Take Me

by Bella Andre

  He swallowed hard and tried to infuse the two words, "I am," with every ounce of love he possessed.

  That was it, he decided, he was going to get down on one knee and profess his undying love to her right there, right then. She'd see how much he loved her, and everything would be okay. But there was no more time for talking as the music started up again, and, for the second time that night, they were pulled into the center of the celebration.

  13

  LILY WANTED TO SHUT OFF her mind to let the magic of the celebration draw her in again. But it was difficult--no, impossible--after what Travis had said.

  "We were just messing around,"he had said. "It doesn't mean anything." His careless words had hurt so much, and she had run away from him, in more pain than ever before. But when she saw Luke coming up the stairs to console her, she realized that she couldn't stand to play the victim again. This was between her and Travis. She would somehow manage to play along, even as her heart tore into a thousand pieces.

  And when Travis had taken her hands in his and told her that they were actually married, it had been such a shock. But an even bigger shock had been the vulnerability she saw in his eyes. As if he expected her to throw the marriage in his face.

  If he had said that he loved her in front of Luke and Janica, she would have forgiven him. But he didn't. And it would be all she could do to get through the night in one piece.

  Travis was given a tray filled with small glasses of grappa. The man who handed Travis the tray spoke rapidly in Italian, gesturing to Lily. How she wished she knew the language. Lily, who had spent so much of her life feeling powerless, had never felt quite so helpless before.

  Softly, Travis translated for her. "I'm supposed to hand these glasses out to everyone, but first all of the men are supposed to kiss you for good luck."

  Woodenly, Lily went along with the ritual. She greeted first one man, then the next, letting them kiss her on the cheek in congratulations. Travis followed close behind her handing out grappa to the men and women. By the time she made it through the crowd, Lily felt like she'd been kissed by every man in town. And then everyone had their drinks raised high in the air as they yelled, "Per cent'anni" throwing their drinks back with gusto.

  Travis's eyes pierced her. "For a hundred years," he translated and she shivered in response, her heart bruised and battered.

  How she wished they had never come to the festival. Why couldn't they have gone back to their room and just made love instead? Then none of this mess would have ever happened.

  But then Lily remembered Janica and Luke and knew that the mess would have happened, if not in the square after their impromptu wedding, then at the hotel. Lily could hardly believe it, but she was actually mad at them for ruining her fantasy. For thinking she needed to be rescued. Whether she did or not was beside the point.

  At the same time, Lily knew that even if they hadn't come to Italy, something similar would have happened in San Francisco. Travis would have acted like she didn't mean anything to him, and she, being lily-livered as always, would have hidden her broken heart and played along.

  Long wooden tables were being brought into the square. It was chaos as they were draped with tablecloths, candles were lit, and huge, steaming platters of food brought in.

  The priest directed Lily and Travis to share the head of the table, plush velvet seats that seemed fit for a king and queen. Overwhelmed by it all, Lily swayed on her feet.

  Travis reached out to hold her steady. "Are you all right?" he asked with concern.

  Lily couldn't bear to look at him. "I'm fine," she said as she tried to pull away from him. He was so close to her and so hot, so incredibly hot she was burning up, but instead of giving her room to breathe, he drew her closer. "If you want to leave, its okay, Lily. We need to talk about what just happened."

  That was all she needed to hear to get back on her feet. "No," she said, desperate for any reason not to hear what Travis had to say about their impromptu wedding. "I don't want to ruin the celebration for everyone." She needed to buy some time to plan her escape so that she wouldn't have to hear Travis say the awful words she already could imagine.

  "I never meant to lead you on this way."

  "I got caught up in the heat of the moment and that's why I said I loved you."

  "I thought the wedding was a joke. If I had known it was for real, I would have stopped them."

  "We both know that you and I could never be together."

  Stiffly, she made her way to the seat of honor. Travis followed behind her, with Janica and Luke close on their tails. Dinner was endless, with at least a dozen courses of meats, cheeses, fruits, and breads. Lily didn't have any appetite at all. It wasn't that the food didn't look delicious--it certainly did, given the way all the celebrants were stuffing themselves--but she was on pins and needles and could hardly breathe.

