The Hardest Hit

by Teague, AS

  “Mel, baby, I––”

  “Oh, no,” I growled. “You don’t get to ‘Mel baby’ me this time.”

  He groaned. “Come on. You know I would be there if I could, I just––”

  “Just what? Come on, Shaw. Give me another bullshit excuse. I’m waiting.” He hated it when I called him by his last name.

  “Oh, so I’m Shaw now?”

  I laughed. “You’re nobody to me now, Shaw.” It wasn’t true. He would never be nobody to me. But I was determined that I wouldn’t let him off the hook this time. “Why can’t you make it tonight?”

  “It’s Brutus. He’s sick.”

  I blinked. “Your dog is sick?”

  “Yeah, he ate something and he’s been throwing up.”

  I dropped my gaze to the floor, where my cat, Smelly, was looking up at me with big green eyes. I loved that scraggly cat more than just about anything, so I wasn’t sure that I would have left him if he was sick either. But Brutus wasn’t sick, and he and I both knew it.

  “Did you take him to the vet?” I played along anyway, to see how far Aiden’s lies would go.

  “Nah. I’ve just been keeping an eye on him.”

  “Mm hmm,” I said, my lips pressed together to keep from saying something I couldn’t take back. Not that he wouldn’t deserve it.

  “I called Sandy to see if she could stay with him, but she’s busy tonight.” His excuses were becoming more and more lame.

  “Yeah. I get it,” I said. “Okay, well, no problem.”

  I hoped that my voice was light and breezy, like I wasn’t perched on the edge of my couch trying to convince myself that I was feeling anger and irritation and not crushing devastation.

  “Baby, you don’t understand how bad I want to be there tonight.” The sincerity in his voice wasn’t fake. I knew he wanted to be here too. But wanting wasn’t enough anymore.

  I sucked in a deep breath through my nose and made a decision. “Aiden, you know that I know you’re lying, right?”

  My question was met with silence. For several long seconds, there was nothing but dead air between us. I could hear rustling through the phone, and then he said, “I’m not.”

  I nodded, more for my own benefit since he couldn’t actually see me. And what a shame that was. “Just like you didn’t have a friend moving four months ago, your dog isn’t sick.”

  “Uh, it’s true,” he insisted.

  The great Aiden Shaw, star quarterback in high school, college, and the NFL was stumbling over words. The man had more confidence than anyone I knew, and he could barely come up with something to say.

  I squeezed my eyes shut as I kicked my heels off. “It’s the kids, isn’t it?”

  “What? No.”

  I swallowed hard. Pulled in a deep breath through my nose and then said, “There is no point in lying to me anymore.”

  I could hear the exhale he let out as he finally admitted, “Yeah.”

  If my heart weren’t breaking, I’d be crowing with victory at hearing him admit something that he wanted so desperately to keep to himself.

  “It’s always the kids.”

  Another heavy sigh. “It is.”

  Aiden had spent the entirety of our non-relationship trying to keep that part of his life separate from me. The problem was, he wasn’t very good at it. And more often than not, it bled over and the line that he thought he’d firmly drawn in the sand became blurred. And while he thought that he was protecting me, he was doing nothing but pushing me further away. And he had been for years.

  “Why the hell can’t you just tell me that?” I pleaded. “Do you think I wouldn’t understand? Do you think I would be upset that you were cancelling our plans for Shay?”

  “Not for Shay,” he said sharply, her name leaving his lips as though they were poison. “Never for her.”

  “That’s not what I meant.”

  “I just know what your childhood was like. I just wanted to keep that part of my life separate from you.”

  “You really think the fact that I grew up in foster care would make me not sympathize with your situation?” I was almost offended that he didn’t think I could handle his ex and the shit she was always throwing at him.

  “I know you can handle anything. But—”

  I cut him off. I didn’t want to hear what he had to say. The damage was done, and there was no amount of explaining that could erase my disappointment over being lied to yet again. No matter what the reason. “Look, Aiden. This is it.”

  “Don’t say that, baby. Don’t.”

