by Renee Miller
“The social worker is confident the other children don’t show any indication of abuse, and she believes that they were truthful, but I’d advise you to speak to them anyway. Don’t suggest anything, but make sure they know it’s safe to talk. I’ll be seeing your father next.”
Hayley stood and went back to her room to tell Devon she couldn’t hear anything except that their parents had to go to the police station.
Devon was mad, but didn’t go out himself.
“I wish they’d keep her forever. We were better when she wasn’t here. Remember, Hay? Before Mom met Dad? We used to be a real family, not all messed up like we are now.”
Hayley lied on her bed. She hoped the hospital kept Amy forever, or maybe she’d just die.
CHAPTER 33
Dana sat in a plastic chair, waiting for the kind looking man across the table from them to speak. Doctor Neil had been Amy’s primary physician since they placed her in the hospital. Actually, it was more like a large house, painted in soothing colors like sage and taupe. Up to fifteen kids lived there at a time—all troubled like Amy.
After a week, forced to share a room with three other girls, Amy called daily to beg them to come and get her. She apologized, cried, and then made threats and demands. Dana mentioned this to Jane when she called to update them on Amy’s progress. Soon after, Doctor Neil arranged the meeting.
The room they were in was small, containing only a round table, grey plastic chairs, and a large tree-like plant in the corner. Ronny shifted in the chair next to her.
“I’m glad we could meet. I’ve heard a lot about you,” Doctor Neil said, looking up from the thick file in front of him.
“Probably nothing true,” Ronny grumbled.
Dana glared at him, but he kept his eyes straight ahead.
Doctor Neil smiled and scribbled on a blank sheet of paper that lay on top of the folder.
“Is Amy going to be able to come home?” she asked.
Doctor Neil took a deep breath and set his pen down on the table. “No, not yet.”
He looked like a young Santa Claus with his curly salt and pepper hair and matching beard. Another twenty pounds and as many years and he’d look just like the jolly old elf. The thought gave her the urge to giggle, but she managed to keep it in.
“I’ve had some very interesting discussions with Amy,” he said. “And I think we’ve discovered some useful information for her treatment.”
“Like she’s nuts?” Ronny blurted.
Dana wished he had a filter that would silence stupid comments like that.
“No, although I understand why you might think so. She shows extremely poor judgment and it appears that she feels little emotion. I must tell you though, for the most part, Amy feels quite a high level of emotion, but it is almost entirely self-centered.”
“I’m shocked,” Ronny snorted.
Dana pinched his leg under the table, earning a growl. “What are you telling us?”
Doctor Neil cleared his throat and flipped through the stack of papers. “Her Attention Deficit Disorder definitely contributes to some of her behavior. She is impulsive, reckless, and easily frustrated. It takes very little to anger her. We’ve had to separate her from the other girls. She picks fights and becomes physically violent. She’s also highly sexualized.”
Dana shuddered. Amy and Devon were frequently physical with each other and she had thought it just a sibling thing. She didn’t attribute it to any real problem.
Doctor Neil folded his hands before him. “It’s too soon for a diagnosis. Amy exhibits many issues that need to be addressed.”
Dana stared at his wrists, which peeked out from the sleeves of his blue sweater. Thick black hair curled under the cuffs, standing out in stark contrast to his pale skin.
“I want to keep her here for at least thirty days to do a thorough evaluation. At this point she’s a danger to herself and others, and I can’t in good conscience send her home.”
“And the abuse?” Ronny asked.
“I’m not sure I understand.” Doctor Neil frowned.
Ronny lifted his rough hands, palms up. “I mean, do you think she’s been abused or is that another one of her lies?”
“I don’t like to assume anything. I can’t say positively that she has not been, although I’m confident that you and your wife have never harmed her. Amy’s stories about her grandfather change almost hourly. It’s hard to pick out what is fantasy and what is reality. The police have questioned your father, as you may know, but as of right now, we have no evidence that warrants pressing charges against him. Your other daughter, Hayley, refuses to say anything regarding her experience with him. Did you speak to her like we discussed?”
