I Wished For You

by Colette Davison

  "How's your art class?" he asked, trying to keep his voice calm.

  "Stop changing the subject," she snapped.

  "What do you want me to say?" he demanded. "I can't promise to be married and to have my wife knocked up within the next twelve months. Love doesn't work that way."

  "Matthew!" She hardly ever used his full name. When she did, it made him feel like a naughty kid again. "Do you have to be so crass? I raised you better than that."

  He sighed. "I'm sorry."

  He could already tell this was going to be a short visit. He'd stay for a few minutes after they'd finished eating, and then he'd make an excuse to leave.

  "I'm just worried about you," she told him. "It gets harder to meet new people the older you get."

  He groaned. She really wasn't going to let up.

  "I know." There was nothing else to say.

  "Try harder," she said, a note of finality in her voice.

  Thank God for that.

  "My art class is fine. We're doing life drawing at the moment."

  "Sounds fun. I'd like to see your piece when you've finished it."

  "That would be nice."

  Matt relaxed a little. She'd said her peace and would be unlikely to drift back to the subject. Maybe he could stay a little longer after all.

  ***

  Seb wasn't in when Matt got home, which was probably for the best. He was in a terrible mood after seeing his mum and needed some time to wind down. He settled himself on the sofa with a series he was binge-watching on Netflix and zoned out.

  Towards the end of the second episode, Seb arrived back at the flat. He was dressed in running clothes and a deep V of sweat drenched the front of his T-shirt despite the chilly weather outside. His face was dripping, too. Matt paused the TV and sat upright on the sofa, staring at him.

  "How was your mum?" Seb asked as he rested a hand on the wall and began to stretch his hamstrings out.

  "Annoying," Matt muttered.

  He'd almost calmed down from the conversation, but now guilt welled up within him again. Why hadn't he just told her he was seeing a guy? Two guys. If nothing else, it would have stopped her talking about marriage and kids.

  Seb raised his eyebrows, pausing mid-stretch. "Want to talk about it?"

  "Not really. You know what she's like."

  "Demanding you give her grandkids, like, yesterday?"

  "Yeah."

  Seb let his leg go and strode over to Matt. He leaned down and left the impression of a swift kiss on Matt's lips. "I'm sorry dinner was a chore." He moved back to the wall to stretch out the other leg.

  Matt froze. The scent of Seb lingered in his nostrils: sweat intermingled with whatever deodorant he'd been wearing; salty and sweet mixing together in a concoction that Matt found unexpectedly heady.

  "I brought leftovers home," he said, trying to figure out what messages his body was giving him. Did he find that scent sexy?

  "Great."

  "And Connor's coming over tomorrow evening. He said he'd cook."

  Seb grinned broadly. His eyes sparkled. "Even better."

  Matt found himself noticing small details that he'd been oblivious to before, like the way Seb's dimples slashed down his cheeks, visible despite his stubble, and the way his lips bowed deeply in the centre whenever he smiled. His scent was becoming intoxicating. Or maybe Matt was too eager to be distracted from his guilt. Either way, he found himself rising off the sofa to approach Seb. Without a word, he circled one hand around Seb's waist and grabbed the back of his head with the other. He pulled Seb to him, hard, and kissed him with all the intensity of the guilt he was feeling.

  Seb laughed as their lips parted. "Not that I'm complaining, but let me take a shower first."

  Matt shook his head and walked Seb backwards until his back hit the wall. His lips fell upon Seb's neck, kissing almost desperately. He pressed his body against Seb's, allowing the hardness of his friend's arousal to heighten his own. Seb's hands glided over Matt's back, massaging his skin through his shirt.

  "We probably shouldn't get too carried away," Seb said, though there was no conviction in his voice. "You wanted to take things slow, remember?"

