Not My Heart to Break (Merciless World Book 3)

by W. Winters

  She loves you.

  Derrick’s message means so little. She does love me, and I thought I could keep her forever because of it. But love isn’t that easy. It’s not that strong either.

  I lay with her in bed until she fell asleep, and then I took out all that pain and rage on Wright. He didn’t feel enough of it though. Even with his dying breath, he didn’t feel loss like I was feeling.

  Maybe Fletcher’s henchman will feel it. Luke Hartley. The owner of the black Audi with license plate number 175632. The fucker who took off. Something tells me I’m not going to believe him either. It’ll be more than four hours though. It’s going to take more than four hours to make him feel this pain that’s inside of me right now.

  Leroy’s guy said 220.

  Derrick’s text forces me to move to the bedroom. Every step is careful and quiet and I don’t look to my right as I pass the living room. I swear the ghost of last night is there, watching me.

  Two hundred and twenty thousand for him to send up four men in case we need them to go after Fletcher. The code to the safe is our anniversary date. It’s three days and one year after the shit at Hammers went down. It took me that long to get her to love me enough to give in.

  I only get the first two numbers punched in before I rest my forehead on the safe, feeling the cool metal against my hot skin.

  Derrick texts something else, probably asking if he should tell Leroy’s guy it’s a go or not. I have to enter in the rest of the code and check the tally inside. There’s a pad of paper I use to track it all.

  It’ll be close and it’ll slow down business, but we can manage.

  I text him confirming it’s a go, and that I’m on my way before slamming the safe door shut and getting out of this house as fast as I can.

  When I start the car, I sit there for a moment, staring at the damn house I had built in the middle of nowhere to protect us. She would have been safe here. If she’d listened to me. I need to remember to tell her that. I can convince her.

  If she’d listened and moved in with me by now, she’d have been safe. I should have made her move in. I should have told her she needed to let go sooner.

  Fuck, it’s my fault. It’s all my fault.

  A series of pings comes through on my phone, and I have to calm myself down, shaking off this regret, this feeling like I’m losing her to read what Derrick’s telling me.

  They’ve got Luke, but more importantly, Fletcher’s warehouse was broken into, their stash stolen.

  Mathews? I question him. Mathews went after Fletcher? Mathews thinks Fletcher is the one who screwed him over.

  Derrick’s reply back sends a chill down my spine.

  I don’t know, but Fletcher thinks it was us.

  Laura

  Dr. June’s been off during the procedures. I’ve been here for at least two hours, subjected to stress tests and being poked and prodded.

  No black dress and heels today for the doctor. She’s wearing the sneakers I’d wear as a nurse, which I find ironic.

  “Everything okay?” I ask her as she looks at my chart. She entered the room at least a minute ago and didn’t even say anything to me. She’s just looking at the results of all the tests.

  “Fine,” she says then gives me a tight smile and returns to the clipboard.

  I don’t really feel fine. There’s nothing that’s fine. The way she’s been makes me think something is very, very wrong.

  In most cases, medication is all that’s required to manage arrhythmia. But then there are the more severe cases.

  I channel my inner Cami, wishing she were here. We’re going to be positive, I tell myself. Dr. June just got dumped is all. Yeah, that makes me feel better. When did I get this bitter?

  “You didn’t bring anyone?”

  I stare back at Dr. June when she sighs heavily and lowers the clipboard to the metal cart to her right.

  “Forgot to ask,” I lie to her. She doesn’t need to know that Cami stood me up. That little tidbit makes me feel a little more lonely. I’ve realized I don’t like being lonely.

  “I’m going to prescribe you a medication,” Dr. June tells me before pulling out a pad of paper from the back of the clipboard. I watch as she scribbles out a prescription. “You can have it filled at any pharmacy. Make sure you take it daily,” she drones on, like she’s reading from a script.

  I interrupt her telling me about possible side effects to ask, “So everything’s fine?”

