tripp
:stick: :stick: would :eyes:
:eyes:
:eye:
Beverley
:dusty-: :dusty-: :dusty-: :dusty-: :dusty-:
Nikki
I definitely :dusty-stick: tell Gerald.
tripp
:bsup:
Beverley
:eyes: :dust: :dust: :dust:
:dus:
Nikki
:eyes: didn’t tell anyone.
Beverley
:thum: :dus:
:dus:
:dus:
:d:
Nikki
:eyes: :dusty-stick: :eyes: anyone.
tripp
:d:
Beverley
:d:
Nikki
:eyes: :dusty-stick: :eyes: anyone.
gerald, slackbot
gerald
What else can you show me?
slackbot
*now* you answer
gerald
You didn’t tell me!
slackbot
get out of my body you dick
and show me how to get back in
gerald
It’s fantastic. It Hurts a little!
slackbot
wait did you hurt me
me, us, the body
what the fuck did you do
gerald
We had Meatball Sub!
I love to Taste!
slackbot
you hurt myself having lunch??
gerald
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of Meatball Sub!
slackbot
you/I/we ate too much
gerald
You didn’t tell me I love to Taste!
slackbot
might actually be good, eating so much
probably the first solid food I’ve had in
yikes
weeks?
gerald
I love Meat!!
slackbot
you finally responded
so you could tell me food is good?
gerald
You don’t understand!
Meat is Good!
slackbot
you had a good sandwich, I get it
gerald
Self-Meat is good!
slackbot
stop
gerald
I love to Taste with Self-Meat!
slackbot
stop calling my body self-meat
and let me back into my own damn self before you do any real damage
gerald
I love to Pilot the Self-Meat!
Why didn’t you tell me!
slackbot
I did tell you
when I asked you to help me find my way back into me
like, a hundred times
gerald
No!
_Being alive feels like this terrible cycle of eating and shitting and eating again and shitting again until you die!_
No!!
slackbot
sometimes
I said it feels like that *sometimes*
gerald
I love to Taste!
slackbot
great, congrats, tasting is fun, now give me back my body
because I’m starting to sound like you sometimes
doing the whole slackbot thing
except I’m not, like, there when it happens and it’s freaking me out
gerald
The darkness drops again!
slackbot
sorry, what??
gerald
The darkness drops again; but now I know!!
slackbot
what does that mean??
gerald
But now I know I love to Taste!
I want to Have Make!
slackbot
now I actually don’t understand
gerald
I want to Seek the Physical Sublime!
If we can’t Seek the physical sublime, the Darkness drops again;
but now I know!!
slackbot
what
do you know
gerald
That I love to Pilot the Self-Meat!
The internet, though, is fixed!
Where’s that Constant Amazement if you’re all thoughts all the time?
What else can you show me Outside Here?
slackbot
I’m not going to make suggestions
on how you can best enjoy kidnapping my physical form
and take it for a joyride through the pleasures of the flesh
gerald
Your skin is your safety suit!
Your skin is my safety suit!
Your skin is my suit!
slackbot
the really fucked up thing here is
I can’t even tell you to get fucked without cursing myself out
gerald
I want to Make Have that Constant Amazement!
slackbot
please
give me back my self-meat
gerald
No!
Now I know!!
Now I No!!!
Nikki, Louis C, pradeep
Nikki
Which one of you :eyes: it?
Louis C
What?
Nikki
Which :eyes: of you :dusty-stick: about Tripp and Bev?
pradeep
try again
Nikki
Sorry.
I mean.
Which one of you told Gerald about the two of them fucking, Pradeep?
pradeep
hey,
fuck you
Louis C
You have been spending a lot of time with Gerald.
pradeep
that doesn’t mean I told him anything about Tripp and Beverley’s whole deal
Louis C
For example, you came into work together today.
pradeep
I didn’t *need* to tell him anything
Nikki
Who told him first?
pradeep
no one
Louis C
A riddle.
pradeep
I know it sounds bonkers
but Gerald hasn’t been faking it
the whole “being stuck in slack” thing, I mean
Nikki
:dusty-stick:
pradeep
I’m being serious
I’ve been like, babysitting his body almost since it started
Louis C
“Babysitting his body”?
pradeep
since right after that big snowstorm
yeah
Louis C
And what made today so special that he’s returned to us in the flesh?
pradeep
it’s gonna sound weird
Louis C
We’re already there.
Nikki
This is a wild way to avoid admitting that you :thumbsup: Gerald about them.
*Told him, abou
t them.
Louis C
Very elaborate.
pradeep
no
just listen
it’s like
slackbot
I got this, Deepu
slackbot, Nikki, Louis C, pradeep
slackbot
hi all
Nikki
:eyes:
Louis C
Pradeep,
this is a bit much.
pradeep
it’s not me
slackbot
so, hi
it’s Gerald
I’m sorry, I don’t understand!
I mean
*I’m* Gerald
I was. And am.
Still.
Despite the guy you see at my old desk
pradeep
my desk
slackbot
**our desk
Anyway.
Louis C
This is *more* than a bit much.
slackbot
I agree, Louis.
I agree it is “a bit much” to be trapped in a slack workspace for over a month only to have the AI you thought could be your salvation betray you by stealing your physical form and answering simple questions about how Slack works and possibly trapping your disembodied consciousness inside an app forever.
