Pervade Montego Bay

by Fewings, Vanessa

  Before, I had dreamed of going back to those days of just me and James and our grandiose plans, but now things were different. Emily was an exquisite gift.

  “Did you hear what happened?” she said.

  “Yes.” I shook my head at the thought of such a serious accident.

  “Thank you for being here.”

  I wasn’t sure if I could stay and resist the urge to touch or kiss her—but I didn’t want to admit that now. Not after seeing her eyes fill with tears of relief. Or maybe they were tears of sorrow for what I’d put her through.

  “How are you?” she asked, moving closer.

  I wanted to give her a comforting smile, but I didn’t know if her feelings for me had changed. “Fine.”

  “What’s wrong, Xavier?”

  “I just need a moment to process everything.”

  She suppressed a sob. “Why didn’t you come before now?”

  “I was close.”

  “On the island?” Her expression revealed her emotional turmoil.

  “I’ve been watching over you.”

  “I needed you here. With me. With us.”

  “I’m sorry, Emily.”

  “Did you leave me because I attended the event on The Venetian?”

  “No. I would have done the same.”

  “You didn’t answer my calls or texts.”

  “I stepped away to protect you.” I gave her a sad smile, trying to convey my sincerity. “We couldn’t have anyone connect me or James to you.”

  “Did you miss me?” she asked, her voice breaking.

  I let out a pained sigh before I could stop myself.

  She hurried into my arms and I couldn’t refuse her embrace.

  I planted a kiss on her forehead. “I shouldn’t have dragged you into this.”

  She raised her eyes to mine. “Well, I’m here now…and I want to stay.”

  “Emily…”

  “I’m sorry about the Stradivarius.”

  “All I care about is you.”

  “Thank you for my new violin.” She rested her cheek on my chest. “It was from you, right?”

  Giving her an instrument was nothing—I should have given her a goddamned castle. But, of course, Ballad had that covered. “James shouldn’t have brought you here.”

  “I came because I believed the invitation was from you.” She stepped back. “You disappeared. No messages. No phone calls.”

  “The KGB were monitoring you, Em. They were watching all the students. After what happened to Ivor on the yacht, they were looking for who was responsible.”

  “You’re the smart one. You could have worked out a way to get a message to me.”

  “One mistake and you’d have them hunting you. I couldn’t take that chance.”

  She seemed to realize the burden. “I refuse to let them control my life.”

  “We did what we believed was best—”

  “James needed my help to find you. He took a photo of me and sent it to you.”

  “I got it.”

  She looked nervous. “You overheard us in the dining room?”

  “He can be…dark…sometimes.”

  “James needs you.”

  “You’re as forgiving as ever.”

  “He’s been seriously injured. He has a concussion.”

  A jolt of uncertainty hit me. “How’s his memory?”

  She shrugged. “Seems intact.”

  “His mood?”

  “Why don’t you go say hello.”

  I wanted to, but seeing a look of rejection in his eyes was something I wasn’t ready for.

  “Don’t disappear again, Xavier.”

  I turned away, reluctant to share that my feelings for her burned as brightly as they always had. My love for her could never be diminished. I’d cross oceans to make sure she was safe. To make sure she was happy.

  And I’d do the same for him, too.

  James stood in the doorway, the bandage around his head revealing what he’d gone through. It made me feel a rush of sympathy for him, and more than a little regret that I’d not been here to protect him.

  Emily still had her back to the door. She hadn’t seen him standing there yet.

  Her soulful eyes stared into mine. “Do you still love me, Xavier?”

  Emily

  I held my breath. The world around me was a whirl of confusion as I waited for Xavier to answer.

  It was an easy question.

  Was he still in love with me?

  I’d regretted the words as soon as I’d spoken them. If the answer was no, and Xavier no longer felt anything for me, my heart couldn’t take it. I’d been longing to see him since we’d been parted in London—believing we’d be together again as though it were fated to come true.

  “He loves you very much, Emily.” James’ voice came from behind me.

  I exhaled slowly and turned around to look at him. “You shouldn’t be up, James.”

  He looked over at Xavier. “Hey.”

  “How’s your head?” asked Xavier.

  James forced a smile. “Feels better than my pride.”

  Xavier swapped a wary glance with me. “James is right, Emily. I’ll always love you. But I’m afraid of what you think of me now.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” I snapped.

  “Do you still love me?” he asked, his voice strained.

  “Of course I do!”

  Relief flashed in his eyes. “Em.”

  We rushed into each other’s arms.

  I hugged him close, feeling the strength of his embrace. “Say it again.”

  “I love you, Emily. I never want us to be separated again.”

  “He was always watching over you, Em,” James whispered.

  “I always will,” said Xavier.

  “Why did you wait so long to come back?”

  Xavier stepped away from me, looking harried. “James was admitted to the hospital under the name Kingston. It took me awhile to figure things out.”

  “I thought it would be safer not to use his real name,” I said.

  “You did well, Emily.” James approached us. “Xavier, where were you exactly?”

  Xavier looked uncertain. “With Louis.”

  It was hard to read James’ expression, but it looked a lot like surprise.

