by Kim Nash
‘This is Norman. Are you serious?’
Jack reached down and tickled Norman behind the ears. The dog leaned into him in ecstasy.
‘Yes, this is Norman.’ He looked confused. ‘What on earth did you expect Norman to be? A human?’ He laughed out loud at how ridiculous that sounded and then looked at my dazed expression. ‘Oh my God. You did.’
‘Of course I did. Everyone was talking about Norman like he was a person. That he was the love of Aunty Lil’s life.’
‘He was. That’s absolutely what he was. They were inseparable and when Lilian was found, he was sat curled up at her feet.’
‘That’s just too sad,’ wailed Natalia from the other side of the room, finally realising that everyone’s attention was elsewhere.
Jack rolled his eyes at me and ignored her. ‘I grabbed all his stuff and brought him round here immediately. I didn’t think he’d need all the upset of the doctor coming out and the funeral directors taking Lilian away.’
I flinched at the thought. That was not a picture I wanted in my mind.
‘Sorry. Come and say hello, Nellie-bum. He’s really gone into himself these last few days. Poor little soul doesn’t know what’s going on and he keeps going to the back gate and sitting waiting, don’t you, mate? I’m sure he’s waiting for Lilian. If she went out for a day, he’d come round here to stay and wait for her to come back.’ His voice wavered as he continued to rub his ears. ‘Get down to his level and just take it really easy to start with. He needs to get used to you, before he trusts you.’
Slowly, I lowered myself on the floor next to the dog and held my arm out to him. He cowered away from me and I looked up at Jack.
‘It’s OK, don’t give up after once. Maybe just sit for a minute or two and see what he does. I’ll grab his bed and he can lie in that while we eat dinner.’
Norman looked at me, and I smiled at him. Daft mare. Why was I smiling at a dog? But it seemed like the right thing to do. He got up and came over for a sniff but as I lifted my hand slowly to try to stroke him, he shied away again.
‘It’s OK, Nellie-bum, he just needs to get used to you. Let’s have dinner and then when he’s heard your voice for a while we can try again. Come on Norman, bed.’
Obediently, Norman trotted off to his big squishy bed at the side of Jack’s chair and put his head on his paws. He looked so sad and every so often glanced up at me, those big brown eyes boring into my soul.
‘Jack, I do think that now Nellie isn’t fourteen any more you can probably drop the ridiculous nickname. Why on earth she’d want you calling her that now I shall never know.’ Natalia drawled.
‘I like calling her that. It takes me back twenty years to when we were young and wild.’
He winked at me and grinned and my heart flipped over. How did he do that?
Natalia rolled her eyes and then glared at me from across the table. She hated me, I could tell.
Dinner was delicious. Val had always been a fabulous cook and she’d made a chicken, ham and leek pie, with buttery mash and fresh vegetables. Natalia seemed to re-arrange the food on her plate rather than eat much of it, although perhaps she couldn't use a knife and fork that effectively, with her long pointed, painted talons. I wondered how she managed at work. I wouldn’t have thought veterinary nurses were allowed to have long nails, but hey, what did I know?
Pudding was a cinnamon crusted rice pudding. Val grinned as she put the dish down on the table. ‘Hope it’s still your favourite, Nellie.’
‘Oh Val! I’m drooling just thinking about it eating it. Thank you so much.’
‘Well, I wanted to celebrate your return to Muddleford in style and what better way than my signature dish and some proper comfort food.’
Natalia pulled a face across the table at me. Jack spotted it and she immediately smiled at him and blew him a kiss.
Les stood up. He was a man of few words but when he did speak, he liked to make them count. ‘I’d like to propose a toast. Grab your glasses folks.’ We all did as we were told. ‘I’d like to say how delightful it is to have Nellie back within the family again. Welcome home.’
Natalia looked at me through slitted eyes across the table. If looks could kill, I’d be dead.
