The F Team

by Rawah Arja

  Target one was Matt Shelton, a blond, shaggy-haired and tanned boy, hunched over in his trackies and brown ugg boots. He had a surfer vibe and even smelled like the ocean. He chewed the inside of his cheek as he looked around with bright blue eyes like he’d been dropped from outer space. He looked nervous.

  Next was Lee Lin, a weirdly tall East Asian boy who looked like one of those giant inflatable tube men you saw outside of car dealerships. He wore red glasses. I couldn’t work out how he was supposed to play in a footy team – I’d only ever seen Asians play video games, never rugby league.

  Riley Mascot was target three. He wore a red beanie and had extra-pale skin, so pale that he almost looked transparent. He also looked like he hadn’t slept in months, with huge grey bags under his eyes. He held a book under his arm as he huddled close to Matt and Lee.

  And then there was the other guy. Aaron Furner. The only boy who didn’t look at us when he shook our hands. He seemed angry, like we’d already done something to piss him off. Hiding under his grey hoodie, he stood a few metres away with his mum, his back towards us. He wasn’t standing with his own team, either. His mum was tall, thin and blonde, and looked at us like we were a bad smell.

  This guy was going to be a problem. I could feel it.

  Mr Archie opened the luggage compartment of our minibus, and Aaron shoved me aside to chuck his bags in before mine. I turned back to see if anyone else had noticed. Mr Archie tapped me on the shoulder, clearly expecting me to ignore it.

  So this was how it was going to be?

  I obviously needed to show Aaron who was the alpha male, but I definitely couldn’t do that in front of Mr Archie.

  Our bus driver, a tiny old woman named Beth with smudged pink lipstick, had a cigarette hanging from the side of her mouth. It felt like a sauna inside, the heating turned up way too high.

  ‘Hey twits! Make sure you don’t dirty the place, I just got her cleaned,’ she yelled as we boarded. She sounded like she had swallowed a chimney.

  Ibby sat in front of me, fiddling with his seat belt and praying we’d get to camp in one piece. We all looked up as Mr Archie began to lay out the rules and expectations of the camp.

  ‘Whether you like it or not, you’re all on the same team now,’ he finished. ‘So, I suggest you get used to that.’

  I leaned my head against the window as the sunlight slowly hit the rooftops and reflected off windows. Everyone was too sleepy to talk. Huss snored loudly in his seat, PJ plucked a few bars on his guitar and Ibby made himself a lafet labna with zaytoon. I turned to watch the other boys. Aaron sat at the front of the bus on his own, like he was avoiding everyone.

  It had only been half an hour and I already wanted to head back home. The old bus rattled and shook and I could taste its fumes slowly seeping through the windows. Beth drove like she was being chased by the cops, and it felt like she was dipping into every pothole she could find. Mr Archie tried to get her to calm down, but that only worked for a few minutes before she was back to stunt driving. I could hear Matt begin to make some weird sounds. He rested his forehead on the seat in front of him and then called to Mr Archie. The principal gave him a vomit bag.

  ‘Just breathe, lad,’ he said. ‘If we need to stop, I’ll tell her to pull into a service station.’

  I picked up my things and moved a few seats towards the back. Matt’s face didn’t look good and his groans grew louder.

  Huss woke up. ‘What’s happening?’

  ‘It’s this Matt guy, man,’ Ibby answered. ‘Wallah I think he’s going to vomit. Boys, you know what happens to me if I see or smell that stuff.’

  And then it happened. Matt vomited all over the floor near Ibby’s feet. Ibby pulled his legs up with a scream, which freaked Beth out. The bus swerved into oncoming traffic and Mr Archie leaped to help steer it back to safety.

  Ibby meanwhile yelled at Matt to move away. I could hear Matt apologising to Ibby through bouts of vomit. PJ began to gag, unable to handle the smell when Riley and I helped Matt away from Ibby and sat him down closer to the front of the bus. Huss, now wide awake, filmed a panicked Ibby pleading to get off the bus.

  Beth finally pulled over. We hustled off the bus and took deep breaths of the fresh air while Beth and Mr Archie sorted out the situation on the bus. Matt went to the toilets at the servo to clean up while the rest of us sat on a bench.

  Well, not all of us. Aaron stayed on the bus, his face still covered by his hoodie.