Ronny looked at Dana, a smirk on his face.
“We did,” she said. “And she’s spoken to a counsellor who says she doesn’t want to talk about it to anyone else.”
They’d argued about this, whether Warren would be capable of what Hayley said he did. Dana knew he was, but Ronny was so positive of his father’s innocence, that age had factored into what he’d done with Hayley, and he teetered on the edge of control as it was. She focused on a small crack in the edging of the table.
Doctor Neil looked at each of them pointedly. “I guess my point is that I need more time, and Amy definitely needs more care. She isn’t hopeless. She’s a confused girl, full of anger and, I think, some shame at what she’s done. With proper treatment, she could be a normal, well-adjusted child. I need you to be able to put your anger over her accusations behind you in order to move on. Once you do, she’ll be able to do the same.”
“We’ll try,” Dana said.
“You’ll need to do more than that. You need to be there for her one hundred percent. If you can’t forgive her, how can she forgive herself?”
—
Dana tossed and turned. Her brief respite from Amy’s shenanigans would be over tomorrow and the idea of having her back home was terrifying. Behind Ronny’s back, she’d begged the doctors to place her in a home or somewhere she could get more help, but they said Amy showed remorse and understood that her behavior had been inappropriate. Dana knew better. Amy was an excellent con artist; butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth if she set her mind to make you believe that.
Ronny became irate each time Dana brought up the subject of Amy. While she knew Amy’s upbringing caused a lot of her problems, Dana just couldn’t forgive her for the hell she put them through. Social Services had been at their door every few weeks to speak to the kids and to inspect the “fitness” of her home. She had nothing to hide, but still felt like a criminal.
Turning over again, she stared at Ronny’s empty pillow. He was out for the third night in a row. He spent much of his free time drunk and moody.
The kids hadn’t coped much better. Hayley spent more and more time in her room, alone. Devon’s moods changed like the weather and he constantly picked fights with Ronny. Wasn’t hard. Ronny was jealous of Devon and what he called Dana’s soft spot for him.
She’d stopped asking God for anything a long time ago, but found herself praying for mercy. She’d done something terrible when she killed Marcus and now, she wished there’d been another way.
When would things turn around? Did she have to suffer for every scrap of happiness? Why did Ronny get a release and never her? She wanted the same freedom Ronny had. Maybe one night she’d go with him. Hayley and Devon were old enough now to watch Jacob.
If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.
CHAPTER 34
Ronny watched Dana dance. He eyed the way her far too short dress flipped to display her thighs.
“Shit man, Dana sure is looking fine tonight,” Mike said from the stool next to him.
Ronny punched his arm. “Shut up.” He liked Mike, but he always said shit like that about Dana. One night, they even got in a fight about it. Mike just laughed it off but it bugged Ronny. “Worry about your own wife.”
“She looks okay, but she’s only got so much
to work with. Dana keeps looking at me like that and I’ll have to steal her from you.”
Ronny turned. Dana glanced their way. Fucking slut. He clenched his fist, itching to pop her in the face and knock that grin right off. Instead, he turned back to his beer. In an hour, they’d do the countdown and they could leave. Then he’d have his say. No point in doing it here. The last time he argued with Dana in a bar, some jackass got in the middle and Ronny had to kick his ass. She always acted like a slut when she’d had a few drinks.
The band shifted to a slow song. Jumping off his stool, he sauntered to the dance floor. Dana grinned when she saw him.
Yeah, keep grinning, you fucking whore.
He yanked her against him, smiling at the fear that replaced her cockiness. She knew she was in shit. He held her close, his fingers digging into her ribs.
“Ronny, that hurts.”
She pulled away but he forced her against him.
“Good.”
