Sensing Serafina

by Elisa Ellis

  “Sera, I can’t say that I’m not extremely disappointed that you lied to me about your plans, and quite frankly, even though I hate how it happened, I’m thankful your plans were thwarted. You need to go to college. Travelling is something you can do later, when you have your education behind you. And while I’m still not happy about your relationship with Cal, I’m going to try to accept that you are living on your own and staying here. I can see that you won’t be convinced to leave with me, especially after watching the two of you in there today. I’m sorry I’ve implied you were immature. I just love you too much to let you go,” he says, breaking up. The tears in my eyes threaten to spill as he talks more openly with me than he has in a long time.

  “I’m your Dad, Sera. I care about you. I know this has been hard for you, and I’ve been critical, but you took it into your own hands. You handled talking to the lawyer, and you were very good in there, Sera. Your mother would be so proud of you. If she were here, she probably would have kicked me by now,” he says, chuckling through his own tears.

  “I love you, Dad. Thank you for loving me. And thank you for trusting me. Finally!” I say, teasing. “How about Megan? Have you seen her or heard from her lately?” I ask, worried about him.

  “No. Not really.”

  “You should talk to her, Dad. I know she loves you. She told me before I left, and I might have been texting her lately,” I say, smiling.

  “You have, huh? Well, that surprises me and also gives me hope. You know, I always wanted you two to have a closer relationship, but I understood she couldn’t replace your mother.”

  “She’s actually pretty great. It took me a long time to allow myself to see it, and I feel badly about that, but at least I see it now. Go, Dad. I’ve got things under control here. You go take care of you. And Megan.”

  “Isn’t it backwards for the daughter to give the father relationship advice?” he asks, smiling.

  “Maybe, but it’s happening, so get moving,” I urge him in a silly voice. Giving him one last hug, I make my way back to Cal.

  My love. My hope. My future.

  Chapter 31

  Before

  Beautifully wrapped gifts wait below the 9 foot Christmas tree decorated in gold and red. Though I’ve never wanted for anything physical, my mother’s absence is always more prevalent during the holidays. It makes me sad for Megan this year. I’ve never tried to look at it from her perspective, and she obviously tries too hard to make the day special.

  This year, as we have every year, we eat a full breakfast using our fine china before joining together in the living room to exchange gifts. Among other clothes, Megan got me a gorgeous cashmere sweater. My father bought me a beautiful necklace and earring set from James Avery. He also gave Megan jewelry, which I think she likes.

  Since I haven’t wanted to venture out to shop, I bought my gifts online. It’s hard to choose a gift for someone who can afford everything, so when I found some personalized and unique things on Etsy, I was thrilled. Megan’s expression when she opens my gift to her is priceless. It is a silver necklace, on it a round charm with a glass globe cover that says, “Thank you for raising me as your own, Love, Sera.” With tears in her eyes, she hugs me for over a minute, thanking me and telling me how much she loves it.

  “I’m glad you like it, Megan. Now it’s your turn, Dad,” I say, smiling.

  Upon unwrapping his gift, my Dad quietly looked through the pages of the photo album full of all my favorite photos spanning my entire life.

  “How did you do this?” He asks, tearing up.

  “I’ve been working on it since I’ve been home. I was able to scan the pictures in and create the book online. Do you like it?”

  “I love it, honey. I can’t believe you found all of these pictures. It’s great,” he says, grinning at certain pictures. The one of me in a bathtub with overflowing bubbles makes him laugh.

  Moments like these bring tears to my eyes. I will miss my father and Megan. Trying to take control of the anxiety that sneaks its way into my heart, I take a couple of deep breaths and attempt to still my wringing hands.

  Megan smiles a sad smile at me, understanding my apprehension, but before my Dad has a chance to notice, I quickly rally my feelings with an internal pep talk.

  It’s going to be ok. I want this. I need this. I’m just going home.

  Now

  “You didn’t tell me you actually applied for school,” Cal says from the passenger seat of my Bronco. “I thought you were still just thinking about it.”

  “I was going to surprise you.”

  “Do you know what you want to major in yet?” he asks me.

  “I’m not sure, but I was kind of thinking about studying to be a therapist of some sort. I spent so much time in rehab, I feel like I kind of have a good start. Plus, I really loved all of the patients who were there with me. People need someone who not only knows how to work with them physically, but someone who cares. Someone who is encouraging and loving. I feel like I could be that person.”

  “I don’t know if I ever told you, but one of the main things that attracted me to you is your light. You glow, Sera. And I realize that sounds kind of weird, but you are bright. People are drawn to you. It’s something I missed so deeply, and even when you came back, I mourned my loss of sight all over again. But then I realized, like a light bulb came on in my head, that your light is not something I see with my eyes, but rather through your heart and soul. You are truly beautiful, Sera, and I believe that whatever you decide to pursue will be good.”