Despite her ridiculous behaviour, I was loving being back with these wonderful people. Even if Jack was engaged to Natalia, I would still love him to be in my life as a friend. Being in his presence felt so good. Like the sea, he seemed to fill my soul with joy. All those childhood memories flooding back felt good; times when life was perfect and those when they weren’t, being cocooned in a world where I was shielded. He was always my way out, my protector, and I had always loved spending time with him. And that hadn’t changed. That afternoon had been so much fun.
Les continued. ‘We hope that you’ll stay, but if you don’t, we understand.’ I looked over at Jack who gave a sad little smile. ‘And we hope that wherever you and Norman will be, you’ll be very happy in your new partnership. Join me in raising your glasses to Nellie and Norman.’
Everyone raised their glasses. Everyone except Natalia that was.
I had already started taking a sip when the shock of what Les had said, made my drink go down completely the wrong way. I started to cough and couldn’t get my breath, my face was turning puce but I did manage to blurt out, ‘Nellie and Norman?’
Val came over and rubbed my back in gentle circles, calming me. ‘You didn’t tell her did you, Jack? You are an idiot boy.’ She playfully cuffed him round the back of the head.
He grinned. ‘Erm… I thought it would be a nice surprise tonight.’
‘I think you’d better tell me what’s going on here, Jack,’ I said.
‘Lilian left all her worldly possessions to you, Nellie-bum. Everything. Including Norman.’
‘But I’ve never owned a dog in my life.’
A big tut came from across the table and when I looked up Natalia was picking at her nails and couldn’t look more bored if she tried.
‘It’s hardly rocket science is it?’ she said.
‘How can I look after a dog? I can barely look after myself. I’ve just managed to lose my fiancé and my job. What if I lose Norman too?’
Tears streamed down my face as the emotions of the last few days caught up with me. I’m not a pretty crier like Cheryl Cole-Tweedy-Fernandez Versini or whatever she calls herself these days. She slowly releases little diamante tears from her tear ducts and they gently trickle down her cheeks until she wipes them away. When I cry, I can’t catch my breath, I make hiccuppy-come-burpy noises and my tears gush out, which mingle with snot and manage to congeal on my chin, leaving behind mascara stained cheeks, bright-red eyes and me looking an absolute fright.
I bet Natalia didn’t cry like me.
Jack stood and walked over to me and cupped my face in his hands. After wiping my cheeks free from tears with his thumbs, he wrapped me tightly in his arms and whispered into my hair, ‘It’s OK, I’m here. I’m here.’ For a moment or two, I relaxed in his embrace and extended my arms around his back holding him tightly as if there was only the two of us in the room. This is exactly how he used to hold me all those years ago. When life was crap and he was the light in my darkest of days.
My brain kicked in and I remembered that, firstly, we were in a room full of people and, secondly, he wasn’t actually mine and that I had no right to taking advantage of his kindness especially in front of his fiance. If I was her, I’d hate me too right now.
I pulled away and looked across at her. She was tapping her talons on the table and her nostrils were most definitely flaring. She wasn’t a happy bunny, as I’d expected. If I wanted Jack in my life, as a friend, I needed to make an effort to be her friend. I would do that for Jack and the sake of us having a relationship at all.
‘I’m sorry,’ I mouthed over to her.
A quick forced smile came back from her, but it didn’t reach anywhere near her eyes. Although that could have been because of Botox.
No
rman seemed to be cowering in the corner even more, wondering what all the noise was about.
‘We’re all here to help you, Nellie,’ Jack said. ‘There’s no rush. Why don’t you try to sit near Norman’s bed and see what happens.’ I looked up at him and he nodded. ‘You’ll be fine.’
Wiping my eyes once more, a little embarrassed about my outburst, I sat on the floor next to Norman again. His big brown eyes looked back at me. He looked so sad. I held my hand out to him but he just kept looking at my face and then my hand, unsure of what he should do.
‘Here, let me grab some treats. That might do the trick.’
Jack left the room. I could feel the heat from Natalia’s eyes burning into my back.