  “Well, you have an irregular heartbeat, but it’s treatable with a calcium blocker. Your heart itself is in good condition, which is a great sign. The arrhythmia is virtually harmless, but this medicine will do the trick to keep it beating normally.”

  “Medicine to keep your heart beating normally,” I echo and I can’t help it when my eyes water.

  “Yeah.” The doctor finally shows some emotion as she says, “We should all have access to it, shouldn’t we?” Her sad joke mirrors the look of despair I’ve been feeling from her for the past two hours.

  “That’s a joke.” She quickly corrects herself and gathers the clipboard as she stands. As if I didn’t get it.

  “I know,” I tell her solemnly. I’m such a weirdo, I want to stand up and hug this woman. A woman I know nothing about. A woman I’ve been inwardly bitter toward. Am I really that lonely?

  “This is for you.” Handing me the script, she tells me how I can exit the office once I’ve changed out of my patient gown. She’s back to her robotic self with a fake smile as her parting gift.

  I accept it and tell her I hope she has a great day. Everyone says that, but I do mean it. I hope she can at least feel that I mean it.

  When she’s gone, I sit back on the crinkled paper and stare at the prescription before getting dressed. Pills to keep my heart going. I’m going to really need these.

  Checking my phone, I see Cami hasn’t answered. It’s so not like her. She told me she’d come. Regardless, I let her know that I’m all right. I haven’t told her about last night yet. Maybe she already knows, maybe Seth told Derrick and Derrick told her.

  My face crumples as I lean forward, as does the fucking paper under my ass. It mocks me, and oddly enough, I’m fine with it.

  I deserve to be mocked. How did I really think this was going to end?

  I text Cami again, telling her I really need her and that I have to tell her something. All the while I get dressed, I watch my phone, waiting for the buzz or for it light up. Anything.

  But I get nothing.

  Even as I’m driving, I expect her to say something. I convince myself her phone is broken and when I do that, I feel slightly better. Nothing compared to the relief I feel when I see her car in Seth’s driveway.

  Oh thank God, I think and breathe out in relief. She’s been waiting for me to get back. I knew it, I knew her phone was just broken or something.

  I haven’t parked a car this fast in a long damn time. Gathering my purse, I climb out and prepare to tell her everything. She needs wine for this and I need vodka.

  Maybe we should go out first and get enough booze to last us through this.

  Even as I’m coming up to the door, I think I already know what she’s going to tell me and it calms the deepest part of me.

  You love him. I can hear her voice over the sound of the keys. She locked the door. Of course she did, she’s in there all alone. I have to fiddle with the lock to get the door open, and through the clang of metal, I hear her tell me that I love him and that love will find a way.

  She’s told me before. So long as you choose love, it will all work out.

  Breathing out at the door, rocking the key out of the lock, I let her unspoken words sink in. She’s right. I just need her to remind me. And I need Seth because I love him.

  It will all be okay.

  I center myself for the first time since the fire two nights ago. I have to laugh a little as I push open the door and speak loud enough for her to hear me in the living room. “I didn’t even need the pep talk; you
’ve given me so many, I can hear your voice in my head.”

  My smile fades when I don’t see her in the living room. She’s not in her usual spot. We each have a spot.

  I turn on the light in the hallway, and even though the light’s off in the bathroom, I still check for her there. “Cami?” I call out, and she doesn’t answer.

  That gut feeling, that instinct of danger I felt two nights ago? It’s back. It’s chilling. “Cami?” I call out louder as I head for my bedroom door.

  Why would she be in there? Maybe she had to sleep. She’s only sleeping, I lie to myself. I know it’s a lie. I’m so aware of it before I hear the creak of the bedroom door opening.

  Sobs hit me hard and fast as I fall to the floor on my knees.

  “Cami,” I whisper her name and reach toward her. “No, Cami.”

  She’s so cold. She’s so cold.

  Years ago

  Everyone in this cafeteria is somehow both staring at me and not looking at me at all. Everyone except Seth and his friends. They’re two tables over, sitting at the one closest to the doors, and when I look up they don’t mind that my eyes catch theirs every once in a while, but everyone else immediately looks away.