  To hell with slow. Matt wanted to get carried away in the moment. He needed to convince himself that he wanted Seb, and that not telling his mum was purely a slip-up rather than a subconscious message to himself that he was making a huge mistake by getting involved with his best friends. His male best friends. God, he hated himself as his mind found the need to make that clarification. What difference does it make who I want to be with? Or what they've got between their legs?

  He tugged Seb's baggy T-shirt up so he could run his hands over his sweaty abs. Seb was breathing hard again, and his body moved to press into Matt's touch. One moment they were kissing each other's necks, the next, their lips were locked again, their tongues caressing, hands roaming up and down each other's bodies. Matt loved the way his fingers were becoming damp with Seb's sweat. He yanked off Seb's T-shirt and discarded it on the floor before stepping back long enough to pull his shirt off. Then he pressed himself to Seb again, loving the sweaty slip of Seb's chest against his own. It was a sensation he'd never experienced before, but it left him hungry for more.

  He wasn't thinking when he pressed the flat of his palm to Seb's abs and slid down. He felt the tickle of fine hairs against his skin, becoming coarser the further south his hand travelled. The stretchy waistband of Seb's jogging bottoms offered no resistance. Then Seb's hard cock was in his hand, warm with the pulse of blood, thick enough to have substance, even in his large hand. He began to stroke, feeling the resistance of dry skin.

  He moved his lips to Seb's ear. "I have lube in the bedroom," he whispered, his voice low and husky.

  Seb shivered beneath him. "Is that an offer?"

  Matt sucked Seb's earlobe into his mouth, grazing the soft skin with his teeth before whispering, "Yes."

  They moved to the bedroom in a tangled rush, taking off clothes as they went. By the time they crashed onto Matt's bed, lube in hand, they were naked and wrapped around one another, kissing and fondling. Matt squeezed a liberal amount of lube into his hand.

  "Me too," Seb breathed, holding out his palm.

  Matt obliged before throwing the small plastic bottle in the general direction of his bedside table. They grasped each other's cocks with their slick hands, squeezing slightly as their hands worked up and down in long strokes.

  "Fuck, this is hot," Matt said as Seb pressed hot kisses to his throat.

  Seb chuckled as though Matt were just coming into a shared joke.

  At the back of his mind, Matt knew he'd feared a different reaction to giving Seb a hand job. He'd feared revulsion. But as his hand became sticky with Seb's pre-cum, all he felt was lust. His body tingled, and every little touch from Seb drew a needy gasp or a rasping groan from his lips. He was so lost in his pleasure that it was hard to keep lavishing attention on Seb's cock. But he managed it, varying the length and speed of his strokes and the pressure of his fist. He became more daring, teasing the head of Seb's cock with the broad tip of his thumb and then squeezing and tickling Seb's balls at the end of a long, fast, downwards stroke.

  "You're good at this," Seb whispered before letting out a deep throated moan.

  It was Matt's turn to laugh. It wasn't as if he hadn't given himself a hand job before. But he had to admit this was different and so much better.

  "I'm gonna—" he began, but the words died as he threw his head back and keened out his pleasure.

  Seb did the same, panting and crying out. The thick warm coils of their semen spurted out over their hands, stomachs, and thighs, fast turning cold against their skin in the frigid air. They wrapped their arms around one another, chests heaving, caught between laughter and harsh breathing. They pulled closer, cementing their bodies together with their cum. Matt felt alive. He felt needed and wanted. He inhaled their combined scent, which was musky and sweet and salty all at the same time. It made his
head swim with the raw excitement of what they'd done and shared and enjoyed.

  "I'm going to take a shower," Seb said after they'd lain together for a blurry amount of time. "Join me?"

  Matt didn't hesitate before giving his reply. "I'd love to."

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  Seb

  After showering, they fell back into bed, snuggled up beneath the quilt, using the heat of their bodies to warm each other. Seb lay with his hand on Matt's hip. It would be so easy to move his hand a fraction to take hold of Matt's cock once more. He'd spent most of their shower fantasising about fucking under the hot running water but had made do with soaping each other's backs instead. Matt's arms were splayed above his head. At first, his face held a happy, blissed-out expression, but gradually it slipped. Lines marred his face, making Seb panic.

