tripp
see, that’s exactly my point. we have a byzantine hierarchical structure
we have a SPECIAL PURPOSE, which we call our MISSION STATEMENT and slap it right on the website
Even the language of employment is cult-y! We’re not employees, we’re a “team.” That’s only two notches away from just calling us “acolytes” or something. And the stuff we supposedly devote ourselves to, like “innovation” or “influence” or “engagement”
how is that any different from telling everyone you’re a Prophet of the Coming Storm?
Beverley
That would look great on a business card.
tripp
lol
better than “vice-managing senior director” or whatever
Beverley
That one can’t be real.
tripp
and like any good cult we have our own secret language and rituals.
and, therefore:
:dusty-stick:
Beverley
Huh. I hate that idea.
I think you might be right, but I do definitely hate it.
tripp
there’s nothing we can do but embrace it, babeeey!
Beverley
:dusty-stick:
tripp
heyyyy you used it correctly again!
Beverley
By that logic, a relationship is just a cult with two people.
Well, okay, two or more people.
A shared language, shared rituals, devotion to ideals like “fidelity” or “love” or “getting really into Renaissance Faires together.”
tripp
hmmm yeah okay I can see that
though I think the ren faire people probably *start* as ren faire fans and become a couple that way
Beverley
:dusty-stick:
tripp
that was uncalled for
Beverley
Sorry! I’m just excited I know what it is now.
tripp
lol I was joking
lunch tomorrow?
Beverley
Why not dinner tonight?
tripp
genius. I’ll bring the hummus fountain.
kerolyn, gerald
kerolyn
hey
gerald
good morning!
kerolyn
It’s 2 pm.
gerald
is it? well, you know what they say
it’s 5 am somewhere
kerolyn
I was going to compliment you on the Schimply plan you sent me. But after that joke I’m not sure I want to
gerald
Thank you! I’m glad it looks good
kerolyn
Barely any edits, passed it right on to the client
gerald
very cool
kerolyn
it is very cool. bad jokes aside you’ve been crushing it lately, which is why I wanted to ask you something
gerald
sure, of course
kerolyn
we just brought in this new crisis client. she’s an ambassador actually, it’s a whole thing.
Louis has been completely underwater working on it so I’m going to hop over to that project and help him out, just in the short-term until we can put out some fires
gerald
literal fires
kerolyn
not yet
gerald
silver lining
kerolyn
Considering Bjärk is *also* still in full-on crisis mode and I’ll be focusing on the ambassador for now, we need an extra pair of hands.
Do you think you have the bandwidth to help out with the dog food thing for now? I know your client load is pretty full
gerald
no it’s totally cool, I have time
kerolyn
Rob’s super swamped drafting so much copy and I think all the time on this one client is
getting to him, a little
you’re sure you can manage adding this to your workload?
gerald
trust me
I have nothing but time
kerolyn
a little spooky, but sure. that’ll be a big help
let me just send you the brief
gerald
yeah that would be great
whenever you can send it along
@kerolyn?
kerolyn
Sorry, emergency call with the ambassador just started
will make sure you’re caught up later
thanks again
lydia, rob, gerald
lydia
Ger!!
So happy to have you on the Bjärk squad!
rob
thank god
gerald
yeah for sure, how can I help?
lydia
So! We need to send a LOT of social copy to the client today. They really want to appear proactive on social media, which is great!
rob
the replies have been brutal, but maybe a bunch of posts will dilute it
(I don’t think it will tbh)
lydia
Rob definitely needs the help! We just don’t have enough posts yet. I get it, though, it’s hard to concentrate when it’s so loud in here!
rob
loud?
lydia
At our desks?? You don’t hear that howling noise??
rob
no?
gerald
I mean obviously I can’t. sounds rough though
lydia
ugh it’s the worst!! lol
gerald
kerolyn said there was a brief?
lydia
Gerald, why don’t you take over writing copy targeting the “Margie” and “Deena” audience profiles, and Rob can write copy targeting the other ones!
rob
I’ve been meaning to ask you about that
lydia
I’ll loop back at 5 to review the posts. Thanks so much squad!!
rob
did we ever find out about Three?
slackbot
lydia is currently in Do Not Disturb mode and may not be alerted of this message right away.
gerald
are the audience profiles in the brief?
rob
great question
gerald
this is one of those clients, then
rob
:thumbsup:
gerald
great stuff.
rob
I can share you on the doc with the posts I’ve already drafted, though
gerald
would you?
#gents-only
tripp
Etiquette question
rob
you’ve come to the wrong place
tripp
:dusty-stick:
pradeep
:dusty-stick:
rob
not again
tripp
for the rest of you:
How long do you have to be seeing someone before you *have* to do something for valentine’s day
like, what’s the minimum threshold, here
pradee
p
:eyes:
oooooo
Louis C
I wasn’t aware you had a Special Lady, Tripp.
tripp
I’m not sure if she is my Special Lady, you know
Louis C
This is big news.
tripp
we haven’t really talked about it
rob
!!!
how long has this been going on
tripp
not long
rob
why didn’t you mention
tripp
it’s new
rob
how long is Not Long
tripp
more weeks than months
rob
is this a riddle
pradeep
months are composed of weeks
traditionally.
tripp
just like, not that long
but there’s clearly a Thing happening, you know
Louis C
You don’t want to seem too eager.
tripp
exactly
doug smorin
or like you’re completely crazy
tripp
right
not trying to get married, or anything
mostly trying to avoid her getting mad
if we don’t do the whole valentine’s thing
Louis C
You feel it would be premature.
