Restless Hearts

by Stephanie Kate Strohm

  No. The dress was good. I knew it was. And if Rex London didn’t like it for whatever reason, I’d wear it out to Franca’s, where KO and I would split the two slices and can of Coke $1.99 special.

  Either way, I would be fine.

  I was fine.

  But that didn’t stop my heart from beating a nervous, rapid rhythm as the elevator climbed up to the sixth floor.

  Here was the chaos I’d been expecting downstairs. All the designers were running around in various stages of dress, some applying makeup in front of the three-way mirror. In the middle of the room, Rex London was gesticulating with a pair of scissors—always a dangerous proposition—a pincushion on his wrist. At his side, Andy was frantically checking things off on a clipboard.

  “Howard, if I see one more thread sticking out of the hem of your pants, so help me …” Rex threatened. “There is no room for sloppiness in couture!”

  In the middle of berating Howard, Rex and Andy turned toward the door and saw me. They both stopped what they were doing and stared. Actually, it felt like the formerly chaotic room had all come to a quiet standstill. I hovered anxiously in the doorway, unsure if I should come in or not.

  “Well. If it isn’t Katy Keene.” Did he like it? I couldn’t read anything in his face or the tone of his voice. “So this is it? This is the dress?”

  “This is the dress.” I’d worn it over, risking who knew what kind of staining on the subway, but having it on had given me an extra boost of confidence. As did my favorite pair of T-strap shoes with the rounded red toe and the nude heels. Getting all the city grime off the shoes had been almost as much work as making the dress itself.

  “Come in, come in.” He waved me into the room. “Up in front of the mirror, please.”

  Rex and Andy circled me like two sharks as I stood on the dais. It took every ounce of self-control I possessed not to wipe my sweaty hands on the dress and stain the silk.

  “Well, that color certainly isn’t shy,” Rex said eventually.

  Maybe red had been a mistake. But I always felt most myself in red. And if I was going to mess this up, I was going to mess this up as me. That was the mistake I’d made right from the start: forgetting who I was. Or being afraid to show the world exactly who I was. Whether I was walking in a fashion show or eating a slice at Franca’s, from now on, I was going to wear what made me happy, and not worry so much about making things perfect. That was the whole point of fashion, after all: self-expression.

  “The silhouette is almost ’40s inspired, with those little structured sleeves, but you’ve kept it more modern by making the lines softer. Usually I hate a sweetheart neckline, but it’s working here. The draping on the skirt is impeccable. And the pockets as hearts …” He smiled, and my heart lifted with hope. “It’s an inspired touch.”

  “It’s a little cutesy, don’t you think?” Andy whispered behind his hand.

  “It’s a lot cutesy. But have you looked at this person? She’s cutesy personified.” I was trying to decide whether or not I was offended. “Would I sell this dress? No. It’s not a Rex London design. But that doesn’t matter. This dress tells me who you are, Katy Keene. And I love it. And I think there are a lot of women out there who would love it, too.”

  I glowed with happiness and pride. Finally, I’d found myself again.

  “So … I can walk?” I asked tentatively.

  “Yes, you can walk. And keep in touch, okay?” Rex said. “If you keep churning out looks like this, you should have the start of a nice cohesive collection. Let me know when you can show me more, and maybe I’ll be able to help.”

  “Really?” I squeaked. “That is so nice of you. Thank you.”

  “That’s why I’m doing this show, Katy. I don’t need the publicity. Trust me, Rex London is doing more than well enough.”

  “We’re on track to outperform Marc Jacobs this year,” Andy said smugly.

  “Shh, Andy, let’s not malign the old guard.” Winking, Rex held a finger to his lips. “But I remember what it was like to be starting out. Unsure of how to make my dreams a reality. Unsure of who I was, what to do, or how to begin. School helped a lot, but I could have used a mentor. Are you enrolled anywhere right now?”

  “Not right now. I’ve always dreamed of going to Parsons, but it just didn’t happen this year …”

  “Well, think about school. In the meantime, get a job in the industry. You have a lot to learn, Katy Keene,” he said seriously. I nodded. I knew I did. “But I think you could do great things.”