  Even so, Lily didn't want the celebration to end. Because as soon as it did, she was going to be cornered by Travis, or Luke, or Janica. All three of them wanted to pick her brain, or worse still, talk to her about things. She didn't have anything to say to anybody right then. All she wanted to do was lock herself in the hotel room and go to sleep and never wake up.

  As the tables were cleared, Lily's heart raced faster and faster. A grand procession announced the arrival of the wedding cake--a glorious concoction at least three feet high, decorated in pinks and blues.

  "Oh my God, Lily, look at that cake!" Janica gaped in amazement and elbowed Luke. "I want one exactly like that at my wedding," she said to him, but Luke was busy watching Lily's face. She looked sad and tired and different. Luke couldn't pin down what it was about her that had changed. There was a new strength in her certainly, but that wasn't it.

  Was it love?

  Luke cast a glance at his brother and shook his head. How could she possibly be in love with Travis? Why were people always attracted to the people who were the worst for them?

  Janica was still making noises about how glorious the cake looked, and he grimaced, wishing she would be quiet for once. She had been chattering away since they'd boarded the airplane in San Francisco. He'd always thought that she was spoiled rotten, walked all over Lily, and was far too cute for her own good. Between her looks and Lily's endless support, Janica had never worked for anything. The world had always been handed to her on a silver platter.

  Luke shook his head in consternation. For once he wished somebody would hand Lily love on a silver platter. Too bad that Travis didn't seem to be up to the task.

  THE TOWNSFOLK CALLED OUT for the cake to be cut. Travis brushed a lock of hair from Lily's face, and she trembled at his touch. He so badly wanted to say, "Do you still love me?" but instead he said, "Looks like it's time to cut the cake, sweetheart."

  Lily visibly flinched at his endearment and an ice pick pierced his heart. He held his hand out to her, praying that she wouldn't reject him. When she put her soft hand in his he was struck, yet again, by what an incredible woman she was. And he was about to lose her.

  Just days after finding her.

  They walked together to the center of the table, where the cake stood in all its glory, waiting to be devoured by all the newly married and remarried couples in the piazza. The silence between them was painful, and Travis desperately wished he could think of something to say to ease her tension.

  "Nice-looking cake, huh?" he said. Without looking at either him or the cake, still staring straight ahead, Lily nodded. Travis felt like a bumbling fool.

  "I wonder if everyone will get a piece," was her reply, and Travis felt like they might as well be discussing the weather. She was a million miles away, and it killed him.

  The priest handed them an oversized silver cake cutter and wrapped both of their hands around it. Travis's heart beat wildly as their bodies pressed together, and Lily's heat seeped into him. He wanted to throw her over his shoulder and lock her in the bedroom with him. He knew he didn't have the right words to show her how much he loved her, but he could wo
rship her with his body.

  And then she would know.

  In one fluid stroke they cut the cake. The cheers were loud and raucous, fueled by copious amounts of local wine and good food.

  "Bacio, bacio, bacio!"the townsfolk sang.

  "Bacio, bacio, bacio!"Louder and louder, the words became more insistent, more passionate.

  The chanting was impossible to ignore. From the deep red flush across Lily's cheeks Travis knew that she had already translated the word into English. Vowing to do at least something right that night, Travis turned Lily in his arms until she was so close to him that he could smell the sweet grappa on her lips.

  "I love you, Lily," he whispered. She sucked in a breath and struggled to escape him, but Travis refused to let her go. Threading his hands through her hair he captured her lips, leaving no doubt in any bystander's minds about his possession of his new wife. Wanting to pour everything in his heart into the kiss, he loved her lips like he had loved her body so many times in the past week. Lily took her breath from his body as he tasted every inch of her sweetness. His lips a hair from hers, he whispered, "You're mine, all mine," then took her mouth again tenderly in a final kiss.

