remind me
the new coworker
Louis C
Beverley?
pradeep
yes
does she go by her full name, “Beverley”
or is there a nickname we’re supposed to use
Nikki
Pretty sure it’s just “Beverley.” Full name.
pradeep
I heard Tripp call her “Bevvy” or something before
so I thought maybe there was a nickname in her fun facts
Louis C
I believe Tripp is a special case.
pradeep
but I deleted the welcome email
Nikki
omg.
Louis.
Do you think something’s going on with them??
Louis C
I am simply making an observation.
I have heard everyone else call her Beverley.
#nyc-office
tripp
EMINENT DOMAIN
Louis C
Excuse me?
tripp
I DECLARE EMINENT DOMAIN
rob
don’t think that’s how that works
tripp
if @gerald is going to continue to work from home and LARP about it in the slack, then I am declaring EMINENT DOMAIN on his desk
kerolyn
you don’t have to capitalize it like that
lydia
OOOooooOOooo
his desk is in *such* a good spot
gerald
no!!
my desk is in such a good spot
tripp
PRECISELY
you snooze you lose, my dude
lydia
right next to the window
gerald
it’s right next to the window!
Nikki
So are you going to move desks, then?
tripp
NOPE
gonna rent it out to the highest bidder
Nikki
:thinking:
pradeep
can you do that
@kerolyn can he do that?
tripp
don’t be a narc
pradeep
she’s literally in the chat
gerald
please, no
kerolyn
I’m on mobile rn, heading to the airport
also,
I don’t care
Beverley
I think it’s pretty innovative! tbh
gerald
the window is south-facing
if I have to move all my plants will die
kerolyn
@doug, thoughts?
tripp
I am being a DISRUPTOR. I am BRINGING THE SHARING ECONOMY to the office. I am ACCEPTING VENMO PAYMENTS AT THIS TIME.
Beverley
:fire: :fire: :fire:
doug smorin
this is a good, disruptive solution
I like it
approved
rob
what is being disrupted
gerald
my plants
tripp
once again, my venmo is @tripple-double
starting bid is $50
lydia
wow!!
gerald
this isn’t fair
doug smorin
we’ll let the free market decide what’s fair
gerald
has anyone been watering my plants?
tripp
:eyes:
Nikki
I’ll bid.
gerald
NO
tripp
gotta come up with a number, Ger
gerald
you know I can’t do that
tripp
:ok-hand:
gerald
and I shouldn’t have to bid on my own desk
tripp
this is why you lost your desk to EMINENT DOMAIN
pradeep
$60
rob
dang
gerald
Deepu!
pradeep
it’s winter, I need all the sunlight I can get
tripp
do I hear $75?
pradeep, gerald
pradeep
hey man, you there?
gerald
of course I am
pradeep
holy shit
gerald
this is the only place I can be
pradeep
yes and no
because I’m staring at you right now
holy shit
gerald
you’re looking at me?
in my apartment??
pradeep
if this is a prank it is very elaborate
gerald
I’m there? I’m alive?
pradeep
Yeah, you are
you look asleep, kind of.
Comatose, more like.
idk I dropped out of med school after three semesters but I think it’s more like a coma
gerald
am I okay?
pradeep
The first thing I did was check your pulse and it’s a little slow but like, normal for a person who’s asleep, or whatever you are.
gerald
holy shit
that’s great
pradeep
and you’re breathing normal
you do look a little thinner
gerald
I have a body still and it’s not dead!!
pradeep
and you have kind of a beard now
gerald
*I’m not dead
pradeep
which is a good look for you tbh
okay so what I just did was pour some Soylent in your mouth.
gerald
ew
pradeep
and you did drink it, like a reflex I guess?
so I gave you the whole thing.
gerald
how do you drink that stuff
pradeep
it’s the only thing I had in my bag and also fuck you
I’m explaining how I’m saving your life rn
gerald
right, sorry,
thank you
did you say I had a beard
pradeep
It’s kind of a beard
beard-adjacent
highlights your cheekbones
gerald
that’s cool
pradeep
I’m gonna see if I can get you to drink some water
and move you from your desk chair to laying down on your sofa.
You might be getting bed sores
Chair sores.
gerald
has it been that long?
pradeep
It doesn’t take too long for sores to develop
gerald
thank you for doing this
I really appreciate it
…
Deepu?
???
/>
pradeep
you look thinner but you’re still heavy
Moved you to the sofa, and got you to drink like
a gallon of water.
