Distracted: An Everyday Heroes Novel (The Everyday Heroes World)

by Michelle Fernandez

  “Spencer.” My voice is barely audible as I take him in. His blue eyes are tender, and butterflies flutter inside me. Even after all these years, he has this control over my emotions.

  He raises his hand and clears his throat. “Please, let me finish. We were kids back then, and now we’re all grown up. Well, at least you grew up. To some, I’m probably a man-child.” He’s right about that. “I can’t go on knowing how angry and pissed off you are with me. Your grandmother asked me to do something, and I’m going to give that woman her dying wish.”

  “What did she ask you?” Our eyes meet as I wipe a fallen tear, not for the death of my grandmother, but for the man I still love standing before me.

  “Maybe someday I’ll tell you.” He rounds the table, bends down, and kisses my cheek. “I’ve missed you, Sabrina. More than you know.” His warm breath and words cause my heart to ache. His touch makes my body melt and wakes up every emotion I thought I had lost.

  I watch him open the door, and before he exits, he looks back at me one more time and smiles.

  How can his presence make me happy and sad at the same time? It’s hard to love a man who will never love me back the way I love him. I thought my heart hardened as time passed. I thought I could handle seeing him.

  Why didn’t I stop him? Why didn’t I just tell him that we need to talk? There’s so much to be said about that night. But I have to let him go, let him walk out of my life. Not because I don’t love him, but because I can’t have my heart obliterated all over again.

  Taking a deep breath, I slip my finger under the flap and open the envelope. I bring it to my nose, and the scent of lavender lingers on the ivory paper. She knows about Lily’s father. When I got pregnant, Nonna begged and pleaded for me to tell him he has a daughter. But I couldn’t.

  It’s like opening Pandora’s Box. A chain of events will erupt. And I can’t handle losing any more people in my life. I’ve already lost too many.

  “I miss you, Nonna.” My whisper fills the room, and my chest tightens. I can’t read this. Not now. Without warning, I spring to my feet, shove the envelope in my purse, and then dart out the door and through the hall.

  “Mommy! Somebody’s at the door! And you said if someone knocks, I can’t answer it. And someone’s knocking!” Lily screams from the living room as I place the wet cup in the dish rack.

  It was pizza night again, and I feel like a terrible mom, feeding my daughter unhealthy crap. I wasn’t in the mood to cook or go to the grocery store after the reading today. All I wanted to do was pick up Lily from Callie’s studio and have her all to myself.

  We went for ice cream at one of my favorite places, then took a walk in the park as she told me about her day with Callie. Now Lily wants to take ballet lessons.

  “I’m coming,” I holler, grabbing a towel to dry my hands and rush out of the kitchen.

  “Hurry, they might leave. And it could be important. Maybe a delivery. Or maybe a—”

  “Sh, no need to yell. I’m right here, Buttercup.” She looks so small sitting on the massive couch watching SpongeBob. Her hair is in a messy ponytail, and she’s wearing the new tutu Callie gave her. She’s so adorable. “And if it’s important, they will wait till I answer the door,” I tell her and kiss the top of her head.

  Through the door’s frosted window, there’s a fuzzy silhouette against the porch light. I can’t make out who it is, so I peek through the curtain from the large living room window, and I grit my teeth when I see who is on the porch.

  I debate if I should open the door, but he’s heard Lily screaming.

  “Hey.” Spencer’s voice is like silk, and I’m fighting with every ounce of strength not to let him take control of my emotions.

  “What are you doing here?” I ask, my hand gripping the knob. My god, you look so handsome, is what I really want to say. His thick hair is in a messy spike like he purposely styled it imperfectly perfect. His biceps stretch the hem of the blue LAPD T-shirt as if it’s painted on him. I inconspicuously inhale his woodsy scent mixed with soap, and it brings me back to the first time he wore cologne.

  “Hi to you too, Buttercup,” Spencer says, giving me that shy smile that makes me swoon. His straight white teeth and that dimple make an appearance, and I do my best not to smile back.

  Seeing him again, standing on the porch he’s stood on so many times, is like a time warp. He’s ignited a spark in me I thought could never be fired up again, and if I’m not careful, he’ll burn my whole world down.