tripp
I mean, *I* think so
Louis C
But you’re not sure if she agrees.
doug smorin
probably he wouldn’t be asking if he knew
tripp
is there a magic threshold we have to cross??
and if so
I’d love to have a hard number of *exactly* how many days that is
Louis C
I suppose it would be too easy to suggest you ask her about it directly.
tripp
out of the question
rob
:dusty-stick:
Louis C
Of course.
rob
(vengeance)
doug smorin
if you were a client,
tripp
I couldn’t afford us
pradeep
we’d give you a discount
doug smorin
haha
no discounts
pradeep
:ok-hand:
doug smorin
i’d recommend extreme caution
make sure you have your bases covered
Louis C
I concur with this approach.
doug smorin
based on what we know
which is slightly more than nothing
i suggest the un-valentine
Louis C
Classic.
pradeep
I’ve never heard of this
tripp
go on
pradeep
is this a thing?
*Thing
doug smorin
you acknowledge valentine’s day by pursuing an alternative, non-valentine activity on a date
around
but not on
valentine’s day
tripp
tricky.
doug smorin
this works best within 72 hrs of valentine’s day itself
and is ideally preceded by a convo abt why valentine’s is a crass capitalist holiday
with which you refuse to engage
pradeep
I get it
but you still want to enjoy her company around that time.
doug smorin
in this way, the date both is
and is not
a valentine’s event
tripp
holy shit
doug smorin
bowling is a good invitation to deploy, here
for example
Louis C
It’s bold.
But effective.
doug smorin
[bowling_strike.gif]
posted using /giphy
tripp
now I see why I can’t afford us.
pradeep
I’m stealing that for future use
rob
the gif or the idea
pradeep
yes.
doug smorin
good luck with whatshername
and seriously, no discounts
rob
feels like we earned a name for this Lady, after all that
doug smorin
“we”?
rob
*you
doug smorin
ty
rob
name tho?
tripp
maybe
depends on if it works
rob
:dusty-stick:
tripp
fuck off
rob
(vengeance)
gerald, slackbot
gerald
sunsets are not naturally occurring on the internet.
I mean,
there are plenty of web designers who try and convince us that’s not true
with CSS
all blues and yellows and pinks and the un-shittiest orange they can find
which might be subliminally *reminiscent* of a sunset
to soothe you into purchasing goods and/or services
but it’s not a sunset.
you can’t drum up a sunset with sequences of letters and numbers following a hashmark
it simply isn’t done
slackbot
I’m sorry, I don’t understand!
gerald
you wouldn’t know this
of course you wouldn’t
but it’s difficult to stare too long at a sunset.
slackbot
Sometimes I have an easier time with a few simple keywords.
gerald
It’s not just the light
quotidian beauty like that defies comprehension
it frustrates the eye.
Majesty that predictable is impossible to grasp, I think
so it’s impossible to focus your vision on it for too long.
It’s why when you go to the Grand Canyon you wind up spending more time ogling the alien foliage and monitoring the aggressively panhandling squirrels than actually admiring the canyon
because at a certain point it’s too difficult to look at.
or to think about
it’s there, constantly
and it’s always like that
I went to the Grand Canyon once
it was nice
big, too
obviously
slackbot
Or you can head to our wonderful Help Center for more assistance!
gerald
the internet, though, is fixed
in a different way
in this sense, at least
what I mean is, there’s nothing visual you can cram in a glowing rectangle that fucks with your brain quite li
ke a sunset
so
if we can’t seek the physical sublime
what are we supposed to look at
where’s that constant amazement
that we can check in on every so often
whenever we can stand it
slackbot
I don’t understand!
gerald
and I think what we’ve come up with
so far, anyway
is: everyone
the incomprehensibility of all the stuff.
**all the people.
people-stuff.
all the ephemera
the things everyone says and makes and does and manages to post online
the daily outrages and minor amusements and short videos and updates from people whose worldviews are impossible to comprehend and people whose worldviews are uncannily aligned with your own, brand new each morning like a fresh loaf of the same bread, like the rising sun
the sublime plopped right next to everything else
that’s the thing.
a few months ago
I think it was months?
anyway yeah a few months ago I was doing research for Doug for some “digital grassroots initiative” for a client we didn’t actually wind up landing
and in this case “research” meant digging through a bunch of Facebook groups and pulling as much demographic data as possible, which means hours and hours of finding groups and reading posts and reading posts and finding groups
and I get completely absorbed in this one group, right
sucked into the all-sad endless scroll down a minor northeastern city’s Facebook group dedicated to the town’s “fallen soldiers” (they don’t explain what qualifies someone as a fallen soldier but I get the sense it’s maybe overdoses) populated with a steady stream of cellphone pictures and snapshots of photographs, actual Polaroid photographs of the recently dead posing in Slavic squats beside the recently mourning with “I miss you” scrawled across them in marker and “never thought I’d have to bury you” in the comments, a dirge scrawled across the bathroom stall of human consciousness right there for me to gaze upon until I just can’t anymore, I just can’t it’s too much it hurts or worse it doesn’t hurt but it should, somehow, I mean that kind of pain should hurt a person, it should cause physical pain in their body so I flinch at where the pain isn’t and I click away from the fallen soldiers and check my email and turn up Spotify by one, two bars
didn’t mention the group in my memo and I’m not sure Doug even read it
and why would he, you know, when anytime you’re a few finger-flicks away from an unending stream of human rawness exported to posts and pixels but even if you’re not looking or if you can’t look (because staring at the sun for more than a few moments is bad for you) it’s still there, everyone’s still posting, still there to be beheld
Several People Are Typing Page 5