  “Cal…” I can’t even respond. Wiping my tears, I reach over to take his hand. “I love you so much.”

  “I love you, too, babe, but what the hell is wet on your hand?” he says, chuckling.

  “Oh my gosh.” Taking my hand away to wipe it on my jeans, I laugh. “My happy tears; that’s all.”

  “I’m just teasing you,” he says, continuing to laugh.

  After the deposition, we decided to go back to where everything started. Parking in the gravelly lot, Cal says, “You know, I came here once after the accident. I was alone and it was heartbreaking, yet peaceful.”

  “Was it hard to find your way?” I ask him. We haven’t talked much about our injuries, perhaps a means to forget our struggles and embrace our future. I have to admit, I have a lot of questions I want to ask Cal. Losing sight must be challenging and dispiriting.

  “That’s a hard question. I’ve had to learn so many new ways to do things, to manage my new life. Coming here was my first time out alone. I took a bus for the first time with a nice, but very talkative, bus driver,” he says, remembering with a chuckle. “She directed me towards the water, and I just listened for the waves before turning right since I remembered where our tree was. It was different. Weird and uncomfortable, but it also made me feel empowered, and closer to you.”

  “Gosh, I can’t imagine. It’s weird how we can take things for granted. I mean, I couldn’t walk for over a month, and even when I started again, it was almost like I was a baby relearning each step. Then I couldn’t drive or do anything independently. It totally sucked.”

  “That’s exactly what bothered me the most, too, other than losing you, of course. The loss of independence. Depending on my mother to pick my clothes is true blind faith.”

  Giggling at his pun and at the idea of his having to rely on his mom for deciding his wardrobe, I concur. “So, what is it like? Can you see anything at all?”

  “Nope. Pitch black. Sucks ass, but I can appreciate my new Spidey senses,” he jokes, laughing.

  “Seriously? Are your other senses more noticeable now?”

  “They are.”

  Stopping at our tree, we sit on the blanket I brought from home.

  Cal says, “Lie down next to me.”

  “Ok,” I answer.

  “Now close your eyes. What do you hear?” He asks.

  Smiling, I listen for a minute. “I hear the water. Birds. A bug. Ooooh, a duck quacking,” I add
excitedly.

  “Now, what do you smell?”

  “Ummm, grass, the pond, you.” I turn to face him, opening my eyes.

  “Close your eyes, Sera.”

  “Dang it. How did you know I opened them? It’s not like you could hear or smell that,” I say, laughing.

  “I just know you, and you are impatient,” he tells me. Closing my eyes again, I lie on the blanket, waiting for his next direction.

  “What do you feel, Sera?”

  “The breeze?” I ask, unsure of where he’s going with this. But as soon as I ask, he runs his fingers over my chest just below my neck.

  “Oh God. I feel your touch.”

  “Where?”

  “On my chest.”

  “Now where?” he asks.

  “My hair…my tummy…my arms.” I hear him shift but keep my eyes closed. It’s erotic and interesting at the same time.

  His lips touch mine softly. “How about now?” he whispers, his face just above my own.

  “Mmmm.” His chuckle gives me tingles.

  “Now?” he asks, his lips moving to my stomach.

  “Oh God.”

  Warmth fills me, his touch igniting my own senses.

  “This,” he says, “is what I feel.” He continues to caress me. “I feel love. I smell love. I touch, and taste love when I’m with you, and that’s all that fucking matters.”

  “Cal…”

  My words are consumed. Our souls fused.

  One.

  Where light and dark collide, vibrant colors paint the world, creating a beauty that truly can’t be explained. The perfection of a sunrise awakens a love so complete, that each night, the sunset reveals its glory.

  And God seems more real than ever before.

  Epilogue

  The lake is calm today. Luke has learned the area and enjoys playing near the water. He’s great at warning Cal of each fallen branch, tall brush, tree stump.

  “It’s finished. Will you come look?” he asks me.

  “Yay. I’m so excited. I hate how you’ve kept me in the dark.”

  Taking his hand, we walk alongside Luke back into the house to Cal’s art room. A three-foot clay sculpture poses on the work table, as if waiting for praise, approval.

  “It’s beautiful, Cal,” I whisper, my hand covering my mouth as an expression of awe.

  The collection of angels he made when he first started sculpting remain in the art building for all to see, cherished. I love them all.

  But this.

  This is spectacular, the huge wings in flight, gorgeous instruments of freedom, giving refuge to the seraph bearing them.

  “It’s you, baby. My Serafina.”

  “I love it. And I love you.” Entwined, we embrace for several minutes, at peace.

  The loud knock at the door of our lake house finally separates us. With the extremely large settlement Cal and I each received, we purchased the place where we first united completely.