  They all know what happened two weeks ago and what happened this past weekend. Shit, the bruise on my cheek is still there although it’s an ugly green and I can’t stop crying every ten minutes. Just as I’m reaching up to touch the bruise, as if I’ll be able to tell if the makeup is still covering it or not, Cami sits next to me.

  Our table is empty except for the two of us, so when her tray hits the table and she climbs into the cheap benches our high school bought, the whole thing jostles.

  I imagine I’m looking at her just like everyone else is looking at me. Slack-jawed. None of my so-called friends sit by me anymore. She did though.

  “I’m sorry I wasn’t here after the accident,” she tells me as she cracks open a soda. “Are you doing okay?”

  I’m still staring at her when she turns in her seat, tucking her right foot under her and then squares her shoulders. “I feel like a shit friend; I just found out on the way down here.”

  I don’t say anything. She’s talking about my dad and the accident. I don’t want to cry. Not when everyone has such a good view of the spectacle I am.

  “You want to get out of here? You want to yell? You want to cry?”

  “No,” I finally answer her and stare down at my tray. There’s only an apple and a cold slice of pizza. I don’t want to eat. Everything has changed and nothing’s all right.

  “What can I do?” Cami asks me and it’s the first time anyone’s asked me that. Seth tells me what to do, he has for over two weeks now and I appreciate it some moments, but I need time to myself, time to process.

  Other than him and his crew, no one else asks me anything. They don’t talk to me. It’s like they’re suddenly afraid of me.

  Cami reaches her arms around me. It takes me a moment to realize she’s hugging me. That’s the moment I realize how big her boobs are and the thought actually makes me laugh a little on the inside.

  “What the hell is wrong with me?”

  I don’t realize I’ve said it out loud until Cami shakes her head, her long blonde hair swishing around her shoulders. “Not a damn thing,” she tells me and spears her fork through a grape. She eats them all like that, with a fork.

  It’s quiet for a moment, but Cami keeps trying to make small talk, keeps hinting at asking whether I need something or if I’m all right. She asks me if she should just shut up and I tell her no.

  “Whatever you do, please don’t stop talking. I need to talk about something.”

  “Anything?” she asks and her gaze drifts to the crew of guys we were both once afraid of.

  “Almost anything,” I correct her and a hint of a smile graces her lips. Again, this sad laugh comes over me, but this time the sound is heard.

  “You’re going to be okay,” she tells me. “I love you.”

  It’s the first time she’s told me that. Everything about her makes me think I’ve found my friend soul mate.

  “I’m happy you’re here,” I tell her with sincerity and then smile and say “I love you” back.

  I have a moment to sniffle and get a grip while she takes a large bite of her pizza.

  “You ever wish you could just pick up and leave?” I ask her. It’s all I’ve been thinking about for the last three days. I can’t though. Grandma needs me now more than ever.

  Cami eyes one of Seth’s friends, I think his name is Derrick. Then she licks a bit of sauce from her lip and tells me yeah, she has. “Everyone wishes they could leave and start over sometimes.”

  There’s so much comfort in what she says. “Where would you go?” she asks and then takes a bite. She covers her mouth, still chewing when she tells me enthusiastically, “I know where I’d go.”

  “Where?” I question her and she finishes her bite and washes it down with her drink before telling me with the widest smile, “I’d love to go to Paris.”

  “The city of love,” I breathe out and pick up my apple. As I’m taking a bite, she tells me how her uncle went and brought back a pop-up picture book for her when she was a kid. “It’s my favorite; I still have it. Paris Up, Up and Away.”

  “When you go—”

  “I’m taking you with me,” she declares, cutting me off then continues eating, like I should have known better. I should have known we’d go together.

  “I’d love to go to Paris,” I tell her weakly before the tears fall again and this time I don’t know why. I was doing so good.

  Cami holds me tight and when she sees someone staring, she tells them to fuck off.

