by Kim Nash
The other was to Jack, to say that I thought we could have been friends in our adult life and that things would maybe pick up where we left off, but that too much had happened over the years. I said that I was sorry if I had made him feel uncomfortable in any way since I’d been back. I thanked him for his friendship and wished him and Natalia health and happiness for their future together.
I turned to look at the house, half expecting Aunty Lil to be waving from one of the windows. She wasn’t.
‘Come on, Norman. Jump in. Back to reality now and a different life. It’s time to go home.’
Chapter Twenty-Three
It was around 2.30 a.m. when we arrived back in Staffordshire. The streets were deserted and it had started to drizzle on the drive back. I couldn’t find a parking space anywhere near the house, which was really annoying when I had a carful of stuff. I didn’t know whether to leave it all in the car till morning and risk it getting stolen, or unpack in the dark and rain. I dithered.
I wasn’t sure how I felt being back. Looking up at that same shiny red front door that not so long ago I was so happy to walk through, felt wrong somehow. It felt unfamiliar, as if I was walking into someone else’s house.
‘Come on, Norman,’ I whispered, aware that everyone in the street around us were sleeping. ‘Let’s go and see your new home.’
There was post jammed behind the front door which made it awkward to get in, but once we did I shut the door behind us and opened up all the doors off the hall. It smelt musty and would need the windows flung open in the morning to get some fresh air in. Opening up the back door and walking out into the small back yard, which I’d tried to make pretty, I realised that there wasn’t an awful lot of room for a dog. It would have to do for him having a wee but then I supposed I’d have to take him to the local park once it was light.
Tiredness swept over me and I called Norman in and went up to bed. The car would have to wait until tomorrow; I was shattered after that long drive. The one thing that I’d brought in from the car was Norman’s bed, so I placed it in the hall and when he lay on it, I stroked his head, said goodnight to him and climbed the stairs. Fully clothed I fell into bed, exhausted. What a day.
Whimpering woke me. It was still dark. I looked at the bedside clock and it said 4.30. I’d been asleep less than a couple of hours. Oh man! I could hardly see straight. I looked down and Norman was sitting by the side of me, looking upset. Poor soul. I knew he was only a dog, but he’d been through a lot in the last few weeks and now I’d taken him away from his home and brought him somewhere new. I patted the bed by the side of me and he immediately jumped up and snuggled in. He was shivering, so I covered him with the blanket that lay across the bottom of the bed. He put his paw on my arm and closed his eyes. This was the most physical he’d really been since I’d known him. Progress indeed. Whatever happened, I had Norman.
‘Good boy, Normie. I’ve got you. We’re in this together now, mate. Night sweetheart.’ I stroked his velvety ears and heard a big sigh escape his sweet little body. We both fell fast asleep.
‘Ew! What the…’. A sandpaper-like tongue licking my face woke me and I looked up into big brown eyes staring at me from above. His paws were kneading my tummy. ‘Good morning, Norman, what a delightful way to wake up. Thank you.’
He jumped off the bed and ran to the door. Grabbing my robe from the bottom of the bed, I stumbled down the stairs, nearly falling over him as he rushed past. By the time I got there, he was excitedly dancing on all paws by the back door. I let him out, popped on the kettle and checked my phone. It was 9.30. I couldn’t believe I’d slept so late.
I had four missed calls from Jack and one from Dom. I also had two voicemails. One from each of them. I immediately deleted Jack’s. I needed to move on from him and there was nothing that he could say that would mend things between us. Natalia had said everything that needed to be said when we met up.
Dom’s message though made me smile.
Good morning, Nell. I got your note, thank you for updating me. I was sad to hear that you’ve decided to go back to the Midlands but understand you need some time away. You have all the time in the world to make your decisions and whatever you choose to do must be right for you. I wish you well. I’m here if I can help. It’s been lovely getting to know you over the last few days and I hope that we will remain friends. Keep in touch and good luck with everything.