Her whole body trembled against him and the sensation made his blood pound in his ears. Yes, he was the man and she knew it. She just needed reminding now and then.
“Let’s go.” He pulled her with him toward the door.
She didn’t resist, but he caught the look she cast in Mike’s direction as they left. Fury bubbled in his throat and a flash of red blinded his vision. Once outside, he dragged her to the alley next to the bar and slammed her against the brick wall.
“What is wrong with you?” she asked.
“You know fucking well what’s wrong with me. You’re a slut. I’m sick of the way you act.”
“I didn’t do anything.” She shoved him. Since she’d started drinking with him, he noticed an attitude developing.
“What the hell was that shit with Mike?”
She blushed.
Ronny knew then he’d been right. “Yeah, I saw the looks. You think I’m a fucking retard, don’t you?”
“No.”
He slapped her, sending her head against the wall. “I’m not an idiot. How long you been fucking him?”
“God, Ronny.” She spat on the ground. He noticed the blood in her saliva, but it only angered him more. “He cornered me in the bathroom earlier. I told him to piss off. I swear.”
“But you didn’t tell me?”
“I didn’t want you fighting with him.”
“I can tell when you’re lying.” Ronny tightened his grip. He felt her bones beneath his fingers and thought how easy it would be to break her. The thought was sobering. He let go and pushed her away from him. “Thanks for ruining my night.”
“Ronny, come on.”
He stormed out of the alley.
Dana ran after him. “That’s why I didn’t say anything. He’s your friend. I didn’t want to come between you.”
Ronny spun around. She was going to turn this on him? Not fucking likely. “That’s right. He’s my friend, which means there is no reason for you to be talking to him. Ever.”
“Fine by me. He’s a jerk.” She walked past him and disappeared around the corner.
Ronny caught up with her at the bank next to the bar. “You think this is a joke?”
“I think this is stupid. Mike came on to me. I told him no. He said he’d tell you I fucked him. Apparently, he tried to rile you all night by flirting with me instead, just like he always does.”
Ronny grabbed her arm. “Always?”
“He’s makes lewd comments all the time. If he’s not doing that, he’s trying to grope me. You know he does, but you never stop him.”
“You let him touch your ass?” Ronny couldn’t breathe. The thought of anyone touching her enraged him.
“This is my fault?” she asked. “You’re seriously blaming me for what he’s doing? Fuck, you really are stupid.” She stumbled off the sidewalk and the heel broke off her shoe.
“Don’t walk away from me,” he warned.
Dana backed into the street. “What else do you want me to say?”
Ronny pushed her again, this time into the darkness behind the post office. “I want the truth. That would be a nice change.”
“I don’t want to leave you. Can’t we just get along for one night? It’s New Year’s Eve. We should be celebrating.”
“I should let you fuck around on me because it’s a holiday?”
“No, that’s not what I’m saying.” Dana backed away until they reached the chain link fence surrounding an empty parking lot.
“I won’t be the fool again.” Ronny grabbed her jaw in one hand, squeezing until she looked at him.
“I’m sorry. I won’t talk to him, or anyone.”
Ronny pushed her face, forcing her further into the fence. “You need to know what happens when you pull shit like this. If you can’t handle your alcohol, you shouldn’t drink.”
“Fuck off, you’re the one who beats up your wife. I’m not the one with the problem.”
Without a thought, Ronny raised his fist. The impact of his knuckles against her jaw traveled up his arm. He released her and she fell to the ground, blood dripping from her mouth.
The sight of the red fluid, forming a small puddle at Dana’s knees jolted Ronny out of his haze. The old woman’s words from so long ago came back to him. Who was he feeding now?
—
Dana couldn’t breathe. She spat blood, gasping to take in enough air to speak. Her mouth ached. She probed with her tongue at a gap in her teeth and cringed at the white fragment on the ground.
“The wrong one.” Ronny’s voice, tearful and afraid, came from above her. “Oh God. I’m so sorry. I don’t know why I did that.”