  That settled it. I was getting a job here, at Lacy’s, and it would be the first step toward making everything happen for me. I could do this. I knew I could.

  “Now. Howard!” he announced. “Show me your hems!”

  A miserable-looking guy sitting in a chair stuck out his pant legs as Rex hurried over to him.

  “Rex is really unusual, you know,” Andy said, once it was just the two of us alone in the middle of the room. “It’s one of the reasons I wanted to work with him so badly.”

  “I know. His tailoring is unreal, especially in his ready-to-wear line. What he’s done for workwear—”

  “I’m not talking about his designs.” Andy shook his head. “He’s an unusual person in this industry because he really, truly cares about helping the next generation. And he’s kind. But most unusually of all,” he continued, “Rex gives second chances. If this show had been run by anyone else, you never would have been allowed back. Not even on a trial basis. And it probably would have ended your career before it even began.”

  “I know.” I hung my head. “I know how lucky I am. I’m not taking any of this for granted.”

  “You got a second chance, Katy Keene.” He smiled. “Make the most of it.”

  “I will,” I promised. I couldn’t do this with Mom. But I could do it for her. And I was going to make the most of every single chance I got.

  In seemingly no time at all, we were standing backstage. The crowd outside sounded unbelievably loud. It must have been packed. Was I really about to walk out there in front of all these people?

  The beginning of the show passed in a blur of nerves. Rex went out to speak to the audience, Andy lined us up, and the first designers began to walk. This was it. It was really happening!

  “And that’s you, Katy Keene,” Andy said, holding the mouthpiece of his headset. “Go. Go. Go!”

  I emerged from behind the curtains, almost blinded by lights after the dark of backstage. For a second, I paused, trying to get my bearings, and then, I saw them in the distance. The famous Lacy’s stained-glass windows, designed by Louis Comfort Tiffany himself. Smiling, I picked out a small red stained-glass flower, focused on it, just like Jorge had taught me, and began to walk.

  And even though I’d been dreading it, it actually turned out to be kind of … fun? No, scratch that, it was really fun. I’d been watching fashion shows for so long, and now I was actually part of one! Don’t get me wrong, I had no desire to become a professional model—plus I was about a foot too short—but stomping down the runway, in a dress I was proud to wear, was truly a once-in-a-lifetime experience. This was something above and beyond the wildest dreams of little girl Katy. She would have loved this so much.

  And I knew Mom would have loved it, too.

  Halfway down the catwalk, I felt confident enough to sneak a peek at the audience. There, in the front row, was KO. Surrounded by all the fashionistas in their daring looks, he looked slightly out of place in the suit he’d worn to graduation, but I loved him for making the effort to dress up. Our eyes locked, he smiled, and he mouthed “gorgeous” at me.

  Jinx sat on one side of KO, fitting right in with the other black-clad fashion people in her black jeans and leather jacket, and on KO’s other side, Jorge was resplendent in a velvet smoking jacket worn over a bare chest with a loosely tied cravat, his curly hair wild. Jorge pretended to collapse into his chair, mouthing, “You’ve slain me!”

  I’d been so wrapped up with meeting wi
th Rex that I hadn’t even texted my friends to confirm that I’d be walking in the show, but they’d been here anyway, early enough to get front-row seats, confident that my dress would be good enough. That’s how much they believed in me. How could one girl be so lucky?

  I reached the end of the runway and posed, hitting three looks. Maybe Jorge should add in a side hustle as a professional modeling coach, because I had to admit, I felt pretty fabulous. Now all I had to do was make it backstage without tripping.

  Exchanging grins with Deja as she headed out next, I made it safely backstage. I hadn’t embarrassed myself at all! In fact, I thought I’d actually done myself proud. And I’d done Mom proud, too.

  Oh, right. And there was one final walk. I’d barely made it backstage before Andy started hustling me back into line behind the designers who’d gone before me. Once Deja made it backstage, Andy slotted her into place behind me. Rex London led us out, a parade of all the designers, basking in the applause. Even before I saw my friends again, I could hear Jorge cheering louder than everyone else. He’d always been able to project phenomenally well.

