.”

  When Porter doesn’t say anything, Mel swats at him.

  “Oh, right.” He clears his throat. “Good night…Doris.”

  My eyes connect with his for the first time tonight, and I see so much in the short time we hold each other’s gaze.

  Irritation. Trepidation. Agony. An apology.

  Love.

  I don’t breathe again until I hear the front door close.

  Slice Nineteen

  Porter

  “Porter, I have something very serious and important to ask you.”

  I grin up at Mel, despite her solemn tone. “Are you finally proposing? Because I gotta tell you, I think you might be too late, sweetheart.”

  She frowns at me. “That’s what I’m afraid of.”

  I sigh, leaning back in my chair, chucking my pen onto the desk. I rub at my temples, trying to massage away the headache I feel forming because I know where this conversation is headed.

  These last few days have been grueling. Between getting things ready with my lawyers and staying up way too late sitting outside Dory’s door, I’m fucking beat.

  But tomorrow, when everything is official, this will all be worth it.

  I hope.

  “Just say what you’re going to say, Mel. We’ve never been ones to beat around the bush, and I certainly don’t want to start that now, all things considered.”

  “Fine.” She takes a seat on the leather couch, pulling her legs up and crossing her arms over her chest. “I’m not even going to ask if you’ve been sleeping with your nanny, because it’s very obvious to anyone who stands in the same room as you two.”

  When I don’t say anything, she smirks, enjoying knowing she’s right.

  “What I want to know is: are you making me your partner because of her? To stay here with Doris?”

  “Dory,” I say, though I don’t know why I do.

  It doesn’t matter, really.

  Mel’s smirk turns into a full-fledged smile. “Right. Dory. Is she why you’re staying?”

  I squeeze the bridge of my nose. “I… Fuck, Mel. It’s complicated.”

  “Is it?”

  “Yes.” It comes out an annoyed sigh. “There’s…stuff between us.”

  “Sex—right, I got that.”

  “Yep.” I laugh contemptuously. “Just sex.”

  Why the fuck did I agree to such a stupid idea? I’m smarter than that.

  I know why though.

  Because I was desperate to keep Dory in my life.

  I knew the first night I met her that one twist between the sheets wouldn’t be enough. The moment she wouldn’t let me kiss her, I knew I’d have to find a way to get her to let me do just that because she had to have a good reason to keep kisses to herself.

  I knew she was something special.

  If she hadn’t ended up being there for the interview the next day, I would have sought her out.

  Dory isn’t the kind of girl you let go.

  She’s the kind of girl you love forever.

  When Mel doesn’t say anything, I chance a peek at her. She’s staring at me, a big cheesy grin on her face. “You’re in love with her, aren’t you?”

  “Of course not. Being in love requires feelings, and feelings aren’t allowed.” It just comes spewing out of me, full of annoyance and disdain and utter fucking sarcasm.

  I’m pissed at Dory right now. Majorly so.

  I’m so fuming mad at her because she shut me out—literally—the moment I got too real. I knew there was a chance of it the moment I knocked on her door. I knew the odds of her proclaiming her feelings for me were low.

  No matter the chances, I put it out there anyway. I had to. To see how she’d react.

  And she reacted just like I thought she would. She ran scared, which tells me everything I need to know.

  My feelings aren’t one-sided.

  I’m angry because she’s just too fucking afraid to admit it.

  So, to answer Mel’s question in full, yes, Dory is part of the reason I’m making this choice. I want to stay here and fight. I want to prove to her I’m not going anywhere, want to show her not all relationships are as throwaway as her mom’s.

  I want her to know I’m here, and I plan to always be here.

  “Have you told her you love her?”

  “Of course I haven’t. I’m not an idiot.”

  Mel rolls her eyes. “Apparently you are.”

  I curl my lip. “Why the fuck would I tell her I’m in love with her? I asked her to spend the night in my room and she freaked out on me. There’s no way I’m going to march in there and tell her I love her. She’ll run.”

  “But you’re making me a partner in your company to permanently move out here for her?”

  “Actions speak louder than words.”

  “For such a smart man, you’re really stupid sometimes, Porter.”

  A low growl passes through me and I grit my teeth.

  Mel laughs.

  “Doris…she’s had a tough life, right?”

  I nod. “That’s a safe assumption.”

  “I’m going to wager she never had someone around who showed her love, yeah?”

  Another nod.

  “Then don’t you think it’s maybe—possibly—a good idea to do exactly that? To march in there and declare your feelings for her and flat out tell her you love her?”