When Jack returned, he gave me the bag of treats and told me to put one into Norman’s bed to start with so he could take it without having to come near me. For about ten minutes, we gradually teased him with the treats with him getting nearer before retreating to his bed. We got our breakthrough when he got up and sat nearer to me. I placed the treat on the floor. Those big brown eyes looked at me for reassurance.
‘Go on, take it.’
He took the treat and looked at me again.
‘Want another one?’ This time I placed it flat in my hand and held it out. There was that eye connection again. ‘Go on, Norman, take it.’
He got up and slowly and edged closer and closer until he took the treat.
‘Good boy!’
He wagged his little tail. We repeated this a few times and eventually he sat next to me.
‘Take it easy, but see if he’ll let you touch him. Just try and stroke him, but let him see where your hand is going so he doesn’t get any surprises,’ advised Jack.
Reaching out gently, I lowered my hand towards the side of his head, maintaining eye contact and smiling at him. In my head, I thought that if he realised I was smiling at him, he would know I wouldn’t be trying to harm him. He leaned into my hand, only a slight movement, but it was definitely there. I breathed out.
‘See, you can do it. I knew you could, Nellie-bum.’
Jack gave me a grin that had just the right amount of cute mixed with sexy as hell, so that as our eyes met, unexpected heat rushed through my body. I really felt I could be in a lot of trouble if I didn’t sort myself out with these ridiculous feelings for another woman’s man.
The noise of a chair scraping on the wooden floor broke us from our moment. ‘Jack, darling, could you walk me out to the car, please? I need to go, but I need a private word with you.’
The magic was well and truly broken, as I’m sure Natalia had intended. Although if my boyfriend was openly flirting with someone in front of me, I’d be mighty pissed off too.
‘Nellie. It’s been…’ She ran a hand through her hair, glancing between Jack and me and held my glance. ‘Erm, interesting?’ She raised her voice at the end to make her point. ‘Let’s do lunch, darling. Soon.’
This girl ran so hot and cold, I couldn’t work her out. I didn’t know if the niceness was for everyone else’s benefit or whether only I could see through her to see the bitterness that she clearly felt towards me. She air-kissed us all as she swept out, leaving a cloud of heavy perfume behind her.
Val grabbed a can of air freshener and sprayed it around, winking at me.
The dining-room window overlooked the drive, and we could hear slightly raised voices and see that Natalia was waving her arms around and poking Jack in the chest. Oh dear. It looked like he might be in trouble.
Chapter Fourteen
Norman ran to the gate, whining with excitement and spinning round in circles, when he knew he was going back to Aunty Lil’s house. It broke my heart when he sped in the house and ran from room to room, barking, presumably looking for her.
Eventually, all went quiet and when I went into the lounge he was curled up in a ball on Aunty Lil’s chair. I wandered over to him and gave him a little rub behind the ear. He just rested his head on his paws woefully, those big brown eyes looking so sad.
I heard a noise behind me. Jack had helped carry over Norman’s belongings and had followed me into the lounge after putting the dog’s bed and bowls in the kitchen.
‘Do you think he’ll be OK, Jack? You hear of animals having a broken heart sometimes. Do you think we’ll be OK together? Do you think I can even look after a dog?’ I had so many questions and thoughts whirling round my head. ‘I’m scared, Jack.’
It was so hard for me to admit something like this but if I shared it with anyone, I wanted it to be with Jack. I’d spent the last years since Mum had died protecting myself from being hurt. I had started to realise that maybe that was why I settled for Callum – because I thought he was a safe bet. How wrong I was. However, I had also started to realise that Callum wasn’t the love of my life after all.
In recent years I only had to worry about myself, until Callum had come along and even when we moved into together, I’d been against having a pet. It felt like too much of a responsibility. I’d spent my later teenage years feeling responsible for Mum. I felt that it was my fault that she drank, that she got so drunk so she didn’t know what she was doing or saying, how hurtful the things she used to say to me were. That her and Dad were OK until I came along and then everything changed between them.