  “Who’s Louis?” I asked.

  “A good friend,” James replied.

  “He doesn’t know about your accident,” whispered Xavier.

  James gave a nod of approval.

  Xavier looked around the kitchen. “This place hasn’t changed.”

  “Only the people.” James smiled over at me. “Emily is making soup. Want some?”

  “Sure.” Xavier smiled. “Any iced tea?”

  “In the fridge.” James leaned on the central island with a pained expression.

  Xavier rushed forward. “Let’s get you back to bed.”

  Seeing James’ pale face made my heart race. I rushed around to his other side to help Xavier support him.

  “You shouldn’t have left the hospital,” I said.

  “I’m fine.”

  With Xavier on one side and me on the other, we helped James back up the staircase and into bed.

  Xavier sat on the edge by his side. “When was the last time you took a pain pill?”

  James mulled that over. “I was reluctant—”

  “What were you prescribed?” Xavier looked concerned.

  “Tylenol.”

  Xavier looked over at me. “No aspirin at any time, got it?”

  I gave a nod. “I remember.”

  Xavier stared at James’ bandage. “We need to clean your wound.”

  “I’m fine.”

  He ignored that and went into the bathroom to wash his hands. When he returned, he unwrapped James’ bandage carefully, and then gave him a look of reassurance.

  Xavier gathered what he needed to cleanse the wound. I braved a look at the laceration along the side of James’ head, held together by stitches. Th
e doctor had shaved around it a little. Xavier dabbed a wet cotton ball over the laceration, wiping away old blood. He found a fresh dressing and secured it with medical tape.

  I could tell they needed time to talk…time to heal the rift between them.

  I left them alone and went downstairs to make us lunch.

  Back in the kitchen, I thought the smile on my face would never lift. Xavier’s confession that he still loved me had lifted my spirits and brought me hope. For the first time since arriving, I felt a sense of calm. Having him here to help care for James was so reassuring.

  Within twenty minutes, I returned to the bedroom carrying a tray with three bowls of chicken soup and some warm rolls and butter. Xavier and I sat on either side of James, the three of us enjoying our lunch in bed.

  Afterward, we both snuggled up to James and he wrapped his arms around us. There came a sense of peace at being reunited.

  James looked at Xavier. “I’m glad you came.”

  There was a glimpse of resolution in Xavier’s pale blue eyes. James lay staring up at the ceiling as though deep in thought. I reached over and held his hand and he threaded his fingers through mine.

  “I know,” said James softly.

  His words gave us permission to let the world stop spinning for a while. We could take time for our hearts to trust again.

  James

  I lay stretched out on a lounger, watching Emily. She’d changed into a blue bikini and was swimming laps in the pool. It was good to see this trip morphing into the holiday she deserved. We needed to celebrate her graduation. This was a good start.

  Xavier was shooting hoops through the basketball net at the far end of the garden, shielded by tall coconut trees, their leaves rustling in the warm ocean breeze.

  He’d removed his shirt and the sweat from his exertion covered his ripped, tanned torso as he bounced the ball. Now and again he looked over at me. I feigned disinterest, turning my focus back to the book I was meant to be reading, Thomas Harris’ latest offering to the literary world. It should have been a great distraction from the drama in my life.

  Ironically, all this madness was of my own making. I’d been the one to lure Xavier into my dark scheming plans years ago. He was still here, his trust in me as strong as ever.

  This crushing headache was finally lifting. I’d managed to play it down for Emily’s sake. But Xavier knew me too well. He’d not left my side since yesterday. He and Emily were helping with my recovery and I couldn’t be more grateful.

  The true miracle was seeing them together with their feelings intact.

  I’d reunited them.

  Unfortunately, I’d also nearly been taken out in a freak accident in the process.

  With Xavier’s arrival, Emily had finally brightened, and I was again reminded of what they were like together. Theirs was a powerful love that should be allowed to flourish. The fact I’d once torn them apart caused my heart to squeeze with guilt.

  Emily had once asked me, “If we aren’t fighting for love, what are we fighting for?” Her words had haunted my days because I’d known the weight of this truth. My own fear of falling in love had brought chaos to those I cared about. Especially to Xavier, who had stayed despite this wall I’d built around myself. The same one he’d once managed to tear down.

  I’d carried this cross of guilt because I could never forgive myself for Victoria’s death. Moving on felt like betrayal. Her memory brought more love than anyone could give—or so I’d believed until that night in Argyle Castle when Xavier and Emily and I had become something more. I’d highjacked their love and made it my own that night…and I craved it now.

  Still, I refused to let their happiness be tainted. Someone had to guard the gates to their paradise and protect them. How could it not be me?

  Did I feel the same love for Xavier? Yes, at the deepest level. But if I admitted my feelings to him, I could very well destroy the future they deserved together. As a couple they were perfect for each other. Xavier’s intellect was balanced out by Emily’s creativity. The years he had on her meant his experience could protect her through life’s hurdles. Her youth and ebullience softened his complicated nature.

  It was a heartbreaking fact that showing either of them any sign of affection could stifle their attempt to thrive as a couple. Or even encourage them to leave.