  Lily's eyes grew wide, and this time when she tried to escape his embrace, he let her go. Off into the night she fled. Travis tried to keep his face steady. But the crowd was clamoring for cake and more wine, and the music had started up again, so no one seemed to notice that anything was wrong with the groom.

  NO ONE, that is, except Janica and Luke.

  "What is going on here?" Janica asked Luke as they sat stunned by the kiss they'd just witnessed. "I used to think that black was black and white was white, but now I don't know what to believe."

  Luke ran his hands through his hair, making them stand up on end in a particularly rakish way. In his logical way, Luke laid out the facts. "All we know so far is that they got married, and evidently it's legally binding."

  Janica snorted. "You're forgetting the most important part. Men!"

  Luke looked confused and not a little disgruntled. "And what's that?"

  "The kiss!"

  This time Luke snorted dismissively. "You're reading too much into it. It was just a kiss. They didn't even want to do it. They had to do it."

  Rolling her eyes at his cluelessness, Janica said, "Give me a break. Even I couldn't miss the heat between them. They practically lit the table on fire." Poking Luke with her index finger, she said, "And don't you dare try to argue with me when you know I'm right."

  "Okay," he conceded, "maybe they have some chemistry, but that doesn't mean that Travis has changed. You know he can't commit to one woman."

  "But what if he has changed?" Janica said. "There was something in that kiss." She wrapped her arms around herself and shivered. "Something that I don't think anyone here can deny."

  "You're being too romantic," Luke said, obviously unwilling to see what she had seen so clearly.

  Janica looked up at the moon, trying to figure out what it was about the kiss that got to her so much. With a snap of her fingers, she said, "I've figured out what it is."

  Luke already looked unimpressed. "Go ahead, I'm listening."

  Her eyes bright, she said, "Travis was pursuing Lily, not the other way around."

  Luke started in his chair. "Are you sure? I mean, Lily's the one who's always had a crush on him."

  "I know that," Janica said, annoyed at Luke for going back to the obvious.

  "So how could things have changed so much in a week?"

  Janica shook her head and stared up at the moon again. "I don't know," she said softly. Looking back across the table to the wedding cake, she stood up. "But I think we'd better go find out because lover boy is gone."

  DAMN HIM FOR KISSING ME like that. Lily ran barefoot down the winding cobblestone streets, her skirts raised, her shoes in her hands. She had nearly convinced herself that she had imagined Travis's feelings for her, that the week had been nothing more than her imagination running away with itself, when he went and shattered every ounce of self-preservation she had left with that kiss.

  His kiss had stolen her very soul. Even if she had wanted to fight it, she couldn't have. No one could have. His will to possess her was too strong.

  You're mine, all mine, he had whispered against her lips.

  She had longed to hear those words from him her whole life. But now that Travis had finally said them, it was all wrong.

  Travis was Travis and would always be. Lily wanted to kick herself for forgetting that for even one moment. These few days with him had been incredibly precious, but nothing had really changed.

  Her feet were killing her, but she was afraid to put her shoes back on. The heels would slow her down. She gave a passing thought to her real clothes and shoes, which were still back at the square. Right now all she wanted was to get back to their hotel room and lock the door. Her instincts told her that Travis was close on her tail, so she ducked into a narrow alley and picked up the pace.

  She couldn't see him again tonight. She couldn't talk to him. It was impossible. When he had apologized for hurting her hadn't he vowed never to hurt her again?

  The saddest part of it all, Lily knew, was that she had wanted so badly to believe that he truly did love her. She had trusted him.

  Even though she knew better.

  Even though she knew that trusting Travis, that loving Travis, was a one-way trip to a severely broken heart.

  TRAVIS TOOK EVERY SHORTCUT he could find back to the hotel. If he didn't get to the room before Lily, she'd lock him out and he'd never be able to convince her to listen to what he had to say. Truthfully, he didn't know exactly what he was going to tell her, but hiding from what had happened tonight would only make things worse.