  After brief congratulations from Rex, he released us into the crowd. Bobbing and weaving my way through people chatting excitedly, I ran straight into KO’s arms.

  “Katy!” He lifted me up off the floor. “Your dress is beautiful. You are beautiful.” Setting me down, he kissed the top of my head. “I’m so proud of you.”

  “Katy-girl, you slayed out there.” Jorge hugged me from my other side. “I am literally deceased. That was epic. I should probably become a runway coach.”

  “That’s what I was thinking!” I squealed.

  “Also, do you know if the cutie in the suit is single?”

  “Howard?” Maybe his night was about to turn around. “Not sure. But you should definitely go ask.”

  After briefly fluffing up his hair, Jorge left in pursuit of Howard. I scanned the crowd, but I didn’t see Veronica’s sleek dark hair anywhere. Sure enough, when I checked my phone, there was a text from V, apologizing for missing the show due to an “entrepreneurial emergency.”

  Whatever it was, I knew it must have been important. And of course I wasn’t upset that she missed the show! Veronica had given me such a gift already by recommending me to Rex—there was nothing more I could ask of her.

  “I got you flowers.” KO bent down to pull a slightly squashed bouquet of roses out from under his chair. “Maybe I wasn’t supposed to? I didn’t see anybody else with flowers, but we’d always bring them for my sisters’ piano recitals, so I thought—”

  “I love them.” Pulling them to my nose, I inhaled deeply. “That was so sweet. Thank you.” He really was the absolute best. “How’s Jinx doing?” I’d seen her during the show but couldn’t find her now. “Is she holding up okay?”

  “I think so.” KO turned me by my shoulders so I was facing behind me.

  “Well. She seems like she’s doing better,” I murmured, watching Jinx talk animatedly with Deja.

  “Oh yeah, she’s better than better,” KO said, his tone wistful. “She got a call today inviting her to go train at Joe Frazier’s gym.”

  “Smokin’ Joe?” I didn’t know a lot about boxing, but I did know the name of one of KO’s all-time favorite boxers. “His gym’s in Philadelphia, right?”

  “Yeah. Jinx is leaving as soon as she gets her stuff packed up. Like, within the next couple days. And I’m so happy for her; it’s an amazing opportunity, but …”

  “But you’re a little jealous, too,” I filled in the blanks for him. He flushed, like he was ashamed to admit it. “That’s totally understandable. Don’t feel bad. You’re human, KO.”

  “I know. I just don’t want Jinx to think I’m anything less than thrilled about it. She’s an incredible fighter and she deserves this, but it’s hard to see her go. Not just because I’ll miss her, but because I’ve always wanted to train there, too.”

  “And you will. Someday. I know it.” I squeezed his hand. “Then you’ll be fighting at Madison Square Garden.”

  “And you’ll be selling your designs on Madison Avenue.”

  “And this’ll be our city.” I turned to him, winding my arms around his neck.

  “It already is, Katy.” He leaned down, his mouth mere moments away from mine. “It’s always been our kind of town.”

  We kissed, and I felt my insides fizzing like soda bubbles. I had the best guy, the best friends, and this dress was the first step in all of my designer dreams coming true.

  “Excuse me, are you allowed to kiss in Lacy’s?” Jorge interrupted us. I turned to see him facing us with his hands on his hips. Jinx stood behind him, smirking. “I thought this was a classy establishment.”

  “How about we go somewhere a little less classy?” I suggested.

  “Someplace where the floors are always sticky?” Jorge said hopefully.

  “And the soda’s always flat?” I smiled.

  “Wow, I don’t know what you guys are talking about, but I’m sold,” Jinx said sarcastically.

  “Trust me, honey, you’re gonna love it.” Jorge threaded his arm through hers.

  “Does Howard want to come?” I teased.

  “Boyfriend up in Ithaca for grad school.” Jorge pouted. “On to the next one.”

  “Are you sure you don’t want to stick around a little longer?” KO asked. “Maybe see if there’s someone you could ask about a job? I know working here has always been a dream.”