  ‘What’s the deal with that Aaron guy?’ I asked Riley and Lee. ‘Is there something wrong with him? Like, he doesn’t seem normal?’

  ‘It’s because he’s an alien from outer space,’ Lee said with a wide grin. ‘He’s been sent here to collect information and report back to his –’

  ‘He’s fine,’ Riley interrupted. ‘He’s just probably tired.’

  PJ stared at Lee blankly and then back at me. ‘Don’t tell me that I have to share a room with this guy and his dumb jokes.’

  Lee laughed to himself. ‘I think my jokes are funny.’

  ‘He doesn’t like Arabs,’ Huss said in Arabic. ‘That’s why he’s still on the bus.’

  ‘Yeah, probably,’ I replied. ‘Let’s just wait until we get to camp. I swear I don’t think these boys play footy.’

  Huss nodded. ‘Like look at the Chinese one,’ he said, still in Arabic. ‘There’s no way he can run with those spider legs and catch a footy.’

  PJ walked over and joined the conversation. Except PJ couldn’t speak Arabic. ‘I don’t think the Chinese one and the small kid play footy,’ he said in English. ‘I think we’re screwed and this is just some dodgy plan from Mr Archie. Huss was right.’

  ‘We can hear you.’ Riley shook his head.

  ‘Look, I get it,’ Lee added. ‘I’m this lanky Asian guy – I’m Vietnamese, by the way, not Chinese – and I wear glasses and look like I’m more into video games than footy.’ He took off his glasses and cleaned them on his shirt. ‘I do like video games more than footy, but that doesn’t mean I can’t play. You should check out my YouTube channel AsianInvasion04. I have over –’

  ‘Oh my god, Nintendo, shut the hell up!’ PJ cried.

  Mr Archie came back with Matt, who slouched against the bus, still holding his stomach. His blond locks were pressed flat against his face. ‘Lads, we’re already running late, so we need to hop back on so we don’t miss the morning induction.’

  ‘I’m so sorry,’ Matt said again to Ibby. ‘I didn’t mean to scare you, dude.’

  Ibby nodded before hurrying on the bus. ‘No one sit next to me. I wanna sleep.’ He sat as far away from Matt as possible. The bus still smelled of puke.

  We finally survived the road trip from hell to arrive at a place called Nooralong Camp, surrounded by large open fields. The car park was full of other buses, and we dragged our bags through the main entrance to an open hall where the other schools had already assembled. We looked and smelled like we’d come out of a swamp. The woman onstage welcomed us to an awkward broken applause just as someone shouted ‘What’s that smell?’

  ‘Your mum!’ Ibby shouted back before Mr Archie gave him a death stare.

  The woman then suggested that we all head to our cabins to settle in and get ready for the day’s events. I didn’t know how I was going to survive the week with this team if a simple bus ride had been so dramatic.

  The sign on our cabin door read: THE F TEAM. It didn’t sit well with Ibby.

  ‘They give us the letter F, like in F for FAIL! Is it because we’re from Punchbowl?’

  Mr Archie tried to explain how ridiculous his theory was, pointing out that the other half of the team was from Cronulla.

  Teaming up Punchbowl and Cronulla was a recipe for disaster. It had failure written all over it. Ibby might be as dim as an avocado, but I didn’t think he was that far off the mark after all.

  Chapter 9

  I knew Mr Archie had an idea that camps were supposed to be a time when boys bonded, got to know each other, buil
t campfires, held hands, sang songs and became best friends.

  The man had been watching too many cheesy kids’ movies.

  On that first day, we arrived late enough that we didn’t get a chance to have breakfast. The pink-and-black jerseys and shorts that waited on our beds were just icing on the cake. Mr Archie shouted like a drill sergeant until we all put on the ugly new kit and left our cabin. Matt felt better since he’d gotten off Beth’s death-bus, but he was jumpy about going near Ibby after Ibby had repeatedly threatened him during the vomit episode. The other boys at camp whistled at our hot-pink uniforms.