  “That’s what I’m doing.” I wave my hand across the desk. “With this.”

  “So it is for her, then.” She smiles coyly.

  “I’m about two seconds from ripping up this contract and firing you.”

  Mel laughs. “No you’re not. You love me too much.”

  “You’re on my last nerve right now.”

  “I’m just trying to make sure you get the girl and don’t let her run away from something that’s good.”

  “I’m not going to let her go. I’m gonna fight for her.” Even if she won’t fight for us.

  “Good.” Mel nods, approving of my decision, then closes her eyes, letting her head rest against the back of the couch. “Now finish signing that paperwork so I can become a millionaire too. Mama’s got a few new p
airs of heels to buy.”

  She’s quiet for a while, the only noise in the room my pen scratching against the documents.

  “You know, Porter,” she says softly, not opening her eyes, “not all women need action. Some of them just want the words. I think Dory might be one of those women.”

  She doesn’t speak again, falling asleep a few short minutes later.

  Tell her.

  It’s so simple.

  Tell her.

  So easy.

  * * *

  Tonight, I don’t bother knocking.

  I don’t dare give her the chance to shut me out.

  Instead, I twist the handle and let myself into her room.

  I expect to find her sitting there on her bed, waiting for me.

  But when I don’t see her, worry begins to brew.

  I check the en suite.

  She’s not there.

  Is she gone?

  No.

  No.

  Surely she wouldn’t leave.

  Right?

  I do the dumbest shit like checking under her bed and in the closet like she’s just hiding and playing a game.

  But it’s no game.

  Dory is gone.

  I sit on her bed—the same one I’ve spent so many nights in—and steeple my hands under my chin, trying to figure out why she’d just leave.

  I’ve been coming here every night.

  She has to know I’m not just coming for sex. She has to know I’m here for more. That I want more.

  That I want her. Forever.

  She knows…right?

  Something catches my eye, and I cross the room to the dresser. There’s just one thing sitting on top of it.

  The Outsiders.

  I didn’t notice it before because the room was already sparsely decorated.

  There’s a slip of paper sticking out of the top, and I already know what page it’s marking. I’ve read the book enough times.

  I flip it open.

  She’s circled the last line of the Frost poem.

  Nothing gold can stay.

  I’m sorry, the note reads.

  I’m sorry too.

  Slice Twenty

  Doris

  I didn’t miss these stairs.

  The old, rickety ones that are tarnished with rust and stains.

  The ones I’m climbing now as I make my way back to my old apartment.

  I couldn’t face him. The longer I sat soaking in the tub, the clearer it became.

  I had to take the coward’s way out because I knew if I didn’t, I’d stay, and then the heartache would just come in the next few weeks.

  Why delay the inevitable? Just rip the Band-Aid off and go our separate ways.

  I’ve just trudged up the last set of stairs when the hairs on the back of my neck stand to attention.

  He’s here.

  I don’t have to turn around to know it.

  I can feel it.

  I squeeze my eyes shut as I hear him climb the steps behind me.

  He doesn’t stop until he’s standing so close I can feel his breath on the back of my neck.

  “What are you doing here?” I dare ask.

  “Not letting you run anymore.”

  We don’t move.

  We stand here, waiting.

  For what, I don’t know.

  “Turn around, Dory.”

  “I can’t.”

  “Why?”

  “Because if I look at you, I’ll go back with you. If I go back with you, it’ll be nothing but heartbreak.”

  “If you leave, it’ll be nothing but heartbreak too.”

  I bite my bottom lip, trying to hold back the tears that are threatening to spill.

  I’ve done such a good job not crying over him. I refuse to let it happen now.

  “Please, Dory. I need to say this to your face.”

  Taking a deep breath, I turn to him, but I don’t meet his eyes.

  I stare at his lips.

  His stupid, stupid lips that I still want to kiss so badly it aches.

  “My heart will break, Dory. It’ll break because I love you. I’m in love with you, okay?” He licks his lips. “I tried.”

  He lays his forehead against mine, and I breathe him in like I haven’t seen him in days.

  “I tried really fucking hard to keep my feelings out of it, but you were right. Kisses mean feelings, and I started falling for you the moment your lips touched mine. And I’m not sorry for any of it.”

  I close my eyes, my heart hammering so fast I’m scared it’s going to explode in my chest.

  He loves me. Porter loves me.

  And I love him too.

  It doesn’t change anything though. He’s still leaving. He has a company to run across the country.

  This moment is too good to be true, just like we were from the start.

  Porter pulls his head away, tucking his pointer finger under my chin, making me meet the gray eyes that have become my undoing.