I really did like him. He was one of the good ones. Typically though, not available to me. But I was glad that he had someone in his life that made him happy. That’s all anyone really wants in life. It didn’t seem too much to ask for.
Norman trundled back inside and I took my coffee and headed back upstairs to take a shower. Hopefully that might wake me up a little more. As I walked into the bedroom I thought about how my life had changed since the last time I was in that room. I left, heading to Dorset not knowing why. I had no job and no fiancé. But now, I think I might even be a millionaire. And I had a dog.
Norman came in and jumped on the bed, and as I moved across to stroke him, he put his paw up on my shoulder in a protective manner.
‘We’re going to be OK, Norman. Whatever happens, we’re going to be OK.’
He circled round three times and lay down and closed his eyes. No wonder they say it’s a dog’s life.
A hammering on the door indicated that Shivani had arrived. I ran down the stairs to the front door and flung it open, not even letting her get through it before embracing her.
‘Alright bird! So you’ve missed me. Who wouldn’t?’ she asked, grinning widely. ‘But get the fuck off me, you weirdo.’
Oh how I’d missed her bonkers sense of humour.
She was laden down with a shopping bag on each side. ‘So I’ve brought milk, croissants, jam, bread, but the most important thing of all – cake.’ She laid them all out on the tiny kitchen table. God I’ve missed you, Nell. Get the kettle on and crack open the cake, I’m bloody starving.’
She was one of those people who swept into your house like a whirlwind, left a trail of destruction behind her and then left, with peace and quiet reigning again. And I wouldn’t have her any other way.
‘Oh how I’ve missed you too.’ It was so good to see her. ‘You can’t have cake for breakfast, by the way.’
‘Who said? I’m an adult, which means I can have what I want for breakfast, actually.’
We both laughed. I hadn’t realised just how much I’d missed her while I was away.
I pottered around in the kitchen getting out plates and mugs, trying hard to remember where everything was. This house seemed so unfamiliar to me right now, as if I was staying in someone else’s house. It was bizarre when I’d lived there for three years and I hadn’t been away that long. I thought back to Aunty Lil’s gorgeous, spacious kitchen which overlooked the landscaped back garden and had a pang of longing and squeezed my eyes shut. How ridiculous that the house in Muddleford seemed more like home than this one did. It must have been because I’d been away. Give me a few days at home and I’d be as right as rain.
Norman hovered by the back door again so I let him out. The small back yard was rubbish after what he was used to. He could run around Aunty Lil’s garden all day. It would take him seconds to walk the perimeter of this space. I would definitely take him to the park later to make up for it, even though I didn’t think I’d ever been to my local park in all the time I’d lived there.
‘So come on then, bird. Give me all the goss.’
I loved Shivani’s easy manner. She was such fabulous company to be in. I updated her on everything that had happened since I’d been away.
She was much more considered than me when she’d heard it all.
‘I don’t suppose you’ve thought that Natalia could have been lying, have you?’
To be honest, that hadn’t occurred to me. As someone who rarely even told a white lie, I presumed that everyone was the same.
‘She could perhaps just be jealous and staking her cl
aim. You said that Jack had been lovely to you. Surely you can’t fake that? Are you sure you haven’t acted too rashly by packing up and coming home?’
I loved that she was so open and honest with me. There was no second guessing what she thought. She just came right out with it. It was refreshing and one of the many reasons why I loved being friends with her.
‘I know you love it down there, Nell. You light up when you talk about it. You light up when you talk about him. You can’t hide it. But even if you take him out of the equation, do you think being back here is right for you?’
I honestly did not know the answer.
Three cups of coffee and even more cake later, I was still none the wiser as to whether I’d made the right choice, even though we’d talked through the pros and cons of being in Staffordshire as opposed to being in Dorset. I know I felt something had been missing from my life and I hadn’t felt that when I’d been in Muddleford. But that might have been because there were nice things to do down there and back home I literally had nothing to do. If I stayed I needed to find something to fill my days.