  He’s the boy I fell in love with when I was thirteen. His intense blue eyes hold mine, and it’s so hard to look away. Why can’t I control my heart when I’m around him?

  At the reading today, I was a mess. Listening to all the things that Nonna had and was giving me, Gabby, and Spencer was a complete surprise. Even from the grave, Nonna still wants Spencer and me to be together. But after what he did to me, I could never be with him, regardless of how I feel about him.

  “It’s late, Spencer,” I warn him after I get my composure back.

  “I come bearing gifts.” He raises a plastic container so I can see what’s inside. Callie told me she was going to stop by tonight. I am going to kick her ass for sending the cherry cheesecake tarts with Spencer. She’s been trying to get Spencer and me back on talking terms. It hasn’t been easy on Callie. Her best friend and brother hadn’t spoken to each other, gotten together to celebrate in the same house, or been in the same town in a long time.

  “Mommy, who’s he?” Lily asks as she wraps her arm around my leg.

  “He’s nobody, baby girl.”

  “I saw you,” she points to him. “You were at my Nonna’s funeral.”

  “I was,” Spencer confirms.

  “Are those cupcakes?” she asks, her eyes go wide as does the smile on her face.

  “Actually, they’re better than cupcakes.” Spencer squats to be at eye level with her.

  I try to push Lily behind me, shielding her from seeing the man I’ve been attempting to drive out of my mind for the last six years.

  “Mommy, why did he call you Buttercup? That’s what you call me too.” Lily stares at Spencer suspiciously and steps in front of me.

  “Your mommy calls you Buttercup too?” he asks, his eyes meeting hers then moving back to mine. The corner of Spencer’s mouth pulls up into a lopsided grin, and I want to slap that dimple off his face. Or kiss it. God, what is wrong with me?

  Don’t let him get to you. Don’t fall for that smile and those eyes and those dimples and . . . I close my eyes and shake my head. “It’s just a coincidence, Lil.” I turn to face her. “Now, why don’t you go upstairs—”

  “What’s your name?” she asks with her unicorn tucked under her arm.

  “My name is Spencer.” He stretches his hand out. “And you must be the famous Lily I’ve heard so much about,” he says as my little girl places her small hand in his.

  “Famous? You’re silly.” Lily giggles. “Mommy says I was named after a flower because I smell like one. And did you know that lilies are pure and innocent?”

  “Sometimes, you can be just the opposite, baby girl,” I chide before wiping some red sauce from her face with the dishtowel still in my hand.

  Spencer angles his head and pats her stuffed animal’s head. “And who is this beauty?”

  Lily holds up her unicorn. “This is Astra. She’s very powerful and the protector of rainbows.”

  “Protector of rainbows?”

  “Uh-huh.” Lily nods emphatically. “And rainbows hold magical dreams. Astra flies around while everyone sleeps and sprinkles different colors of rainbow dust so people’s dreams will come true.”

  “And how does Astra know if her magic dust worked?”

  “Her alicorn lights up like different colors.” Lily points to the cone-shaped horn. “See, this is made of magic. And if it comes off, she won’t have any more magic to protect the good people.”

  “And who will protect Astra?”

  Lily twists
her lips and her finger goes in her mouth. “She doesn’t need protection. She’s strong like my Mommy,” she says as she looks up at me.

  “Yes, your mommy is a strong lady. Did you know I’ve known your mom since I was about your height?”

  Lily’s eyes light up and my heart bursts to see her smile brightening her face.

  “Really? You’ve been friends with Mommy for a long time.”

  “We were friends. A very long time ago,” I blurt out, and it’s too late to take it back, knowing my little girl will question it.

  “How come he’s not your friend anymore?” she asks right on cue.

  “Spencer didn’t tell the truth. So Mommy got mad at him,” I say, giving Spencer the death glare. There! Take that, Spencer Hayes! I know it’s immature of me, but I can’t help it.

  Lily’s eyes volley back to Spencer. “Mommy doesn’t like liars. And Astra punishes liars. Did you know Mommy’s nose twitches when she lies?”