  “Talk to me, Dory. Tell me what you’re thinking. Why are you doing this? Why are you leaving?”

  I laugh, but there’s no humor in it. “Because you’re leaving, Porter.”

  His thick brows pull together tightly. “But I’m not.”

  “Don’t lie to me. I’ve been overhearing your conversations with Fran. I know why Mel is here. You’re going back to California like you told Foster you were.”

  His head jerks back. “Are you shitting me right now?”

  I don’t say anything, and he pinches the bridge of his nose.

  I hate that he does it.

  It reminds me of the first night we met.

  The night that was just supposed to be one night. The one that started all this heartache.

  “Mel isn’t here to help me move back to California, Dory.”

  “But I heard her—I heard Fran. They mentioned a move several times.”

  He drops his hand, piercing me with those eyes again. “The move, as in the company moving over to different hands.”

  I pull my brows together. “I don’t get it. I’m not understanding what you’re trying to say here.”

  “I’m not going back to California. Mel is here to take control of the company.”

  My mouth drops open, stunned.

  “She… She’s… What? Since when?”

  “Since I fell for you. I couldn’t leave you. I couldn’t walk away from this, from us. I don’t want to go back to California. I want to stay here, with you.”

  With me?

  Oh god. He’s giving up his company for me.

  For this.

  “Are you insane?”

  “Possibly.”

  “No.” I shake my head. “No, Porter. No. You can’t give your company up for me.”

  “It’s not just for you. It’s for me too. I’ve been running myself ragged for years. I didn’t even realize how out of control my need for control was until I met you, didn’t get how much I was pushing away, how much I was retreating. I came out here to find a new life…and I did.” He steps toward me again, grasping my chin between his forefinger and thumb. “I found you.”

  His eyes fall to my lips as his thumb traces over the bottom one.

  “You can’t do this, Porter.”

  “I already did.”

  “You didn’t even think this through.”

  “If you believe I didn’t sit down and make a pros and cons list, you’re nuts.”

  “Porter…”

  “Pro: You’re here. Pro: I’m happy here. Pro: Kyrie’s happy here. Pro: My friends are here. Pro: The cost of living is cheaper here.”

  I roll my eyes. “You’re a billionaire. That’s not a real pro.”

  “Multimillionaire, and it is too.” His thumb grazes my lip again, his eyes holding steady with my own, a fire churning in them. “I made an extensive list. I was very thorough. There was only one thing wrong with it.”

  “What.” It comes out a pant, not a question.

  “I couldn’t find a
single con.”

  His thumb presses into my lip gently, and I couldn’t look away from him right now if I tried.

  “Besides, if I want to give up control of my company—which technically I’m not—I can. You’re not my boss, Dory.”

  “No, but you’re mine.”

  “Not anymore. You quit.”

  “Not officially.”

  “Then you’re fired,” he says decisively. “You’re fired. That means there’s nothing else standing in our way. I’m staying, and you’re fired.”

  “Porter…”

  “No.” His voice is sharp, hard. “No,” he says, softer this time. “Stop running, Dory. Please. Let me love you. Let me show you what it’s like to be loved.”

  “But what if you stop?”

  “Stop what? Loving you?” He laughs lightly. “As if I could ever do that.” His forehead drops to mine again, his gray eyes closing. “I love you. You’re funny and a smartass. You’re a fighter. Don’t even get me started on your tits.”

  I laugh, because of course he’d say that.

  “And you’re smart. You’re kind. You’re giving. And my kid loves you. Kyrie loves you so much it’s unreal. I can’t believe you weren’t going to say goodbye to her.”

  I choke back the sob that threatens. “I couldn’t. It hurt too much leaving you that note. I couldn’t possibly face her.”

  “When I went to your room and you were gone, it gutted me, Dory. I’ve been left by so many people in my life.” He presses his head against mine harder. “Don’t leave me too.”

  His uttered plea breaks the last of the walls I have up.

  “I won’t,” I whisper.

  I can feel him smile. “Thank god. I really didn’t want to have to kidnap you. I don’t think I’d survive jail.”

  I laugh lightly and pull my head back, looking up into his eyes.

  “I’m scared.”

  He nods. “I am too.”

  “What if this doesn’t work out? What if it fails? I’ve seen so many relationships fail, Porter. I don’t want that. I don’t want all those failures under my belt.”

  “As long as we don’t stop fighting for it, it can’t fail. There may be times when I love you more. There may be times when you love me more. We just can’t stop fighting for it.”

  “If we do this for real, we—”