  “Don’t worry. I’m coming back tomorrow, and I’m not leaving until I’m Lacy’s newest employee,” I said with determination.

  “Then maybe after that, we’ll hit up the apple orchard?” KO suggested. “I promised my girl some fall fun, and I always keep my promises.”

  “You always do.” One of the many reasons I loved him. “Apples tomorrow. But tonight, there’s only one place I want to celebrate.”

  KATY, KO, JINX, AND I spilled into Molly’s Crisis, four more people joining the dancing, sweaty crowd. The bar was absolutely packed, wall to wall with people of every color and size and expression of gender identity. Surrounded by all this glitter and gorgeousness, all these people being exactly who they were, I was home.

  “I’m obsessed!” Jinx shouted over the chatter of the crowd and blare of early ’00s Britney coming from the stage. “Why haven’t I been here before? Why did I only find out about this place right before I’m leaving?! KO, you’ve been holding out on me!”

  A new group of people entered the bar, pushing us farther into the room. Along the back wall, one of the high tops was miraculously open. There was a small piece of paper folded on top. I picked it up and read: “RESERVED for fashion icon Katy Keene and future Broadway star Jorge Lopez (screw Ethan Fox xoxo) and Friends.”

  “They didn’t,” Katy read the sign over my shoulder. “Do you think that was Darius? He’s too cute.”

  “Don’t let him hear you say that,” I warned her. “He’s got a grumpy reputation to protect.”

  “First round’s on me!” KO offered as Katy and I clambered up onto the seats. Jinx had already disappeared into the crowd, but I thought I saw her short blonde head bopping up and down as she danced with abandon. KO took our drink orders and shouldered his way through the crowd to the bar.

  “Hi.” Katy leaned forward so I could hear her above the noise, propping her elbows up on the high top. “How are you doing?”

  “Na-unh. Nope. No way. I am shutting all this down right now.” I waved a finger in her face. “Tonight is about celebrating you and your triumph and that gorgeous dress. Not about me being tragic.”

  “You are not tragic!” Katy exclaimed. “Stop being so hard on yourself. It was one audition. And it sounds like it wasn’t really right for you, anyway.”

  “It probably wasn’t,” I agreed, “but the idea of skipping all those steps was so appealing. Just, like, one open call and boom, Equity. Broadway. Everything I’ve ever wanted, all my dreams coming true, just like that. Like magic.”

>   “Maybe all those steps is what makes it magic,” Katy said thoughtfully. “All the trying and the failing. Like, I know things ended up working out okay with the fashion show today—”

  “Better than okay,” I interrupted her. “Don’t sell yourself short. You slayed that runway.”

  “Why, thank you.” She bowed at the table. “But before that, I bombed. Big-time. You should have seen what I initially showed Rex … it was totally humiliating. And I think what I realized is that I’ll probably have a lot more humiliating moments going forward in my career. But that’s okay, because I’ll learn from them. And what I learned this time is that I do my best work when I remember who I am. What makes me special. When I pay attention to what I have to say. And I think that’s true about you, too.” She leaned even closer. “You’re a great performer always, no matter what. But you’re a star when you’re yourself.”

  I didn’t just love Katy like family. She was family.

  “I love you, Katy-girl.”

  “I know.” She wrapped me up in a hug. “I love you, too.”

  In the middle of our hugfest, KO returned from the bar. He dropped off my ginger ale and placed something truly horrifying in front of Katy.

  “Katy. Girl. What is happening here?” I disentangled myself from the hug, aghast at what was on the high top. “Did you just get a glass of maraschino cherries?”

  “I know what my girl likes!” KO slung his arm around her. They were such a hetero throwback, but man they were cute. “There’s a little bit of Coke down there, too.”

  “My signature drink.” Katy tilted up her head to kiss him on the cheek. “Maraschino cherries, splash of Coke.”

  “Somehow I don’t think that one’s gonna catch on.” I raised an eyebrow.

  “Says the Ginger Ale King,” she teased. “Maybe mine will catch on, when you’re a bartender here.” She smiled. “You can call it the ‘Katy-girl.’ ”