  As well as a colour-coded uniform, each team was assigned their own camp instructor. The F Team’s instructor was Captain Black, whose biceps burst out of his shirt and whose calves looked like they had swallowed watermelons. He was an American ex-Navy SEAL, and liked to be referred to as Captain Black as though he was some sort of superhero. Mr Archie sat back as we were put through test after test until our muscles ached and our bodies almost gave up. It wasn’t that I was unfit, but I’d never had to swing on ropes, roll in the mud or run fifty laps around a field like I was training for a war. Captain Black blew his whistle and yelled in our faces when we complained of exhaustion. Mr Archie kept notes on a clipboard and was going to decide at the end of camp which position we would be playing in the team based on our attitude and performance.

  As it turned out, Aaron also wanted the halfback and captain position.

  Over my dead body.

  ‘He’s good, bro,’ Huss and Ibby kept telling me in Arabic. ‘And he’s a little dodgy, too. He keeps close to Archie like he’s trying to score extra points to be captain.’

  So not only did I have to survive Captain Black’s drills, but I had to keep a close eye on Aaron and make sure he didn’t claim my spot on the team while my back was turned.

  ‘I don’t think they really know how to play,’ PJ said to me again, trying to tame his afro in a top knot. ‘Like, look at that Riley kid – he uses a puffer.’

  ‘Yeah, so?’ Ibby asked. ‘I use one too if I need to breathe better.’

  I could see what was weirding PJ out, though. Even though Matt, Lee and Riley were on their school footy team and knew the game well, there was something missing in their style of play. If a play went wrong, they’d just pat each other on the back and say things like ‘Good try’. On the other hand, we wanted blood if things went wrong, especially PJ, who had been told a million times to ‘Calm down and stop choking Huss.’

  ‘Use your anger to drive you forwards, not backwards,’ Captain Black yelled. ‘Right now, I’m seeing a bunch of guys who look more like a circus than a football team. Remember, you have this week to show me that you can stick together no matter what comes your way.’

  Huss rolled his eyes. ‘Does he know we’re only playing along so we don’t get expelled?’

  ‘Wallah that Captain Black guy is doing my head in,’ Ibby said, trying to catch his breath. ‘I thought I was going to chill at camp. Khara, I’d rather be back at school eating manoush.’

  ‘Let’s just get through this week and cruise when we get back to school,’ I said, watching the other teams train. Their sessions looked more relaxing than ours. None of their instructors were yelling or throwing balls at their heads.

  Aaron was still mostly keeping to himself, but whenever we’d pass each other on the field, he kept accidentally shoulder-checking me.

  Anger management strategy no. 4: Respond when you’re calm.

  Enough was enough. It was time to have a little chat.

  ‘Ey, watch it, yeah?’ I said as I stopped the ball with my foot. Mr Archie was on the other side of the field. ‘I know what you’re trying to do and if your shoulder touches me again, I’ll drop you.’

  He sneered at me and kicked my foot away. ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about. And I’d like to see you try to drop me.’

  Huss, Ibby and PJ stood behind Aaron, covering me from Mr Archie’s view.

  ‘You know it’s not worth it, right?’ Lee broke in as he fixed his shorts. ‘Like, what’s going to happen? You two punch each other and feel all macho for a minute, but then you both lose the chance to be captain.’ He then grinned and widened his eyes like a serial killer. ‘Actually, you should punch each other. Then I’ll swoop in and become captain.’ He picked up the football and walked off.

  Aaron and I were so close that I could feel his breath on my face. My fists were clenched and I wanted more than anything to dropkick his head over the posts.

  ‘Archie’s watching,’ PJ warned, pretending to stretch. ‘Another time, Tariq.’

  ‘Lads!’ we heard Mr Archie yell. ‘What’s taking so long?’

  Aaron shook his head and pushed through us. Riley and Matt followed, trying to talk to him, but he brushed them off and jogged towards Mr Archie.

  ‘Man, Nintendo is weird,’ PJ said. ‘But he was right, you know. Get that captain badge and show that jahash the Tariq that smashed the finals last year.’

  ‘We’ll get him another time,’ Huss promised. ‘Play it low.’

  Dad’s words echoed in my mind. You smart but dumb. Now was not the time to give into my anger, but to play smart and stay controlled. Aaron was just trying to get a rise out of me so he could steal the captaincy.

  The weather was warming up and Captain Black announced our next activity: hiking.