  A tear slipped out of my eye, and I angrily swiped it away. If I’d said it once, I’d said it a million times. But this time, it was the truth. My voice cracked as I said, “It is. Your life is too complicated for me. I can’t keep doing this to myself. And you shouldn’t want to torture yourself anymore either.”

  “I can uncomplicate it.”

  “No, honey, you can’t. You have a career that dictates almost all of your life. And the little bit of freedom that you do have from that goes to your kids. And it should. They need you.”

  “Why can’t I have both?” It was a raw plea, the grittiness of his voice gutting me.

  At first, I’d been pissed that he wasn’t here to see what he was missing out on. But now, I was eternally grateful that I couldn’t see his face. There would be no ending things if I could have seen the way his eyes would plead with me.

  “Maybe now just isn’t the right time for us,” I said gently, all the fire that had been in my veins a few moments ago replaced by a sadness that threatened to overwhelm me.

  He cleared the emotion from his throat. “There will never be a right time for us.”

  I smiled sadly. “That may be the most honest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

  “If I thought for a minute that you actually needed me, I would drop everything for you,” he said, his voice full of conviction. I knew he believed that, but unfortunately, I didn’t.

  I did really need him.

  I needed him to show up when he said he would.

  I needed him to tell me the truth, no matter how much it hurt.

  I had to stop this runaway train before it went off the tracks and took me along with it. I pushed to my feet and trudged up the stairs and into my bedroom, sparing a glance at myself in the mirror. It really was a shame that he wasn’t going to get to drool over my legs tonight. Or ever again.

  “This is it,” I repeated, my lower lip trembling. “I know that you care about me. But––”

  “I’ll come tomorrow,” he cut me off.

  “No. You won’t. Go take care of your kids. And yourself.”

  “Mel––”

  “Good night, Shaw,” I whispered before disconnecting the call and powering my phone off.

  When the screen went black, I threw it across the room, the glass shattering as it hit the wall. It didn’t make the ache in my chest go away the way I hoped. I was pretty sure that I could destroy my whole house and the gaping wound where my heart was supposed to be would only grow larger.

  Fucking Aiden.

  I should have never gone to his hotel room that night all those years ago.

  Chapter Eight

  Aiden

  When I realized that Mel had hung up, I gripped the phone in my hand so tight that I could almost hear the glass groaning. I dropped it on the passenger seat and then slammed the heel of my hand against the steering wheel. I felt like the biggest jerk on the planet. I should have been honest with Mel. All this time, I thought I was shielding her from my drama, and instead I was just pushing her away.

  The door to Shay’s house opened and the woman herself strutted out and down the stairs, her laser beam gaze on me as she crossed the expanse of the driveway.

  I steeled myself for what was sure to be one of our less-than-pleasant exchanges and rolled my window down. “Shay,” I said curtly.

  She leaned forward, resting her forearms on the windowsill of my car, and all but thrust her chest in my
face. “Aiden,” she cooed, “thank you for coming so quickly.”

  I glanced at what she was wearing. Low-cut shirt, too short skirt, and heels that screamed for attention. She was going out. I bit the inside of my cheek and counted to five before I said, “You said Owen was having an issue.” I looked back to the front of the house. “Where is he?”

  She rolled her eyes. “In his room, pouting. Can you come in and talk to him? And maybe take the boys for the night. They’ve been too much lately.”

  There it was. I knew from the moment she’d called me that there wasn’t really anything wrong with the kids. She just wanted a night off. One that she didn’t have to pay the sitter for.

  “I had plans, Shay. I told you three days ago that I was busy Friday night, but that I would be back in time to get the boys Saturday morning.” I worked hard to keep my voice even, to not show her how fucking pissed I was that she was pulling this shit. Again.

  “Well, I’m sorry that your son has a disrespectful mouth. Maybe if you were around more––”

  “You can stop right there,” I growled. “I’m around every fucking chance I get, and you know it.”

  She pushed up from the car and crossed her arms over her chest. “Oh, yeah. Well, you weren’t gonna be around tonight.”