  "I didn't tell Mum that we were together," Matt blurted out.

  Tension fled from Seb, and he burst out laughing.

  Matt glared at him indignantly, his eyebrows knotting together. "What's so funny?"

  "Because that's way better than what I was just imagining you were going to say."

  "Which was?"

  Seb stopped laughing abruptly. "That you'd realised this was a huge mistake and that you weren't into doing stuff with guys after all."

  Matt wrapped his arm around Seb and pulled him on top of him. He cupped Seb's face in his bear-sized hands. "Don't think that, even for a second. I'm into you."

  Seb allowed himself to smile. He loved the feel of Matt's body beneath his.

  "I'm not saying that I've suddenly become bi or anything," Matt said. "But I want you and Connor. I'm not sure if I could fancy or be with another guy, and I don't really care. Being with you and Con is what matters."

  "I'm good with that."

  Matt heaved a sigh. "But I should have told Mum we were together."

  "Why?"

  Matt stared at him, confusion furrowing his brow.

  "Do you think I've told my parents?"

  Matt shrugged.

  "I haven't, and I'm not going to. Not yet, anyway." He leaned down to kiss Matt's forehead, the tip of his nose, lips, and chin before continuing. "This is our time, where we get to figure out things we didn't know about each other. Where we get to enjoy every inch of each other. This is when we learn how this thing between the three of us is going to work. Our relationship is no one else's business right now, and I don't want to share either of you with anyone, least of all your mother or my parents."

  Matt stroked Seb's face and curly hair. "Well… when you put it like that…"

  "There's no need to feel guilty," Seb concluded. "I'd have been shocked if you had said anything to her." He folded his arms over Matt's chest and rested his chin on top of them. "It's still early days. Day two, to be precise."

  Matt laughed beneath him, and the rumble that ran through his body sent waves of desire crashing through Seb.

  "Keep doing that, and you're going to get me hard again."

  "Are you suggesting round two?" Matt asked.

  "If you're up for it."

  Matt raked his teeth over his lower lip. "I wish Con were here."

  Seb knew how Matt felt. What he and Matt had shared was great, and they had agreed that it was okay for two of them to get down and dirty. But despite that, it was like a piece of them was missing. It was the weirdest sensation; one he'd never felt before in any of his relationships. He'd always been happy with there being just two of them, but this was different. They'd decided to see how the three of them fit together, and that was hard when one of them was absent.

  "We could call him?" he suggested.

  Matt's eyes shone and then dulled. "He's got an early start in the morning. Besides, I think we need to give him space. We can't push him into getting physical with us."

  Seb knew Matt was right.

  "He'll be here tomorrow," Matt said, slipping his hands beneath the covers to squeeze Seb's butt cheeks. "But right now, we're both here, and I am definitely up for round two."

  Seb chuckled, loving the way Matt's fingers were pressing into the flesh of his arse. He hoped to have more action in that region, but not tonight, probably not for some time. He grabbed hold of the quilt and tugged it above his head, sliding down Matt's body until he was able to bury his face into the fine hairs of his groin. Matt's hands found his hair and took a firm hold, pulling just tight enough to make Seb hiss in a delighted breath. He tasted soap and skin as he took Matt's cock into his mouth. He took him deep almost immediately, following the length of his cock down to the root where Matt's pubic hairs tickled his nose and cheeks. Matt writhed beneath him, his grip tightening on Seb's hair painfully. He didn't care. He sucked Matt's cock relentlessly, using his hands to stroke the inside of Matt's thighs, following the grain of dark hairs to his balls.

  "Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck," Matt hissed as his hips rose and fell.

  Matt's cries were muffled by the quilt over Seb's head, but he still drew pleasure from them. He loved the power his mouth had to reduce a man to a puddle of delight and desire. And the fact that the man was Matt only heightened his thrill. An image flashed into his mind of his friend on all fours whilst he pounded into him. He sucked in a breath as he almost shot his load.