  “I’ll get it,” I tell him.

  Mandy and Ray are first to arrive, announcing proudly that they brought beer for the party.

  “Dude, people don’t drink beer at baby showers,” I laugh, teasing Mandy.

  “The guys do. They can hang out outside. This is a celebration for girls only.”

  “Oh, ok then,” I respond, acknowledging her authority on the matter.

  My dad and Megan show up shortly after, thankfully doing well. My father took Megan on a second honeymoon once Cal and I announced our engagement. He said he didn’t want to wait any longer to express his love and admiration for Megan.

  Wearing my mother’s vintage wedding dress, Cal and I married in May on the second anniversary of our accident, revising that date forever in our minds to be a joyful one. It was the most beautiful spring day. Not quite summer yet, the warm weather wasn’t too hot. Joined by our friends and family, we finally realized our dream of being together officially, without any barriers. The fragrant flowers alongside the chairs leading up to a white arch near the lake subtly and naturally brightened the atmosphere, creating the perfect place for unity.

  Finally arriving for today’s gathering, Cal’s Mom and her date join the group, also including several other friends and family.

  “So, how long has this been going on?” Cal asks his Mom after she announces her boyfriend and herself.

  “Umm, maybe a year?” his mom answers, nervously.

  “Wow, and you hid it from me? Why?”

  “I wasn’t sure if it might be conflict of interest. And you were doing so well with him. I guess I might as well tell you; we are engaged.”

  Before Cal can respond, his therapist, Dr. Roberts, takes Cal’s hand to shake it. “I hope you understand, Cal. Your mother means so much to me.”

  “Sure, I understand. And quite frankly, I’m thankful. I think you will both be happy together,” he says, pulling him in for a side hug. “Now I can get my therapy for free, right?” He asks, chuckling.

  Dr. Roberts replies, “Sure, as long as you do what I say,” also laughing.

  Cal’s Mom says, “I talked to Dr. Roberts during that time, too. He helped me a lot after everything happened. You know how hard it was for me to see you hurting, Cal. And Bill here,” she says, grabbing his hand, “encouraged me to pray. You know, I think this all happened for a reason. Your artwork would have never happened if it weren’t for this change in your life. And even though it took a while, you reunited with Sera. It’s a beautiful life, Cal.”

  “Thanks, Mom. It’s still hard sometimes, but you’re probably right. I can’t see how God would purposely take my sight, but I do think things are working for good now. Remember telling me about that, Bill?” Cal asks, laughing at using his first name, but also sounding appreciative of his help and encouragement during such a dark time.

  “I sure do, Cal. Now, where’s that pretty girl of yours? I still haven’t met her you know.”

  After introducing Dr. Roberts to me, Cal and I take our spots together near the fireplace in the living room. We have done some decorating to the old place. The living room now boasts a more comfortable, leather couch and chair with a beautiful, fluffy beige rug adorning the hardwood floor. The lamps brighten the room, but I love to keep the curtains open during the day to allow the natural light inside. Cal has his own studio in one room of the house, and the third bedroom is newly painted with a gorgeous cherry wood crib waiting in the corner near a rocking chair. I can’t wait to fill the room, and our home, with the wonderful miracle inside of me.

  Addressing the group of loved ones, I say, “This is great. I’m so thankful you could all be here with us to celebrate. I know you have all been waiting for us to tell you the name and the sex of the baby, and I think we finally decided on the perfect one.”

  Looking at Cal, the smile on his lips reflects his pride, his hand cradling the growing bump on my belly.

  “Her name… is Willow Rose.”

  Acknowledgments

  I would like to thank the following people: My husband, Jeremy, for working two jobs while going to school, being a great dad and husband, and for loving and supporting me throughout this process; my mom, Linda, for her encouragement, editing and help with formatting; my daughter-in-law, Leahnna, who read and gave me great feedback; my friend, Kim, for her detailed encouragement and feedback; my knowledgeable and sweet author friend, Amy Van Horn, for beta reading and giving me helpful advice and support; my son, Isaac, for drawing the awesome and cool picture used on the cover; my friend Beth for designing the first cover; Kat Mellon, for designing the awesome second cover; my cousin, Angie, for her mad editing skills; Kerby and Jordan, for their beautiful faces on the cover; and my 9 children, who are my inspiring wild bunch.

  Thank You, God, for giving me the words to write this novel. I pray that You will bless it and that it will be used to reach many, many people.

  About the Author

  Elisa Ellis was born and raised in a small West Texas town. She married her high school sweetheart, J
eremy, and together, they raise their nine children. She briefly taught high school English before deciding to stay home with her kiddos, and has enjoyed a passion for photography and for writing. She currently proofreads court transcripts while continuing to write.

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