I hated that everyone in my life seemed to leave me. Mum had said that Jack would have made the effort to stay in touch when he got my letter if he’d wanted to and I’d spent ages thinking that he wasn’t interested and had been glad to see the back of me. But knowing what I know now, that Mum didn’t post that letter, I hoped he had cared and he did think about me and us, and what we had.
Jack walked over to Norman, knelt down next to the chair and stroked his head.
‘You’ll be fine won’t you, boy? He’ll just be sad for a bit. But I reckon you’ll soon be the best of pals, and you’re going to be great together. I think you’ll both help each other to heal your grief. Lots of love and cuddles and fun and attention should do the trick.’ He looked me straight in the eye and held my gaze.
I wasn’t sure right then if he was talking about me or Norman. There was a huge bit of me that hoped it wasn’t the dog.
‘I’ve put all his food and bedding in the kitchen. I believe he used to sleep in Lilian’s room but I’m not sure where you want him to sleep. I’ll leave that up to you. Will you be OK tonight? Do you want me to stay for a bit? Do you want me to spend the night?’
Oh lordy! Now there was a suggestion I couldn’t think about too much. I could feel the heat rising up my chest and into my cheeks. Jack’s eyes bore into mine and I was sure he could see right into my soul and knew exactly what I was thinking. I really hoped not, because what I was thinking was positively pornographic.
I gulped. ‘Thanks but I’m sure I’ll be OK. The sooner I get used to being on my own the better, I suppose. And, anyway, I’m not on my own am I? I have Norman now.’
‘Well, I’m only next door if you need me. Call me any time. And I mean any time.’
His habit of looking at me for longer than was absolutely necessary got me well and truly flustered every single time. It was those eyes of his. They were truly beautiful and I really had forgotten what a deep blue they were. What was going on here? Why was he so clearly flirting with me, when he was with Natalia? Perhaps it was just his way. Maybe I was mistaking his attention for something that was entirely different and totally inappropriate for me to think about.
‘Shall we go for a walk on the beach in the morning, Nellie-bum? Shall I come and call for you?’
‘Now that does make me feel fourteen, when you say it like that.’
We both laughed and it broke the tension.
‘That would be lovely unless you have plans with Natalia.’
‘There is nothing more I’d like to do on a morning off work than spend it with you and Norman. We could have breakfast at the café. What do you think? About ten suit you?’
‘It sounds perfect. Looking forward to a full
English already, although after eating your mum’s dinner tonight, I didn’t think I’d ever think of food again.’
‘She was so excited about you coming for dinner. She knew exactly what she was going to cook as soon as she knew. She’s always had a soft spot for you. You know that. She loves you to bits.’
‘It’s so good to see your parents, Jack. I didn’t realise how much I’d missed them. Well, all of you really.’
‘Are you saying you missed me too?’ He moved closer to me, creating that nervous tension again.
My heart began pounding. I really did need to control myself when he was around. I had no right to feel this way about him. Perhaps it was my emotions getting the better of me; it had been quite a week with one thing or another. The one thing that surprised me was how much I wasn’t missing Callum. I felt freer than I had for a while. I’d started to realise that he’d been continually criticising me for the last few months. Not being around him felt like a huge pressure had been released.
I looked at this man stood before me. The boy who I had once loved so much, who was back in my life but was now a big beautiful man. I wondered if he’d ever known the strength of the feelings I’d had for him back then. I hoped not. It would be embarrassing, especially as he was now with someone. But I couldn’t stop thinking of those times twenty years ago, before we left each other’s lives for what I thought was forever.
‘Maybe I missed you a little bit. OK? Now be off with you. Leave me and Norman to get better acquainted.’
‘I see I have competition already!’ He laughed as I shooed him out of the lounge and he shouted, ‘Don’t forget to lock up behind me!’ It was nice to have someone who cared.
Flicking on the TV, I searched for something to watch but couldn’t settle, so covered myself with a throw and read a book while music played in the background. The house felt happier when there was music on and I’d always preferred reading to TV. I kept peering across at Norman, who seemed perfectly fine but didn’t appear to want to leave Aunty Lil’s chair.