  I cover her mouth with my hand. “Okay, Lil . . . That’s enough.”

  Spencer lets out a chuckle. “Yes, I do know that. And did you know when she sleeps, she does this thing with her—”

  “What do you want, Spencer?” I cut him off before he says any more. My hands grip Lily’s shoulders, pulling her closer to me.

  An obnoxious smile slides onto his face. He reveals two yellow roses from behind his back. “I want to start with a peace offering.”

  Seriously? Does he think this will get him into my good graces?

  “This one is for Lily. It’s a friendship rose, and I hope we can be just that.” He hands her the flower, and she takes it, twisting the tutu on her hips. Then his eyes meet mine. “And this is for you. A do-over.” He extends the other rose to me, and I keep my hands folded across my chest, not giving in to his nonsense.

  I know I’m a bitch, but I can’t help it. He hurt me, and I don’t know how else to act around him.

  Spencer lets out an awkward cough. “I’ll just leave it right here,” he says, resting it on the terra cotta planter next to the front door.

  I squat down and look into Lily’s blue eyes. “Hey, munchkin, will you give Spencer and me a minute?”

  “Okay,” she pouts. “But after your minute, can he come in and eat some pizza?”

  “Pizza? That’s my favorite,” Spencer blurts. “I’d love a slice.”

  “Do you like pineapple on yours?” Lily asks, reaching for his hand and inviting him in.

  “As a matter of fact, I do,” Spencer answers.

  “No!” I raise my hands, stopping Spencer from taking a step. I swear he doesn’t get it. Now, I need to calm my voice since I’ve certifiably freaked out my daughter. “Please, baby,” I say softly. “It’s late and past your bedtime.”

  “But, Mommy,” Lily’s bottom lip puckers, “it’s Saturday.”

  “Like I said. Maybe another time, okay? Besides, I’m sure Spencer has more important things to do.”

  “Nope. Being here this evening is the most important thing on my list to do,” he says.

  I could strangle his neck. What was that thing Rocky told me to do? Sweep, straddle, and slap? Or was it slap, straddle, then sweep? It doesn’t matter. I think punching him in the throat is easier to remember.

  “Mommy, you always told me to be polite and invite friends in the house.”

  “Like I said, Spencer is not my friend,” I remind her.

  “But he said he’s known you since you were five,” she says, then points to the plastic container. “And he brought cupcakes.”

  “Yes, he did.” I take the plastic container from his hand. “Can you please take these to the kitchen while I politely say goodbye to Spencer? Go brush your teeth. I will be up in a few minutes to tuck you in.”

  “Yes, Mommy . . . bye, Mr. Spencer.” Lily turns on her heel, moping her way to the kitchen.

  “Bye, Miss Lily. I hope we can have pizza next time,” he says to her back.

  “Spencer, what are you doing?” I ask, knowing he’s here to discuss what happened today at the reading. Is he here to claim his half of the house?

  “Lily’s cute.” He cups the back of his neck. “She’s so much like you.”

  I place my hand on the side of the door. “Spencer, I’m not doing this with you tonight,” I say with a shake of my head. “It’s been a long day, and I’m tired.”

  “Can I say something before you slam the door in my face?”

  “Do I have a choice?” I ask, raising a brow, my hands wrapping tightly around the knob.

  “About today. I’m just as surprised as you are,” he says, referring to the reading of Nonna’s will.

  “Did you make it over to the bank?” I ask, referring to the safe deposit box. I’m so curious to know what is in there and if he’ll tell me.

  “Not yet. I wanted to talk to you about it first. If you don’t want me to go, I won’t.”

  “Do whatever you want, Spence. You never regarded my feelings anyway,” I throw back at him, remembering the last time I called him. The day he broke my heart and our friendship.

  Spencer runs his hand down his face. “Christ, Sabs. I’m sorry. What else do you want from me?”

  “You don’t get it, do you?”

  “This is what we do, what we’ve always done. I piss you off. You’re mad at me for a while, and I grovel, then you forgive me . . . so, I’m groveling.”

  “I don’t know if I can forgive you.” That’s what we’d done, over and over, when we were kids. But I’m tired of being second best. I have to think of myself and my little girl’s feelings.