So you should be okay for a bit.
gerald
thank you so much
that’s such a relief, you have no idea
what made you decide to check in on me?
pradeep
I won your desk
and I felt bad
gerald
I saw that
pradeep
also tbh you said you’d pay me if I stopped by your apartment
and I wanted to recoup the cost of winning your desk
gerald
that’s fair
there should be a wallet on my desk someplace
take whatever you want
pradeep
ty
this is wild
so you really have just been working from slack this whole time?
just like, stuck in there?
gerald
yup
I asked the ops team to forward my emails to my slack DMs
pradeep
that’s wild, man.
gerald
which took a day or two but the operations intern did something with the API and now it works and I can read emails, which is most of it
so I’ve just been writing everything I need for work in DMs and copy-pasting them to the relevant parties
pradeep
we have an operations intern?
gerald
yeah
who knew
pradeep
and no one else has noticed
gerald
I did have to email my mom and explain why I wasn’t responding to her texts
pradeep
is she worried?
gerald
she’s convinced I got into improv
and that I’m doing a bit
pradeep
do you do improv
gerald
I did in college
pradeep
oh
I meant if people at work noticed.
gerald
oh
yeah
some people are getting kind of annoyed that I’m sending them everything in slack but otherwise
I’ve been pretty productive with nothing else to distract me
except being trapped
pradeep
this is so wild
gerald
now you see why I need your help
pradeep
this is *so* wild
I just need to like, think
gerald
I mean I get it
I also think this is pretty, you know
pradeep
unusual
gerald
atypical
yeah
pradeep
I just
I guess I’m kind of
freaking out
gerald
yeah
pradeep
yeah
gerald
I mean, same
pradeep
right
what do we like, do, here
call 311
or an ambulance
gerald
absolutely not, our health insurance 100% does not cover ambulance rides
pradeep
fuck
I mean what would I even tell them
the ambulance people
gerald
EMTs
idk
pradeep
you look awake
just, kind of
shitty
gerald
speaking of shitty, have I, like
well, has my body
pradeep
I don’t wanna talk about it
gerald
you know
pradeep
just, it’s handled
gerald
okay, sure
thank you
pradeep
I don’t wanna talk about it
gerald
sorry
pradeep
okay, how about this
I’m going to treat this like cat sitting, okay? just for now
I’ll stop by in the morning and at night and make sure you get some nutrition and water
pick up some adult diapers at the Duane Reade
move you around a bit, make sure you don’t collect dust or atrophy or whatever
I don’t really know what to do here and
you know
I have a life
gerald
I think that makes sense
in the short-term
pradeep
and over the next few days we can talk
well, DM
and figure out if we need to take you to a hospital or a research facility
or something else entirely
gerald
I appreciate you doing this
really
pradeep
daycare
gymboree, maybe
gerald
I appreciate your help
pradeep
Sure
gerald
it’s a huge relief, knowing I have a place to get back to
*body to get back to
pradeep
Sure, yeah.
Okay, I’m going to stop slacking you while watching your empty body
gerald
thank you again.
pradeep
Sure thing.
oh, also
gerald
?
pradeep
You had your laptop charging, so it was still on.
The spreadsheet was open
the coat you were looking at
gerald
yeah?
pradeep
It’s a nice coat.
gerald
thanks
it was on sale, too
pradeep
still is
gerald
oh, is it?
pradeep
you want me to order it for you
don’t you
gerald
is that annoying?
pradeep
yes, extremely.
let me find where I put your wallet
#nyc-office
doug smorin
hey all, stepping out for a dentist appt at 2:30
will be available on mobile for all but 15, 20 minutes
tripp
that’s assuming a very short cleaning, and no fillings
that is dental hubris
rob
*chewbris
tripp
:dusty-stick:
Nikki
:dusty-stick:
pradeep
:dusty-stick:
rob
that was a good joke
don’t dusty stick me
kerolyn
:dusty-stick:
Louis C
:dusty-stick
:
rob
cowards
Beverley
Weird question -- does anyone @here have a tape measure?
tripp, Beverley
tripp
did you have lunch already?
Beverley
What’s the :dusty-stick: thing?
tripp
I asked you first
Beverley
Is it some kind of inside joke?
Yes, I went with Kerolyn for a kind of belated “welcome” lunch meeting.
tripp
ooh what did she get you?
Beverley
Gyros. But like, fancy gyros.
tripp
the place with the hummus fountain?
Beverley
A hummus fountain was involved.
Yes!!
tripp
oh yeah, she’s obsessed with that place.
it’s pretty solid
Beverley
Are you avoiding the question?
tripp
what?
Beverley
What is :dusty-stick:?
tripp
oh right
I forget that’s not a thing everywhere
Beverley
It’s a *thing* here? Like a bit?
tripp
it’s sort of an inside joke, yeah. it just means like
general disapproval, I guess
Beverley
Like a :thumbs-down:?
tripp
sort of. it’s a little more nuanced than that
man this is weirdly hard to explain
I mean you see it in context, we use it to communicate, like
you know, it’s just, :dusty-stick:
Beverley
Honestly? That doesn’t help at all.
tripp
totally fair
once you see it in context a little bit more you’ll get the hang of it
Beverley
:dusty-stick:
tripp
Like that! that was a pretty good use of :dusty-stick:!!
Beverley
Sure, okay. But like, who started this?
tripp
you should be proud!
hmm, great question
not sure
I mean it’s a slack-only emoji, right? so someone here must’ve started doing it and now we all use it the same way
Beverley
That sounds kind of cult-ish.
tripp
It is!
what is a workplace but a cult where everyone gets paid, really?
Beverley
Not…a cult? What are you saying?
tripp
oh come on, we have Supreme Leader Doug, plus a few high priests
Beverley
High priests?
tripp
well kerolyn is definitely like, THE high priest, plus a few sub-tiers between doug and kerolyn at the top and schmucks like us toward the bottom
Beverley
I meant to ask if a Managing Principal was higher or lower ranking than a Director.
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