“Help me up.”
He lifted her and flinched when she turned her face to him. “Jesus, I’m sorry.”
“Can we just go home?” She couldn’t think beyond getting out of the street before someone saw them. Blood stained the front of her new dress, its pale-green fabric brown where it streaked across her breasts.
“I’ll make this up to you. I don’t know why I do this. My dad was right. I’m a useless fucking retard.”
She couldn’t stand the anguish in his voice. If she’d told him about Mike a long time ago, when Mike started acting like an asshole, Ronny wouldn’t have done any of this. He’d have punched Mike’s face in, not hers.
“You’re not a retard,” she said. “I should have told you about Mike. It’s my fault for assuming you knew what he was doing. Can we go home?”
“I love you.”
“I know.”
“I’m going to be different. From now on, no more of this. No more anger or hate. I promise.”
She knew he meant well, but they’d done this dance before. “It’s okay. I’ll be fine.”
—
Dana looked worse in the morning, her jaw bruised where Ronny had squeezed it, three purple circles running along the left side. Her mouth had swelled overnight and her lower lip was split down the middle. She wiped dried blood caking her chin before going downstairs.
Ronny had been remorseful and there was no point in making him feel worse. He even got up with the kids, allowing her to get extra sleep. She didn’t know what she’d tell the kids, but she’d think of something. She always did.
In the kitchen, she flinched as all eyes turned to her.
“Shoot, Mom,” Amy whistled. “How bad does the other girl look?”
Dana opened her mouth to reply.
“Amy, I told you she’s embarrassed. You guys promised not to mention it,” Ronny said.
Her heart raced. “You told them what?”
He shrugged. “I knew they’d worry when they saw how shitty you looked. So, I had to tell them about your little brawl.”
“My brawl?”
“Oh, you were probably so drunk you don’t remember.”
Devon snickered. Dana glared at him long enough for the boy to redden and sink down in his chair. Calmer, she folded her arms over her chest. “Please enlighten me on what I did last night.”
Ronny shifted in his chair,
and cleared his throat. “You were jealous when that girl flirted with me and you told her to fuck off. She shoved you and it got out of control. You kicked her ass. I was proud of you.”
“As long as you were proud…”
She didn’t know why she was mad; he’d solved their problem by making up the story. She should be grateful, but she wanted to smash his smug face right off the table. He was proud of her, wasn’t that lovely?
Why did she always think of it as their problem? She wasn’t hurting Ronny. He hurt her, while she made excuses for his behavior. Her mother did the same thing with Marcus. If Dana would stop antagonizing him, he’d leave her alone. If Dana was nicer to him, he wouldn’t get angry. And then Opal and her excuses for Garrett. If Dana would just be a good wife and do what made him happy, he’d love her and respect her. If Dana learned to behave the way he liked, everything would be fine.
She wanted to scream at him. Punch him. Tell the kids exactly what happened. Instead, she walked to the counter and took a mug out of the cupboard. Fighting back made waves and waves only hurt one person in the end: Her.
CHAPTER 35
November 1989
Hayley walked to the office, her anger rising with every step. Since Jacob started school, she’d had to go to his class every other day. Jacob’s teacher would call her, she’d go in to comfort him, and then leave again. Sometimes, it happened several times in a day. Hayley hoped he settled in soon.
“Hi,” she said to the secretary.
She smiled. “Hi dear,” she held a note, “Mrs. Camp wants you to take your brother home. We called your mom, but she can’t get away from work and said it would be okay for you to get him.”
“I have a test today,” Hayley argued. Her grades were the only thing Mom noticed anymore. She tried to please everyone, and hoped every day for a “thank you” or a “good job” but she’d only heard those words from her mom after a perfect test or a straight A report card.
“I’m sure we can get Mr. McDonald to reschedule it.” The secretary went back to her paperwork.