  The image dissolved as Matt's warm and salty climax poured into his mouth, bringing him back to the sweet heat of the moment. He sucked and lapped until Matt's cock was flaccid in his mouth and then made his way back up his lover's body to kiss him. He wanted Matt to taste himself on his lips and tongue. He gasped into Matt's mouth as he felt a large hand close around his cock.

  "Please," he whimpered as Matt began to pump his fist up and down.

  He wanted more, wanted Matt's mouth around his dick, but he would take his fist. His body ached with the need to release, but he held it in so he could savour Matt's touch for as long as possible. They kept kissing, tongues making love to one another's mouths. Seb couldn't help but imagine Matt's hot, thick tongue swirling around his arsehole, rimming and tonguing him until he begged for mercy. He released his orgasm to that fantasy, thrusting his cock in and out of Matt's fist hard and fast until they were both gasping and groaning and he was slicked with sweat once more. Then he collapsed over Matt, breathing harshly and laughing.

  "I think I need another shower."

  "I think we both do." Matt snorted.

  "I could enjoy you all night," Seb decided.

  "No."

  He lifted his head, eyes wide with surprise.

  "We save the all-nighters for when Connor is with us and willing."

  Seb smiled. "I like the sound of that. A lot."

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  Connor

  Over the next couple of weeks, Connor spent an increasing amount of time with Matt and Seb. It was like it always had been. They talked, joked, watched movies or TV shows, and played card games. But there was a lot more physical contact than before. They'd pause to kiss whenever they passed one another, and invariably their hands would stray over each other's bodies, even if only for a few seconds. Connor was okay with going that far, but anything else left him feeling anxious. He realised his reaction was weird. He'd fantasised about being with Seb and Matt, but now that he was, he couldn't relax and let himself give in to the desire he was feeling.

  Some nights he would stay over, falling asleep beside their warm bodies, often with either Seb's or Matt's arm draped over him. Never both because he always let them lie beside each other. He'd wake, more often than not, to quiet groans and grunts as they jacked each other off. He'd lay still, pretending to still be asleep, not wanting to disturb them. The first few times it had felt weird, and he'd reminded himself he was little more than the third wheel: part of their relationship in name, not deed. They kept telling him they'd wait for him, but internally he kept wondering how long it would take for them to get bored of his frigid behaviour. It was a depressing thought, but one he couldn't rid himself of.

  Sometimes, Seb would roll over, still panting, and whi
sper into his ear. "We know you're awake."

  Connor would make no sign that was true.

  "It's hot," Seb would say. "Maybe tomorrow you'll join in." Then he'd hold Connor and trail damp fingertips up and down Connor's arm, almost as though he were claiming Connor with the product of his and Matt's lust.

  In those moments, Connor would feel wanted and needed. They were waiting for him to be ready as patiently as they could. He wouldn't deny that listening to their groans of delight filled him with pleasure. He wouldn't deny that listening to them trying to muffle their release, just in case he really was still sleeping, didn't send waves of almost uncontrollable desire rolling through him.

  But he couldn't bring himself to turn around and—what? That was the problem. He had no clue what to do. He felt stupid. Knowing he'd likely mess up any encounter left him feeling cold and filled with shame. He wanted to be with them but didn't want to risk humiliation.

  It was December. The reminders that Christmas was imminent were all around. Christmas was a weird time of year for Connor. He missed his mum more keenly, even though his last couple of Christmases with her had been nothing short of terrible. Over the last few years, Seb had always been with Craig, and Matt had always made sure to visit his own mum since his dad had died. He wondered if this year would be different, if the three of them would spend it together and make it more special and memorable than it had felt in a long time.

  Only if I stop being a prude, Connor thought ruefully.

  "You'll be proud of me," Matt announced one evening, when Connor arrived at the flat.

  "Why?"