  This felt like a slow-motion car crash that was going to hurt like hell. The pain was imminent.

  Reaching for my iced tea, I decided I’d have to behave as though having them here was no big deal. I didn’t want to guilt them into staying. It was time to let them go—give them the freedom to be together at last. Xavier deserved to be happy. As did Emily, whose profound musical career lay ahead of her. Her talent, beauty, and exquisite nature made me think of her as an exotic bird that was ready to spread its wings and fly.

  She climbed the stairs out of the pool and walked toward me looking stunning in her skimpy blue bikini. It was easy to be mesmerized by the sway of her hips and her bright smile.

  “Want to swim?” she coaxed. “You can keep your head out of the water, so your stitches don’t get wet.”

  “Best I don’t.” I returned my focus to my book.

  She chewed her bottom lip. “Can I take my top off?”

  “Sure.” This may not have been the most sensible response.

  But my cock seemed to think it was a stellar idea. And why spoil her fun? For Xavier’s sake, this was the right answer. I was destined to sit on the sidelines and let him enjoy his time with her. It was my job to nudge them back into the serious relationship they’d once had.

  I looked Emily right in the eyes as she approached. “Let me know if you need anything?”

  “I have everything I need,” she said, glancing over at Xavier.

  This caused my feelings of loneliness to spike—and they hadn’t even left yet. When they did this place would feel emptier than it ever had. Even after one day, I’d gotten used to their laughter livening up my home. I’d gotten used to having Emily around again. That brief moment of intimacy between us on my dining room table would be something I would hold on to forever.

  Soon, all I would have left was the memory of them.

  When Xavier arrived yesterday, we’d fallen back into our comfortable, familiar routine. We’d eaten dinner late last night and our conversations had continued into the wee hours. We had even shared my bed, with all three of us falling asleep together.

  Exhaustion was finally setting in from my relentless efforts to keep some semblance of balance in a world that favored chaos.

  This place was a refuge and I was selfishly committed to upholding a sense of peace until I was strong enough to send them off into a better future together.

  Emily was still standing next to me, her bikini top in her hand, her breasts pert and nipples hard.

  “Everything okay?” I threw in a smile.

  “Xavier says you were born in Jamaica?”

  “It’s true. I was born in this house.” I pointed to the farthest window on the end. “That room there.”

  “Your mum had a home birth?”

  “With a midwife, yes.”

  “Was your mum Jamaican?”

  “She was.”

  Emily twisted her mouth as she though she wanted to ask another question.

  I answered it for her. “I’m Jamaican and of course half British.”

  “So, how did your mum meet your dad?”

  “He was in Montego Bay attending a yacht race.” The stories she’d shared came rushing back. “They met in Dunn’s River Falls. It’s a stunning waterfall a few hour’s drive from here.” I still had the first photo taken of them on the day they met. Mum was wearing a blue bikini—the same color as Emily’s. “Dad saw her splashing around in the falls like a water nymph and was smitten.”

  “They didn’t want to live in your castle?”

  “Sometimes they did. Mum preferred being here.”

  “I can see why.”

  Mum had been a
free spirit, which was what my stuffy father had probably seen in her—a barefoot island beauty.

  “Your father was an Earl?”

  “Yes. He served in the Navy just like me.”

  Xavier called over. “His dad was an Admiral.”

  “That’s why he loved your mum,” said Emily brightly. “She was from the Caribbean. They were opposites.”

  “True.”

  “James, you seem happier here.”

  Because you’re here, Em. I didn’t say it though. Instead I went with, “It’s a beautiful place. Easy to relax.”

  Xavier made a noise of chastisement, like he knew I was denying, or at least hiding, my true feelings. He shook his head in quiet condemnation.

  “How did you end up in England?” asked Emily.

  “At eight I was sent to further my education at Ludgrove in Berkshire.”

  “Why were you sent there?”

  “My dad attended the same school.”

  Xavier came over. “His mum died so he was sent away from his beloved Jamaica to attend a stuffy boy’s school. That’s why he’s so mercurial.”

  “Eight was very young.” She pointed at me. “I see through that hard shell of yours, Mister.”

  “You only see what he wants you to see,” quipped Xavier.

  Emily stared at him as though sensing he’d already chipped away at the details of my past.

  “One day he’ll treat you to his Jamaican accent,” said Xavier. “You’ll fall hard when he does.”

  Emily looked at me with an expression that said she had already fallen.

  What could have been…

  But she belonged to him.

  Just as I had once.

  And I knew the power of his love—that all-consuming passion from a man able to read the whispers of a soul.

  Should I allow myself to follow what my heart desired? How did anyone sustain a ménage à trois for a lifetime? It was too easy with us and surely that was where the flaw began.

  “Why did you lose your accent?” Emily broke into my meandering thoughts.

  Xavier looked pained. “The school bullied it out of him.”

  I placed my book on the small table beside me. “You can take a boy out of Jamaica…”

  “I enjoy hearing your stories.” Emily flicked a wet strand of hair out of her face. “I like getting to know you better.”