  The hotel was deserted when he burst through the thick wooden door. He took the stairs two at a time and when he turned his key in the door to their room, he half expected the locks to be changed.

  The rooms were dark. Not bothering to turn on any lights, he pushed through the patio doors to the balcony. Looking down to the moonlit fields below, he wondered where Lily was. What if she had been so distraught that she got in a car with a strange man? Terrible visions of Lily, his Lily, being overpowered by a burly Italian made his blood go cold with fear. If she had come to any harm tonight, he was never going to stop blaming himself.

  The door opened behind him, then closed with a click. He heard panting and turned around to see Lily doubled over, trying to catch her breath. He wanted to run to her, but if he did, she'd bolt back out the door. It was hard, so hard, to wait for her.

  She turned and dead-bolted the door. Unable to wait it out any longer, Travis softly said, "Lily," not wanting to scare her. She jumped back against the door, uttering a high-pitched scream.

  "You," she stuttered when she finally got her breath back, "you scared me.

  "I didn't mean to frighten you, Lily," he said as he took cautious steps toward her. If he could just hold her in his arms, then she would--

  "Please leave," she said.

  "Lily. Let me explain."

  Her eyes were as blank as her words. "I can't do this right now." Her voice grew wobbly. "I'm tired. I want to go to bed. Alone ."

  The word "alone" slapped Travis across the face with its finality. "I understand," he said quietly, and he did. "And I'll go."

  Lily's face contorted with such relief he almost cried at the pain of knowing how much she didn't want to be near him. Feeling weak, so horribly weak, he said, "But please, let me say one thing first."

  Her eyes glittered in the dark and he hated himself even more than he already did for making her cry again. "Go ahead," she said emotionlessly.

  Travis swallowed hard. It was now or never. "I didn't mean those things I said in the square, Lily. God how I wish I could take them back." Lily closed her eyes and leaned back heavily against the door. "I saw Janica and Luke, and I don't know what happened. I freaked out. I acted like an idiot. But I didn't mean any of it. We wer
en't just messing around. This isn't a joke to me. I know you don't want to hear it right now, but I do love you. I really do, Lily."

  When Lily was silent, Travis asked, "Do you believe me?" and hated himself the minute the words left his tongue.

  Lily opened her eyes. "I don't know what to believe anymore," she said sadly. She flipped the dead bolt open and turned the knob, opening the door to the hall. "Good night."

  Knowing it was no more than was his due, Travis did as she asked. "Good night, Lily," he said as he walked through the door and back down the stairs.

  Travis sat heavily on the couch in the lobby, just as Luke and Janica pushed through the wooden door. He stared at them blankly. He no longer cared what they thought, what they said.

  The only person whose opinion he cared about was upstairs hating his guts. And there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it.

  LUKE TOOK IN his brother's dejected state immediately. He'd always been able to read Travis, and right now Luke was reading something he'd never seen in his brother before: self-hatred.

  Travis had always been unfailingly self-confident in everything he did. His very presence was infused with assurance that he knew the right thing to do, the right thing to say, the right way to feel at all times. Could it be that Lily had done this to him? Could Lily have broken his brother apart?

  It was impossible for Luke to swallow. The Lily he knew, who had been his best friend since grade school, couldn't hurt an ant, let alone his unbreakable twin brother.

  "She's upstairs if you want to see her," Travis said heavily.

  Instead of heading for the stairs as Luke had expected her to do, Janica sat down next to Travis on the couch, her legs folded beneath her. "Have you talked to her yet?" Janica asked and Luke was shocked by the concern he heard in her voice.

  "Not really," Travis said, his throat sounding tight with emotion. "I wanted to, but she's so worn-out and sad, and I'm the bastard who did that to her."

  Janica reached over and patted Travis's hand. "It'll be all right," she said, and this time Luke wasn't the only one shocked to the core by the direction of her sympathies. "I think you just need to give her some time," she said, unfolding herself from the couch. "What room is she in? I think I'll go see how she's doing."