  “So, I’m not allowed to have a fucking personal life that doesn’t involve the boys?” I pulled the handle of my car door and stepped out. “Get the fuck out of here with that bullshit.”

  She eyed me, the corner of her mouth twitching. She was enjoying this. There was nothing she loved more than getting a rise out of me. Unless it was spending my money. It was the reason that we’d split all those years ago. Because, no matter how much I wanted to give my boys a stable home, I wasn’t going to do it at the expense of my sanity.

  She looked at her nails and said, “Fine. I’ll just tell my kids that you’re too busy for them. Again.”

  Heat crept up my neck. “No, you won’t. You’re gonna go in there and tell my boys to pack a bag while I wait out here. Then”—I looked her over and sneered—“you can be free. Which is what you really want, isn’t it?”

  Her mouth fell open in mock offense. “How dare you!”

  I chuckled. “Please, Shay. Don’t waste my time trying to convince me that you give a shit about those kids anymore than you do me.”

  She clamped her jaw shut and took a step forward, resting her hand on my chest. “Don’t say that, shug. You know that I love my kids. You know that I love you.”

  I stepped out of her reach. “You don’t love me. You love what I give you.” I waved a hand at the seven-thousand-square-foot house she and my boys lived in and the Range Rover that was parked out front. I sighed and squeezed the back of my neck. “But you do love your boys, I’ll give you that. Look, I’m not in the mood to fight with you. Just go in and tell the boys to come out.”

  She looked me over one last time and then dipped her chin. “Hey, while I’ve got you, the boys need new shoes. They won’t stop growing.”

  I pressed my lips together and nodded. I paid enough child support to buy each of the boys their own shoe store and yet, anytime they needed something, Shay came to me to buy it. Not that I cared; I’d buy those kids a fuckin spaceship if they needed one. “Got it. I’ll get some this weekend.”

  She flashed a smile, her brilliant white teeth nearly blinding me. “You sure you don’t wanna come in and wait for them?” She tipped her head toward the house. “Maybe have a drink with me?”

  “I don’t drink during the season, you know that.”

  She lifted a shoulder. “That’s too bad. If you change your mind, you know where to find me.”

  I pulled the door to my Escalade open and nodded. “See you, Shay.”

  “Bye, shug,” she murmured as she teetered her way across the cobblestone drive and back into the house. I could faintly hear her yelling for the boys before she slammed the door shut.

  It was less than two minutes later before the three boys came tumbling out of the house, their faces all stretched wide in smiles, bookbags slung over their shoulders. There was no way those bags hadn’t already been packed and waiting by the front door.

  Landon pulled the passenger side rear door open and threw his bag inside. “Dad!”

  “Hey, buddy.”

  The opposite door opened, and Owen clamored in. “Daddy!”

  Landon and Owen’s brother, Hunter, hopped in behind him. “Aiden! You sure I can go too?”

  Hunter’s brown eyes were hopeful, and my stomach turned at the thought of ever telling him no. “Are you kidding me? I’d be pissed if you didn’t!”

  His face stretched into a wide grin as he climbed into the booster seat and pulled the buckle over his lap. “Mom said that maybe you just wanted to be with your boys.”

  My blood simmered as I forced myself to keep my anger in check. I swallowed and glanced in the mirror to where three pair of eyes, one brown and two sky blue, stared back at me. Landon and Owen were miniature versions of myself, and they were watching me intently.

  I put the car back in Park and shifted in my seat until I was facing Hunter. “You are one of my boys.”

  Owen wrapped an arm around his six-year-old half-brother’s shoulders and squeezed. “Yeah. You’re a Shaw man, even if your name is Malcolm.”

  Hunter grinned, and Landon smiled.

  I swallowed the lump of emotion that had suddenly formed in my throat and shook my head. “Pizza tonight, boys?”

  A trio of yesses echoed in the vehicle as I put the car in Drive and pulled out of the driveway. The boys began to chatter about their week at school, and I pushed the thoughts of Mel out of my mind.