  We never went to Paris. She has to go to Paris.

  “Cami, you have to wake up. Cami, wake up.”

  Seth

  “The car was parked out front,” Derrick explains as I drag the metal chair across the concrete floor. The basement of Club Allure has seen more blood in the last two nights than I ever intended. We make do with what we have though.

  “It was him. He’s saying something different though,” Connor informs me as I sit across from Mr. Hartley.

  I let my head loll to the right as I take in the knots at his wrist. “He’s been fighting it, looks like.” The coarse rope has left dark pink marks around his wrist. There’s a hint of blood on the loose threads too.

  “Had to tie his chest to the chair too. Wrists and ankles weren’t doing it,” Connor tells me, his gaze steady on our unwelcome guest. The rope is wrapped twice across his chest. “He kept falling over.”

  “Is that what caused the gash on his head? Or did you two start the party without me?”

  Roman’s out front, keeping an eye out. The four of us, Derrick, Connor, this Luke fuck, and myself, are the only people within four miles of Linel Centers.

  “Seth,” Derrick says then scoots his chair forward and I glance at him but I have to do a double take. The way his forehead is creased, his lips pressed in a firm line and his eyes reflecting doubt… I don’t like it. I don’t like it at all.

  Connor steps forward, ripping the rag out of Luke’s mouth. Luke’s body heaves forward as he sucks in air in between coughs.

  I share a look with Derrick then one with Connor, both of them chilling me to the bone. Derrick nods his head at the man in the chair, whose gaze is focused on the floor. “Listen,” he mouths to me. My muscles ache to let out the rage. It takes everything I have just to stay in my seat.

  “You’ll never get away with it,” Luke says, threatening us the moment he’s able to speak. His cadence is rough and from the split lip and gash in his head, I can guarantee he’s hurting.

  “The threats always come first,” I tell Luke, speaking lowly, but I sit back in my chair, listening to the ranting man.

  I crack my knuckles one by one, waiting.

  Luke’s head raises slowly and his brown eyes find mine, the hate firmly in place. “First the warehouse, then me? Fletcher will ne
ver let you get away with it.”

  “We didn’t hit the warehouse.”

  “I didn’t hurt Laura,” Luke spits out immediately after my admission. He said her name. I can’t sit here and listen to this man say her name and get away with it. The steel chair I’m sitting on is practically nothing, flying backward as I lunge forward. The skin on my knuckles stretches tight and nearly splits as I land a blow on Luke’s jaw, screaming at him, “You don’t get to say her name.”

  His chair falls backward, the steel clanging against the cement as I tower over him, heaving in air.

  Connor’s behind me in a split second, his hands on my biceps, pulling me back. He doesn’t have to pull hard; I wasn’t going to beat the shit out of him.

  “He can’t say her name,” I explain to Connor, who looks up at me bewildered. It takes a hard look from me before he corrects himself.

  Groaning on the ground, Luke spits up blood, and then looks me in the eyes as he says, “I would never go after a woman. Fletcher...” He has to pause and spit and when he does, I can already see the bruise forming from his lower jaw up to his high cheekbone. “Fletcher wouldn’t go after the women. He’d never do that, and you fucking know it.”

  He’s out of breath by the time he adds bastards to the end of his statement. Derrick eyes me all the while he hauls Luke and his chair back upright to a sitting position.

  I lower myself in front of Luke, crouching so he’s at eye level. “Then why was your car there?”

  I expect him to deny it. To call my girl a liar, which will earn him a matching bruise on the other side of his pretty boy face. He doesn’t though.

  “It was stolen,” he tells me. For a moment, doubt sets in. Everything that was hot, turns cold. I don’t let a damn thing show on my expression though.

  “When we found him, he was in the car,” Derrick tells me quickly.

  “Fletcher would kill me if I fucked with you. He said we needed you and then this shit happened.”

  Grabbing the back of his chair, I pull Luke closer to me, listening to the metal scrape against the floor as I do. My face is inches from his when I ask him, “Who stole your car?”