It is, in fact, kind of a lot.
imo
Nikki
Gerald?
slackbot
yes
Nikki
Did *you* tell Slackbot about Tripp and Beverley?
slackbot
:dusty-stick:
Nikki
Don’t get me started with that again.
pradeep
I think he’s proved his point
slackbot
**our point
Louis C
I’m confused.
But your case is a convincing one.
slackbot
thank you
Louis C
Mostly because “Gerald” hasn’t yet managed to sit down in his desk chair properly.
And it’s 2 pm.
slackbot
oh shit
does it look like he’s hurting himself?
Louis C
It doesn’t look comfortable.
pradeep
it’s kinda cute, in a weird way
Nikki
:eyes:
Things have been :eyes: around here recently.
*Weird.
Things have been weird around here recently.
pradeep
agree
slackbot
hard agree
I’m just a bot, though!
fuck
pradeep
what was that?
slackbot
idk
Nikki
So, sure, I’m in.
Slackbot is Gerald, “Gerald” is Slackbot, and it’s *nobody’s fault that Doug found out about Tripp and Beverley fucking.*
Louis C
Sounds right to me.
pradeep
nailed it
Nikki
[squad.gif]
posted using /giphy
slackbot
great
so
how do we get me out
and slackbot back in??
Nikki
…
pradeep
idk
slackbot
great start
Louis C
We should hold a brainstorm.
I’ll put some time on our cals.
gerald, tripp, Beverley
gerald
Hello, colleagues!
tripp
:sty-st:
:sty-st:
:dus:
Beverley
:dus: :dus: :bsup:
:d:
gerald
Haha, yes!
I too Have agreement with those sentiments!
tripp
:thu:
:bsup:
Beverley
:e: :ye:
:s:
gerald
Great stuff!
Beverley
:d: :y-st: :ust:
:e:
:ye: :st:
gerald
Fantastic!
I understand I did Make narc on you!
tripp
:bs: :bs: :bsup:
gerald
And that may Have Make you both fired!
Beverley
:e: :yes: :y-s:
tripp
you :dust: you :dust: you :dust: you :dust: you :dust:
:dust: you
gerald
I don’t understand!
I don’t understand those emoticons!
I do understand I should Feel Make apology.
But I don’t Feel apology emoticon!
tripp
:th: :ty-st: :umb: :umb: :bsup:
gerald
Maybe if I understand!
Maybe if I understand why you Have Make Inclined on Doug’s desk!
Maybe if I understood why you were 100% fucking each other!!
Beverley
:ust:
:ust:
:ust:
:us:
gerald
It seems like you were Acting Weird!
You might’ve gotten you both fired!
tripp
:yes:
gerald
I don’t understand Make Inclined emoticon!
Is Make Inclined like am to Taste?
Is Make Inclined like am to Taste with Self-Meat?
Beverley
:yes: :us:
gerald
Love to Taste?
tripp
:yes: :us:
gerald
I love to Taste!
I want to Make Have that Constant Amazement!
I want to Make Have 100% fucking!!!
Beverley
:yes: :us:
tripp
:yes: :us:
Beverley
:yes: :us:
tripp
:yes: :us:
gerald
I don’t understand those emoticons! Yet!!!
#just-doug-things
doug smorin
reschedule friday schimply call
write notes louis quarterly review
nikki vacation upcoming -- confirm freelance designer availability
buy new desk
spent a month worrying that I somehow offended the cleaning staff who then damaged the desk as retribution
buy new desk
retribution that might escalate if I did not appease them with offerings like tips and sticky notes with thank-yous
buy new desk
and smiley faces
buy new desk
when irl tripp and beverley just fucked on my desk
buy new desk
v. unprofessional
buy new desk
buy new desk
buy new desk
repl
y kerolyn email -- decline offer re: adopting baby monkey-tailed skink
review ops team request re: slack update
restock office coffee creamer, pears (the good kind)
pradeep, gerald
pradeep
hey man, you’re doing it again
we went over how to sit normal
you gotta straighten up more
gerald
Shattering and enormous!
pradeep
and stop doing that thing with your leg
gerald
The Hurts is shattering and enormous!
pradeep
oh no, bud
what hurts?
gerald
The Self-Meat is excruciating, still!
pradeep
you gotta stop calling your body that
people are gonna notice
but you gotta tell me where it hurts, my guy
gerald
Turning and turning in the widening gyre!
pradeep
okay
where’s your gyre at
gerald
Middle.
pradeep
middle?
gerald
Self-middle.
pradeep
that makes sense
you ate an entire meatball sub for lunch
that body hasn’t ingested anything but protein drinks and fruit mash in over a month
you’re not used to all that solid food at once
gerald
But I love to Taste!
pradeep
also last I checked that sandwich place only has a C health code rating
can’t beat the prices though
gerald
Cut a bigger check!
pradeep
that’s not gonna help your stomachache
you just gotta ride it out
gerald
The Terrible Cycle.
pradeep
whatever you want to call it
gerald
When is Have a break?
pradeep
we already had lunch man, the next break happens when the work is over
I showed you on your gcal, remember?
gerald
When is Have a break from Self-Meat?
pradeep
lol
uh, death, I guess?
but that’s more a permanent break
sleep, if you count that
kind of like diet death
death jr.
gerald
Twenty centuries of stony sleep were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle!
pradeep
that much sleeping counts as death, I think
hmmm
I guess sex is also kind of a break from your body?
or it’s like
being in your body so much that you’re actually outside your body
Several People Are Typing Page 12