  ‘Nah, I’m not doing that,’ Ibby said, shaking his head. ‘I don’t do heights and mountains and walking up things. I have a medical certificate, sir.’ He pulled a piece of paper from his pocket and waved it around. ‘See? It’s right here.’ It was obviously from one of the dodgy Lakemba doctors we all went to if we needed to miss a test or an excuse not to go to class.

  Before Ibby could blink, Captain Black snatched the certificate and tore it to pieces.

  ‘Did you see any certificate?’ he asked Mr Archie as the pieces flew away. ‘I know I didn’t.’

  Ibby’s clutched his chest, gobsmacked. ‘Um, because you ripped it?!’

  ‘Don’t know what you’re talking about,’ Captain Black said, and walked off as though nothing had happened.

  We all laughed – except for Aaron. His face stayed stony cold and still.

  What was with this guy?!

  We trekked up the steep track, using long sticks to keep our balance. The ground was bumpy and uneven. PJ lost his temper, kicking rocks and bits of wood.

  ‘Take control of your anger,’ Captain Black advised. ‘Tell your body that you’re walking along the beach. C’mon guys, this is a cakewalk.’

  ‘Something’s wrong with him,’ Ibby puffed, leaning against a tree. ‘I’m serious. He needs to get his head checked.’

  ‘Just breathe, mate,’ Matt said, putting his hand up for a high five. ‘You can do this.’

  ‘Piss off, man.’ Ibby brushed his hand away. ‘If you try to high five me again, I’m going to launch you over the mountain.’

  ‘I wanna go back down,’ PJ complained. ‘There’s no point to this. How’s it going to help our footy skills?’

  ‘It’s spending time with your team so you can get to know one another before you start your big games,’ Mr Archie replied. ‘We still have lots to do, and we don’t want to be the only team that fails the program.’

  It seemed like we were never going to get to the top of the track. The mountain just got steeper. Huss started muttering about some plans to get Aaron out of the way.

  ‘I’ll push him off the mountain when no one’s looking. Who’s going to know?’

  ‘Literally everyone here,’ I answered. ‘Look, I don’t want to waste too much attention on him. I’ll get it done my way.’

  Huss nodded but didn’t say anything.

  We finally reached the top of the track as Captain Black and Mr Archie lectured us about ‘team effort’ and what we needed to do to make this team successful.

  ‘And would you look at that view, lads,’ Mr Archie exclaimed, like we gave a damn about some trees and t
he river below while our feet throbbed. He took a few photos to use for our school image upgrade. Too bad most of them had our middle fingers raised.

  Captain Black unpacked his bag and placed some helmets and rope on the ground. He picked up a harness. ‘Okay, I need a volunteer.’

  Mr Archie looked at me and Aaron. ‘Remember, to be captain of this team you’ll need to make sure the lads stick together no matter what.’

  ‘A volunteer for what?’ Huss asked wiping the sweat from his beard. ‘Aren’t we walking back down?’

  ‘Yes,’ Captain Black said, smiling. ‘We’re walking down the mountain.’ He gestured to the rock face that dropped away from the track.

  Ibby stood up and clung to Mr Archie. ‘I can’t, sir! I can’t! Wallah I’ll die! Please don’t make me do this!’

  Captain Black spread out the equipment, unfazed. ‘The only way you could convince me to exempt you is if you had a doctor’s certificate. Then I’d be obliged to listen.’

  Mr Archie laughed quietly to himself as Ibby spluttered and Captain Black walked over to Riley to give him a helmet. ‘You’ve been pretty quiet. You can go first. Take off the beanie and put this on.’

  Riley also seemed hesitant to go. ‘Can’t I just leave my beanie on?’ ‘Can’t wear a helmet over a beanie,’ Captain Black replied. ‘No grip. Anyway, it’s too hot. I don’t want you overheating with your beanie on.’

  We all watched as Riley was strapped into a harness. I noticed that his hands and knees were trembling even though he never mentioned any fear of heights. He turned his back to us as Captain Black gave him the helmet, and then he took off his beanie.

  Oh. My. God.

  His hair was as white as snow, like an old man. I’d never seen a kid my age lose the colour from his hair.

  ‘Is he sick?’ Ibby whispered.

  ‘He was born like that,’ Matt answered. ‘That’s why he wears the beanie.’