As if on cue, Norman came up and shoved a soggy, smelly, furry object on my lap. I’m not sure what cuddly toy it had been originally but he clearly wanted me to play.
‘Come on boy.’
After a few minutes of throwing the toy and him running off like a loon to retrieve it, with lots of mock growling and Shivani laughing at us, I glanced at my watch and realised it was nearly lunchtime and I still hadn’t taken Norman out for a walk. I was a terrible dog mother.
‘Fancy a walk, Shiv? I need to take this little fella out.’
‘I love that you have a dog. You seem really contented with each other too. It’s fab.’
‘To be honest, I was horrified at first when I found out Norman was a dog and not Aunty Lil’s boyfriend, but I reckon we muddle along alright together, don’t we, my little matey?’ I’d never thought I’d be one of those people who spoke to their dogs in silly voices but it turned out I was.
‘I’d love to come for a walk but I’m just too glamourous to get all hot and sweaty. Also, I have to go and see Mum this afternoon, but let’s have a day together at the weekend. We could go into Birmingham. Have a few cocktails and a bit of lunch. Celebrate your recent good fortune. Fancy it?’
It sounded delightful and we made arrangements. Even though it was a few days away, it was nice to have something to look forward to.
Before she left, Shivani said, ‘I hope you and Norman will be very happy with each other. Perhaps you don’t need a man in your life after all, just a dog.’
Maybe she was right.
Chapter Twenty-Four
The local park was amazing. I’d never been before and didn’t even know that there was a lake in the middle of it with ducks. Being somewhere different, I was quite apprehensive about letting Norman off the lead, but I’d loaded up my pockets with his favourite treats and hoped for the best.
He was really well behaved till he found the ducks and launched himself into the lake.
So, dogs don’t come with a handbook, or I’d have looked for the page that tells you if you should jump in after them or just let them come out when their fun is over. I remembered Jack’s words about making it fun for them to come back to you, so I spent at least ten minutes feeling like a complete tit, shouting, ‘Come on Normie, let’s go!’ in a high-pitched voice, which got gradually deeper and sounded more pissed off as the minutes rolled by and he ignored me completely. He was having the time of his life until the ducks flew off and he was left alone. When he eventually graced me with his presence, he looked half the size he had been when he went in and was dripping everywhere. He then shook all the drips over me.
‘Ew, you little bugger.’
He just panted and doggy grinned. A slight breeze wafted by.
‘God, you stink, mister.’
I made him come to heel and we walked away from the water and more into the main park itself. We were walking across the disused bowling green when a pretty little blonde cocker spaniel appeared from nowhere. She scampered around Norman and then turned and thrust her rear end at him. He clearly thought he was in for a bit of ‘how’s your father’ and hopped right on. ‘Poppy’, as I discovered the other dog was called from the owner’s screeching with flailing arms, seemed to be having a lovely time and judging from Norman’s doggy grin, so was he.
After separating them, to Norman’s disgust, Poppy’s owner and I ended up having a raging slanging match where she ended with, ‘If you can’t control your feral mutt, you should keep it on a bloody lead.’
Deeply offended that she’d called Norman a mutt, I took him by the collar, attached his lead and yelled, ‘Perhaps if you didn’t allow your floozy of a dog to stick her arse in the air like a little doggy slut, then it wouldn’t be a problem.’
At that point I stuck my nose in the air and huffed off in the opposite direction but not before shouting over my shoulder, ‘Anyway! Norman can’t help it if he’s a fanny magnet for the local bitches,’ to the horror of a little grey-haired old lady who was walking past. I nodded at her as she stared at me, realising how ridiculous I must have sounded but I wasn’t prepared to back down one little bit.
I giggled to myself when I stopped to sit on a bench at the entrance to the park before heading home, seeing the funny side of the altercation, now I wasn’t stuck in the middle of the first doggy shag I’d ever experienced.