  “Sabrina, I’ll do whatever it takes to get us back to the way we were,” he pleads, taking a hesitant step forward.

  “There is no us.” I wave my hand from me to him, then back to me. “It was over the day I found out you lied to me.”

  “You never gave me a chance to explain.” He stretches out his hand to grab mine, but I pull back. If he touches me, it will break me all over again.

  “Explain what? When were you going to explain your engagement to Tanya?” I lower my voice so Lily can’t hear. “The day after we had sex?”

  Spencer opens his mouth to speak, then closes it.

  “I thought so . . .” I sneer. “You’re an asshole, and you know it. You’ve done some low things, but I never thought you would toss me to the side as you’ve done with the others.”

  “You’re right. I fucked up, Sabrina. But I never tossed you aside, never regarded you like the others. I’ve been miserable. I miss you. I miss my Buttercup.”

  “Will you stop calling me that? And I am no longer your Buttercup.” I take in a deep breath as tears brim my eyes. “Just like I buried my parents many years ago, I also buried my friendship with you . . . goodbye, Spencer.” I shut the door and lean my back against it as I calm my racing heart.

  “I’m not giving up, Sabrina.” His voice vibrates through the door. “I’m going to do whatever it takes. You will always be my Buttercup.”

  A moment of silence passes.

  “Give me another chance.” His whisper is low, but I still hear it.

  “Please, Spencer . . . go home.” I shift my feet and move to the opposing wall so he can’t see my silhouette through the frosted glass door. I want him to think I’m gone.

  “I’m going to fix us,” he promises.

  A tear escapes, and I wipe the wetness from my cheek. I gave him everything that night, and so much has happened. I’m a thirty-four-year-old woman waiting for something that will never be. I’ve buried my feelings in the abyss of the darkened heart he created. I’m a different person now, no longer the love-struck teenager that swooned with his every word.

  A few seconds tick by, then I hear the scrape of his shoes thump down the steps. Tears fill my vision and my heart plummets with each footstep. I hear the start of an engine and the car driving away. I slowly open the door and see the yellow rose he left behind. I pull the flower up to my nose and breathe in.

  My mind scatters
back to the day I broke my leg. I was in bed for a week, then on crutches for almost ten weeks, and every day after school, he brought me my homework and a yellow rose—his way of apologizing for making me jump.

  I touch my lips and it’s like a movie playing on repeat, remembering how his lips felt on mine.

  The day he broke my heart, I didn’t want to speak to him ever again. It’s been six long years and one would think that I should let it go, move on from this grudge, especially with so many good memories that outweigh the bad one.

  “Mommy!” Lily’s voice bellows from upstairs, shaking me from my thoughts. “Are you going to read to me?”

  “Coming!”

  After snuggling next to Lily, my mind races. I’m reading the words, but I’m not paying attention to the story. After so many nights like this with Lily, I know where to change the voices and expressions. There are only a few paragraphs left in this short story and with each word, I lower my voice.

  “. . . and they lived happily ever after,” I finish with a whisper and close the book. I rest the book on the nightstand then slowly climb out of bed, so I don’t wake her.

  I brush a loose curl from her face and kiss her cheek. She flutters her eyes open and smiles softly. “Mommy, I love you,” she says groggily.

  “I love you too, Buttercup.” I switch off the light, then kiss my sweet girl.

  “Please don’t go.” She pulls down the covers and scoots over on the mattress. “Will you stay until I fall asleep?”

  “Of course, baby.” I climb into bed with her and pull her close to me.

  “I’m kinda scared,” she whispers.

  “Oh, Lily. You have nothing to be afraid of.” I press my lips on top of her head and breathe in her strawberry scented shampoo. “This was where your Auntie Gabby, Auntie Callie, and I would stay up all night.”

  “Did Auntie Gabby stay with you because she was afraid too?”

  “Sometimes.” My fingers run through her soft hair. “And there were other times we just wanted to talk all night. Like a slumber party.” Lily tucks the unicorn closer to her. “Now that you have Astra, maybe you can sprinkle some rainbow dust in here too so you can have good dreams.”