  I was spending a surprise evening with my kids, and even if it was at the expense of my plans with the woman who I’d been after for years, I planned to enjoy every second of it. There was nowhere else I’d rather be than with my kids, and I lived for every second I got with them.

  I’d find a way to make it up to Mel.

  But first, deep dish pizza and video games.

  Chapter Nine

  Aiden

  “Great catch!” I shouted across my yard to where Hunter had just made a diving catch. The kid had a mouthful of dead grass, but a big grin spread across his face at my praise.

  “Hey, Dad!” Owen shouted.

  I looked over to where he was wrestling on the ground with Landon. “Yeah, bud?”

  “Landon’s got a girlfriend!”

  That earned Owen a punch in the gut, but the kid was tough and he didn’t even flinch. “Landon loves Mia. Landon looooooooves her!”

  “I do not!” Landon squealed before elbowing his younger brother in the ribs.

  I stifled a laugh and said as sternly as I could, “Enough with the fighting, Lanny.”

  Landon sprang to his feet, leaves stuck in his blond hair, and yelled, “I don’t have a girlfriend, Dad! We’re just friends.”

  I motioned for the boys to follow and then went and settled into a chair on my patio and turned the fire pit on. Even though the sun was beginning to set and there was a chill in the air, the boys were sweaty and red-faced when they finally made their way to where I was and flopped onto the other chairs that surrounded the pit.

  “Landon,” I started. “It’s okay if you’ve got a girlfriend. When I was eight, I had two.”

  Hunter’s eyes widened. “Two? Isn’t that, like, against the law?”

  Landon laughed. “No way, buttface. That’s, like, player status.”

  “Player status?” I barked. “What do you know about player status?”

  “I know it’s badass to have girls chasing you,” Owen piped up.

  “Language,” I reprimanded, a grin twitching at my lips. “You got girls chasing you, O?”

  Owen made a gagging noise. “Girls are gross.”

  I disagreed with him but was glad that he wasn’t interested in the opposite sex yet. My boys were good looking. It was only a matter of years before they did, in fact, have girls
chasing them. I made a note to Google when it was appropriate to talk about protection with them later.

  “Mom’s not gross!” Hunter whined.

  “That’s right, O. Your mom’s not gross.”

  “How come you hate her, then?” Landon asked, his goofy grin vanishing.

  My stomach dropped. I didn’t hate their mother. I didn’t necessarily like her, but ‘hate’ was a strong word that I reserved only for olives and man-buns. “Dude. I don’t hate your mom.”

  “Well, you guys are always fighting,” Owen said.

  I shook my head. I was going to have to do better about keeping my frustration with Shay to myself. It wasn’t fair to them to even have the slightest idea that there were any issues between their parents. “I’m sorry you boys hear us fight sometimes. But that doesn’t mean I hate her. Your mom and I just realized that we weren’t meant to be together.”

  I looked at Landon and Owen, in awe of how much they looked like me. Both were tall for their age, fair-skinned with my dark hair. You couldn’t see a trace of Shay in either of them, and she’d always lamented the fact that she’d done all the work and then they’d come out being mini-Aidens. I looked to where Hunter was nestled on the couch next to Owen.

  Shay and I had never gotten back together after she announced that she was pregnant with my kids, but I’d done what needed to be done to ensure that they would have a good life despite the unconventional circumstances. So, when she’d told me that she was pregnant again and didn’t know who the father was, I’d worried about how my boys, who’d been only two, would take another baby in the house. I shouldn’t have though, because they both fell in love with that blond-haired little boy the moment Shay had brought him home from the hospital. The feeling had been mutual, and Hunter idolized his older brothers. Over time, it became more and more difficult to separate them for my visits and eventually, I’d caved and brought him along one time after Landon and Owen had begged relentlessly. Hunter had been two at the time, and it had been an experience trying to wrangle all three of them. From that day on, Hunter came with my boys for every visit, and it wasn’t long before they were all three just ‘my’ boys. “Landon thinks he and Mia are meant to be together,” Owen said, puckering his lips and making kissy noises in his older brother’s direction.