Oh I couldn’t wait to tell Jack, he’d it hilarious. But there it was. Jack wasn’t mine to tell. I’d moved back. Jack wasn’t in my life anymore and I couldn’t really break my promise to myself not to contact him on my first day. I couldn’t lie, not even to myself. He’d only been back in my life for a short time, but I already really missed him. I missed the way he threw his head back and how his dimple twitched and his face lit up when he laughed. I missed his funny quips, and the constant shoulder barges into me. I missed the way I felt when he was around me – safe and always smiling. I missed him calling me Nellie-bum. The only person in the world who called me that, even now after all those years. I missed everything about him and I felt it deep within the pit of my stomach.
What if I’d made a mistake and Shivani was right and Natalia was lying? What if, even if she Natalia was telling the truth, Jack and I could start all over again and still be the best of friends and I’d get over my romantic feelings towards him? What if having Jack in my life as a friend, was better than not having Jack in my life at all?
I remembered years ago when I talked to Aunty Lil about Mum and Dad splitting up, and I asked what if I could make them love each other again. Her words came back to me now.
‘Nell, my darling. Life can be full of what-ifs and should-haves if we let it be. But they’ll eat you up inside. Worry about the things that you can do something about, and not the things that you can’t.’
I couldn’t stop thinking about those words on the walk home. As we passed the Merc parked a good way down the road from the house, I remembered that there were still quite a few boxes that needed taking in. Callum had had a car, and used to moan that he couldn’t get a space outside his own front door but when we viewed the house, it was all we could really afford. It was annoying not being able to park on a drive, which I’d got used to doing down in Dorset. I realised that now I had some money, I didn’t need to be in this house. I could be anywhere. Perhaps thinking about that could be a little project over the next few days.
Norman ponged!
‘Sorry, mate, but you are going to have a shower. Where’s Pamela when you need her, eh?’
He slunk off onto his bed before I could stop him. Great, now that would need washing too! I enticed him up the stairs with a salmon treat; his favourite. Everything to do with dogs was smelly I’d noticed. The smellier things were, the more the dog liked them. Bizarre.
I grabbed him by his collar before he launched himself onto my bed.
‘Oh no you don’t!’ Come on!’
The sh
ower wasn’t really big enough for one person, let alone a person and a dog, but by the time we’d used the entire contents of my Jo Malone English Pear and Freesia body and hand soap, he was definitely smelling much better, even if the bathroom looked like a tornado had been through it. Water soaked the floor, there were soap suds all up the walls and he’d then escaped the bathroom and run around the bedroom with his wet feet. Thank God I’d thought to shut the bedroom door. At this point I was drenched from head to toe, so thought it easiest to have a shower myself. I plonked him on the bed on top of a pile of towels. At least I could throw the lot in the washer when I was done.
When I got out of the shower, and was drying myself, Norman started barking at the bedroom door. Wrapped in just a towel, I went to the door and slowly opened it. He wiggled his way through my knees and I screamed. There was someone stood in front of me and Norman had launched himself at the intruder and knocked him to the floor nearly toppling him down the stairs. Norman was making a deep continuous growl and baring his teeth.
‘What the fuck, Nell?’
‘Callum, what the hell are you doing here? I seem to remember you’d moved out.’ I clung to the towel. As if he hadn’t humiliated me enough, all I needed was for that to come undone and me flash my fandango at him.
‘Well it’s still half my house at the moment, so I’ll come and go as I please. Anyway, what are you doing here?’ He struggled to get up and kicked out at Norman, who started barking aggressively. Callum pressed himself against the landing wall. ‘And call the mutt off, for fuck’s sake!’
‘I think you’d better go downstairs and I’ll get dressed and be down in a few minutes. Norman, come here, boy.’ I patted him on the head. ‘Good boy.’
‘Good fucking boy? He nearly had my leg off.’